teams that win the super bowl or stanley cup or whatever? well, today the president had one for himself. he invited himself to the white house for a big stack of cheeseburgers. if you've wondering what the president's mood would be after his acquittal yesterday, it was this. >> this is really not a news conference. it's not a speech. it's not anything. it's just, we're sort of, it's a celebration. because we have something that just worked out. i mean, it worked out. we went through hell, unfairly. did nothing wrong. did nothing wrong. i've done things wrong in my life, i will admit. not purposely, but i've done things wrong. but this is what the end result is. [cheers and applause] you can stetake that home, hone maybe we'll frame it. >> jimmy: he ranted and raved for more than an hour this afternoon, airing every grievance, it was his pettysburg address. and he took shots at those he considers to be his enemies. he even admitted once again that he fired fbi director jim comey, because jim comey was investigating him. >> we've been going through this now for over three years. it was evil. it was corrupt. it was dirty cops. it was leakers and liars. it was a disgrace. had i not fired james comey, who was a disaster, by the way, it's possible i wouldn't even be standing here right now. we caught him in the act. dirty cops. >> jimmy: wasn't that o.j.'s defense? dirty cops? before his victory speech, trump spoke at the national prayer breakfast, which was a tough things, because on the one hand he doesn't like to pray, but on the other hand he loves breakfast. he used it as an opportunity to lash out at those who oppose him, just as jesus would have done. his a-holiness was in top form with not-too-subtle jabs at mitt romney and nancy pelosi, too. >> i don't like people who use their faith as justification for doing what they know is wrong. nor do i like people who say "i pray for you", when they know that that's not so. >> jimmy: this is a prayer breakfast at which he's naming people he doesn't like. nancy pelosi was so upset she ripped her pancakes in half. that's how, this is supposed to be a non-partisan event. it goes back to 1953. and every president since dwight eisenhower has been to the prayer breakfast, including president obama, to whom trump loves to compare himself. so, for comparison sake, we did that, too. and this is what it's like to be at a prayer breakfast with president obama versus president trump. >> let us pray to god that we may be worthy of the many blessings he has bestowed upon our nation. >> they hired a big, big movie star, arnold schwarzenegger, to take my place. and we know how that turned out. >> sometimes we talk about respect, but we don't act with respect towards each other. >> when they impeach you for nothing, then you're supposed to like them? it's not easy, folks. >> i'm not alone in my success. i succeed because others succeed with me. >> and sometimes they hate people, i'm sorry, i apologize. i'm trying to learn. it's not easy. >> i believe that the starting point of faith is some doubt. not being so full of yourself and so confident that you are right and that god speaks only to us. >> and for those of you that are interested in stocks, it looks like the stock market will be way up again today. >> jimmy: that's right. all the way up to heaven. [ applause ] by the way, senator, mitt romney's now at the top of the president's hit list. romney, as you know, was the only republican who voted to convict trump. within hours of romney's vote, trump tweeted a fully-produced video attacking him, like presidents do. and not only did trump go after romney, he's back on the hundred t hunter biden horse. he made his most ridiculous statement yet. >> they don't think it's corrupt that when a son that made no money, that got thrown out of the military, that had no money at all is working for $3 million up front, $83,000 a month. they think that's okay. because, if it is, is ivanka in the audience? is ivanka here? boy, my kids could make a fortune. they could make a fortune. it's corrupt. >> jimmy: ivanka's like, could you leave me out of this? i've got shoes to sell when this is over. the idea that donald trump would criticize anyone for any kind of nepotism is just, he put his son-in-law in charge of peace in the middle east. his kids are the poster children for political privilege. this dopey donald jr. is so desperate for daddy's love, this is what he posted to strinstagr yesterday, mom jeans? because you're a [ bleep ]. also, i want to say, while we're criticizing people's clothes, let's take a look at some of don jr.'s outfits. there's his pink polo shirt. here he just came by from the north pace store i guess, lookin' sharp with the old man in that white collared shirt and big pants. and here we have the dumbest crayon in the box. and, as for trump's point about his kids compared to hunter biden, let's take a look at donald jr.'s resume. after college, d.j.t.j. was a bartender from aspen. from