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COM The Colbert Report August 8, 2013

Stephen thats right, folks. French electropop megastars daft punk, the artists behind the hit get lucky on the colbert report, was something that was going to happen when we made this graphic. Unfortunately daft punk is not here. crowd ahing . Stephen so, jimmy, lets change that graphic. Okay. There you go. And ive got to tell you, folks. Its been a bit of a rough day. Heres the story. Its a true story. You see, we booked click and clack over here about a month ago but there was a problem. You see, this network is owned by viacom which is also the owner of mtv, nickelodeon and the popular pupbegone line of eueuthanasia centers although i have to say im not sure of that last one is public knowledge. Apparently and this is a deeply guarded secret so, shhhhhh daft punk are going to make a surprise appearance on the mtv video music awards. Spoiler alert. Dont tell anybody because fun fact, no one told me until 2 00 yesterday. Now the head of mtv, van toffler, is saying mtv had been promise ....

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COM The Colbert Report August 23, 2013

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report. Stephen, stephen, stephen [ cheers and applause ] stephen ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us. I dont blame you for being so happy tonight, folks, this is a huge night. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, okay. As you know every year on the report i hold a summer Concert Series called colbchella. [ cheers and applause ] and year after year, it is always headlined by the hottest names in music. Dr. Pepper. Tmobile wireless and of course pepsi, the official drink of we dont have coke, is pepsi okay . Well, folks, this year the antiestablishment convention destroying rockandroll ethos is brought to you by hyundai. The silent y stands for youth marketing. In fact, theyve even given me a sizable check in exchange for which i promise to deliver them the ....

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KGO Nightline February 2, 2013

Continues as police negotiate with the man holding a 5yearold boy captive in an underground bunker. Weve got the latest. From stable to super bowl. What it takes to become a budweiser clydesdale. And this years super bowl hero, the geeky guy making out with a supermodel for a godaddy. Com. If he looks familiar, its because youve seen his face hundreds of times. Hes hollywoods favorite extra. From new york city, this is nightline with terry moran. Glad youre with us tonight. Tonight, police and fbi teams work to rescue that 5yearold boy whos being held captive in an underground bunker in rural alabama. A tense hostage crisis that is now entering its fourth night. The boy was kidnapped by a gunman during a Deadly School bus attack, and tonight he remains trapped as a massive rescue effort continues on. And a small alabama town praised for his safe return. Heres abcs juju chang. Reporter as this tense hostage drama enters its fourth n ....

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COM The Colbert Report August 24, 2013

So why dont you go to our tosh. 0 boring Wikipedia Page and put in whatever changes you want. Im not gonna to fix it. Well read you some of our favorites. Hey, be sure to tune in next week when we give the Football Player who tackled his own teammate a web redemption. [laughter] it was good form. Hey, and make sure you follow me on twitter so we can live chat during the shows. Check out my tour schedule and make sure you keep up with our daily blog at comedycentral. Com tosh. O. And finally, ill stop being such a [bleep]tease, and give you what i promised. Heres above average girls making animal noises. [animal noises] okay. Sorry. [laughter] i wanted to call that segment hot chicks making animal noises, but i could not do that it in good faith, so we called it above average girls making animal noises, and quite frankly, thats being a bit generous. [laughter] thats integrity ....

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WJLA Nightline February 2, 2013

I just could not figure out how to extricate myself from it. So we go to his apartment. We walk in, its covered with proclamation larry king day, keys to every city in the country. That was sexy. Jimmy you have to be careful because you could have been like his 13th wife. I know, darn. So we sat there and, what can i say, he lunged. [ laughter ] jimmy incredible. I love larry, by the way. I do love him. Jimmy of course, who wouldnt want to have sex with larry . I started laughing because the whole situation was like out of a bad lifetime movie. So i said larry, youre such an interesting, nice man, but i would like to meet someone a little closer to my age. And it was like wahwah. Jimmy someone from the paleolithic era. He said thats okay, because when i like, i really like. Jimmy wow. Jimmy thanks for watching Jimmy Kimmel Live this week. Next week well have bradley cooper, melissa mccarthy, julianne hough, kate mara. Nightline ....

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