[cheers and applause] michael welcome to the daily show, im michael kosta. Desi and im desi lydic weve got a lot of news to get into. Russia meddles in its own election. Spring break might be broken. And when life gives elon musk lemons, he fires them. But first lets get into our ongoing coverage of indecision 2024. [cheers and applause] donald trump has had a good week. He sealed the gop nomination. One of his 54 trials was postponed. He just figured out you can google boobs. The man should be on top of the world but some of his Close Friends in the right wing media are concerned. I know you have supporters, friends and families. They say its lonely at the top, and im actually curious. Is it ever lonely for you . [laughter] desi what a ridiculous question for a journalist to ask. Of course hes not lonely. He saw his wife just six months ago [bleep] Walter Cronkite over here. Trump answered this question the way he answered every question by saying whatever was on his mind at that moment. I study history and i was always told that Andrew Jackson as the president was treated the absolute worst. He was just really lambasted and i heard Abraham Lincoln was second, but he was in a thing called the civil war. I dont care Andrew Jackson or anybody else nobody has when you think of the fake things nobody has been treated like trump in terms of badly. [laughter] desi yes, in terms of badly, trump has been treated the badliest. [cheers and applause] although maybe lincoln was treated a little bit worse, what with being shot in the head and all . [laughter] i doubt he was on his deathbed saying, at least i didnt have a pee tape rumor. Michael and by the way, how mistreated could Andrew Jackson have been . The man is on the 20 dollar bill i use that bill every day, its the one i give to the homeless. [laughter] i ask for 19 dollars back, but thats not the point. [laughter] plus, back then, even if the press wrote a horrible story about you, half the country was illiterate. Honey, you see this article about Andrew Jackson . No, i cant read. [laughter] i cant read, either why did we buy this newspaper . Lets move on, because not all the influential, powerful men in the world have been getting such easy questions this week. Reporter this morning a high profile deal between two unlikely partners imploding. After a confrontational interview between former cnn anchor, don lemon, and elon musk, turned tense during a taping of the new the don lemon show, that was supposed to debut next week on musks platform, x. Hate speech on the platform is up. Do you believe that x and you have some responsibility to moderate hate speech on the platform. I dont have to answer these questions. The great replacement theory as it relates to jewish people, do you think i dont have to answer questions from reporters. Don, the only reason i did this interview is because youre on the x platform and you asked for it. Otherwise, i would not do this interview. Reporter hours later, lemon says he received a short text from musk that read, contract is cancelled. Michael to be fair to elon though, you never really expect to hire someone and immediately be asked about the jewish great replacement theory. You usually want to wait for the Christmas Party for that. Im sorry, but between trump and elon, when did all these macho men become such pussies . Arent you the ones who complain about snowflakes and liberal victimhood . When elon bought twitter he was like this is the free speech town square, baby but then anytime somebody criticizes him hes like the town square is closed for repairs its terrible. Teddy roosevelts critics shot him during a speech and he didnt even go to the hospital. Which shows one, how tough he is and two, how terrible healthcare was back then. [laughter] but these alpha males today get one tough question, and they start whining like my kid when i tell him he cant watch cars 2 for the 8th time today. Muhhh daddy its not fair. Well you know what else isnt fair . Its not fair that i, a grown man, now know all the words to cars 2. [laughter] desi thats very sad, very sad to. Lets move on to the big news in the travel industry. The guy at boeing whose job it is to change the days without an incident sign. Got to stay home from work yet again. This morning, an American Airline boeing 777 traveling from dallas to los angeles forced to make an Emergency Landing after reports of mechanical problems. This video capturing the moment the plane, carrying 249 people, touched down at lax airport with a possible flat tire. This comes on the heels of several other incidents on boeing planes in recent days. On monday, hydraulic fluid began leaking from the bottom of this boeing 777. Boeing failed dozens of faa audits, with nearly 100 instances of noncompliance after that door plug flew off a 737 max 9 in january. Desi boeing, what is going on with you . there should be no leaking fluids on planes. Unless you were the guy on the diarrhea plane. Hes grandfathered in, he can leak anywhere he wants. [laughter] at this point, boeings competitors barely even need p. R. Departments. They look so good just for doing the bare minimum. Airbus we dont have any screws leftover in the bag. [laughter] michael nice. [cheers and applause] desi at this point, im just done with boeing airplanes. Back to cruise ships for me, where nothing ever goes wrong. Michael well you know whos not worried about boeing . Me. Yeah, a door fell off, there was a leak and guess what . The