he really he was so desperate to end the pain. that s the most important thing is that matthew was in such excruciating emotional and physical pain. he just wanted the pain to stop. matthew was not afraid to die. he was afraid of pain. i remember 10 years ago, when he was 17, he came to me sobbing and he said, daddy, he said, it s really clear, i m not going to get any better. we d gone to the best doctors, hospitals, best treatments, therapists, prayer, everything you could imagine, good support and he says, it s real clear i m not going to get any better so why can t i just die? i know i m going to heaven, so why can t i he was not afraid to die. what did you say to him, rick? in that situation, i said, matthew, the reason why, there is a purpose even in our pain. i am not willing to just give up
his life makes sense to him now. yeah. let s take another very short break. i want to come back and continue this, about how you ve managed to get yourselves and your family back on track after the most awful of blows. matthew wasn t gay. but if he was, we would have loved him unconditionally anyway. it wouldn t have made any difference at all. he was our son. he was our son. if there was a pill to help protect your eye health as you age. would you take it? well, there is. [ male announcer ] it s called ocuvite. a vitamin dedicated to your eyes,
Transcripts for CNN Stroumboulopoulos 20130922 03:56:30 archive.org - get the latest breaking news, showbiz & celebrity photos, sport news & rumours, viral videos and top stories from archive.org Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday newspapers.
they will be raised in strength. every time i quote that verse. you know, matthew s body was broken, a gun broke his body. he will be raised if glory. he was buried in weakness. i say, matthew, you were buried in weakness, but you will be raised in strength. so the struggle has been not in believing that god exists. not that god is evil. because god is good. but i have this other little tiny pot when there is questions i can t answer, like, did matthew think of us before he pulled the trigger? did he was there any moment in which he suffered? why after all those years of prayer and effort did he die? all these things that i have no answers for. and i ve put them in this little pot. it s my mystery pot. so here s my hope box. my mystery pot. so every day almost i fill it with another question that i can t answer. but what i know to be true is that god will answer those questions. they will be answered and my hope is very certain. i know, matthew was not in
and it was a holy moment. but it was excruciating to sit there even though by that point i knew that he was gone, to have an officer come out the door and just nod say the words you never want to hear. i hit the ground. i hit the ground. and it s not supposed to end like this. because we had had close calls. matthew had made attempts on his life before in other ways. and we just kept you know, when matthew was born, even as a young child he struggled with mental illness. we can get into that when you want to talk about it. so we knew that this day might happen some day but it s a day that no parent wants. it s your worst nightmare. and i ll never forget the agony