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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

Hit show blackish and now she stars in the hit spinoff show grownish, yara shahidi is joining is, everybody. cheers and applause also on tonights episode, ronny chieng shows us the future, the bernie and warren fight is dragging in other candidates and democrats just hand deliver trumps ass to him. [i get up early in the morning by roger miller] so lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off a whole pound of tasty food. But how . With a crazy story out of los its a famous pour of this, angeles where a Delta Airlines and some famous bits of that, flight had to mick an energy and my famous chicken on top all that stuff, landing. But it was the people on the and more gravy. Ground who were most afraid. Kfc famous bowls, a whole pound of Delicious Food we start with ta breaking news from los angeles where for only three bucks dozens of children and adults have received medical treatment after the crew of a chinabound Delta Airlines jet forced to return to lax after losing an engine

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

Conversation. Also on tonights episode, ronny chieng cancels christmas, how to kidnap yourself and congratulations, president trump, you made history. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with a story that took place in new york but had the whole country talking. Yesterday residents of the city were interrupted by an amber alert on their phones saying 16 year old had been kidnapped in the bronx. And although this was a scary story for awhile it turns out there was no actual kidnapping but what did happen was way more insane. What appeared to have been a violent kidnapping is over tonight. A teenage girl here in new york is safe after she was grabbed by two men and sparked an amber alert. But was it all a hoax. Two men jumped out of a car in the bronx, and grabbed the 16 year old as she walked down the sidewalk next to her mother. After a frantic day of searching the girl admitted she staged her own abduction, to run away from her family. She told detectives that her moth

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240713

[ car alarms blaring ] [ america the beautiful playing ] pc principal all right everyone, listen up. I dont know about you, but i, for one, am sick and tired of all the hate speech and microaggressions against our species. We have a new enemy out there an almost invisible foe that is so bigoted, so racially biased, they actually think we should all die. They are trying to attract our youth, using tactics that are underhanded and unfair. But no matter how hard they hit us, we cannot let them take from us our pc. And so, i have been asked to stay on as your principal. A lot of changes will happen in the coming months. The bottom line is that the only thing that distinguishes those who want to kill us from those who dont is that we have the burning desire for social justice. We are at war, but the only way to win this war is to be as understanding, nonbiased, and politically correct as possible. This is gonna be really hard. From comedy centralsworld news headquarters in new york, this is

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20180119

Daily show im trevor noah our guest tonight Ricky Gervais is joining us, everybody cheers and applause going to be a fun conversation. But first, as you know, this past weekend, people in hawaii received an alert that a Ballistic Missile was about to hit the islands and, for 38 minutes, they didnt know that it was a false alarm. Now, that would bring up a lot of emotions in anyone and, now the numbers are in on exactly which emotions. This is an odd story but it seems that people celebrated that false warning of a Nuclear Apocalypse by visiting porn sites online. The web site porn hub saw an escalation of traffic saturday morning after the all clear was sounded. When the alert was announced, traffic dropped 77 below average as residents frantically sought shelter. Once the clear was given, traffic shot up 48 above what the site normally sees. Trevor i know the people in the clip were running because they were scared but this news story made it seem like they were rushing home to watch

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