planes still landed boeing should be advertising that. Boeing. We forgot some screws but you still made it to tampa. [applause] you know whats way less safe than flying . Taking a car to the airport my driver this morning passed a semitruck by cutting through a playground, so no, im not worried about boeing. The truth is, even with doors falling off, air travel is still the safest way to get around. So yeah, im gonna keep flying. I even flew here today, from brooklyn. So i dont mind if a door flies off now and then. In fact i wouldnt mind a few more doors flew off if more people were scared of flying, i could get through security faster. Ive got all the things precheck, global entry, clear, clear plus, clear plus with ads and im still waiting 15 minutes for a guy to fold up his stroller for the first time in his life. [laughter] and if you disagree, too bad, because planes are the only game in town. What, im not going to fly to vegas for my college buddys fantasy football draft . Grow up. [laughter] desi lets move on to some international news. Because the us isnt the only country having an election this year. Russians will head to the polls for three days beginning friday to vote in a president ial election that has Vladimir Putin seeking a fifth term. President putin is urging voters to cast ballots as a show of patriotism. Every vote you cast is valued and meaningful. Therefore i urge you to exercise your right to vote. Desi you heard Vladimir Putin, every vote in the Russian Election is valued and meaningful, which is why the winner of this race is completely up in the air michael thats right, anything can happen. So of course were going all out with complete Team Coverage in another installment of democrusski 2024 [cheers and applause] michael lets start over at the Election Center with ronny chieng. [cheers and applause] ronny, what are the results showing so far . Ronny its a tight race, michael. Lets look at the map. The red areas are where putin is winning so far. Hes doing well with urban voters, farmers, dead people, dead people with a college degree, and women inside of larger women inside of larger women. [laughter] [applause] michael sounds like hes doing great. Can we just call the race for him . Ronny well lets not get ahead of ourselves. Take a look at this area here just outside moscow. You can see hes in real danger of falling below 99 in this region. Were gonna have to watch that as the night progresses. Its democracy anything can happen michael ronny i think that 1 just went down to 0 . Ronny wow, it did, what a comeback for putin. I told you anything can happen. Desi thank you so much ronny. [applause] great analysis. All right, for a look at the situation on the ground, lets go live to moscow with some fresh exit polls and troy iwata. [cheers and applause] troy, what are you learning . Troy desi, were learning a lot about why russians are so drawn to Vladimir Putin. Listen to these exit poll results. First, 94 of voters said they did not want to accidentally fall out a window, and 96 said they did not want to be poisoned. [laughter] those are the top two issues, third being putins age. [laughter] michael oh, voters are worried about putin being too old . Troy no theyre saying putin is so robust for a 71 year old that he might do too good a job. Also the falling out of a window thing. They cant emphasize that enough. [laughter] desi yes i see how that could be a concern. How much longer are the polls open . Troy until 9 pm and russian officials are telling voters, if youre in line, stay in line or there will be consequences. Michael thank you, troy of course, putin was not running unopposed. Lets go to the oppositions Election Night party with grace kuhlenschmidt. [cheers and applause] desi grace, hows the mood there . Grace its grim. Theres no music, no food, were on an ice floe in the east siberian sea, and its a cash bar. [laughter] desi wait, youre on an ice floe . That doesnt sound like youre at a party. Grace well, its less of a party and more of a floating prison. But whether we live or die out here, its still less depressing than the hillary 2016 party. Desi okay. Good luck . And finally, lets go to the putin Victory Party at the kremlin with jordan klepper. [cheers and applause] Michael Jordan youve been to a lot of political rallies, how does this compare . Jordan its great, michael no notes what a win for democracy michael really . Youre not gonna do that thing where you talk to kooks who are blindly faithful to their party leader . Jordan no, michael. Everybody is normal here and i have no reason to question or subversively mock anyone. Okay . putin, 2024 desi russias a free and open democracy speak your mind lets hear some cutting barbs jordan are you trying to get me [bleep] killed . hey hey privyet, mr. President six more years six, hundred more years oh, and good luck in November Michael wait, he has another election this november . Jordan a big one just not in russia [laughter] [cheers and applause] desi okay thank you, everyone. Its great to see democracy in action michael so true. When we come back spring break dont go away. [cheers and applause] the moment a friend becomes a real friend. Ohhh. Please no. Who wants to jam . [playing ukulele offkey] hey pal friends dont let friends be ukulele guy. Oh, hes humming now. I think im gonna be sick. Somebody make it stop nah, man. No. dos equis. Raise one with a real one. Little caesars slicesnstix is the worlds greatest combination. Carl . Sorry pb j. How dare you . Half Italian Cheese stix, half pepperoni pizza. Get a hotnready slicesnstix for 6. 