that he graduated to supervising several trump building projects in manhattan. how did he get that gig? must have been one hell of a bartender. helped manage trump mortgage which folded. became a spokesman for cambridge who's who, a company that has received hundreds of complaints from the better business bureau, was put in charge of meetings like the one with the russians, and wrote a book called "triggered", which made it number one because the republican committee got more than $100,000 worth of copies. don't forget his special skills, power point, excel and shooting elephants. this is a self-made man who does it all and more. and his dad is -- [ applause ] the trump boy was on fox with tucker carlson last night and made it very clear he's very mad at mitt romney. >> tait's ironic, he's flip-flopped on almost every major conservative issue. just go look at the record, guys. whether it's his track record on life, the reality is this, he has come to donald trump for his endorsement for money when he was running. he blew his chance. bigly. >> shut the [ bleep ] up! >> he cannot let go, tucker. >> jimmy: you know, abe is always honest. he's, boy, well, in happier news, i'm sure that you know on sunday right across the street from us here in hollywood, and airing right here on this network, the academy awards, it's like the west coast version of the iowa caucuses. there are nine nominees for best picture, which is a lot. so we decided to have some fun. we asked people about a bunch of stuff we made up about these nominated films, none of what we're about to describe happened, but did that stop people from giving their takes on them? of course not. in a new academy awards edition of "lie witness news." >> we're out here talking to people about some of the oscar movies from this year, there was "a beautiful day in the neighborhood", tom hanks as mr. rogers. were you surprised by the violent daylight bank robbery at the beginning of the film? what was it like to see mr. rogers holding a smoking gun? >> you know, like, when i first took on the movie, i was hikelii didn't come for this. but to me, it was quite, you know, exhilarating. for kids, it may have been -- >> a little violent for children? >> especially mr. rogers, yeah. >> now some people are thinking that larry david should have been nominated for best supporting actor for his appearance as the riddler in "joker", do you agree with that? >> yeah, he did a really good performance in that, so yes, i guess he may win the oscar. >> do you think that tonight we're going to party like it's 1917 deserved best song? >> it's touching, it's definitely a feel-good song. >> renee zellweger was nominated for "judy", the story of judy, the first to walk on the moon, are you glad that's being told? >> yeah, isn't that kind of m n monumental? >> huge. it's important. >> a lot of people loved b banderas in the "chef story story." >> jo, jo rabbit. do you think that was a transfor snags . >> you have to do it. >> now she's got the nomination. >> yeah. >> what go you think of the scene where de niro throws his arms around daniel day-lewis and says this man really is an irish man. >> that right there made me like, how can i say it? emotional, but at the same time. so you know it was kind of like, wow, it shows you how cold-blooded people are. >> there was of course "the two popes." the story of italian scientists cloning the pope. did you like that blend of religion and science fiction? >> they shouldn't make a movie out of something like that, i doesn't know. i think that's a terrible thing that happened and it shouldn't be glorified. >> we shouldn't be playing godlike that? >> i don't think so, man. >> then of course there was "harriet", the story of harriet tubman, do you think ariana grande was the right choice for the role? >> at first i didn't think she'd do a good job. but after seeing it i think she fit it pretty well. >> do you think she has a shot at the oscar for that? >> for an oscar? i'm not sure, i'm not sure. >> stick to singing maybe? >> yeah, stick to singing. >> jimmy: tonight on the show, music from kelsea ballerini. the tenderloins are here. and we'll be right back with billy crystal. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> dicky: abc's jimmy kimmel live, brought to you by allstate. b st. bernard puppy, and my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. ahh no, come on. i saw you eating poop earlier. hey! my focus is on the road, and that's saving me cash with drivewise. who's the dummy now? whoof! whoof! so get allstate where good drivers save 40% for avoiding mayhem, like me. sorry! he's a baby! introducing wendy's big bacon classic. with fresh, never frozen beef and hot crispy bacon. if you're not getting your bacon cheeseburger from wendy's, what are you getting? 