Jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very, very much please thank you. I love you please, have a seat. Thank you very, very much, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the the tonight show. This is it, baby [ cheers and applause thank you for [ cheers and applause weve got a fun show tonight Dakota Johnson is my guest tonight. [ cheers and applause jon lovitz is stopping by steve oh jimmy i love jon lovitz. [ cheers and applause and post malone is here. [ cheers and applause actually, in honor of post malone, everyone in tonights audience is going home with a face tattoo. There you go [ cheers and applause there you go good for you absolutely lets get to some news here. The economy is having a pretty wild week. Thanks to our trade war with china, stocks have been up and down i saw that apple lost almost 50 billion. [ audience ohs ] then every customer with a a missing airpod was like, sucks losing something, doesnt it yeah. [ laughter and applause all the Big Tech Companies like amazon, apple, facebook got hit hard and you can tell their ceos are depressed. Last night, jeff bezos got drunk and ordered a bunch of crap off amazon. [ laughter ] tim cook whispered to siri, hold me. [ laughter ] and Mark Zuckerberg poked himself just to feel something [ light laughter ] its just but its not good the dow jones took a huge dive and it hasnt fully recovered. [ chuckling steve love it. Saw that too i totally understand all this jimmy what were you laughing at . I wasnt even telling a joke steve super funny. I got it cause i get finance i love it. That joke was great. [ light laughter ] jimmy i wasnt telling a a joke i was just saying that stocks are all over the place and its because china steve yeah jimmy devalued its currency to its lowest level 10 years steve devalued currency. Those are words i understand i totally get it [ laughter ] haha jimmy higgins, what are you doing . Steve just letting you know, its money, business, stocks i know it. I know it all. Super funny. I love it. I know it ask me anything i know it all. Jimmy okay, fine what is the dow jones . Steve thats Tommy Lee Jones brother [ laughter ] jimmy whats a liquid asset . Steve thats when you eat too much indian food [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause jimmy whats the nasdaq . Steve nasdaq, thats that duck that sells insurance. [ laughter ] jimmy higgins, that is that is aflac. [ speaking in Foreign Language ] jimmy all right, thats enough its time to move on okay steve wait, wait, wait, please jimmy what steve it might surprise you guys that i dont get any of this stuff about the stock market at all. [ light laughter ] jimmy that doesnt surprise any of us. [ laughter ] steve stocks are up, theyre down which way is good . I dont even know. I have so many questions jimmy up up is good what are you talking about steve what what about taxes one thing i know about taxes is you have to only pay them in years that end with three. Jimmy higgins, no, thats [ light laughter ] higgins, you have to pay them every year steve what [ light laughter ] ive got to get out of here. O. J. Jimmy no [ audience ohs ] why would you [ applause ] heres some news about the president. I cant believe this hadnt happened already but in a tweet this morning, trump misspelled his own name. [ laughter ] take a look. He wrote, donald ttump. [ laughter and applause donald ttump when don jr. Saw that, he was like, i cant believe ive been spelling it wrong this whole time oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] meanwhile, staffers told trump he misspelled his name he tweeted this, sorry, i meant to say ddnald ttump. [ laughter ] some news from washington. I saw that right now the house and senate are now on summer recess and a few members of congress have released statements about how theyre spending their free time for example, representative don bacon said, i love recess i wake up every morning and make myself a plate of crispy well, my last name. [ light laughter ] up next, dan newhouse said, its good to have this time off. Because my wife and i are in the middle of trying to buy a well, my last name. [ laughter ] after that, susan wild was like, me and the girls are headed to vegas, where were gonna chug margs and get friggin well, my last name. [ laughter and applause and finally, ted budd said, im kicking it on the beach and lighting up some dank, dank well, my last name. [ laughter ] [ applause ] these are real quotes. Steve real from real people jimmy i believe so steve they really said that jimmy some celebrity news. Kylie jenners