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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130906

Jon thats our show, join us next week at 11 p. M. Here it is, your moment of zen. No, he has every right to, this is america. Are you going to forgive him . Of c captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org stephen tonight who will be the next mayor of new york . Quinn, de blasio or 200 rats in a man suit . Then good news for gun owners, or any kind of news you want. Youre the one with the gun. And my guest is grammy awardwinning acoustic ledgend john prin, after the colbert bump, maybe hell have enough money to buy an electric guitar. Happy rosh hashanah, which we all know is the jewish holiday of i have no idea. My riders all left early. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause ch ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130906

Jon thats our show, join us next week at 11 p. M. Here it is, your moment of zen. No, he has every right to, this is america. Are you going to forgive him . Of c captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org stephen tonight who will be the next mayor of new york . Quinn, de blasio or 200 rats in a man suit . Then good news for gun owners, or any kind of news you want. Youre the one with the gun. And my guest is grammy awardwinning acoustic ledgend john prin, after the colbert bump, maybe hell have enough money to buy an electric guitar. Happy rosh hashanah, which we all know is the jewish holiday of i have no idea. My riders all left early. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause ch ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130906

Thats what i thought. Until i tuned in to fox newss the five starring eric bolling who always cease the glass as half full. Ariel castro the pedophile piece of you know what who held three girls captive in cleveland for decades was convicted and sentenced to life plus 1,000 years behind barings, last night the cow ward hung himself far short of the the 33 kerr years, he spent 33 years, think of the tax Dollar Dollar taxpayer dollars he saved. Here is the 3457, ariel dos tro, Life Expectancy of 79, 30 grande year, 780,000 taxpayer dollars we saved by him hanging himself. Stephen thats a good point. Thats a good point. Justice is extension expensive. Imagine how much we could have saved if we never caught him. And and folks, the bolling sunshine express did not end at castro and a playful cartoon of the news, no. Bolling had a way to save america even more money. How about gitm ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20130906

He comes back, opens his door, hes got a young asian boy. Hes got all three of them strapped down there, and hes explaining the positions, a, b, and c. And listen, everyone in heres like, a. The next shot, like, you see this blanket over what is [bleep] three people ass to mouth. But youre just, like, so excited. Like, take the blanket off. They start crawling, and all of a sudden, it happens. And then he turns like this and goes, im so sorry. When the doctor goes back downstairs. Human centipedes gone. Hes like, i know i left it down here. First of all, what i would have done in hour one is just [bleep] yanked away. Im out of here. The asian is like, listen, ive had enough of this. Right in front of the doctor just goes rah do you really wanna make it at this point . Right. So the girl in the back is like, uh, ive had enough. She dies. So now its just two dead cops, dead doctor, dead a, dead c. And the camera just pans out and, like, up into the sky. And thats the end of the movie. No ....

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20130907

Sounds like everyones gonna have a great summer. See you next week. Good night. Captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax. Com stephen tonight who will be the next mayor of new york . Quinn, de blasio or 200 rats in a man suit . Then good news for gun owners, or any kind of news you want. Youre the one with the gun. And my guest is grammy awardwinning acoustic ledgend john prin, after the colbert bump, maybe hell have enough money to buy an electric guitar. Happy rosh hashanah, which we all know is the jewish holiday of i have no idea. My riders all left early. This is the colbert report. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central theme song playing cheers and applause cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us ladies and gentlemen, ive got to say stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen stephen, stephen, stephen cheers and applause stephen w ....

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