We asked our readers to send in their favourite jokes. Thanks to all those who contributed. These are the publishable ones
A polar bear goes to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist peers at him over the desk and says: âWell, the good news is, youâre not bipolar.â â
Anthony Moore
âI didnât see you at camouflage practice early this morning, Corporal Ryan!â âThank you, sir!â â
Thomas Devlin
My mother advised me to put on a fresh pair of socks every day during the winter months. After only four days I couldnât fit into my shoes. â
Sean Begley
A couple are having marital difficulties, and the wife suggests they see a marriage counsellor. At their first session the counsellor asks the couple to explain to each other how they feel about their marriage. The wife says: âWe are at a crossroads. To the left is bitterness, resentment, divorce and a life of unhappiness. To the right is reconciliation, love and lif
Police launch investigation after fire at East Kilbride car wash
Investigations are underway following the fire at the Shiny Hand Car Wash on the Queensway last night.
Updated
Police in East Kilbride are appealing for witnesses
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Lanarkshire cops issue almost 1000 fines for breaches of COVID rules
Police Scotland figures show 969 people were given a fixed penalty notice for breaching COVID-19 rules by Q Division cops, with 81 people being arrested.
Police have handed out over 950 fines across the region
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When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. Sometimes they’ll include recommendations for other related newsletters or services we offer. OurPrivacy Noticeexplains more about how we use your data, and your rights. You can unsubscribe at any time.
Almost 1000 people in Lanarkshire fined for flouting COVID rules
Police Scotland figures show 969 people were given a fixed penalty notice for breaching COVID-19 rules by Q Division cops, with 81 people being arrested.
Police have handed out over 950 fines across the region
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When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. Sometimes they’ll include recommendations for other related newsletters or services we offer. OurPrivacy Noticeexplains more about how we use your data, and your rights. You can unsubscribe at any time.
East Kilbride residents urged not to walk or skate on frozen water
In recent days a number of people have been spotted skating and walking on the ice at Stewartfield Loch and at James Hamilton Heritage Park.
Updated
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When you subscribe we will use the information you provide to send you these newsletters. Sometimes they’ll include recommendations for other related newsletters or services we offer. OurPrivacy Noticeexplains more about how we use your data, and your rights. You can unsubscribe at any time.
Thank you for subscribingWe have more newslettersShow meSee ourprivacy notice Residents in East Kilbride and Strathaven are being urged not to walk or skate on frozen water in the area.