birthday is this week and to celebrate, i saw that travis scott filled their whole house with roses check this house [ audience aws ] kylie was like, aww. While her roomba was like, drop me in the tub. [ laughter ] the roomba said steve the roomba what did he say . What did he say again. Jimmy he said, drop me in the tub. [ light laughter ] speaking of roses [ laughter ] steve he was done. Hed had it. Jimmy speaking of roses, last nights episode of bachelor in paradise was pretty awesome i mean, we got reintroduced to a fan favorite named john paul jones. And at one point, he was chatting with one of the girls and he got a little distracted take a look. You were, like, ready to, like ready to find my dude totally. Oh, is that a crab . Oh, come here. [ laughter ] jimmy usually when you hear is that a crab its in the fantasy suite. [ laughter and applause you guys, we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Post malone is here. [ cheers and applause my man jon lovitz is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause jimmy and we have great music from Tyler Childers steve oh [ cheers and applause jimmy but our first guest tonight is a talented actress, who stars in the new movie the Peanut Butter falcon, which is in select theaters on friday ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dakota Johnson [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back. Dakota [ cheers ] hi. Jimmy welcome back thank you for being here you look gorgeous. Its really hard to sit down in this. Jimmy oh, no, no you look perfect its fine. Thanks. Jimmy are you happy . Im happy jimmy good, im glad are you happy jimmy im so happy hey, i have to talk to you about something. Because theres been some headlines about you, last couple of days do you know what im talking about . Yeah, its really stressing me out jimmy well, your fans are upset. Because apparently, everyones brokenhearted that the gap in your teeth is not there anymore. And fans are heartbroken people are upset no one knows what to say what is going on what the gap is gone . Whats up . Yeah. Well, first of all, the fact that this is a newsworthy event in our world right now is pretty chaka khan to me. [ laughter ] um, but jimmy Chaka Khan Chaka khan. Jimmy yeah, why is everyone upset . Well, so i had i had a a permanent retainer since i was like 13 and it was just glued to the back of my teeth. And i was having a lot of neck problems recently. So my orthodontist, she decided that it would be good idea to take it off and see if my jaw sort of expanded and it helped me and my gap closed by itself. And im really sad about it too. So jimmy now, wait, wait. Hold on a second first of all, you gotta walk me back your neck your neck bothered you . And so thats what made you take the retainer out of your mouth . Like, is that a thing . [ light laughter ] has anyone ever heard of that . Is that a thing . Yes, that is a real thing yeah jimmy so if your neck bothers you, it might be your teeth . Well, when you as you grow as a human being your jimmy uhhuh [ light laughter ] your skull expands and your jaw and your teeth move. You know, your teeth dont look like they did when you were a baby jimmy they do, actually. I was born [ laughter ] i was born with veneers. Oh, cool. [ light laughter ] cool jimmy i broke this tooth this one is fake let me feel it. [ lighlaughter ] jimmy its not going to feel different it feels like a tooth. Not if you go like this can you hear that . [ laughter ] jimmy sounds like a tooth. Its like when knock on a jimmy do it. Hollow part of a wall [ tapping [ laughter ] jimmy is that one fake too are they both fake . [ laughter ] jimmy all my teeth are fake yeah, actually this one might be fake as well yeah thats weird yeah. Jimmy let me tap on your tooth. Okay. [ tapping [ laughter ] you dont have any nails. Jimmy yeah i dont have any nails i know i took them off before the show so it was just like [ light laughter ] jimmy i want to i want to talk to you anyway, hold on this is really important jimmy yeah im sad about my gap tooth, too. So id really appreciate some privacy in this time [ laughter ] jimmy wait, what first of all, dont demand dont demand dont clap for that. [ laughter ] dont demand or clap you demand some privacy . Yeah. Jimmy i think it looks beautiful. Well, i have to deal with a a whole new world of problems. Jimmy no getting food stuck in my tooth. Jimmy thats your new thing . Yeah, because before it would just slide right through [ laughter ] jimmy so your whole life is changed. And youre dealing with it as well yeah. Jimmy just as