Thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out. You, yeah welcome to it yeah, lets do it im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is an snl legend and host of a brandnew show coming to Comedy Central, called lights out, david spade is joining us, everybody cheers and applause also on tonights show, Great Britain gets its very own trump. The biggest scandal from the world of chess, and why recycling is a lie. Lets catch up on todays headlines. First up a, if youve ever thought, i like donald trump and his policies and his hair, but i really just wish he could read, well then Great Britain has the leader for you. Breaking news out of london this morning, a new Prime Minister for britain, Boris Johnson will take over from theresa may. Johnson is a divisive figure seen by many as britains donald trump, long, brash, a populist, fond of antiimmigrant rhetoric whos built built a career twisting the truth. I know someones pointed out deliver and defeat is not the perfect acronym for an Election Campaign as it spells dud but they forgot the final e, my friends, e for energize and i say to you, dude, were going to energize the country, were going to get brect done trevor dude dude where is my motor vehicle, dude you know what i love about brect, how ive confident everyone is when they come in to a job . Its already wiped out two Prime Ministers. But the next guy is, come on, brect brect brexit. Cinnamon of politics. Hey, guys, im going to do the brect brexit i would be like, weve seen brexit is not coming around so finish me off with a shotgun. laughter if youre one of those who say its hot, i wish i could cool down with rain, your wish was granted, you son of a bitch. The deadly heat wave has broken, and now we have the rain. The east coast was hit hard by severe thunderstorms. Severe storms creating travel nightmares in the region throughout the night bringing traffic on one major highway to a complete stop in the commute. New york city subway riders inundated by unexpected indoor water fall. One new yorker bravely walking through flood waters up to her thighs. At airports, delayed and canceled flights piled up. Craig melvin surround bid frustrated flyers at new yorks new Jersey International airport. New york city got floods from brooklyn to queens, cars couldnt drive, subways were filling with water and, most tragically, pizza rat drowned. laughter yeah, turns out there was only room for his girlfriend on that slice of pizza. He had to make a choice. laughter and by the way, so were all on the same page, first we had the giant heat wave, now floods, plus earthquakes in california and a plague of measles . I think god is trying to send us a message. I dont quite remember the Old Testament but i think hes working up to something, like hes either going to wipe us out or dropping a new album, i dont know how this works. laughter if youre a first born son, might want to get your affairs in order. laughter by the way, a personal thing for me, i know being stranded in an airport is frustrating but im always shocked when i see people complaining to airport staff that a plane cant take off in a storm. Youve always got those people, oh, i want to take off. Yeah, its a storm but who you mad at . I dont care, i have somewhere to be. Is that somewhere heaven . Shut the ~bleep up stop being assholes there is a storm cheers and applause you see these people all the time, aaahhh i cant believe were not flying no one cant believe were not flying. There should be a special flight for everyone who complains. Everyone who wants to fly, you want to go . Go and fly, see what happens. No, go and fly. Go and fly. Yeah, thats what every airport needs. Basically every airport in america just needs an african father, right, because thats what african parents do, they threaten you with the thing youre complaining about. Were not going to fly . Go on and fly and see what happens then the plane crashes, okay, whos next . Anybody next . laughter finally, if youre a cat, youre probably having a great month of july. Theres a movie coming out about you and if you live in new york, you get to keep your claws. New york city leading the way when it comes to taking care of cats. First in the country to declawing the fee lines. Advocates say it causes pain but lasting psychological damage for cats. Some say the practice is cruel. The common reason pet owners declaw cats is to protect their furniture. Thats right, new york passed a law that says you cant renovember a cats claws. I always that that was a little weird. Its like americans allowing cats to own assault rifles. I dont get it. laughter i always found it strange that people want to have animals but change what makes them that animals. I want a cat but i dont want furniture to get scratched or hair on my carpet. Then get a roomba. I want a bird that doesnt fly. No, no, or people that cut off a dogs tail. Yeah, i like the wagging but it distracts me from the dogs butt. What are you doing . Imagine they said your animal could do things t to you. The cog thinks you talk too much and says, yeah, we should get rid to have the tongue. Thats so much better lets move on to the main story. cheers and applause every day, thousands of shipping containers show up on americas shores, carrying everything from cars to electronics to democratic candidates. Yeah. I dont know who keeps ordering these things, but theres too many. But now, theres a new import flooding the country that you wont be as excited about. A massive shipment of contaminated waste could be headed back to the united states. Malaysia says its sending back 33 tons of Plastic Waste from united states, u. K. And canada. Southwestern countries are send back anything that cant be recycled. And countries like the u. S. , australia and the u. K. Have all been told to expect their