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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

They give us companionship, they assist the blind, and they dont make fun of us, even though theyve seen how bad we are at sex, we do it the wrong way. Dogs might be coming to the rescue again. Dogs can be trained to detect diseases like cancer and parkinsons in patient because of the change in body odor. Researchers in britain are attempting to do the same thing with coronavirus. If you can smell coronavirus after no one shourd for three days, consider me impressed. That shows you how amazing animals are. Your dog can tell you if you have corona and your cat will be there to eat your body after you die. Good news for students. San Francisco School district is proposing every student should get an a because its one fair to mail fail but to corona, and i think this is a great deal because Online Learning is such a challenge. One, many students dont have broadband alone and, ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

Couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Displefer day, before we turn to the serious stories, we like to look at the stories that put the us in coronavirus, in our ongoing segment, a ray of sunshine. First up, thanks to this pandemic, government officials are highly strung. They have to keep people indoors, they have to keep hospitals running, and they have to take all their bribes over venmo, which is really tough, because you have to write in the memo what the money is for. Well, this week in kentucky, the governor was busy trying to stop unemployment scams, and in the process, he made an unlikely discovery. Unfortunately, its going to take a little bit of time on these, because a couple of bad apples can make this challenge that much more difficult. For instance, we had somebody apply for unemployment for tupac shakur here in kentucky. And that person probably thought they were being funny. I didnt know and its my fault that we have a ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

From trevors couch in new york city, to your couch, somewhere in the world, this is the daily distancing show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor if you reach the noint quarantine when youre arguing about what your last argument is about, you probably need something to cheer you up. The best way is with a little ray of sunshine. From the beginning of time, dogs have been a mans best friend. They give us companionship, they assist the blind, and they dont make fun of us, even though theyve seen how bad we are at sex, we do it the wrong way. Dogs might be coming to the rescue again. Dogs can be trained to detect diseases like cancer and parkinsons in patient because of the change in body odor. Researchers in britain are attempting to do the same thing with coronavirus. If you can smell coronavirus after no one shourd for three days, consider me impressed. That shows you how amazing animals are. Your dog can tell you if you have corona and your cat will be there to eat your body a ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

And that person probably thought they were being funny. I didnt know and its my fault that we have a kentuckian who goes by malik, whos name is tupac shakur. Trevor ooooh, yeah, that was that was a tough bon, really. Think about it. On the one hand, on the one hand, the governor should know that its possible for two people to have the same name. But on the other hand, if the person you share a name with is tupac shakur, at least throw in a middle initial so people dont get confused. Why do you think michael b. Jordan has the b . Its so no one is ever disappointed to see him. Oh, its you. Like, i have to assume that if your name is tupac shakur, this probably happens to you every single day of your life. Putting in your starbucks order, ordering a delivery, and good luck calling 911. tupac hello, 911. Please help me, ive just been shot. 911 okay, sir. Ill send help right away. Whats your name, sir . tupac tupac shakur. 911 very funny, sir. Well put out an a. P. B. , for the notorious b. ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

With you when they could have just sent you a text. I dont understand how we went halfies for the meal but i paid fully for the heartbreak, sheila. Health Officials Say that when restaurants reopen in the age of corona people will need to sit a few feet apart from each other for safety. But the question is, how do we do that . Well, one of the countrys top restaurants has come up with an imaginative way to avoid the awkwardness of having a bunch of empty seats. Some places that we go, social distance canning feel a little awkward like maybe lots of empty spaces in a restaurant, for example. So a north virginia restaurant is filling in the missing people with mannequins. The inn at Little Washington which is a renowned fancy place, i have learned, three michelin stars, will soon open for half capacity, likely at the end of the month. But the empty tables will feature these f ....

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