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"kelsea" because that's her name. kelsea ballerini from the mercedes-benz stage. next week, we will be back at it again with harrison ford, amy poehler, chris pratt, katy perry, lionel richie, and luke bryan, david sedaris, lucy hale, science bob pflugfelder, huey lewis will be here. and we'll have music from wiz khalifa, lil yachty, ty dolla $ign, superm, and sam hunt. so please join us for all that. [cheers and applause] i might be getting too old for this job. our first guest is an emmy and tony award-winning man and the nine- time oscar host against whom all others are measured. his new comedy "standing up, falling down" premieres in theaters and vod february 21st. please welcome billy crystal. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> thank you, thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: how are you? >> great. >> jimmy: it's an honor to have you here. and i'm wondering what goes through your mind when you come into this neighborhood, where you hosted the oscars so many times. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you see the street closed down and you're maneuvering to get around, what do you think of? >> how to use waze. >> jimmy: very practical. >> we've hosted between the two of us, 11 times. and this year is another no-host show. >> jimmy: no host. >> which is like having a trial without witnesses. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who'd ever have that? never heard of such a thing. >> moves faster but not quite the result that you want. yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: do you think that a host is important to the snhow? >> yeah! don't you think so? >> jimmy: it seems like it. >> it's the tradition of it. when we did it, you know, i always felt i was in a line of johnny and bob hope. >> jimmy: i felt the same way about you. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's true. >> but i, i always loved being out there. i loved the, i guess the trust, you know, that the movie academy had in me to get me out there. and i felt like it was a great honor to do it. and i think that when you have a show that's as long as it is. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> things are going to happen. and i think the problem with the no-host thing perhaps is that there's not somebody out there to capitalize on that moment. like you had when the wrong best picture was nominated. >> jimmy: that should still be on right now. >> yeah, if there's nobody there. for me, i had, some of my best moments were when something went wrong. >> jimmy: what is something that sticks in your mind about something that went wrong? >> i had to introduce a 100-year old giant in the movie industry named hal roach. he created "our gang" "laurel & hardy". and he was 100 years old, and i was supposed to introduce him. he was sitting right in the second row. and he was just supposed to wave on the occasion of his 100th birthday. just stand up if he could, which he did. and just wave. so i said proper introduction, ladies and gentlemen, 100 year old giant of the movie industry, we all owe him a debt of thanks, the one and only mr. hal roach. he stands up. and he waves, and he has no mic. and then he begins to talk. and it sounded like this to everybody in, we were at the shrine, going thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen, i just want to say the days back in culver city, when i had mr. laurel, and mr. hardy, back, and we would ride down the boulevard and make movies, and that was a beautiful thing. in 1935, i met charlie chaplin for the first time. and we hit it off, and i said, why don't we do, and that's how feature comedies started. then came the war. [ laughter ] >> and he's going on and on, and he's got no mic. and sitting in the front row is our friend warren beatty, and he's sitting there going, and the cyclops is on you, the camera's on you with the red light. and lines now are flying through your head, say that is corre, d that. then one hit like a slot machine in vegas, and i said it's very fitting, because he got his start in silent films. [ applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. >> it was one of those moments. you pat yourself on the back. >> jimmy: yes, because, you cannot prepare for that. that's just you and you're out there. i hope that happens again this weekend. >> yeah. i hope, i hope they get the right people out there in case something -- >> jimmy: i hope they don't. i hope it's a disaster. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we have to stick together, know what i mean? these jobs are very few. how's your wife janice doing? >> she's great. she's here. >> jimmy: oh, good, she came along? things are good, things are all right? >> we still are together. folks, my proudest accomplishment, we will be married 50 years. >> jimmy: wow. [cheers and applause] what are you going to do? >> i was 7. she was 6. it was an orthodox, you see the thing, we hadn't even met. but we're in the middle of a very odd thing that happened to us about six days ago. >> jimmy: okay. >> all right. it's 3:00 in the morning. and we don't know it, but outside, a skunk has sprayed our air conditioning units. >> jimmy: right. >> so, you know where this is going. so the house, we both wake up with this incredibly foul smell, my eyes watering, she looks at me, and she says "what the hell did you eat"? i said that's not me. we're married 49 years, she says "that is you"! so it's a horrible, horrible, horrible smell. so the next day we call the air conditioning guy. to check out how do you clean this unit. and he says you got a bigger problem than skunks. i said what? he says look at those paw prints. do you have a dog? i said no. he says that's a mountain lion. mountain lion. and there's little tufts of fur around. i said, did he scare the skunk and i sprayed? no, he ate the skunk. do you imagine how bad that gas will be? >> jimmy: real hungry. >> so sorry i had that skunk. let me squat in some tomato juice and get rid of this. so now we got this potential, you know, mountain lion. and, you know, terrorizing the neighborhood. and we're terrified. so we get these cameras that are night vision cameras that are motion controlled so if anything walks in front of them it takes a picture. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> two nights ago, you want to take see a picture of a mountain lion? take a look at this guy. is and he's wearing a maga hat. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> now he's got two strikes against him. >> jimmy: this really is a mountain lion. >> yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: you need to move! there's no, what are you going to do? >> janice says let's get a dog. said you know what a dog is to a mountain lion? an appetizer. >> jimmy: a dog is not requesting to hegoing to help you. >> listen, i like dogs, i had a dog as a kid. but at this point in my life, i travel a lot. if i'm home at night late at night, and somebody's going -- i want it to be my [ applause ] have you ever seen, have you ever seen anybody look happy when they're walking a dog? >> jimmy: no. >> they don't! they don't, they look miserable. they're waiting for this thing to carpet bomb. and, you know, and you could be, i don't care. doesn't matter how powerful you are, how much money, you could be a lawyer, the head of a company. you could be the queen. when you're waiting for a dog to do that, you're working for the dog. >> jimmy: 100%. >> you could be the pope, but you're still a dope with a plastic bag on your hand waiting to pick up poop! that's what it is. we were at the white house in 2001. >> jimmy: okay. >> president bush. >> jimmy: right. >> we screening a movie i directed called "61." and it was really exciting, i have to say. at the end ever the movie, president bush said goodnight. he goes upstairs to the residence and they took us on a tour of the west wing. now it's about 10:30 at night, we're leaving and president bush is coming down from the private quarters, and he looks like any, oh, middle-aged father who just put in a hard day of screwing up the economy. [ laughter ] and sending us into a war we should never have been in. you know, just a day. and he's got his sleeves rolled up, and he looked tired, but he was actually a fun guy, forgetting politics. and he's walking two dogs, and he's got a plastic bag in his hand. and i'm thinking, this is the most powerful guy in the world, and's going to pick up poop. and then later i found out they were dick cheney's dogs. >> jimmy: oh, my billy crystal is here. we'll be right back. ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by little caesars delivery. america's best value, now delivered. i'm christina stembel and i chose the spark cash card from capital one with unlimited 2% cash back on everything i buy why wouldn't i get this card?! i redeemed $115,000 in cash back, which doubled our marketing budget last summer. what's in your wallet? othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. [ fast-paced drumming ] while the middle-class continues to struggle. that's what happens when billionaires are able to control the political system. our campaign is funded by the working people of this country, and those are the people that i will represent. no more tax breaks for billionaires. we are going to guarantee health care to all people and create up to 20 million good paying jobs to save this planet. i'm bernie sanders and i approve this message because we need an economy that works for all of us, not just wealthy campaign contributors. hey, rollins, right? rollins, hey, how are you doing? >> are you everywhere? >> i get around. >> what are you doing here? >> i don't even know. >> wow, you killed rory. >> i didn't kill rory. >> that's why you were stressed. >> what are you doing? >> you had his hands on his shoulder right before you strangled him. >> he died of leukemia. are you high? >> yeah. >> jimmy: billy crystal and ben schwartz in "standing up falling down", a very sweet movie, a sni nice relationship. tell us a little bit about your character. >> i