But only i can really package tegridy. I got more money now cause of tegridy. Thats cause i figured out how to get tegridy to everyone. And thats now everyone is in this state of tegridy thats impenetrable. Am i making sense . [ thinking ] no the point is, nobodys coming to work for you. So you can take your whole plan and fulfill it somewhere else [ cheering ] [ thinking ] damn you, tegridy ice cold beer, downhome days Country Music and bike parades we got tegridy all around round round thats life livin in our colorado town [ babies crying ] i guess they are offensive. We dont need nothin from big corporations we dont need progress or fancy educations maybe our tegridy keeps us down down down but thats life livin in our colorado town hey, mom. Hi, dad. Sure are, butters now, we gotta learn to live without boxes every day we might wake up tomorrow and wonder why they went away guess you might call us a bunch of white trash Hicks Hicks Hicks but at least we aint suckin no bezosian dicks tegridy weed. Coming soon to a giant online retailer near you. Male announcer from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, the daily show with trevor noah presents. [glamorous music] it was a day of recordsetting domination on the world stage for the us women. The defending champions posting the tournaments largest margin of victory ever, shutting out thailand 13 to nothing. Wow 13 to nothing. [cheers and applause] thats not a soccer score. America basically won by a touchdown, a field goal, and a threepointer combined. Like, they were dominating so hard, this was their goalie during the game. And its crazy cause if you ever watch soccer in the world, youre like, this is madness. Americans are like, this is how soccer should be i do feel a little bad though, all right, because this is the worst thing to ever happen to a thai soccer team, and yes, im including the one that got stuck in the cave. Yeah, cause at least the cave wasnt celebrating in front of them. You got all stuck in me so this was a historic win for the Us Womens Soccer Team, but some people say it mightve been a little too much winning. Critic say the team showed poor sportsmanship by continuing to score than celebrate, some calling team usas behavior embarrassing, overboard, and disrespectful. I get what people are saying, all right . Theyre saying that the us beat those teams so hard, they shouldve been more sensitive, not celebrating every single goal. I mean, at the same time, sometimes, taking pity can be worse than celebrating, you know . Its patronizing. Like, imagine you were in a rap battle, and youre losing, and then the other mcs like, and another thing wait, wait, are you okay . So the big question is, has this tarnished the reputation of us womens soccer . Well, from all in this, were joined by someone whos embarrassed america many times while overseas, desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] desi, people are saying the Us Womens Soccer Team was unsportsmanlike. Do you agree . Oh, no, no. They were not being unsportsmanlike, trevor. They were being american. Our slogan is, america, [bleep] yeah, not [audience whoops] right . Not, america, ohsorrywewon. Were the country that won a war 200 years ago and were still shooting off fireworks to rub it in britains face. So youre saying its not arrogance. Thats just how america rolls. Exactly. Its how we roll on the battlefield. Its how we roll in the soccer field. Its how we roll at our daughters piano recital, which she totally [bleep]ing won, by the way. Desi, i dont think you can win a piano recital. No, you do if all the other parents cars get their tires slashed, and suddenly, orchestra night becomes tiffany night. I love you, sweetie. You made beethoven your bitch. Okay, youre a good mom, i guess, desi. But dont you feel even a little bad for thailands team . What . Thailand . No, this has nothing to do with them. Our women werent playing against thailand. They were playing against the patriarchy. Thats what this game was really about. Well, last time i checked, the patriarchy wasnt made up of 13 thai women. No, no, no, no. No. Im talking about this. 28 players are suing their employer, the Us Soccer Federation alleging institutionalized gender discrimination. According to their lawsuit, the womens team earns just 38 of a male player for the same kind of work. The women scored more goals in one match than the mens team has scored in every world cup appearance since 2006 combined. You see that . The womens soccer team is doing so much more and getting paid so much less than the mens team. Its like finding out that tony stark got paid less than hawkeye. Ones a superhero. The others a dad whos into archery. [laughter] yesterday was about the womens team trying to prove their worth. They werent just