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( laughter ) are pandas, in fact, sex- crazed killing machines? announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert! tonight, pardons are for the birds. plus, stephen welcomes: michael douglas. and senator ben sasse. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) thank you very much! how delightful. how delightful. welcome to the late show, everybody. i m your host, stephen colbert. and i ve got cranberry fever, because it s almost thanksgiving. this afternoon, the president got in the mood at the annual turkey pardoning. every year, the american people get a choice between sparing two birds. and this year, the birds were named peas and carrots. the turkeys disguised themselves as vegetables so trump would not be tempted to eat them. ( laughter ) now, to inform the voters of the choices, the white house published bios of each bird. for instance
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