garbage to be returned to them. trevor thats right, shipping containers full of Plastic Waste are showing up on americas doorstep, yeah, which doesnt make anybody happy. No ones happy to see trash, except seagulls, they love trash. Seagulls must be easy to buy gifts for. A plastic fork . Thank you you likely like this . No, but i sell it to the little mermaid, she buys everything laughter why are containers full of Plastic Waste showing up in america . Another installment of if you dont know now you know. cheers and applause when you think of recycling, you probably think of a magical process where you throw your plastic in the blue bin and a unicorn takes it away and then nine months later you get a beautiful new baby water bottle. But the truth is, much like making an actual baby, the recycling process is much messier than what you believe. When most of us put out our recycling on trash day, recyclers sort it, bundle it and ship it overseas to be recycled. Much to china. Americas main export to china was trash, recycled metal, cardboard and plastic. For decades, chinas taken huge quantities of our rubbish and recycling it. The u. S. Would use the empty ships to send china recycling. China would use the recycling to make new goods to send to the u. S. And the recycling continued. Trevor china to america, back to china and to america again. Basically its the. Circle of trash plastic into paper paper plastic into paper cheers and applause yeah, believe it or not, america creates so much trash that its had to send it over to china to be recycled, which isnt surprising, like nobodys better at creating unnecessary trash than america. This is the same country where you can buy orange slices in a plastic container. Yeah, as if there wasnt already a container for orange slices called an orange. Its in the container. And for a very long time, the relationship worked. America sent china recycling, china turned it into fake louie have you tovoton bags. A lot of the materials could not be recycled. They were ending up in land fills, the environment or, worse, taking a human toll. Now the country is trying to clean up its image. In january, china stopped taking most of the dirty recycling it called foreign garbage. We means some 7 million tons of plastic needs to be recycled elsewhere. Trevor yep, see, back when china was a poorer country, they were fine with sorting through americas recycling. Now theyre more rich and powerful, theyve decided thats beneath them. Thats understandable. You start making money, you upgrade your life. Like when you get a big promotion, so you start buying the super soft toilet paper instead of napkins you stole from burger king. Weve all done that, come on so with china no longer taking americas plastic, all the recycling has had to find somewhere else to go. For a while, a lot of countries in asia were willing to take it, in fact happy to take it. This used to be mostly paddy fields but rubbish which had been dumped here almost 40 years dominates the landscape. Villagers welcome it. Like many others, this man makes a living from sorting through the waste. This used to be a poor area. A i couldnt afford to go to school. But with this trash i could put my three children through school. My oldest is getting a ph. D. audience reacts trevor thats insane. Crazy. This guy managed to get his kids a degree from tracks which is ironic because that trash probably contained a few actual degrees. laughter and his story wasnt the only one. Many people around asia were making money by sorting through americas recycling, all right, which isnt a great job, but, for many people, it changed their lives. But as we said earlier, america uses a lot of plastic, and after china closed its doors, many of the smaller countries couldnt handle the volume of Plastic Recycling thats come into the country, that turned it from a blessing into a curse, which is always the case with plastic. Lets be honest, whether its Plastic Recycling or surgery, a little bit is okay, but if you do too much, you look like youre watching the end of a movie what . Theyre allergic to water . Is so just like china, all these other countries have decided theyve had enough of western trash. We dont want your recyclable trash, that is the message from cambodia. That country just sent back 83 shipping containers filled with 1600 tons of Plastic Waste back to the u. S. And canada saying cambodia is not a dust bin where Foreign Countries can dispose of waste. Countries like the philippines say its western waste littering their shores, sent to poorer countries instead of being recycled. The president of the philippines even made it very clear to canada that the trash was not welcome, to send it back to canada. Your garbage is on the way. Prepare a grand reception. Eat it if you want to. laughter oh, wow applause wow duterte does not mess around prepare a grand reception for your trash and eat it if you want to . Its a slam, but its such a weirdly formal way to tell someone to shove it up their ass. Like i would love to here duterte deliver a yo momma joke your mother has indulged so much the government recently bestowed on her her own area code, slam philippines, asia, china have come together saying it is time for americas trash to go home. Send it back send it back laughter so now the trash is headed back here to the u. S. And you might be saying, well, fine, trevor, well just have to recycle it ourselves. Well, unfortunately, its not that easy. So what happens now to the plastic we used to ship to china . Not much. A lot of its just piling up here in the states. A lot of plastic comes to recyclers like bulgaria, all mixed together, impossible to separate cost effectively. Cities across the country are reexamining whether their recycling programs are going to waste. Is it better for people to