playing to win a game. They were playing to win a lawsuit. And yeah, you know what . It sucks that thailand had to get caught in the crossfire, but its like i said to the parents at my kids music school. Its not personal, and ill pay for your tires. Soso youre saying the womens team was just sending a message to us soccer . Yes, and clearly, that message was that they need to be paid more. Oh, and, i dont know, maybe us soccer should pay the men less. Maybe they then be motivated to actually qualify for their world cup. Goal [cheers and applause] whoa, goal goal goal goal yes [shouts] goal [big band music] im desi lydic. And im dulce sloan. And were attorneys at law. Just dont google that. Right now, republicans are trying to legislate what a woman can and cannot do with her body. So if youre a woman, you might feel like your only options are to either leave the country or marry your vibrator. Mines named jorge. But our law firm has a better solution. Incorporate that pussy. Thats right, because corporations are the one thing republicans dont wanna regulate. So well turn your business into a business, and in their eyes, youll go from baby maker to moneymaker. Were regulating your vagina. But its a business now. Well, in that case, heres a tax cut. [bell dings] so call us today and make sure your private sector stays private. Were talking about your vag. And all that other stuff down there. Everything but the butt. No butt stuff. [bright trumpet music] body positivity. Mm, yes. You know, one thing that has been thrust upon you by people, you know, because of your album cover, because of the way you conduct yourself, people have gone like, wow, she is so brave. Shes so confident in her body and the way she looks and it is so beautiful and so brave. But iveive been interested in how you. [stammers] youve really dismissed it and been like, no, im not doing this for your brave label. im just me. What does that mean . Well, you know whats interesting is, before the term body positive was just kind of, like, mainstream thing, i was just making music about my body that was positive. And i think that its so interesting that now body positivity is, like, this buzzing term. Theres no term for body negativity because its the norm. Its what we expect. So at this point, i realized that my mere existence is a form of activism, especially in the body positive community, and i wear that hat really well with or not wear that hat at all. [laughing] according to this photograph. [laughter] [audience whoops] you know . I wear nudity well, and i wear my body and my skin well, so im just gonna continue to be that, but im nobodys celebrity totem. Theresyou cant make an example out of me. Im literally here making music so i can live a more positive, healthier, happier life, and if that changes the world one song at a time, then so be it. Woman go, girl. [cheers and applause] are you kidding me . [trumpet fanfare]. 6, 7, 8 big dreams start with small steps. But dedication can get you there. So just start small. Start saving. Easily set, track and control your goals right from the chase mobile® app. Chase. Make more of whats yours®. Ifone piece of advice,te itd be to find someone committed to taking you down. chant begins cause that rival that wants to take you down, is gonna make you raise your game even higher. Boots up as fast as 6 seconds when youre running late . At whispers its switching time or how about a battery that lasts up to 12 hours . Order up now were cooking. Or how about one with virus protection built in . Which. Would be helpful. Right. About. Now. Yeah, if you want all that, switch to chromebook. Nobody does spicy chicken like wendys. And now, spicy nuggets are back. Bring em back. Bring em back. So all hail the queen of spice. All hail the queen. Thats right. And get a free six piece when you mobile order through the app. Bring em back. Bring em back. Head like a hole. Black as your soul. Id rather die. Than give you control. Bow down before the one you serve. Youre going to get what you deserve. Rated m for mature. Play four days early with Xbox Game Pass ultimate. Well then chill your reeses, dessyoull eat it slower. Ast . I wouldnt know i swallow mine whole like a duck. Not sorry. Reeses. [hiphop music] [glamorous music] being a woman can cost you apparently an average of 1,400 a year thanks to gender price discrimination. If youre a woman, just about everything costs you more than similar products marketed for men. Its called the pink tax. I needed to investigate by testing some products, but i wasnt gonna fall victim to price discrimination by actually paying for them. Two razors one blue, one pink otherwise identical. Does the pink one give a silkier shave . Only one way to find out. [investigative music] what . Im a fulltime working