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Hip hip hip hooray. The joeys are here today. So glad i missed that song. Next, put sunscreen on my kids. Growing up, i dont even think my parents knew what sunscreen was. My father used to lather me up with olive oil so i could get a beautiful tan at the age of three. Then snack. Then lunch. And when theyre done with lunch then we snack again. Then i take the kids on a walk where somehow, i am the only one walking. Then its nap time, for me. Next, i watch eight minutes of tangled, four minutes of trolls, and 30 minutes of cinderella. Then i negotiate how many bites of dinner equals a popsicle treat. Then its bath time where i somehow proceed to get more wet than the kids who are inside the bathtub. Next is story time. Then bed time. Then i cry in a corner wondering if i am spending enough time with my kids. I want to set the record straight on something tonight. Quarantine . Was invented by italians. The word quarantine comes from the italian words quaranta giorni, which mean 40 days. During the plague, italy actually made ships isolate for 40 days before they could enter the country. The sailors had to just stay on their ships, baking banana bread, watching netflix or whatever, i dont know history. But if you think about it, everything about quarantine is italian. You eat all day long, and start drinking wine at noon. Everythings covered in plastic so it doesnt get contaminated. Youre constantly trying to stop your parents from hugging and kissing everyone they meet. Three months ago, you bought 500 boxes of pasta. You got hair coming out of every orifice. You have to talk with your hands because your mouth is covered. People are overtipping delivery guys. Even the virus itself looks like a weird meatball. The only Silver Lining here is that this pandemic made italians of us all. People have a lot of extra time on their hands right now, and many young people have been spending it on tik tok, which bothers me. I dont know what tik tok is or how it works. Honestly until last week, i thought tik tok was a rapper. But ive been told, there are some people on there who do impressions of me. And i thought itd be funny, and maybe annoying to review some of them with you. Lets check out this first guy. What as up everybody. Its sebastian maniscalco. Feeling very good, very fresh. You know, things are strange in the house when youre doing standup comedy with a shoe horn as a microphone . Hes got an announcer feel like don pardo. But ill give him credit. He writes his own material. I give him a bminus, but his shoehorn microphone gets an a. Heres another one i got this new girlfriend, okay . I like to take her out to nice meals, you know, nice dinners, okay . Couple weeks ago she tells me she wants to go to brunch. What the hell is brunch . People cant pick a news anymore . I dont know if that guys having a seizure or being attacked by a swarm of bees. Although i couldnt really Pay Attention to the impression because i was fixated on the Indianapolis Colts pennant in the background. I havent seen a pennant on a wall since 1982. I give him a c. Okay, whos next . Theres girls in the neighborhood that like to go on mornin jogs. Theyre joggin through my neighborhood like this. Theyve been squattin, theyve been squattin on my hedges,ma. On the hedges. Thats Melissa Villasenor from saturday night live. I know her, shes a sweetheart. And on top of the impression being great, the set dressing is spectacular. Melissa, you get an a. And lastly. Dunkin donuts, this morning, true story. Guy walks in. Cashier goes, what can i do for you, sir . This guy walked up to the glass. Put his shnoz, mask down on the glass and proceeded to order im honestly not sure thats not me. Not only does he have fantastic material, theres a nuance this guy nails. He nailed the half eyelid, to pick that out, you got to be a master impersonator. And hes from chicago, so he gets an a . Anyway, thanks to all my impressionists. Im flattered. I think. Tonight on the show, well honor our healthcare hero of the week. And we will be right back with alex rodriguez. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by verizon. Most awarded network. Start with americas the one with unbeatable reliability, thirteen times in a row. This network is one less thing i have to worry about. Then you give people more plans to mix and match, so you only pay for what you need. Verizon unlimited plan is so reasonable, they can stay on for the rest of their lives. Aww. You include the best in entertainment. And you offer it all starting at 35, because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Only on verizon. Contactless delivery trright to your car,et. Designed for your day. Your moves. Your style. Your taste. So quick and easy. Just download the target app today. Ill start. Oh, do you want to go first . No, no i dont. You go. I was just going to say on slide 7, talking about bundling and saving. Umm. Jamie, youre cutting out. Sorry im late hey, whoevers doing that, can you go on mute . Oh, my bad i was just saying theres a typo on slide 7. Bundle home auto for big discosnouts. I think thats supposed to say discounts. You sure about that . Hey, can you guys see me . Hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos . Here ill. Go first. Pizza, barbeque and jalapeno. The spicy barbecue pizza stack. Get him grandpa whats going on . Were trapped in a pringles commercial, they must have taken us in our sleep. Stack pringles flavors make new ones. So hed do these pranks where he would like. Id be it the middle of listening to some really cool song, and then he just like switch it to like a broadway song, so then id text him right away saying lucas [chuckle] yea, we love pranking each other like that. To sleepy smudges. To showerskipping. These days call for a quick clean. Luckily, help is still one wipe away. Love, neutrogena®. lets hear it for kansas city monarch legend jim robinson. Crowd cheering celebrate your history together. The allnew highlander. Toyota. Lets go places. Sebastian welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im jimmys standin, sebastian maniscalco. In just a bit, we will salute our healthcare hero of the week. And the show has some good guest hosts lined up for you next week, including joel