Oh god, im gonna have diarrhea again. Urhggh. You cant go to the bathroom, your stacking sundor armor. Its okay. Mom, bathroom what, hon . Bathroom bathroom ohh, thats a big boy, isnt he . All right, kenny, drink your elixir of the mongoose, i am now going to use mocking blow. World of warcraft, i need to play our demo is set up right over by the agh got to. Sign in. Character name. All right, im in dude, im almost dead. Kyle, cast arcane missiles im out of mana, i told you ive got to heal stan dad, not now stan, ive been sent here to bring you this. This sword can completely drain his mana dad, how did you get that . No time, just take it here how how do you hand something from one player to another . Bring up your inventory screen, controli okay. Stan, what the hell are you doing . I got it aaghgh dad stannn. Dad, no you killed my father. Aagh ughh his shield and armor spells are down attack looks like youre about to get pwned. Rarhghgh dad, dad . Stann. Ive never been able to say this before but. I love you, son. I know you do, dad. Arghgh, arhghggh. Arghgh. Arhghgh. They did it our world is saved they did it, they killed him they did it they killed him we can come out all right yes all right yeah all right. Woo hoo. Yeah. We did it, you guys, were totally heroes. That was such uberpwnage. I cant believe its all over. What do we do now . What do you mean . Now we can finally play the game. Oh, yeah. Okay, kenny, add eyes of the beast to your hotbar. Stan, check your fury talents to boost your shouts. Got it. Captioning made possible by Comedy Central captioned by soundwriters™ world news headquarters in new york, the daily show with trevor noah presents votegasm2020, worst holiday special ever cheers and applause 7 trevor oh, yeah welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out thank you all for coming out take a seat take aco seat lets do this im trevor noah the democratic president ial debate ended just moments ago and we are coming to you live, people live cheers and applause thats right 100 live, and ill prove it. I made this guacamole when the debate started and, look, now its totally brown. laughter now, between the debate and the impeachment of the president , it has been a;or wild couple of das in american politics, and were going to cover both tonight, but lets start with the final debate of 2019, which was hosted by pbs and politico and taped in front of a moving background that looked like a boring part of the matrix. laughter tonights debate was the smallest with only seven candidates on stage and tls whitest, no juliaaan castro, no kamala harris, no cory booker. Basically democratic debates are like horror movies, start out with a diverse cast of characters and then all the black people are quietly and quickly killed off. laughter that was a topic of tonights debase, why is the democraticth field not more representative of its base. President obama said this week when asked who should be running countries, if women were in charge you would see a significant improvement on just about everything. He also said if you look at the world and the problems, its usually old people, usually old men not getting out of the way. Senator sanders, you are the oldest candidate on stage this evening. And im white as well. Whoa laughter trevor did bernie just yell, and im white you cant say that, bernie, thats Trumps Campaign slowing been. What are you doing . That came off weird being asked about being old and then say im white as well. Its like your wife is shitting on you for cheating and you cut in, and it was with your sister i love how obama made an off the cuff comment at an event and its become a real thing after the debates. He says he thinks women would make better leaders and should be president and the candidates have to deal with tall shit he threw in. Obama should be messing with the campaign, tomorrow, the best president would be somebody without a nose. Aaahhh laughter the stage wasnt completely white thanks to andrew yang being there. Basically a bunch of white people and an asian guy like an adult reboot of the goonies. Andrew yang had an insightful take on why there werent more people of color on the stage. The average net worth of a black household is 10 of a white house holiday, for latinos, 12 . co the question is why have am i the lone candidate of color, fewer than 5 of americans donate to political campaigns. Do you know what you need to donate to political campaigns . Disposable income. applause Trevor Andrew yang makes a really great point. Think about it, to make it on tonights debate stage candidates were required to have 200,000 donors, but if a candidate has supporters who cant afard donations, the candidate cant make it to the stage, because money talks in america, so if you dont have money, you cant talk. Think about it, the whole issue around political donation in america is backwards. Give me your money and ill make your life better. Yo, man, if i had money, i wouldnt need you to make my life better. laughter one of the big advantages trump has is the economy is doing extremely well. For tonights candidates, the challenge was explaining to voters why all that glitters is not gold. This economy is not working for most of us, for the middle class, and i know youre only ever supposed to say middle class and not poor in politics, but weve got to talk about poverty in this country. Americas middle class is being hollowed out and working families and poor people are being left behind. Trump goes around saying the economy is doing great. You know what . Real inflation accounted for wages went up last year 1. 