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( cheers and applause ) jon: hey, hey! stephen: welcome to the show, everybody. thanks so much for being here. happy to have you. i m your host, stephen colbert. it is friday. today marks 35 years of donald trump in office. ( laughter ) and no, i m sorry, 35 days. it just feels like 35 years. and, of course,trump is in charge of our nuclear missiles, and if that does not scare you, perhaps this will. yesterday, in an interview he said he wants to expand the u.s. nuclear arsenal and make it top of the pack. ( laughter i m not sure if he means top dog or leader of the pack. but either way, he is not the sharpest knife on the christmas tree. ( laughter ) ( cheers and applause ) but ( applause ) but it s a terrifying prospect. after years of carefully decommissioning our nukes, obama won the nobel prize for that. ( applause ) trump wants to ramp up nuclear production. it s like the cold war all over again, but this time, everyone s on russia s side. ( laughter ) and h ....