recycle wrong or not at all . It is better for people not to recycle at all. Sounds crazy but you have to put it in context. When it comes to tin cans, you can still recycle it. When it comes to plastic, incorrect recycling is worse than no recycling at all. And even though you might think, no, i recycle correctly, the chances are that youre not. Like we all think were recycling when we put a plastic bottle in the little blue plastic bin. What were actually supposed to be doing is taking the lid off the bottle, then youre supposed to take the little ring off thats under the lid of every single bottle. And the you get take out, you cant just throw it off in the bin, even rinsing it is not enough. You have to wash it, clean it like mike pences browser history. Hes, like, i wont even type google because it sounds like a sex thing. laughter when i say this, you might be thinking, the plastic rings are too much. One other thing we could be doing and that is using less plastic, which is hard because weve gotten used to it. Were going to need to try. Ive thought of a few solutions for all of us. Instead of plastic plates, i was thinking we can just use our ipads. Think about it, its flat, big and as an added bonus when you watch i netflix during bonus you dont have to look up. Oh, look they killed eleven no, its just bole neighs. Its fine. Just have the delivery guy put all your food in his mouth and feeds it to you like a baby bird when he arrives. You will be helping the planet and make a really close friend audience reacts yeah, so the next time, the next time you plan on tossing out a piece of plastic that you used for a total of three seconds, just remember that pretty soon that plastic may be headed back your way. So if you dont know, now you know. Well be right back. cheers and applause did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. With 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, it tackles tough grease on a variety of surfaces. Try dawn ultra. Im not picking it up. You pick it up im not picking it up. Ill pick it up theyre clean cuz my hineys clean. Oh yeah im charmin clean. Charmin ultra strong just cleans better. Enjoy the go with charmin. With all of historys most if yoinfluential people,party the creators. The innovators. The pioneers. Youd notice a common theme. But if you were to choose one mother, or father, to throw such a party. It would have to be. The father of tequila. Cuervo tradicional. Since 1795. The father of tequila. Trevor welcome back to the daily show. Every now and then we like to check in on the world of sports, which means its time for another edition of i apologize for talking while you were talking. cheers and applause oh hut, hut, hut hey, sports fans, im michael motorcycle kosta and hes roy grapefruit, jr. Hows that my name . We are in the most boring part of the sports calendar. Nothing is happening. Still baseball actions. Like i said, nothing exciting is happening. Luckily, that means we have time to cover some of the more obscure sports like snail racing. The worlds fastest snails slugging it out at the World Championship snails race. The snails race to reach the outer circle of the 13inch courts which is just the table with the damp cloth spread out. This winner was a snail named sammy who completed the course in 2 minutes and 38 seconds, a lightningfast time for one of the worlds slowest animals. Wow snail racing, that has got to be the slowest sport in the world. Not as slow as baseball, aaahhh damn it you say one more thing about americas past time, ill send you back to your shithole country. Roy, im from michigan. Exactly. Heres what i wonder about this sport, kosta. Yeah. How do you train a snail to race . Maybe hire a french guy to chase him with a knife and fork. Good idea. french accent im going to seat you and seduce your sister i sound like a nigerian. Wait till you see whats happening under the water, if you think snail is quirky. Underwater hockey is a long time team sport and there are rules to this madness. Its a noncontact sport. Youve got to be busy and get next to things, so you can only pass as far as you can throw it, you get close to people and whoever scores the most goals is a winner. Its like any other sport. Youre surrounded and its almost silent in the way you play it. Damn what kind of sport is that . I feel like white people saw one black guy playing hockey and were, like, we should add water. I think this looks fun but personally i dont mess with swimming pools. I dove into the shallow end years ago and bumped my head. You okay . Yeah, but americanly i dont mess with swimming pools, i dove in the shallow end and bumped my head. Moving on. We dont hear about chess. A lot of people think chess is boring but its more exciting than you think. A chess grand master is accused of cheating in a bath rrm during a tournament in france last week. This is a picture of him on the toilet, suspended after the photos show him sitting there looking at his cell phone during a break at a competition. The director said he long has been suspected of cheating. The 58 stunned the chess world by racking up wingings a wingine when most players decline. Wow, wow, caught cheating in a bathroom stall. Major kudos to whichever bathroom pervert snapped that photo. Thank you. Ive got to start using this, roy. Whats that, officer . Why am i setting up a toilet cam . Because i respect the integrity of chess. You dont even need to leave the room to cheat at chess. Want to cheat, heres what you do. Youre playing chess, youre losing and you go, oh oh, my god theres judy dench checkmate people actually consider chess a sport. Chess is a spork. You need focus, triage, mental endurance. Chess is a board game like monopoly. Is monopoly a sport . Ill whip your ass in monopoly. Ill send your ass to jail. Thats not meant as a racial thing. In monopoly if you dont pay rent, if you guys know how monopoly works were playing monopoly right now. Lets go. I see ten to 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. Were playing monopoly. I dont jump in the pool very often. Trevor roy wood, jr. And michael kosta, everyone. Well be right back cheers and applause when you have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea try new pepto liquicaps for fast relief and ultracoating. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea get powerful relief with new pepto bismol liquicaps. Wireless Network Claims are americas most reliable network. The nations largest and most reliable network. The best network is even better . Best, fastest, best. Enough. Sprints doing things differently. Theyre offering a new 100 total satisfaction guarantee. I mean i think Sprints Network and savings are great, but dont just take my word for it. Try it out and decide for yourself. Switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just 35 a month. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a comedian and host of the new late night show on Comedy Central called lights out with david spade. Please welcome david spade cheers and applause yes trevor welcome to the show its me and you, buddy. Were back together again. Trevor this is back together gwen. I mean, although, last time we were back together, i was watching you on tv as a kid in south africa. Is that right . Trevor my mom is one of your best fans. She loved your show. Hes so grumpy and funny. I was, like, just shoot me. But my mom is this guy is so angry but i like him. Still holds true today, same america, same jokes. Trevor you are selfdeprecating but i feel like whats made your successful as a comedian in acting and standup is your vibe that you seem like you dont care but youre in touch with everything. David spade is connecting. We see you online connecting with younger audiences about what people think. Is this what the new show is about . The new show, this is great, you twice get to come along with the ride if you think about it. You just sit there and carry on. I do like that because, you know, you move on, and its not you know, im not trying to be madonna and change everything. She always reinvents herself. Im basically doing Instagram Stories and stuff because i didnt have it growing up. When you were in between movies and tv shows, you have to wait. Oh, when am i going to be on letterman, i just want to do this one joke. This is sort of interesting because during the day i can film things, put it on there. Now pretty much can be a star and anybody can be a critic. They can get to me quicker which sometimes is tough. Is that going to change how you create your show . One thing that made you famous and beloved in the country and the world is you used to take shots at celebrities all the time but now celebrities can respond to you instantly. Yeah displ. Trevor has that changed your vibe . I dont do that as rough as i used to but we still make fun of hollywood and do those things. Ive had the career with the ups and downs. Its different when youre in the mix. Ive turned into one of these idios. I used to make fun of them but then i got there and said its not so easy. I was talking with my friends, a little more dangerous for younger people because shes, like, 13 and she goes, i like this guy hes so funny. She goes, youre funny, i like funny guys. I said, let me see how hilarious. Hes sending her the memes. I said hes a middle man. These arent jokes. This is a scam. Get rid of him, hes a phony. Like he finds one thats for sure funny and gives it to her and she goes, hes hysterical. We had to come up with this stuff on our own in my day. Trevor are you ready for the nightly show every single day . By the way, the show is a half hour, im already winded because im not used to it. And go, youve got to come in before i go. Before the show startsd . You have to come in and work and write. Nobody mentioned that. laughter its tough. I want to be good. I work hard, try to write, make it interesting, well cross our fingerings, see what happens. Trevor im excited. David spade is a legend. Youre back on tv and with us. cheers and applause lights out with davi lights premieres july 29th at 11 30 p. M. On Comedy Central. David spade. Well be right back cheers and applause pakista and here we have another burst pipe in denmark. If you look close. Jamie, are there any interesting photos from your trip . Ouch, okay. Huh, boring, boring, you dont need to see that. Oh, here we go. Can you believe my client steig had never heard of a home and auto bundle or that renters could bundle . Wait, youre a lawyer . Only licensed in stockholm. What is happening . Jamie anyway, game show, kumite, cinderella story. You know karate . No, alan, i practice muay thai, completely different skillset. Coronas first alcohol spiked refresher. Introducing corona refresca. In passionfruit lime, guava lime and coconut lime. Its the taste of the tropics. [text tone] [text tone] [text tone] nice mmmmmm so nice nice im truly amazed at the effect thathank you, bob ple. I can taste your beer. I want to taste his beer. [ indistinct conversations ] Samuel Adams Sam 76 finally a refreshing lager that you can taste. Trevor thats our show for tonight. Thank you so much for tuning in. Now here it is. Your moment of zen. My realistic chances of becoming Prime Minister are only slightly better than my chances of being decapitated by a frisbee, blinded by a champagne cork, locked in a fridge or reincarnated as an olive. I saw to you all, dude cheers and applause okay, Marina Raskova she starts an allfemale squadron. The Night Witches are like, lets fight em. These ladies are the first women in combat ever nastrovyuh its the civil war. Were gonna hijack a confederate train