much as the public and you fans are dealing with it, youre dealing with issues its going to come back jimmy the gap will come back yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy how . Other retainers jimmy so youre gonna get a retainer the world of dentistry is so advanced jimmy wait, are you serious about this because, what if dude, what if you come back, you get a gap and then your neck hurts [ laughter ] then what . Then where do we go . Back to the drawing board. No, because were gonna do it in a really holistic, sort of osteopath jimmy dont even talk to me about this hey, i do want to i have a story i want to bring up i dont even want to talk about it but i heard this rumor that you used to make reservations at a a dinner dinner reservations at a restaurant under a famous persons name. Do you know what im talking about . Mmhmm, yeah. Jimmy you used to call up and say you have a table for George Clooney yeah. Jimmy why . Because i wanted to go to the good restaurants when i was growing when i was in high school jimmy do you know George Clooney no, i dont [ laughter ] jimmy so, wait, you would call up and go, hey, table for four, George Clooney . Yeah. Because nobody else is named George Clooney also it works every time, try it [ laughter ] jimmy i should actually try, yeah. Next time you cant get into a restaurant jimmy i cant get into any restaurant yeah but i used to do that when i was a teenager jimmy and you call up and say george and then what would happen when you show up . Id say hes going to join us later itd be like a bunch of kids [ laughter ] jimmy does george know that you do this . Well, i met him a couple of years ago. We were traveling to the toronto film festival. And we happened to be on the same plane and i was like, hi, im dakota. And hes like, oh, i heard of you. I know what you do. Jimmy i know what you do, is what he said . Yeah. He was like, you call and you use my name. Its okay. Jimmy he really did that yeah. Jimmy so he said its okay yeah. Jimmy you continued to do it yeah. Jimmy yeah, why not . [ light laughter ] i think its fun all the time. Jimmy lets talk about your movie, the Peanut Butter falcon. Yeah. Jimmy tell me about this what is the movie about for anyone watching. The Peanut Butter falcon is about a young man with down syndrome who escapes a nursing home to fulfill his dream of becoming a professional wrestler jimmy and is this who is the actor . His name is zack gottsagen. Jimmy his first film, is that correct it was his first feature film, yeah he had made one, kind of, smaller film before. Jimmy did you get to its him and shia, right him and shia labeouf. Jimmy shia labeouf yeah, the other shia. Jimmy is there two shias no. Jimmy no [ laughter ] thats the name i use to get reservations, by the way yeah. [ light laughter ] jimmy table for two, shia labeouf how was it working with shia hes a little [ light laughter ] hes a little reckless a little bit, wasnt he i think that sometimes on occasion he can be a little reckless however, on this film, zack who is the other star of the film is a really incredible person. Hes the most pure and loving and genuine, nonjudgmental human being ive ever met in my life and he totally changed my world. And totally changed shias world too. Jimmy really and the three of us became really close they became very, very close and it kind of totally shifted things for shia, i think jimmy oh, good i want to show a clip. I will say mick foley is great in this as well, who is a wwe superstar. Yeah. Jimmy you guys know i mean, hes the greatest. Anyways, i just want to give him props, quickly while we can. I want to show a clip. Heres Dakota Johnson in the Peanut Butter falcon. Take a look at this. Youve got some real nerve talking to me like that. Do you even know what i do ive spent the last two years of my life volunteering to hold peoples hands as they pass away i talk to them i feed them. I wipe their asses i change their clothes i put them to bed. And im the last person they see. Dont act like you know jack [ bleep ] about me all right yeah, maybe he should not be in a retirement home but i didnt choose that for him. But thats what happened and now im doing the best i can. [ splashing oh oh hey oh [ bleep ]. God, zack okay yeah. Look. Zack, did you just catch that with your hands howd you do that . [ cheers and applause jimmy Dakota Johnson, everybody. The Peanut Butter falcon is in select theaters friday. [ cheers and applause post malone joins us after the break. Stick around [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause this is a surflaptop 2. And this is a real person named mackenzie book. Hi, im mac book. So mac, which laptop lasts longer . Surface laptop lasts longer. Hmm, interesting. And which ones faster . 