mom. What do you expect . [razor scritches] theyre exactly the same. Could this be an isolated case . I continued my investigation. We need a patriarchy cleanup in aisle 13. Two painkillers one marketed for lady cramps. Question is, which is more effective . [sniffing, exhales] just as i thought same active ingredient. This is bullshit. Why do products cost more for women than men . Well, a classic Marketing Strategy is what they call, shrink it and pink it. Oh, yeah. I had that surgery. Thats not what were talking about. In this case, what were saying is, though the company will take the basic version they made for everyone, then market that towards women. Theyll make it smaller. Theyll make it pink. Yeah. Samesame thing. Basic economics 101. It goes right to their bottom line. Yeah, i mean, thats the whole point of the surgery went to my bottom line. You know. [fwhips] but theres one lawmaker, congresswoman jackie speier, whos been fighting gender discrimination for over 20 years. Get rid of the gender tax. Women, on the average, pay 5 more for a haircut than does a man. They should be paying you to get those haircuts, but thats not the point. The pink tax is a insidious institution in america. And mind you. Women are still making 80¢ for every dollar earned by a man to do the same job. And if youre a woman of color, youre making even less money. I ran the numbers, and overcharged plus underpaid equals the square root of, what the [bleep] . [screams] its so unfair. Its like when someone has blue eyes, everyone falls in love with them, but you get pink eye once, and suddenly, youre kicked out of your neighbors hot tub. Its 3 00 in the morning. What are they gonna use it for . Women arent just getting discriminated against with goods, but with services as well. Haircuts, tailoring, dry cleaning. Research has shown women pay more than men 42 of the time. In fact, a recent study shows it starts from the time you were born until the day you die as displayed in some of these products we have with us today in a game we call. 34. 244. Oh, great. So while your little girls learning how to walk, shell also learn how to navigate the system thats exploiting her. Sorry. [bright musical flourish] these are two childrens snorkels. 8. 84. 16. 22 for the pink . So women literally have to pay more to breathe. Sorry. [bright musical flourish] 28 womens diapers for 15. 98, but the men get 32 diapers for the same amount of money. This is why i stopped pooping. [bright musical flourish winds down] and just like me, this system is full of shit. How can women afford to live in this world . If the mans version is cheaper, then just buy that one. Yeah, sure. If you think about it, its just one extra step in a series of extra steps that women take every day to thrive in a mans world, like how we get up a little extra early every morning to put on an outfit that looks professional yet accessible, but not too accessible because we dont wanna be taken advantage of, or how we walk an extra five blocks to work so that we can avoid the Construction Zone because men like to tell us to smile more. Then when we get to work, we wanna make our voices heard, but in a way thats helpful and strong without being overbearing or shrill. You know, we do all of this without even an ounce of resentment because resentment causes wrinkles, and society does not value aging women. [soft dramatic music] is there a mens wrinkle cream that you can recommend . Yes, there are several. Im sure it costs less. Maybe a little. Theres gotta be a better solution. Im introducing the pink tax repeal act. We have got to get the federal government to protect women from this gross discrimination. Thats right. Speier is ready to give the pink tax some blue balls. But why stop there . I think there has to be an outrage. Women should say, why is this more . This is discrimination. Im gonna call corporate. Got it. Be outraged. Make our voices heard. Take it into our own hands. Until the repeal the pink tax act gets passed, im gonna make up for all the shit weve already paid for with the help of my little pink friend. [grungy rock music] perfect giving women their money back one item at a time. Well call it desis dick tax Strong Enough for a man, but priced just for her. [step ladder clatters] [trumpet fanfare] woman deserve basic civil rights in this country. And they deserve to make these fundamental decisions about their bodies and their families with their doctors. And i dont think this is something that we should back down on, and i hope that women continue to fight because since President Trumps been elected, women have been marching. The 2018 election cycle was about women running for office and winning, getting the womens votes out. So women are on fire, and if this is a fight that President Trump wants with the American People and americas women, its a fight hes gonna have, and its a fight hes gonna lose. [cheers and applause] mom, how far is the moon . Hey google, how far away is the moon . Ghh the moon is 238,900 miles from earth. Far google nest hub hey mom. By google nest. Mom . I switched to geico and saved hundreds. Thats a win. But its not the only reason i switched. Geicos a company i can trust, with over 75 years of great savings and service. Now thats a winwin. Switch to geico. Its a winwin. 