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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140923

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause eagle caw audience chanting Stephen Stephen welcome to the report, everybody thank you so much cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, its good to have you with us i dont know if all yall have been checking the news lately. I assume you have some information before you come into the building. The fact of the matter is, folks, the 1 2 continues siren alarm nation, this is a colbert alert this is not a drill i have just been handed a piece of paper. Is this paper . Yes, it is. Lets see, this just in it is the first day of fall can we confirm that . And we can. Yes, fall, a time for cherished traditions. Unpacking the sweaters, buying that first Pumpkin Spice latae, remembering were still at war with afghanistan. laughter thats why youve had a string tied around your spinninger for 13 years. And now, this war has reached our shores. The f. B. I. Is searching for three soldiers from afghanistan missing in massachusetts. The soldi

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140924

Can we confirm that . And we can. Yes, fall, a time for cherished traditions. Unpacking the sweaters, buying that first Pumpkin Spice latae, remembering were still at war with afghanistan. laughter thats why youve had a string tied around your spinninger for 13 years. And now, this war has reached our shores. The f. B. I. Is searching for three soldiers from afghanistan missing in massachusetts. The soldiers had been training at a military base on cape cod. Stephen folks, i dont know why were Training Afghan soldiers in cape cod. Are yachting skills that useful in a landlocked country . laughter and they wont get very far down the khyber pass in pink pants with whales on them. laughter but the most alarming news of all is where we lost these guys. They were last seen at a local shopping mall. Concern growing with every hour that these three are missing. Stephen so, shoppers, be on the lookout. Memorize these faces laughter applause stephen the guy on the end. I dont like that guy on th

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140923

Ladies and gentlemen, its good to have you with us i dont know if all yall have been checking the news lately. I assume you have some information before you come into the building. The fact of the matter is, folks, the 1 2 continues siren alarm nation, this is a colbert alert this is not a drill i have just been handed a piece of paper. Is this paper . Yes, it is. Lets see, this just in it is the first day of fall can we confirm that . And we can. Yes, fall, a time for cherished traditions. Unpacking the sweaters, buying that first Pumpkin Spice latae, remembering were still at war with afghanistan. laughter thats why youve had a string tied around your spinninger for 13 years. And now, this war has reached our shores. The f. B. I. Is searching for three soldiers from afghanistan missing in massachusetts. The soldiers had been training at a military base on cape cod. Stephen folks, i dont know why were Training Afghan soldiers in cape cod. Are yachting skills that useful in a landlocke

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140923

Stephen welcome to the report, everybody thank you so much cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, its good to have you with us i dont know if all yall have been checking the news lately. I assume you have some information before you come into the building. The fact of the matter is, folks, the 1 2 continues siren alarm nation, this is a colbert alert this is not a drill i have just been handed a piece of paper. Is this paper . Yes, it is. Lets see, this just in it is the first day of fall can we confirm that . And we can. Yes, fall, a time for cherished traditions. Unpacking the sweaters, buying that first Pumpkin Spice latae, remembering were still at war with afghanistan. laughter thats why youve had a string tied around your spinninger for 13 years. And now, this war has reached our shores. The f. B. I. Is searching for three soldiers from afghanistan missing in massachusetts. The soldiers had been training at a military base on cape cod. Stephen folks, i dont know why were Train

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