play marty, an alcoholic pot-smoking dermatologist, which is very interesting, because i'm not a dermatologist. it's a story of these two, oh, lost souls. the wonderful ben schwartz. >> jimmy: yeah, he's a nice kid, too. >> he's the real deal. >> jimmy: you guys have bonded. >> we've become very close friends. >> jimmy: you took him to the clippers game. >> i'm like his uncle. i took him to clippers games, and we hung out. he's an awfully funny guy. he's one of those rare guys that you know was raised well. he's terrific. >> jimmy: it's funny, because i'm guessing that your relationship was similar to the relationship you have in the movie. >> he's a failed comedian, the character. but aren't we all? [ laughter ] and he comes to me with a rash on his arm, and i help him out, but then we start talking. and i help him with his act by helping him with his life. and he helps me begin to clean up, and we start to understand each or, and i unburden myself of all the past that's driving me to drink and do drugs and all of that stuff. >> jimmy: does it feel odd for you? i know we all think of ourselves as just ourselves. you don't really attach an age to yourself. is it odd being like the mentor to guys like ben? or, you know, younger guys? >> you know, it's, first of all, it's lovely just to be working. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and working with great, brillia brilliant people like that. i just acted with the wonderful tiffany haddish. >> jimmy: yes, i know you did. >> very excited about that. i directed the movie, co-wrote it, and we play, we have a very interesting story together. and that's called "here today", and it will be coming out later this year. >> jimmy: yes, i look forward to that. >> i loved working with her, and i loved working with ben, because they bring out the best in you. because we come from different times, obviously, you keep being reminded, you're older, but you know when you really get reminded that you're old, my birthday's coming up in march. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> i'm a medium in some things or a large in others. [ laughter ] i have to take my written driver's test. >> jimmy: over? >> yeah. >> jimmy: written! >> the written test over. this is a nightmare. i mean, i've been driving since i'm 18. i'm going to be 72. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> and i look fabulous. >> jimmy: you do. [ applause ] >> i have never gotten a ticket except i have 11,000 parking tickets. i've never gotten a moving violation or anything like that, but when i take the practice tests i wouldn't get in the car with me. >> jimmy: are the questions hard? >> yeah, they're hard, let me see how you do. >> jimmy: okay, good, all right. >> this is a true or false question. >> jimmy: okay. >> this is an actual from the test. all right. when driving under snowy or icy conditions, you should make speed and directional changes more gradually than you would otherwise. >> jimmy: yes. true. >> that's broken yellow center line means that you can pass on the left if the road ahead is clear. >> jimmy: true. >> okay. when being followed by a tailgater, which finger do you use to tell them to back off? >> jimmy: i use the big one. >> okay. when taking a selfie while driving. >> jimmy: uh-huh. this is on the test? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> should you be in the portrait mode? >> jimmy: absolutely. >> that's better. >> jimmy: there are more? >> yeah, some more. >> jimmy: okay. i feel like i'm doing well so far. >> you're great. >> jimmy: okay, great. >> you're pushing 60. >> jimmy: mm-hm. >> in a school zone. what is that infraction called? >> jimmy: uh, speeding, i guess. >> no, it's called the prince andrew. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we got to go out on that, right? come on, one more. >> this is the last one. and i think we've been guilty about this. when parking in a handicapped space. how long after you exit the car should you fake your limp? >> jimmy: immediately. >> immediately. >> jimmy: billy crystal, everyone. "standing up, falling down" premiers in theaters and vod february 21st. we'll be back with the tenderloins. [cheers and applause] ♪ n now? >>hey, i'm going to need you to ... never mind. ♪ can't touch this. ♪ help! ♪ you can't touch this. ♪ ♪ you can't touch this. ♪ ♪ you can't touch this. i trust you. stop, hammer time! ♪ i touched it! new cheetos popcorn. it's a cheetos thing. (sprdual camera system with paulultra-wide on iphone 11!-new (paul) and i love how at sprint... (sprintern) ...you can get the amazing iphone 11 for zero dollars a month when you trade-in your iphone 6s or newer... (paul) in any condition. (sprintern) seriously, in any condition. 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[sounds] kazoo sound ♪ with the glad advanced protection kitchen bag. it's glad's strongest, toughest, most leak resistant bag. be happy, it's glad.