99. Walk in and walk out between 4 8 pm. Pizza. Pizza. [cheers and applause] desi welcome back to the daily show. Lets talk about spring break. The most exciting week of the year for College Students and gonorrhea. [laughter] michael gonnorhea, not that bad. [laughter] of course, one of the hottest spring break destinations is florida, where the beaches are as bountiful as the meth dealers. But in recent years, the fun has been getting dangerously out of hand, and one florida city has had enough. Miami beach is breaking up with spring break. Shutting down spring break in miami. This year city officials told the spring breakers to go somewhere else. Restrictions including the closing of the beach at 6 00 p. M. , and Liquor Stores at 8 00 to drive the message home, a Public Service announcement thats gone viral, miami beach telling rowdy spring breakers its not us, its you. Maybe we can talk when youre done with your spring break phase. Desi miami is shutting down spring break . Where else will College Students be able to get alcohol poisoning and have terrible sex with each other . And who is miami to get upset about spring break . One in three people there is a dj. Are they like, keep it down im trying to be super loud over here michael now, because of the crackdown, many students have decided to go to Fort Lauderdale instead of miami, but thats not a good idea either. Because, one its Fort Lauderdale. And two the cops there are hassling spring breakers in a way that might be even worse. Spring break descending on Fort Lauderdale, florida with huge crowds flocking there after miami put in strict curfews and restrictions. But Fort Lauderdale police are turning festivities into a possible job offer. We are out here just spreading the message we are recruiting right now actively for police officers. Sing alongs, trivia games, Fort Lauderdale police having fun with spring breakers. Are you guys ready . Yeah. All right. You got your thinking caps on. You ready to go . [laughter] michael obviously they dont have their thinking caps on. Then theyd get a thinking cap tan line. But im sorry do you know how bad your spring break has to be to want to become a cop afterwards . Usually when College Students get blackout drunk, they wake up with a penis sharpied on their face. These kids are waking up like, why do i have a police badge . [bleep] desi how do you even try to convince spring breakers to become cops . Are you just walking down the beach like, you guys are in good shape. Would you be willing to get out of shape . Michael i see youre blowing all of your parents money. Hows you like to blow an entire citys money . Desi i see youre not solving a murder at the moment. Would you like to get paid to not solve a murder . Michael i noticed youve been sitting doing nothing for six straight hours. Want to keep doing that, but with a gun . Desi youve crushed a lot of beer today. Want to keep doing that, but with a gun . Michael of course if you dont want to go to florida, there are literally hundreds of other fun places. Dozens of other. Theres one other place to go for spring break new orleans. And to prove the big easy still knows how to party, heres fox news with a major scoop. I had the opportunity to talk to one young lady yesterday, young lady, she is a senior at texas tech. And she told me when i asked her what does she do to prep for spring break she says she applies her bronzer and then she does cocaine. That really goes to the heart of this. Thats some story. She applies the bronzer before she does the line of coke. She wants to look good before she gets high. I never heard it before. Thats crazy. And she admitted that. Michael oh stop, this isnt the first time fox has talked to someone who abuses bronzer and cocaine. [laughter] theyve been covering the trumps for nine years hey yeah take it [laughter and applause] at least shes doing it in the right order. This one time, i snorted bronzer and applied cocaine, and it totally ruined my grandmothers funeral. But the point is spring break can be risky. People are abusing drugs, theyre getting into trouble, theyre considering careers in law enforcement, its frightening stuff. And thats why, for the sake of yourself and your future drop out of college. Its the only way to avoid spring break altogether. [laughter] desi great advice, michael. Stick around, because when we come back, Renee Elise Goldsberry is here goldsberry is here [cheers and applause] when it comes to your wellness routine, the details are the difference. Dove men body wash, with plantbased moisturizers in harmony with our bodies, for healthier feeling skin. All these details add up to something greater. New dove man Plant Powered body wash. Popeyes new chicken wings make no sense marinated in louisiana spices, hand battered and flipped and then we have the audacity to call all five flavors fast food . someone should really Say Something or ahem. Order something. love that chicken from popeyes sorry, party is cancelled. Waiting on the cable internet guy. First, i had cable. But those cords werent me. So he switched to tmobile. Home internet, with 5g. What a feeling i have wifi now i need Home Internet from tmobile to fulfil my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife get Home Internet from tmobile now. Just 50 bucks a month. Welcome to the credit karmaverse. Here