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The brewpub chicken new hwith grilled chicken,. Crispy smokehouse bacon, and fresh avocado. The new buffalo chicken with franks redhot wings sauce. Or the tangy barbecue chicken with chipotle mayo. The new hot chicken trio at togos. How far would you go for a togo . [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is a gramnomined artist whose two albums have both gone multiplatinum his third album is on the way, and you can catch him performing live at posty fest and on the runaway tour this fall ladies and gentlemen, please welcome post malone. [ cheers and applause jimmy you look great thank you for coming back to see us i love hanging out with you and last time i saw you, we went to the olive garden yes, sir. [ laughter ] jimmy and we did a bit it was really fun. I enjoyed it i really did love the olive garden ive never been there. And i loved the breadsticks. I can show you the ways of the truth. Jimmy yeah, thank you. The ways of justice the ways of the justice. Thank you, yes, exactly what the olive garden was and then then, youre like, what are we doing now . And it was like probably 10 30 or 11 00 and i go, im going to go to bed, im tired. And you go, no, come on. Thats not the way we do it. And i go, yeah, yeah, i got to do it, man grandpas got to go home. And you go, no, come on, jimothy, lets do it. Jimothy jimmy and then we went out yes sir jimmy to a place called paddy reillys and, dude, it was great. We didnt tell them we were coming or anything no, it was incredible it was a good time jimmy dude, we shut the place down we shut it down we sang some irish folk songs. Jimmy we really did. Dude, you know a lot of irish folk songs it was fantastic thank you very much youre a talented individual i learned that from drinking [ automated voice bud light [ laughter ] jimmy no, thats not as youre sipping on a bud light right now. No, no, no, water. No, its not. Jimmy no, its not its water. Jimmy its water [ laughter ] dude, last night, you did the bud light dive bar tour . Yes, sir. Jimmy now whats the deal with that . You know, im just as everyone probably knows who knows me im the biggest bud light advocate in the whole universe jimmy you really are [ laughter ] besides my dad my dad who just lived on bud light for years. And you know, we did one last year and we came out this year and with sublime as the band and fat joe came out. Jimmy i cant believe that yeah, it was a lot of fun jimmy how fun so, youre doing like different bars around the country yes, so i guess, you know, hopefully, well get to do a a third one if they still like me, and then [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, they do. You know, we can just run around and do shows and i get to sing songs for people who want to hear them and i think thats pretty, pretty cool jimmy that is cool the third album is rumored that its coming out we dont know when. Is it close . Is it anywhere its completed. Jimmy its done. Third album is done if anybody cares. [ cheers and applause its done. Finished over, done [ cheers and applause jimmy you have the concept, you have everything, its done could you maybe talk about maybe when it might come out itll be september. Jimmy really september [ cheers and applause jimmy thats a great month its exciting, you know, its exciting because i really you know, theres its a long process that goes into it, but, you know, finally towards the end, we kind of rallied and just made it work, which is exciting for me jimmy when you write an album, forgive me, but how many songs do you write and do you whittle it down to 12 of your favorites or something man, i mean, theres usually, i just go in and have an abnormal amount of bud light and go into the booth and just kind of sing over beats and wait until i find a good melody, and then sit down and write it. So and weve done that probably 100 times and then just shift through them and then see which ones are smoosh hits jimmy Smoosh Smoosh hits jimmy you got to have smoosh hits. Yeah, its all about smoosh hits jimmy last time you were here, we gave a little taste of sunflower and it became the song of the century. Sure. Jimmy and i have a new song would you guys like to hear it [ cheers and applause i love you, man. Youre the best, dude. [ light laughter ] this its a new song is called circles. Yes, sir. Jimmy and this is post malone. Here we go lets