™ most leak resistant bag. dad! not cool.o, son. you know what's not uncool? old spice after hours... and jazz. dad, i prefer ultra smooth, it handles sweat without all that...jazz. you're right son. iced chai.ry. pad thai. baked pie. pork chop. soda pop. scallop. kebobs. soursop. hot pot. dumpling. chicken wing. peking. onion ring. we are america's kitchen. doordash. every flavor welcome. grand now we have to deal withed us this.rs. climate change is an emergency. that's why i wrote the nation's most progressive climate law. and that's why i'm endorsing tom steyer. because when big oil tried to stop our clean air laws, he led us to victory. same with the keystone pipeline. when tom says we can save the world and do it together believe him. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message. ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, welcome back. still to come, music from kelsea ballerini. our next guests are four grown men who make a living by screwing with each other on their very popular show "impractical jokers." next, they shift their shenanigans to the big screen. "impractical jokers: the movie" opens in theaters on february 21st. please welcome --joe gatto, james murray, brian quinn and sal vulcano. the tenderloins. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> woo! >> all right! >> jimmy: this is, this kind of thing is right up my alley. tell everyone how long you guys have been doing this stuff to each other. >> we met as fresh men in high school, in 1990. >> first day of high school. >> jimmy: 90. and then you guys went your separate ways briefly and you came together and you've been doing, pulling pranks on each other and doing terrible things on each other. >> as best friends do. >> jimmy: for many, many years. >> like all the great love stories. >> we found each other. >> jimmy: i would imagine, though, this is a very stressful way to live. how many episodes have you done? >> 200 airs next week. >>200. >> i think we're on to something. >> people think it's so fun. they watch it, they're like, we want to hang out with you guys, it looks so much fun. and i'm like, just to be frank, it's terrible. it's not fun. >> jimmy: it seems terrible. >> it's no way to live your life. we live our lives riddled with anxiety. you can never get comfortable. >> jimmy: like honestly, right now, are any of you worried that something's going to happen? >> i don't think this is real. >> he said to me back stage, he said, oh, no, you're sitting behind my. >> jimmy: because i am a little worried something's going to happen to me right now. >> as you should be. >> jimmy: i came in with my spider senses tingling right now. and your families are not exempt from this. like everybody's involved. right? >> oh, yeah. that's actually the worst part of it. you would think that your family would want to protect you. they can't wait for that phone to ring to be like, oh, i get to be on tv and i get to mess with my brother? we shot the movie, we did this bit in the movie where they had me doing a talk in a social media thing. what are 43-year-old guys doing teaching social media, stupid to begin with. and i throw it over to video e and the video comes over and it's some stupid social media nonsense, and he flew up to where my parents live and had them shoot a fake porn movie. >> it's so natural. >> and my mother goes to church three times a week. and she was saying things like oh, do your pipes need cleaning and stuff like that. she goes on wednesdays even when nobody's there. she locks up when she's done. >> it's a wednesday? take it easy, carol. >> he directed them in the porno he grew up with. >> jimmy: that is crazy. and that is fun. and now you're talking about this movie. how is the movie different from the television show? >> well, it's, we finally had the opportunity to do all the big things we wanted to do. we had a lot of ideas we never could fit into a 22-minute episode. now with the movie, we have free reign to wreak havoc. >> everything they said no to us over the ten years, we put it on a list. and with the movie we did everything they said we couldn't do. >> jimmy: paula abdul is in the movie. how did that happen. >> she is! >> by magic. >> part of the movie takes part in the '90s when whee me met in school. and we wanted someone that represented that era. she was huge for us. i personally had a very big crush on paula abdul, she was one of my first, oh, women! the opposite attract us song. >> it was like teen magazines, and then you rip it, and i'd have paula abdul all over my wall. and i didn't tell her that when we filmed. i was like, it's a pleasure to meet you. this will be a professional endeavor. >> jimmy: were you too embarrassed to tell her that? >> i was a little shy. funny any funny enough i had two crushes back then. billy crystal and paula abdul. they unlimited talent and figures that just wouldn't quit. >> jimmy: you got to fulfill that fantasy. >> somebody came up and cracked my neck. >> that was billy crystal. >> he ordered a coffee from