welcome to the show. i m trevor noah. our guest student an insanely talented musician, a super nice guy, here to chat and play us a song off his new album gary clark, jr. is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on the show tonight, why 2019 was the worst black history month ever. roy wood, jr. with a magical cp time and kim jong un breaks president trump s heart. but first, let s catch up on today s headlines. israel, it s the country that three major religions call the holy land. but today the people of israel are saying holy crap! breaking news out of israel where prime minister netanyahu has been indicted. the israeli attorney general announcing on charges of bribe bring and fraud. netanyahu allidged accepted more than $100,000 worth of cigars and sam shane from a man he gave political and business favors to. trevor: that s right, israel s prime minister has been indicted for corruption. and look, guys, i m all for corruption, but you have to hav
- stop the game! ahhhh! - ohhh. - i got it. i got the ball. - kyle, no! - broflovski goes for the dunk. - no! - my baaaaaaalllllssssss! - aagh. [screams] - so let me get this straight. that woman over there was trying to get to her balls which were in the knees of a black child whose father is a dolphin. - yeah, that s basically it. - sounds like an open and shut case. all right, let s head em out. i m sorry, kyle. i should i have told you the surgery was cosmetic only. - so does this mean i m not really a dolphin? - let s get you two up to the clinic, and i ll change you back for a nominal fee. - but what about mr. garrison? he can t go back. - you know what, i m okay. even though i m not truly a woman, i think i still like the new me. i d rather be a woman who can t have periods than a fag. hey, guys! this girl is staying a woman. who wants to pound my vag? girl power. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com from comedy central s world news headquarters in new york,
60 oh! i had to do a shot. okay, now, in all truth in all fairness. there are a couple of real vodka shots mixed in here. that happened to have been water, which is just great. anyway, we asked you guys for new ways to say 60. please don t let this be vodka. you know it isn t because you saw me stick my finger in it. nobody can trust you. this is how you lose your reputation, one shot at a time. what reputation? here s some of your responses. we asked for new ways to say 60. jaynie says i turned sexty, not sixty. how about four decades short of a century? that is just horrible. that really is bad. one lady tweeted me, how about three score? oh, seven years ago! don warwick jr. spent a lot of time thinking about this, he said you re a sexogenarian. how do you know? he s one of the few i missed. 40 years to go before willard wishes her happy birthday. turning three score. we re celebrating she had scored three times. he spent way too mu
parents, welcoming a beautiful child into the world. we ll share all the details and the first photos today thursday, august 14, 2014. announcer: from nbc news this is today is matt lauer and savannah guthrie live from studio 1a in rockefeller plaza. good morning. welcome to today on a thursday morning. take the scripts and throw them away. we have a baby we don t. but savannah and mike have a beautiful baby girl. it s a girl. it s a girl. her name is vale guthrie feldman, eight pounds, 5 ounces, 19 1/2 inches. look at those cheeks, just the perfect little baby. eight pounds, five ounces. michael sent an e-mail around saying most of those eight pounds and five ounces are in the cheeks. vale is an old english word that means valley by a stream. they named her that because she was so calm and serene. i actually talked to savannah and mike on the phone and the baby was fussing. she was so peaceful. until you called. but they are overjoyed and everybody is
we have a baby. savannah and mike are proud parents, welcoming a beautiful child into the world. we ll share all the details and the first photos today thursday, august 14, 2014. announcer: from nbc news this is today is matt lauer and savannah guthrie live from studio 1a in rockefeller plaza. good morning. welcome to today on a thursday morning. take the scripts and throw them away. we have baby we don t. but savannah and mike have a beautiful baby girl. it s a girl. it s a girl. her name is vale guthrie feldman, eight pounds, 19 ounces, 19 1/2 inches. look at those cheeks, just the perfect little baby. eight pounds, five ounces. michael sent an e-mail around says most of those eight pounds and five ounces are in the cheek. vale is an old english word that means valley by a stream. they named her that because she was so calm and serene. i actually talked to savannah and mike on the phone and the baby was fussing. she was so peaceful. until you called.