just get a little taste of it. Run away while wer running in circles run away run away i dare you to do something im waiting on you again so i dont take the blame run away while wer running in circles run away jimmy oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause come on. How does that feel thats cool, right it feels good you know, on this next album were doing a lot of cool, very fresh type stuff ive probably use the adjective fresh for every single album or song that ive ever put out. Jimmy well, its working so keep using it, man, yeah triple platinum. Does your ma i got to meet your mom does your mom yeah. Jimmy shes awesome. Shes beautiful. Hi, mom. Does she get to is she proud of you and like hang that stuff up . I hope so [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, she is, but i mean, does she get to, like, hang the stuff on the walls and stuff . You know what, im probably going to end up, you know, giving her some goodies for you know, were figuring out what she wants to do now so i hope she doesnt come and move to utah with me because i love her but not that much [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, hey, mom get your own place, yeah hey, mom. Jimmy no, but my mom would always, like, cut out articles, or anything any mention of me, like, my mom would call me and be like, you were great on ellen. you know whenever i go, shed give me reviews. But thats what moms are for, right . Oh, yeah. Jimmy does she give you reviews and say its good or bad. She usually never tells me its bad she just says, oh, my god, you did such a great job. [ audience aws ] [ cheers and applause jimmy thats what we want. Oh, posty fest sure. Jimmy now this is a giant hit. And youre going to do it again. Yes, sir. Jimmy youre doing this in november and where are you doing this were doing it at at t stadium where gods Favorite Football Team plays jimmy oh, my god the dallas cowboys. Jimmy dude, thats giant november 2nd youre doing no, not giants. Jimmy no, i said, no, it is giant. Oh, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy that is cowboys, yeah, i got you. I mean, thats big, dude yeah, hell yeah, im excited. Jimmy its a hit you know, this is its kind of like kind of like dreams come true because like my dad worked there for thats why i moved to texas from upstate so, i mean [ cheers ] it feels good to be able to kind of like play at at t stadium jimmy oh, yeah, i mean, its not like a dive bar, but i love that you do both. You do dive bars and stadiums. Good for you, man. Thank you so much jimmy what happens in the green room if i went backstage at a post malone concert what would i run into, what kind of madness what kind of business is happening . Its not really madness its jimmy just quiet a lot of shania twain [ laughter ] jimmy you got to have the twain. You got to have the twain jimmy you got to get on the twain train. [ laughter ] the twain twain jimmy you got to get on the twain train and when youre on the twain train, then what happens . We just eat gummy bears, cheetos and play beer pong jimmy really yeah. Jimmy i heard this about you. Youre into beer pong. I thought it would be fun if you dont mind if you really do play beer pong, id like to maybe take you on for a little game of beer pong right now. [ cheers and applause lets go right now, bud. Here we go post, thats you there now, were playing standard beer pong rules. If the ball lands in your cup, you chug the beer. First one to sink two balls wins its a twoball game and i want to show you something thats standard rules [ laughter ] jimmy yeah i forget what i said earlier its not standard rules. Thank you for listening. But were drinking this is really cool. Did you see this yet were drinking a very special edition post malone bud light. [ cheers and applause that is real that is fantastic. Dude, your face is on a bud light can. It looks pretty good to me. Jimmy thats the greatest thing ever [ laughter and applause i love that. Oh, come on. Would you go first jimmy, you get two shots first. Jimmy nah, nah, nah. Youre my guest. I really dont want to do this to you, jimmy jimmy yeah, dont. I dont want to do this to you either dont look at me god [ cheers and applause jimmy ah [ audience oohs you win. This is your table. Jimmy for the win this is your table. Jimmy you want to swap no. [ light laughter ] wait jimmy you saying twain [ both saying twain this ones for shania, baby jimmy come on. [ cheers and applause jimmy you know, i once beat betty white at beer pong really . [ laughter ] im not afraid to take an american sweetheart down you remind me a little bit of betty white. Is that right [ light laughter ] jimmy, whats your favorite color . [ light laughter ] i really hate to do it to you. You hate to see it jimmy hows your peripheral you hate to see it. Jimmy hows your peripheral ah [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause the champ. The champ the champ right here, post malone, everybody [ cheers and applause check out the runaway tour. His new album is coming out in september. 