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It provides 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, which cuts through tough kitchen messes, pretreats laundry stains, and even tackles grease buildup on car rims. Tackle tough greasy messes around your home, and save money with dawn ultra. Brand power. Helping you better. [hiphop music] [glamorous music] wall street has long been thought of as a boys club, riddled with cokefuelled steak orgies. [bell dinging] and as all movies set in the 1980s have shown, the sexist debauchery had no limits. But according to recent articles, wall street is finally addressing its culture of Sexual Harassment in response to metoo. Could these bros really be going from degenerates to digentlemen . This is really exciting. You covered a story that im thinking about ripping off as my own story about how the culture is really shifting on wall street and how men are actually changing their actions when it comes to metoo. Thats right. They are changing their actions when it comes to metoo, but not in a way that benefits women. Oh, okay. Sorry. Ii didnt really read it. Im busy. And in fact, itsits quite the opposite. Metoo seems to be having a backlash on wall street where men seem to think that they should stop interacting with the women that they work with. What . And we actually spoke with some men who were rethinking about ever even hiring a woman again. And we talked to this one man who said that he doesnt have dinner with women under 35 anymore. Thats the stupidest shit ive ever heard. What are they afraid of . There seems to be an actual paranoia that some women will make up a false accusation against them that could ruin their careers. So men are pretending that women are pretending that men are harassing them . Makes no [bleep] sense. To observe these men in their natural habitat, i had to approach them carefully. I could turn this around and say, you know, i know plenty of women that are very aggressive now, want to be men, want to go to chippendales. They want booty calls, they. There are women bosses out there that abuse their power. Soandso. See how she got the position because this woman right here . No, no, just saying. Ive heard of a woman who grabbed a guys ass or, you know, touched him, and he was married and didnt like it. [stammers] fathom. I wouldnt know why somebody would do that. Right, i dont either, especially when it hasnt really happened. Yeah. Now we know firsthand how hard it is to be a woman on wall street. But no one knows better than sallie krawcheck, a ceo and 30year finance veteran. When you get, particularly, a bunch of young guys together, and you get as i did when i started out xerox copies of male genitalia left on your desk. Oh, my god. Uh, yes. Wait, whats a xerox . And the Research Tells Us that sexism and Sexual Harassment continue to exist. 81 of women say theyve been sexually harassed at work. 81 . Yes. So tell me about the hundreds of thousands of false accusations against good, upstanding, totally nondouchey wall street men. Zero men have lost their jobs on wall street in the metoo movement. So then why are men so concerned about being falsely accused . If 81 of women are saying theyve suffered Sexual Harassment from men, then some number of men are sexually harassing. So a false allegation is about as common as getting struck by lightning during a shark attack, but men are still using it as an excuse to discriminate against women. I feel like were at the point now where were just gonna have to do something thats a little more permanent. No. Oh. My solutionyou just frigging promote more women because women can make wall street stronger. Sell, buy, sell. Youre doing great. Youre fired. When you have greater diversity in senior leadership, you have Better Business results, higher returns, and its good for the economy and the markets and the companies. I think thats it. Mm. Sexual harassment is like Insider Trading and overgelled hair its all over wall street, and it needs to stop. But if things are ever gonna change, men need to quit seeing women as sexual objects and start seeing them. [bombastic hiphop music] as financial assets. [cheers and applause] [trumpet fanfare] years ago, i just decided i was sick and tired of reading terrible parts for