Stylist: Nicola Rose. Make-up: Caroline Barnes at Frank Agency using Max Factor. Hair: Ben Cooke at Frank Agency using Redken. Hair colour: Nicola Clarke. Tan: Amanda Harrington London
Ping. A WhatsApp notification appears on my phone and an involuntary Cheshire Cat grin spreads across my face. It’s a message from the new man. I’m watching some vacuous TV with my teenagers and my daughter spots my smile and asks, her face crumpled with a mix of disdain and intrigue, ‘What is wrong with you?’
I feel more like a teenager than my teenagers. My body and brain react to the words on the screen with a surge of joy. It’s a physiological reaction that feels a bit Pavlov’s dog – only instead of salivating over an approaching bowl of Winalot, I’m psyched by the thought of a dinner date and the potential afters.
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‘Let the dog see the rabbit,’ said my friend J.
She could have been talking about her voracious desire for wine at 7pm, but she was, in fact, referencing her new boyfriend.
This is because she was still in the honeymoon period. Remember that, the honeymoon phase? Or limerence, if you’re looking for a fancy new word for Countdown.
Definition: intense feelings of infatuation, ecstasy and the idealisation of one’s partner. Characterised by wanting to be in close proximity to them all the time. Preferably naked. And if you can’t be, resorting to behaviour such as wearing their blood around your neck in a vial – if you are Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie back when they were married – or your partner’s T-shirt if you are everyone else.
Stylist: Nicola Rose. Make-up: Caroline Barnes at Frank Agency using Max Factor. Hair: Ben Cooke at Frank Agency using Redken. Hair colour: Nicola Clarke. Tan: Amanda Harrington London. Cardigan, Amanda Wakeley. Bikini top, Asceno, Shorts and Eye mask, Eberje
‘Mystery!’ my friend H would shriek in horror whenever I revealed that I had exposed my moustache bleach-wearing/emergency glasses-sporting/comfy pants-parading self in front of my partner.
H’s argument is that such things extinguish desire faster than Katie Price gets through fiancés. A survey would seem to back her up. It found that men’s third biggest turn-off was Bridget Jones underwear – with more than half of them (52 per cent) saying they had been put off by big knickers or underwear that is old. (Numbers one and two were insisting on having the lights off and being motionless during sex.)