1 that aint great trevor damn, bernie really hates 1 . It doesnt matter what the 1 is, he just hates 1 . u increases, top earners, milk, doesnt matter. Get out of there with the no fat. I need milk straight out of the cow. He makes a good point. The economy can be doing well but that doesnt mean every day the americans will be seeing the benefits. Truth is the big beef wasnt between the democrats and trump. It was between democrats and Pete Buttigieg. South bend mayor and jung she wouldnt. You can tell hes the one to beat because everyone was gunning for him. When we were in the last debate, mayor, you basically mocked the 100 Years Experience on the stage. I think this experience works and i have not denigrated your experience as a local official. You actually did den grate my experience, senator, and i was going to let it go because we have bigger fish to fry here but i dont think we have bigger fish to fry than picking the president of the United States. cheers and applause we should have someone heading up the ticket thats actually won. Do you want to talk about the capacity to win . Try putting together a coalition to bring you back to office with 80 of the vote as a gay dude in mike pencesnr indiana. cheers and applause trevor whoa, that was a mic drop, huh . A gay dude . Indiana. I feel like wherever mike pence is now his spider sense lit up. Theres a gay man in indiana . I must go. M 8rale laughter now, klobuchar going after buttigieg was the undercut fight because the main event was between buttigieg and Elizabeth Warren on the topic of can pain donationings. Ive said to anyone who wants to donate, if you want to thats fine, but dont be expecting to be named ambassador. The mayor just recently had a fundraiser held in a wine cave full of crystals and served 900 a bottle wine. Think about who comes to that. Billionaires and wine caves should not pick the next president of the United States. Mr. Mayor trevor Elizabeth Warren has a great point. Buttigieg shouldnt be holding hundred dollars raisers in wind caves. Hes not even old enough to drink. laughter also, what the hell is a wine cave . I dont want a president picked that way. I want a president picked by someone in a tequila cave. More fun. A wine cave is where batman goes to relax. It was a long day, alfred, open a bottle of roseee. Warren hit on the wealthy but buttigieg threw punches of his own. Senator, your president ial campaign right now as we speak is funded in part by money you transferred, having raised it at those exact same big ticket fundraisers you now denounce. This is the problem with issuing purity tests you cannot yourself pass. audience reacts if i pledge never to be in the company of a Progressive Democratic donor, i couldnt be up here. Seni7r, your net worth is 100 times mine. Now, supposing you went home feeling the holiday spirit and decided to go on to pete for america. Com and give the maximum allowable by law, 2,800, would that pollute my campaign because it came from a wealthy person . Trevor whoo Pete Buttigieg just called Elizabeth Warren a wealthy person. laughter you realize for progressive white people thats like being called the nword. Theyre, like, how dare you call me wealthy, im living comfortably, okay . Nhp3 laughter and you can see Elizabeth Warren wasnt liking that because she did the thing white women do, face forward like im not hearing anything. laughter also, it was pretty slick that pete basically suggested warren should donate to his campaign. He was like go to pete. Com because if he got every democratic candidate to give him 100 bucks, thats, like, 4 billion. Thats genius. Klobuchar attacked pete, warren attacked pete and bernie edecided to jump in on the white on white crime. Now, theres a real competition going on up here, my good friend gorks and he is a good friend, hes received contributions from 44 billionaires. Pete, on the other hand, is trailing, pete, you only got 39 bill flairs contributing. So, pete, we look forward to you, i know youre an energetic guy and a competitive guy, to see if you could take on joe on that issue. But what is not laughter trevor oh, man y first of all, biden is, like, wait, what happened . Wait, who . Did i get the money . laughter and i dont know what it is, but fight,ism liketn im watching bk to the future, you know . Its just like, doc, doc we got to get big money we got to get money from big donors, doc hes, like, shut up and get back to the delorean the flux capacitor is at 1 , and you know how i feel about 1 co laughter those are the big moments of toopts debate. Although there was one other moment that was too powerful to ignore. First of all, weve not had enough women in our government. When i was on trevor noahs show once, i explained how in the history of the senate there was Something Like 2,000 menfa and only 50 women in the whole history, and he said if a nightclub had nubs that bad, theyd shut it down. laughter however cheers and applause trevor no, please, no okay, a little bit more, a lilt bit more. cheers and applause no, please, no im im not going to lie, that was qddw brilliant point by that trevor noah guy. Made a lot of sense. And technically, technically, if my line gets a response at the president ial debate, doesnt that mean that now im also in the race . cheers and applause no, im joking im joking i cant run, guys, i was born in kenya. ;;]19uq so, that was the final debate of the year. And, honestly, it was really exciting. There were policies,rc discus, enough of a banter to make it something to watch, and it had to be exciting because this has been an exciting week. Think about it, just yesterday, the 45th president of the United States got impeached. cheers and applause yeah well, you guys might be cheering, but when democrats in the house try cheer last night, nancy pelosi shut it down real fast House Speaker nancy pelosi maintaining control of her caucus with a glance and a gesture