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[ cheers and applause as i went hom on a wednesday night as drunk a drunk could be i saw a pip upon the chair where my old pipe should be well i called me wife and i said to he will you kindl tell to me who owns that pip upon the chair where my old pipe should be ay, youre drun youre drunk you silly old fool and still you cannot see thats a lovely tinwhistl that me mother sent to me well, its many a day ive travele a hundred mile or more but tobacco i a tinwhistl sure, i neve saw before and as i went hom on a thursday nigh as drunk a drunk could be i saw two boots beneath the be where my old boots should be well i called me wife and i said to he would you kindly tell to me who owns them boots beneath the be where my old boots should be ay, youre drun youre drunk you silly old fool and still you cannot see theyre two lovel terrarium pots that my mother sent to me well, its many a day ive travele a hundred mile or more but laces o terrarium pots i never saw before and as i went hom on friday nigh as drunk a drunk could be i saw a hea upon the bed where my old head should be but i called me wif and i said to he will you kindl tell to me who owns that hea upon the bed where my old head should be ay, youre drun youre drunk you silly old fool and still you cannot see thats a baby boy that me mother sent to me well, its many a day ive travele a hundred mile or more but a baby bo with his whiskers on i never saw before jimmy my thanks to post malone. 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[ cheers and applause jimmy guys, stay right here we have lots more show coming up later in the show, we have a musical performance from Tyler Childers [ cheers and applause and when we come back from the break, were talking to jon lovitz [ cheers and applause come on back, everybody hurray [ cheers and applause at tmobile, for 40 line for four lines, its all included for the whole family, starting with unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. And if you like netflix, its included on us. Plus no surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees are included. And now for a limited time, with each new line, get one of our latest smartphones included. Thats right, only 40 line for four lines and smartphones are included for the whole family. Its whats on the inside that counts. Youre dang right it is. For a limited time, pzones are just 5 each. All three are a part of the 5 and up lineup. Only from pizza hut. No one outpizzas the hut® this is something bigger. G. That is big. 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If youre hivpositive, keep loving who you are, inside and out. Ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. See ya later. Im outalright. Fellas. Hello, are you the locksmith . Yes i am. Come on in. I think we were able to salvage the lock. [ shouting ] muchas gracias. Ya tu sabes. [ laughing ] the pink . Lets go mets go time daddy [ giggles ] number six, number six. Ohhhh man. Took my hat off. [ to love somebody by bee gees playing ] [ crowd cheering ] thats crazy lets go mets lets go mets [ crowd chanting ] lets go mets so josh, you going for our drive safe and save discount . Yup, using the app. Driving safe. Heh. You wanna go . Wanna go bro . Hey, uh, do not mess with my discount. Woooo you could save up to 30 . Lets go nice to meet you, go get em tiger woooo sounds like youve got this . Yeah. Definitely. Get a discount up to 30 with drive safe and save™ from state farm. This is a surface laptop 2. And this is a real person named mackenzie book. Hi, im mac book. So mac, which laptop lasts longer . Surface laptop lasts longer. Hmm, interesting. And which ones faster . This ones faster. Really . Amazing. Which one has a better touchscreen . The surface has a better touchscreen. Because it actually has a touchscreen. Oh, right. Macs dont have touchscreens. You should get a surface. Trust me, im mac book. Well, there you have it. Mac book says, get a surface. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is a very funny and talented man. Hell be performing standup august 24th at the arcada theatre in st. Charles, illinois you can also see him on the game show funny you should ask. Please welcome jon lovitz [ cheers and applause jimmy jon lovitz thank you. Welcome to the show. Wow jimmy thank you for being here, buddy. Thanks, sonny [ laughter ] jimmy youre youre looking good, man. You got a summer tan there yeah, i was in miami living it up. Jimmy yeah [ cheers ] thing called a little thing called tan, pale face. [ laughter ] jealous . Jimmy im not jealous at all. What are you talking about i heard this is it true i know youve been doing standup for 16 years. I heard yeah, i love it jimmy and i heard this is im gonna read this here it says here youre doing a sold out show at Yankee Stadium. Yes jimmy wow. I mean, that [ cheers and applause very jimmy is that very proud of that jimmy is that right Yankee Stadium is that wow yes jimmy is that right . Mmhmm. Jimmy wow. [ light laughter ] im very, very proud of it. Jimmy youre very proud of that yes jimmy wow, oh, my gosh amd youre gonna be there at Yankee Stadium doing standup comedy jon. [ laughter ] all right im lying. Jimmy yeah, thats right [ laughter ] but it sounds good. Standups hard, though. You got to watch everything you say. Like, did you hear at berkeley you know, politically correct. You go, you cant say the plate in the street, manhole cant say that its a maintenance hole. Cant say brother or sister. Its sibling cant sorry. Your couch is itching my maintenance hole [ laughter ] jimmy im happy to have you here because you know why you have a thing that im very interested in. You have a thing called i love impressions yeah. Jimmy and you have a thing called [ laughter ] its just i just know you so well. Its ridiculous. Jimmy i know, its ridiculous right . Yeah. Jimmy hey you were always you were so by the way, before i get into this because i just want to say thank you because youve always been so great to me and always so nice to me. You remember when i first met you with brian hooks at Dodger Stadium he goes, can you meet my friend jimmy fallon . He just got saturday night live. i said, sure, whats his name . Jimmy. Jimmy yeah i said no, do what you did. Hi, jimmy, nice to meet you. Go ahead do what you did. Jimmy i dont do that anymore. Im jon lovitz. Whatd you do . [ laughter and applause jimmy i was i was in awe. I loved you, man youre my favorite, but i i love you youre one of the funniest people i have seen in my life. Being here again means more to me than i can express i really appreciate it jimmy really yes jimmy thank you. Yes jimmy but tonight no, im not lying [ laughter ] jimmy i didnt know if youre or not, but you do something that im very interested in. You do impressions yeah. Jimmy and this is its called layered impressions yeah, like dana carveys great. He does impressions. He goes, i abstract the person to the point of ridiculousness to make it funny. Jimmy yeah and then, so im like, i cant do that but i can do whats called layered impressions. So like this is like this is my impression. This is Michael Caine jimmy wow. Imitating Paul Mccartney imitating me [ laughter ] ready . Jimmy Michael Caine imitating Paul Mccartney imitating you, jon lovitz. Right, right. Jimmy here we go hello, im jon lovitz. [ laughter and applause Michael Caine is not very good at impressions [ laughter ] all right. This is my impression. This bob dylan imitating Paul Mccartney imitating me. Ready . [ light laughter ] hey, im jon lovitz. [ laughter and applause jimmy see, that was that was actually bobs good. Jimmy bob is actually good at impressions i did not know that. Yes now this is not a layered impression this is my impression of my sex life [ laughter ] jimmy very good. Very good. Yeah, that was good jimmy now jon [ applause ] im very happy to hear you laughing jimmy i met you [ laughter ] i met your dog backstage by the way. What a cute dog. Oh, my dog. Yeah, i love him his name is Jerry Bruckheimer iii. [ laughter ] what . Jimmy named after Jerry Bruckheimer, the famous movie the Film Producer yeah, im im very good friends with him i like to name my animals after my friends i did have cats, jerry and Linda Bruckheimer but linda was the cat was nuts. I had to get rid of her. [ laughter ] and then my cat jerry, passed away it was very sad. And then i was in a rescue pet store, and i saw this dog, jerry, and he was so great but, you got to get one. He rescued me. I mean, theyre unbelievable but i actually have a cat named jimmy fallon [ light laughter ] and its crazy people call me on the phone. I go, yeah, how is it going you want to go