me. i had to give him a latte. >> jimmy: we have a nice surprise for you. something you're really going to take to. [cheers and ♪ >> don't kill her! don't kill her! >> jimmy: paula, sit, sit, how are you? sit, feel free to sit right on sal if you want to. >> this, this is quite the pickle. >> jimmy: tell paula. >> tell her more. >> jimmy: tell her all the stuff you didn't want to tell her. >> you know what the funniest thing is, i've got them on set, he's the one that keeps walking away from me. >> you know, because, because. >> look at him. he can't even talk. [ laughter ] >> he can't even get it out. >> you know, jimmy, you know. >> we were friends, but i never revealed to you that i had this. >> jimmy: look into paula's eyes when you tell her these things. >> i feel like i'm the bachelor right now. >> tell her how you feel about her. >> so i will give you a moment, buddy. >> go, go, go. >> we'll be over here. we'll be over here. [cheers and applause] >> set the mood. >> a little romance. >> it was 1989. summerish, and "straight up" just came out. and it was the song of the summer for me. it was the song of the summer for all of us. and it was just hit after hit. it was "cold-hearted snake", "opposites attract." i fell for you hook line and sinker, i had you all over my wall. it was you and george michael. and this is honestly everything i've done in the show in a decade, this is the most uncomfortable i've ever been. [cheers and applause] >> jimmy: by the way. not only, not only do we have this rose and this beautiful meeting with paula, but we've been able to get you the two of you a pair of tickets to the "sonic the hedge hog" movie for valentine's day. date night. >> jimmy: the tenderloins. "impractical jokers: the movie" opens in theaters february 21st. anand we'll return with music fm kelsea ballerini. ♪ [cheers and applause] >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by the 2020 gle. mercedes benz. the best or nothing. othroughout the country for the past twelve years, mr. michael bloomberg is here. vo: leadership in action. mayor bloomberg and president obama worked together in the fight for gun safety laws, to improve education, and to develop innovative ways to help teens gain the skills needed to find good jobs. obama: at a time when washington is divided in old ideological battles he shows us what can be achieved when we bring people together to seek pragmatic solutions. bloomberg: i'm mike bloomberg and i approve this message. >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> jimmy: i'd like to thank billy crystal, paula abdul, and the tenderloins. apologies to matt damon. "nightline" is next, but first this is her album, "kelsea." here with the song "homecoming queen," kelsea ballerini. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ hey, homecoming queen why do you lie when somebody's mean where do you hide ♪ ♪ do people assume you're always alright been so good at smiling most of your life ♪ ♪ look damn good in the dress zipping up the mess dancing with your ♪ ♪ best foot forward does it get hard to have to play the part nobody's feeling ♪ ♪ sorry for ya but what if i told you the world wouldn't end if you started showing ♪ ♪ what's under your skin what if you let 'em all in on the lie even the homecoming ♪ ♪ queen cries hey, homecoming queen how's things at home still walking on eggshells ♪ ♪ when that curtains closed did your daddy teach you how to act tough or more like your mama ♪ ♪ sweep it under the rug look damn good in the dress zipping up the mess ♪ ♪ dancing with your best foot forward did you want the crown or does it weigh you down ♪ ♪ nobody's feeling sorry for ya what if i told you the world wouldn't end ♪ ♪ if you started showing what's under your skin what if you let 'em all in on the lie ♪ ♪ even the homecoming queen cries yeah, what if i told you the sky wouldn't fall ♪ ♪ if you lost your composure said to hell with it all not everything pretty sparkles and shines ♪ ♪ and even the homecoming queen cries ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh oh, yeah ♪ ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh even the homecoming queen cries ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ mmmmm ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh hey homecoming queen m ♪ why do you lie when somebody's mean where do you hide ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] this is "nightline." tonight, undercover mom. posing as children. >> are you happy, pretty girl? >> the teen determined to take down potential sexual predators lurking behind popular apps. >> he want a live photo. >> preying on the most vulnerable. now the surprising discovery. >> it's astounding and stomach turning. >> reporter: and candid confessions. justin bieber's season of self-reflection. >> i was waking up, and the first thing i was doing is popping pills. >> the incredible journey of highs and lows. how his wife hailey helped him find his way. >> no matter what