alone at one point yesterday. On this vote, the yays are 230, the nays are 197. Present is 1. Article 1 is adopted. beginning applause trevor damn nancy didnt want to hear gloating last night. She killed that celebration. That kind of look would send a champagne cork back into the bottle. Thats how intense it was. It was like pop, wop and a while the democrats were peaching, the peached was holding a rally in michigan and he wants everyone to know hes totally okay with being impeached. It doesnt really feel like were being impeached. Thats why with richard nixon, i see it as a very dark era, very dark, oh, you dont even like to think. I dont know about you, but im having a good time. Its crazy. Trevor oh, poor trump, man, he just became the first president in history to get impeached and you see whats happening, shes trying to convince everyone it doesnt bother him. It doesnt even feel like we got impeached. No, you got impeached. There is no we. laughter this reminds me of when you were a kid and you wiped out on your bike in front of all your friends but you got up and had to play itnr cool. Hey, man, you okay . Yeah, that wasnt nothing. I did it on purpose because i thought it would be funny. Dude, i can see the white stuffn under your skin. Yeah, im going home. laughter trump wants to think impeachment is no big deal but he also wants you to think its a travesty. Im the first person to ever get impeached and theres no crime. I feel guilty. Its impeachment light. They have cheapened the impeachment process, and now anybody that becomes president , i mean, they could have a phone call and they get impeached trevor okay, first of all, impeachment light . Theres no impeachment light. Impeachment is like herpes, you either have it or dont. Dont worry, baby, this is just a little herpes here. ni i like how he says any president could now get impeached on a phone call. Its not the fact he just made a call. Trumps either being disingenuous or peeh took the completely wrong lesson from this thing. Like o. J. Saying, all right, i learned my lesson, i wont wear gloves anymore. laughter although part of me thinks trump is setting up an excuse for not calling eric on his birthday. Im sorry, eric, i cant call you, i cant risk another impeachment. But you said it was impeachment light. Still too risky, boy, too risky. laughter , so look, man, donald trump can try to act like he doesnt care about impeachment, but you cannot deny that this is a bad way for him to end the year. So here at the daily show, we thought, with this being our final show of 2019, we would do the president a solid and focus on one of his major achievements of this year, inventing an incredible array of new words. I know words, i had the best words. He was awarded the bronze star and the combat infant riman. Liver trancepants and to delegit this was pivotal. If you look at the heroin epidemic. Fully authorized the 9 11 victims. We must seek bipartis solutions. In all 50 states to waive up a applicable state taxes. Americans of all lice rose up. Weudjust set another stock rocket, you saw that. Vensvenezuelans. I hope they take a look at the oranges of the investigation, the beginnings. Weve put a big investment in our country. We appreciate it very much tim apple. More than 2,000 years ago, a Brilliant Star shown in the east wisemen traveled far far afield. And there was you know what to improve this doesnt i have the best words, but theres no better word than stupid. Trevor i cant wait to see what he comes up with next year. Well be right back. cheers and applause manolo its so cold, come in whats wrong . Its dry. Your scalp . Mine gets dry in the winter too. Try head shoulders dry scalp care. It nourishes the scalp and keeps you up to 100 flakefree. Head shoulders dry scalp care you have a brother in [the second battalion . Yes sir. Theyre walking into a trap. Your orders are to deliver a message calling off tomorrows attack. If you fail we will lose sixteen hundred men. Your brother among them. We need to keep moving. Come on theres only one way this war ends. Last man standing. La vita ruffino. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. The 2020 election has 538 electoral votes up for grabs, and it seems like just as many candidates trying to get them. But with all this choice, some voters are having a hard time narrowing it down. The problem right now is there were just too many candidates and the field is so wide. So i know some folks who are really not committing to anybody right now because they feel like there are so many candidates. Are you waiting for one to Say Something where youre, like, thats it . Yeah, i guess i am. Ou have it narrowed down to a couple you like or are you just wide open . I dont know. Trevor oh, theyre so coy, i dont know laughter but this is a really good question, how do you decide which candidate has your vote, go by policy, charisma, who has the best abs . If only there was a service that could match you to your ideal candidate without you having to do all the work. Luckily we at the daily show found one. Ive always been curious about what candidate to vote for. How am i toads spodes to decide . With my brain . Gross its so wet. And reading policies to help me choose . What do i look like, someone who cares about the future of the country . I wish there was a test to tell me who to pick. Now there is. bleep yeah introducing 538 and me, the only dna test that matchous to a candidate on the politico genetic level. Your 538 and me kit comes with everything you need. First, spit into your vial. snorting clearing throat then use the rectal swables as as directed. What . Just do it. Then seal your kit and send it to our labs. You should get your own mailbox. Well analyze your sample to find out the candidateshed vote for based on your dna. Im pro an anxiety when i see immigrants. I carry the gene for uncombable hair. What a fun way to think about who i might vote for. Theres no thinking with 538 and me. Upon completion of your test you are legally bound to vote for whatever candidate your genes dictate. I dont know if im comfortable with that. Too late. Using your dna, weve created a clone of you. So you can sit back and relax on election day while your double goes to your registered polling location. I think its my civic duty to cast my own vote. Dont worry about it. Thats what im here for. No, i think id rather. I said, thats whatni im here for. The terms and conditions you agreed to were very clear. Youre not going anywhere. Any attempt to deny the results of your dna test will result in severe consequences. 