mchale, nikki glaser, sean hayes, and george lopez. In a 22season major league career, our guest tonight hit 696 home runs, won a world series title and three American League mvp awards, and hes not even the most famous person in his own house. One week from tonight, hell broadcast baseballs Opening Night, yankees at nationals on espn. Please welcome arod himself, alex rodriguez. Thank you so much for being here, how you doing, bro . Im doing great, whats happening, my brother . Sebastion i dont even consider myself a celebrity or famous at ah. And i had the pleasure of eating dinner at your house. You invited my wife lana and i to your house. Since youre the social one in the relationship, quite like my wife, did you and j. Lo make that decision together . Or did you come home one day and say the maniscalcos are coming for dinner, and she went, ah, what are you doing . She said, really . No, we loved having you guys over. Shes a big fan. We love your work and it was great having you over, especially your better half, no doubt about that, lanas the best. Sebastion i do have to mention that going over to your house we were greeted by an advance team, somewhat like the military. You know, you send out a team to scope it out. And then you guys finally came down like 45 minutes later. What the hell were you doing . Well, it was funny, when we finally said hello, and of course we had to do it through social distancing and all of that, you said i met nine people here, i didnt even know if you and jennifer were home. Sebastion i didnt even know if i was in the right house. But that meal was good. That meal was good. Sebastion it was fantastic. The whole experience was great. And were going to have to have you guys over next time, but i want to get into whats going on with baseball. No audience, no fans in the stands. Now you as an explayer, do you feed off the people that are there . Or do you just revert back to Little League when your first cousin was in the front row . Well, you know what . Absolutely. Baseball is synonymous with the greatest fans in the word. And that energy, both at home in Yankee Stadium or on the road at fenway, they both energize you. And this will remind me and other players of a spring training game. They call it the b game, its 8 00 in the morning, a simulated game and theres nothing. But the sounds of baseball are magical, the sound of the ball going into the mitt, the sound of the crack of the wood. Baseball is just the best. Sebastion it is the best. And theres also a sound i dont think were going to hear this year, which is spitting. I dont think theyre allowing any type of dip or anything like that. Now i know you were a gum guy. Is that something, is that a superstition . Or what was that . Let me tell you. Of all the things that i would have the hardest adjustment with, Baseball Players are very superstitious, but not chewing gum while playing baseball, that would be a real score breaker for me. I probably went through 36 pieces of gum every game i played. Sebastion 36 pieces of gum . Every time i have two pieces of gum i get a little gas. What was going on with 36 pieces of gum . It was this. I will take three or four pieces of gum, you can probably see it on youtube. I would put it in. And i start chewing it, its a like i had an attitude or something. It was bogus, but it gave me a little bit more swag. Sebastion got you, got you. So listen, i understand during quarantine you got a puppy, which i, which i met, but i dont think you had named the puppy when i was at your house. Whats going on with your dog at the house . It was a nameless puppy when you came over for dinner. And i was really hoping, i was really hoping that we can call it yankee doodle, but they dont listen to me at home. So i lost. And the dog is named tyson. Sebastion after mike . After mike. I think. [ laughter ] sebastion so listen, youre allegedly trying to buy the mets. I say allegedly, because we dont know for sure. I just thought baseball teams were reserved for like billionaires who just woke up and said you know what . I want a team. So if were you to buy the team, what do you do . Is this like a gofundme . You start Walking Around asking people for cash . Why did you think that i had you and lana over for dinner . Sebastion thats what i was that was my pitch. Sebastion you got the wrong guy you got the wrong guy. I mean, i would, i would be afraid to even toss a number out at you, and youd go, what are you going to do with that . Buy popcorn . Listen, what do you like about the broadcasting game . Youre so good at it, i mean, you seem like a natural fit. You went right from playing baseball right into announcing. And now that theres going to be really no energy in the stadium, are you going to be talking more . Are they throwing it to you . Whats going on . First of all, i love announcing, the fact that ive been with espn and with fox for a few years now. Its just, the best thing after playing is talking about playing, talking about baseball, but i think this gives it a unique experience, because its 60 games, not 162. So its a sprint, not a marathon. So one of the rare opportunities that i will take advantage of is open up the whole entire, just open up the flood gates, open up the mics. Give us access to guys driving to the ballpark, clubhouse, batting cages, sounds. When i used to be over there and i would lean over to Derrick Jeter or robinson cano, everybody would ask me, what were you guys talking about . The game, if we just kind of reveal everything and open it up, i think its an immense opportunity, because people want to be taken behind the curtains. So lets do it. This is the year. Sebastion so you want everybody micd and everybody filmed, and i can see where thats coming from, because you walk around with your own video crew yourself. So i would love to see that implemented into major league baseball. Listen, man, i got to thank you for joining us here. Really appreciate you taking some time out. Watch alex on Opening Night next thursday and all season on sunday night baseball on espn. Well be right back with our healthcare hero of the week. Right now, there are over a million Walmart Associates doing their best to keep our nation going. Because despite everything thats changed, one thing hasnt and thats our devotion to you and our communities. Our priority will always be to keep you and our associates safe, while making sure you can still get the essentials you need. Tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. Win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant, or a maple bacon chicken croissant free with mobile order purchase. Tomorrows lookin good that could mean an increase byin energy bills. You can save by using a fan to cool off. Unplugging and turning off devices when not in use. Or closing your shades during the day. Stay well and keep it golden. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Sebastian welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im jimmys body double, sebastian maniscalco. Our healthcare hero tonight is a maintenance housekeeper at Lancaster General Hospital in pennsylvania. Please welcome sanitizing superstar, mr. Stanley gantz. How you doin, stanley . How you doing, sir . Sebastion listen, how long have you been a hospital housekeeper . Ten years, i rode my bike for ten years. Sebastion you ride your bike to work . Oh, yes, sir. Yes, i do. Every day. Sebastion so you were using lysol before it was cool. Yes. Yes. [ laughter ] sebastion so listen, how has your job changed since the virus struck . Well, it was, it was hard. And we try keeping, we try to keep it clean, we wipe everything down. We wear masks, we wear goggles. We wear gloves, and we wash, san size our hands every day, and we wipe everything down and make sure we beat the virus every day. Sebastion i got to tell you, we really do appreciate all your hard work being that youre on the front lines of all this. I used to be a janitor myself. We used to scrub the wax off the floor with this big machine, are you still doing that in those hospitals . Oh, yes, we do it every day, every day, we do it every day, every day. We never miss a spot. We got to do it every day. Thats good. Sebastion i understand your coworkers call you soul man. Can you tell us how you got that nickname . Well, soul man came from a blue sky here. You can sing, you got a good voice. I wish we can do better for you. And, you know, im happy doing what im doing, thats all im doing. I just make everybody happen, everybody happy. Sebastion so you like to sing when you work . Oh, yeah, you should hear me sometimes. I can sing. Sebastion whats a better time than now, stanley . First of all, whos your Favorite Singer . Smoky. Smoky robson. Sebastion and do you have a Favorite Song . I got sunshine on a cloudy day when its cold outside i got the month of may i you say hey, hey what can you my girl my girl talkin about my girl oh oh, how you doin, smoky . Smokey robinson. Youre the crooner of the hospital. You know, it takes a big shoe to fill. Appreciate you, my brother, and thank you for going around the hospital singing my songs, i love that. You the man. Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. I saw you live. Years ago. Oh, boy, where . You were singing that song. I dont know, smoky, that was a long time, smoky. Long time. Sebastion stanley, listen, we got one more surprise for you here. The team at green goo wants to spread goodness by giving you 10,000 to spend however you like, all right . Excuse me, i got to take a drink. I need a drink for that one. Sebastion take some scotch, if you got it. Oh, boy. Sebastion in addition to the gift, they will also be donating some of their hand sanitizer, allnaturalplantbased to your hospital in lancaster, and i think smoky has something for you as well. I got this for you, stanley. This record right here is for you. Im going to sign this to you, and were going to get it to you, and enjoy, man. I hope you got a turn table. I got that i got a turn table yeah, baby. Going to send you this album. And enjoy it, man. Its really a joy meeting you, you keep up the good work and god bless you for what you do, everybody at the hospital, all you who take care of the people there and especially with the virus going around like it is, god bless you, man, and thank you so much, and im going to send this to you. Thank you, sir, thank you so much. Sebastion sing us out of break. I got love on my mind i got joy in my heart sebastion well be right back. Sing it, baby. [ laughter ] sweetnsour, spicy buffalo, tangy bbq. Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba contactless delivery tarright to your door,very designed for your day. So you can work out, join in, and game on. Just download the target app and try it today. With this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence, youre doing whats right, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks for a full month. Its the 1 vet recommended protection. And its safe for puppies. Nexgard. What one little chew can do. Sebastian well, thats all the time we have tonight. Id like to thank alex rodriguez, stanley and smokey, and my buddy jimmy kimmel. Nightline is next. You may now go back to fighting with your family. Goodnight. A number of student athletes have tested positive for covid19 here at uc berkeley. Two of the Largest Bay Area School Districts have announced plans on how students and staff will return in the fall. Promoting parties drawing the pandemic. How social media posts by one south bay club are leading to concern, anger and pushback. Heat and hazy skies in the forecast. Ill have a closer look coming up. Abc7 news at 11 00 starts right now. Building a better bay area for a safe and secure future. This is abc7 news. Tonight, two of the largest School Districts in the bay area agree. It will be Distance Learning this fall. San jose unified and San Ramon Valley unified announced their decisions ahead of official state guidance tomorrow. The pandemic has forced School Leaders to make some very difficult decision, and their plans for the school year are a big focus of our efforts to build a better bay area. Abc7 News Reporter Lauren Martinez is in the newsroom with the details tonight. Lauren . Dan, san ramon and san jose made decisions late tonight to not to return to school in person. These announcements come the night before governor gavin newsom is expected to release clear guidelines on reopening schools in california. Its more uncertain today than it was two days ago. Reporter the

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