July 23, 2021 at 4:20 pm by Emma Demorest
With campus set to reopen this fall, Nexustentialism is priming incoming freshman ââ as well as incoming sophomores (who science tells us are just more freshmen, really) ââ for the luxuries they can look forward to during an on-campus school year. One of these luxuries, as if returning students need to be told, is the Ortega Dining Commons. Known for both its unbeatable ambiance and five-star dishes, Ortega is more than a cafeteria â it is a place of community, of luxury and, in the spring/summer, a sought-after wedding venue. Of all the dishes new students should be on the lookout for when reveling in the Ortega experience, here are Nexustentialismâs all-time faves.
May 10, 2021 at 4:20 pm by Emma Demorest
Emma Demorest/ Daily Nexus
Many tragedies have befallen campus since itâs abandonment a year ago, but none greater than the plight of the Library Chair. Known across UCSB as places to possibly sit, the library chairs currently face near extinction due to the lack of farts they used to sustain on a daily basis pre-pandemic.Â
As is known, a single Davidson chair withstands roughly 50-213 farts per day, thus the sudden quarantine last Spring proved especially difficult, and left many chairs to experience sudden withdrawals. At this time, researchers are unsure of how functional the Davidson chairs will be after many months of disuse and, more significantly, the lack of farts sustained.Â
February 18, 2021 at 4:20 pm by Emma Demorest
ISLA VISTA ââ Though the effects of COVID-19 have rippled throughout the UC Santa Barbara community, a niche demographic of the Isla Vista population has undoubtedly faced the brunt of one of the deadliest aspects of the virus that mass media has neglected to cover. One student spoke to Nexustentialism to serve as a voice for a group that has experienced unprecedented hardship.Â
Local âAss Manâ Barry Ashe has not been able to see a single buttock since Zoom schooling began and is having a hard time coping with the void that nothing seems to fill. âIâm an ass man, always have been always will be.âÂ
Likely one of the only times the Trump children have ever witnessed their father using the L-word so brazenly and yet so tenderly, it is almost certain that at least one of them (probably Eric) burst into tears on the spot.
January 11, 2021 at 4:20 pm by Emma Demorest
Emma Demorest / Daily Nexus
As COVID-19 cases soar, public health workers and Transportation and Parking Services employees alike are putting their lives on the line to both save lives and dish out $50 parking tickets. Nexustentialism spoke to Transportation and Parking Services (TPS) worker Ashe Krac about risking his good health in order to serve the people of UCSB.Â
âI never once thought about giving up,â third-year and all-around bland man Krac said. âI decided the least I could do was to give UCSB a smidge of normalcy during this tumultuous time.âÂ
Over the course of the pandemic, Krac has bravely issued over 100 parking citations around campus and given upwards of 20 violations to skateboarders and TikTokers loitering around Lot 22.Â