538 and me, let your spit do the voting. cheers and applause trevor desi and jaboukie, everyone. Well be right back cheers and applause fast paced hip hop song playing througout have you ever worked with dr. Francis . Oh yeah, hes ok. Just ok . Guess who just got reinstated well, not officially. Nervous . Yeah. Yeah me too. Dont worry about it, well figure it out. Ill see ya in there just ok is not ok. At t has americas best network, now with our best plans, at our best prices, starting at 35 a line for 4 lines. New from at t. Oh what fun it is to ride in a onehorse open sleigh, buble sparkling water. Its buble were about to begin. Yeah im a magic cat. I love it. And now for the icing on the cake. [ hiss ] cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is an Award Winning journalist with aljazeera english and intercept and the host of the deconstructed podcast. Please welcome mehdi hasan. cheers and applause ifthank you for being on the sh. Lets jump straight into it. The debate ended. What did you make from it, as someone who was watching it apart from us who was watching it. Two things. Number one, Amy Klobuchar really clothes Pete Buttigieg. That came out clearly. She was waiting for this moment. She came prepped with her status. Youlogs by 20 points she came prepared. He lost by 25 points in indiana, actually. The second thing we learned is the democrats need to run a muslim for president because ill tell you what, trevor, you wont find me near a wine cave. I dont even know what a wine cave is. Thats the solution to the wine cave issue. Trevor thats an interesting issue people were arguing about. Do you take money from rich people, big corporations, wealthy donors in that class . That was an interesting argument within the party, with buttigieg saying we need everything we can to beat donald trump, he has a lot of money, hes raised a lot of money from big donors, weve seen this, so if you dont have enough money, you cant compete. Elizabeth warren says, no, the money becomes part of the problem, so where do you think the argument ended on the night . Im team warren and sanders on this. Its very clear if you take money from rich people, they expect stuff in return. Thats the history of politics, american politics in particular, you talked about it earlier on the show, money talks in the country. The great talk with warren and Pete Buttigieg, i cant be on the stage with you, youre richer than me. The problem is he wont say what warren and sanders says, give as much money as you want, we wont give you a job. He hasnt ruled out appointing rich donors to ambassador. Look at Gordon Sondland who testified, hes a hotel dude who gave a Million Dollars to Donald Trumps inauguration, and i think that sort of thing is a problem for the Democratic Party and Pete Buttigieg. applause trevor it was an interesting debate. We heard what the people had to say. You only had seven people on stage as as opposed to tucia0 so you heard from the people. Andrew yang came out swinging. He had his stats, he made a few great points people hadnt brought up before, but it still feels like hes an outlier in the race even though he was amongst them. Do you think this was his night . Not as far as how is the Campaign Going to go. He had a couple of good gags, for once. Joe biden said about Rudy Giuliani his entire vocabulary is a verb and a 9 11. Klobuchar had a good night. I dont think shell be the candidate. But she had a good night. She was strong and prepared. I think tonight we saw the first crack in the Pete Buttigieg electability argument. Until now, were like hes the guy and lectable. She pointed out the emperor has no clothes. Hes a mayor from south bend, indiana. He won eight thousand votes in indiana. I had half that people at my wedding. Thats his qualification is this. Trevor heres an ah argument many others might make. If you look at the democrats history in the races, democratic volters generally like to vote for somebody who doesnt have a long history in politics. Many people would have said barack obama came out of nowhere, many people s. A. T. Bill clinton came out of nowhere, many said kennedy came out of nowhere. Ultimately, kennedy was a senate, obama was a senator, they werent bay may yore of the fourth biggest town in indiana. Amy klobuchar was saying there was a double standard here, would we consider a 37yearold person of color or 37yearold woman, they would be laughed off the stage in a way a 37yearold confident Harvard White guy isnt, i think thats a problem. I think theres a problem in the Democratic Base as a whole which everyone is trying to play pundit, theyre trying to say whos the most lectable person. You cant measure this stuff. A poll showed almost any candidate can beat trump nationally. I say to the person, please vote for the people you think is best. Stop trying to be a dpint. Who predicted trump . Few of us. Try to pick the person who will be the best person to heal the count