we monitor your finances and alert you to changes big and small, so you can enjoy less stress and more piece of mind. Simply scan your screen to experience intuit credit karma for yourself. [cheers and applause] desi welcome back to the daily show. Our guest tonight is a Tony Awardwinning actor and singer who stars in the Comedy Series girls5eva now on netflix. Where to next . Did you follow up on those leads i sent . Ive been busy. With what . Time on the clock, bert has one wing, house has no chimney, double green in the rainbow come on i need you to be the dawn. I was just looking up at last nights bang on insta. Did she steal your medication . She just had an early meeting and i was just seeing if that hoebag made it on time. The only toes you be focusing on our us desi please welcome Renee Elise Goldsberry [cheers and applause] michael all right, you are a Tony Awardwinning broa broady star of the musical, lion king, the color purple. Hamilton michael i suck at this job i love that you missed it. Desi he missed it. Girls5eva season 3 dropping now, today. It drops today on netflix. [cheers and applause] desi this show is honestly one of my favorite comedy shows of all time. Tell people if they didnt catch it when it first came out what is it about . Wouldnt you like to know . Girls5eva is about a onehit wonder group from the 90s who discovers in present day that their onehit has been sampled by a rap star, so they decide they are back. In the first season they decide theyre going to stay together, in the Second Season they make an album called returnity, and in the third season they go on tour. That is what is hot and new. Desi your character is so incredibly confident and really demands the attention of everyone in the room, almost to the point where she is almost deranged. You have a way of making her so relatable and endearing and you root for her, how do you do that . Its funny, i think our experience is about our perspective in a moment to. Right now i am a woman of a certain age who would love to have a pop album, would love to try to make it but im always looking at myself like thats a ridiculous thing to ask at this stage, to be a bubblegum pop star at 50 years old, that seems ridiculous to ask and i love the fact im on the show where someone is trying, i love the fact that its crazy that people give themselves a license to dream, its more than funny in this way. Michael one of my favorite parts of these characters is they make fun of themselves and they still dream. My question for you is, is that you in real life as well and how do we keep aspiring . That is the beauty, you surround yourself with people who dont laugh at you. Desi you talk about wanting to be a pop star and that seeming ridiculous but you have your own album coming out. I do, its coming out in 2024. [cheers and applause] its yeah i have been writing music for a long time. I have been a lyricist for a long time and ive had the great privilege of being able to sing a lot of other peoples lyrics like lynn w to linmanuel mirana and Jonathan Larson and i was in hamilton did you know . Im excited about the audience that we have on our own at this stage of our lives. I have more followers than girls5eva, so why not try . Most importantly i do believe that its never too late to try something new and there are women of every age that are killing it right now. We should be celebrating those women because they are inspiring us that its never too late to have a country album, beyonce its never too late to reinvent yourself. [applause] desi you are an inspiration, youre so funny, congratulations on season 3, congratulations on the new album, thank you for being here. Michael check out all three seasons of girls5eva on netflix. Renee Elise Goldsberry were gonna take a quick break, but well be right back after this. Thank you [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] chipotles chicken al pastor is back. And its fire on every level. Fresh chicken hot off the grill, mixed with morita peppers, a splash of pineapple and fresh lime. Its where fire meets flavor. Chipotles chicken al pastor, the wait is over. Squeeze up, down, squeeze up. Technology helps you stay fit. [phone rings] sorry, i got to take this call. What about our quads . But to keep your hybrid workforce in shape, you need more than technology. You need intel and cdw. We can custom configure pcs on the intel vpro platform. I can custom configure your abs. Hardware based security and remote manageability let you monitor and protect devices. 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Because now, my monthly insurance payments, my streaming payments, my rent payments, even my phone payments, can raise my credit scores, instantly free more ways to build credit. Download the experian app. Tonight. Michael now here it is your moment of zen. Its National Pi Day as an pi the number. 14th day of the third month. Not pie as an apple pie but pi is the constant 3. 14. There is pie everywhere. So many kinds of pies. So many kinds of pies. Shaken up by randy goin down to Tegridy Farms, gonna have myself a time Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation goin down to Tegridy Farms, gonna leave my woes behind theres ample parking day or night people spouting, howdy, neighbor im headin on down to Tegridy Farms gonna see if i cant unwind towelie i got some weed, and. I dont know whats going on. Randy so come on down to Tegridy Farms and meet some friends of mine