here it is, your moment of zen. every second they re dating these numbers. look around here. these are the people who are doing it. this is state-of-the-art facility here incaptioning spony comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org (cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, thank you so much. (audience chanting stephen ) captioning sponsored by comedy central chaudz. stephen: oh, you can feel it! you can feel it, you absolutely cant. folks, there s an excitement in the air. tomorrow is super tuesday when ten states hold their presidential primaries and the report will be your complete source for wall-to-wall super tuesday coverage that i taped before the polls close, edit down to a half hour and air at 11:30. (laughter) but we will have the most up-to-the-minute guesstimates and. (laughter) . informative make em ups. (laughter) of course, i ll be joined by the whole the colbert report election team. me. (laughte
(cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, thank you so much. (audience chanting stephen ) captioning sponsored by comedy central chaudz. stephen: oh, you can feel it! you can feel it, you absolutely cant. folks, there s an excitement in the air. tomorrow is super tuesday when ten states hold their presidential primaries and the report will be your complete source for wall-to-wall super tuesday coverage that i taped before the polls close, edit down to a half hour and air at 11:30. (laughter) but we will have the most up-to-the-minute guesstimates and. (laughter) . informative make em ups. (laughter) of course, i ll be joined by the whole the colbert report election team. me. (laughter) not to be outdone by cnn, i will be surrounded by eight laptops. (laughter) folks i don t know about you but i also don t know about me. because it looks like it s going to be mitt romney s night. he has strong leads in massachusetts, vermont, virginia and ida
eventually yield to the inevitability of mitt romney. so, jimmy, let s put down the countdown to loving mitt clock up. how long have i got? oh, god. (laughter) 23:58. i can t breathe. jimmy, take it down! take it down! (laughs) it s just bad luck for the bride to see the man you agreed to marry before you want to. (laughter) folks, i want to take a moment to talk about the most important issue to voters this year, contraception. this affront it is decency comes in many forms condoms, the pill, the die graph, the sponge, the chamois. (laughter) now as a catholic i endorse only the rhythm method which is when you do it while listening to the miami sound machine. watch out, sperm, the rhythm is gonna get ya! (laughter) now, obamacare mandates that all employers have to cover contraceptives. so last week congress held hearings featuring a who s who of who doesn t have ovaries. (laughter) democrats wanted georgetown law student sandra fluke to testify. well, republicans couldn
(cheers and applause) stephen: welcome to the report, everybody, thank you so much. (audience chanting stephen ) captioning sponsored by comedy central chaudz. stephen: oh, you can feel it! you can feel it, you absolutely cant. folks, there s an excitement in the air. tomorrow is super tuesday when ten states hold their presidential primaries and the report will be your complete source for wall-to-wall super tuesday coverage that i taped before the polls close, edit down to a half hour and air at 11:30. (laughter) but we will have the most up-to-the-minute guesstimates and. (laughter) . informative make em ups. (laughter) of course, i ll be joined by the whole the colbert report election team. me. (laughter) not to be outdone by cnn, i will be surrounded by eight laptops. (laughter) folks i don t know about you but i also don t know about me. because it looks like it s going to be mitt romney s night. he has strong leads in massachusetts, vermont, virginia and ida
chaudz. stephen: oh, you can feel it! you can feel it, you absolutely cant. folks, there s an excitement in the air. tomorrow is super tuesday when ten states hold their presidential primaries and the report will be your complete source for wall-to-wall super tuesday coverage that i taped before the polls close, edit down to a half hour and air at 11:30. (laughter) but we will have the most up-to-the-minute guesstimates and. (laughter) . informative make em ups. (laughter) of course, i ll be joined by the whole the colbert report election team. me. (laughter) not to be outdone by cnn, i will be surrounded by eight laptops. (laughter) folks i don t know about you but i also don t know about me. because it looks like it s going to be mitt romney s night. he has strong leads in massachusetts, vermont, virginia and idaho. no surprise, it s the potato state and mitt is nothing if not pale and starchy. (laughter) and, folks, it s not looking good for mitt in georgia, tenness