oh, jimmy fallon just took a big crap in the litter box [ laughter ] he didnt even bother to cover it up. [ light laughter ] jimmy come on. You want to see the dog hes here . Hes very cute [ cheers and applause well, bring him out. Jimmy can we bring him out can we bring the dog out whose show is this . [ audience aws ] there he is. Jimmy hi hey, bud hello, jerry. Come on. [ cheers and applause jimmy no aww. [ audience aws ] thats very cute aww no, no this is oh, come on aww, what a good yeah give me a big hug. Does he do you want to put him on his leash there, jon . No. Where are you going . Jimmy does he do tricks or anything yeah, he does everything i say. Watch. Walk over there. Come back. [ laughter ] come up here now, sit in the corner turn around, circle and sit. [ audience aws ] lick your nose [ applause ] jimmy wow. I can train anybody jimmy thats a really talented dog i can train you watch. Laugh. Laugh hard [ laughter ] tilt your head breathe in put your hands on your face. Jimmy okay lean back hands on the desk. Say all right. Up jimmy all right. Rest your jimmy all right. [ laughter ] go to the next segment. Jimmy lets go to the next segment. We lets talk about funny you should ask. Its a game show i do byron allen is a standup and hes a, you know, a mogul now. He created the show. [ coughing ] and its you can win money, contestants but its really six comedians just tracking jokes for 23 minutes. Which its a good thing. Everybody laughs theres a lot of great comics on it. Jimmy absolutely i love doing it its fun jimmy especially, now. You just need good laugh exactly jimmy i want to show a clip here especially, now jimmy heres the great jon lovitz on funny you should ask. Take a look at this. [ applause ] sexsomnia is a condition in which a person engages in sexual acts while still asleep sounds like someone has a a great lawyer [ laughter and applause 14 is the average number of times each person passes gas daily. 15. [ laughter and applause in elizabethan england, the word nothing was slang for a a womans private parts. Good, because when i take a a woman to dinner, i expect nothing in return. [ laughter and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy jon lovitz, everybody. [ cheers and applause go see him perform at the arcada theatre in st. Charles, illinois check him out on funny you should ask. Tyler childers performs after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause my experience with usaa has been excellent. They really appreciate the military family and it really shows. 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It feels even better when you find it for less. Get your yes for less at the new stores in west livermore and in union city. [ cheers and applause jimmy making his tv debut, performing house fire from his new album Country Squire, please welcome Tyler Childers. [ cheers and applause you can set m house on fire baby you can turn i into cinder and smoke cause this house is mighty cold and i feel lik meltin all the snow away you see these boots im wearin theyre toug enough to go and they will tak many a road to reach yo honey wont you light the way you can set my house on fire baby you can turn it into cinder and smoke cause this hous is mighty cold and i feel like meltin all the snow away [ cheers and applause you see thi train im riding its burnin u the coal and its wheels are bound to rol right by you honey wont you jump my train you can set my house on fire baby you can turn it into cinder and smoke cause this hous is mighty cold and i feel like meltin all the snow away you can set m house on fire baby you can turn i into cinder and smoke cause this house is mighty cold and i feel lik meltin all the snow away you can set my house on fire baby [ cheers and applause jimmy that is how you do it thank you so much. Tyler childers [ cheers and applause Tyler Childers Country Squire is out now. My thanks to Dakota Johnson, post malone, jon lovitz. [ cheers and applause Tyler Childers [ cheers and applause and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching have a great night hope to see you tomorrow byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight michelle williams, musician noel gallagher, author tommy orange, featuring the 8g band with julian dorio [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause that is wonderful to hear. In that case, lets get to the news senator Bernie Sanders president ial campaign is offering the chance to win a limited edition pint of ice cream in exchange for providing
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