women, and if it wasnt good enough for me, and it wasnt good enough for my friends, it wasnt good enough for my daughter to be watching how women were represented in the world. So i just decided to do it myself and. [laughing] started buying books and turning them into tv shows. And i just finished one with jennifer aniston, which was really great, for apple. And then im starting my next one i start next week is with Kerry Washington based on a book called little fires everywhere. You read, like, four, five books a month . I read a lot of books, yeah. And then you just go like, im gonna turn these into movies. Some of them. Not all of them. No, i mean, like, the ones that you really love though. Yeah, the ones i really love, yeah. You just take your passion and you create something from it. Yeah, because i think theres a better spectrum of female the female experience than what were really seeing in film and television and then. Right, right. The greatthe emergence of streaming has made that just an opportunity to broaden the storytelling for women and for every every person that feels like they havent seen themselves represented in film. Its a great time to be a creator. Boom goes the dynamite, club yoko plays ] feels like im taking flight. [sfx poof] [sfx squeaking eraser sound effect. ] i am who i wanna be who i wanna be who i wanna be. 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Hey i live on my own now ive got xfinity, because i like to live life in the fast lane. Unlike my parents. You rambling about xfinity again . Youre so cute when you get excited. Anyways. Ive got their app right here, i can troubleshoot. I can schedule a time for them to call me back, its great you have our number programmed in . Ya i dont even know your phone anymore. Excuse me . what . I dont know your phone number. Aw well. He doesnt know our phone number you have our fax number, obviously. Todays xfinity service. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Ill pass. Summers not the time for making bucket lists. Bookers know summer is for booking it. chime, slam, chime like booking a beachside resort and ordering two more tacos than you need to. Check. Showing the deep end whos boss. Check. Starting a scooter gang with the fam. Check. Awesome. Bookers know summer wont last forever. Youre going to thank me. So be a booker at booking. Com. The worlds 1 choice for booking accommodations. Were jack daniels. The oldest, realest, loudest, quietest, friendliest, lonesomest, proudest, mellowest, least likely to give up on a good tradition, most likely to make it how we make it whiskiest whiskey from lynchburg, tennessee. Whiskiest whiskey [hiphop music] [glamorous music] in other news, as the debate over abortion rights rages on in america, things have gotten a little testy on capitol hill. It is tiring to hear from so many sexstarved males on this floor talk about a womans right to choose. [indistinct chatter] mrs. Speaker, i would just like to ask my friend if shed like to to change her last her last statement. If it pleases my colleague on the other side, i will withdraw my statement about sexstarved males on the floor. God damn. [laughter] all right, that was gangster. That was really gangster. Because those guys are so mad, but they dont know what to do. Mr. Speaker, let the record show that i smash. I smash i actually feel bad for those guys because its a trap, right . You dont know what to do. If you dont get mad, it looks like shes telling the truth about your sex life, but if you get mad, it looks like she hit a sore spot. Like, what do you do . Although it would be funny if this whole thing ended up with republican congressmen testifying about how much sex they have. Im just waiting for Mitch Mcconnell to come out on cspan like, [imitates accent] oh, no, real talk, sir. I bust a nut in the morning, and, uh, and for good measure, i bust a nut at night too. [babbles] [dramatic violin music] 12 years ago, you started the Oprah WinfreyLeadership Academy in south africa, which is honestly one of the most amazing institutions. [cheers and applause] because it goes beyond just a school. Yes. Its an idea. Yeah. Youve gotten girls in a country where thank you for saying that. No, it really is. Its an idea where youve said to these young black girls, who are powerful and empowered to be like, hey, be the best you can be. Yeah. And you are creating leaders. But what you found and you speak about this is that there was a pressure that came with that where they went, i went to oprahs school, which was i have to be everything. Yeah, but you only have to be yourself because theres nobody else in the world whos quite like you. And what your real job is to do is to come to the world and understand that your job is to figure out what it is you have to offer