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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131212

[ laughter ] pretty sure their president is a cow. [ laughter ] the main export is farts. [ laughter ] farts [laughter] that they export in crates which is i think the worst wait to export farts, i would think. You would want something more, more airtight. A crate you pack the farts, you do your job by the time it gets to where its going its [laughter] just a box of air. [ laughter ] so how bad are we doing . Its ranking has dropped in all three subjects now placing 26th in math, 21st in science and 17th in reading. [laughter] jon oh, my god were in twentyfirth place. [ laughter ] why would you leave that there . [cheers and applause] a, they sold the title of my self published colin firth cloning fan pictures. [laughter] and b, that is the best unintentionally illustration of our countrys he had casual plight. But those statistics only portend our dystopic future. Anything on the dystopic present . So far if you can believe it only 55 bills signed into law this year. That makes this t ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131211

Uh, whats your favorite part about working with me . Oh, god. Hmm. Haha. Good at bizness. Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. [cheers and applause] our guest tonight amy adams from the movie American Hustle but what be this devils stick . [laughter] what sort of witchcraft . [laughter] question for the audience tonight. What do you do with that thing . That thing in your hand there . What do you do with that . We begin tonight with american exceptionalism there are many reasons that this nation is great starius stripeiest flag, the most loco tacos and the best oprah on earth. Seriously. [cheers and applause] canadas oprah, she aint bleep . [ laughter ] canadas oprah doesnt even have a show. Shes just some lady who lives in canada and is named oprah and looks identical to o ....

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131211

[laughter] question for the audience tonight. What do you do with that thing . That thing in your hand there . What do you do with that . We begin tonight with american exceptionalism there are many reasons that this nation is great starius stripeiest flag, the most loco tacos and the best oprah on earth. Seriously. [cheers and applause] canadas oprah, she aint bleep . [ laughter ] canadas oprah doesnt even have a show. Shes just some lady who lives in canada and is named oprah and looks identical to our oprah. What a surprise. [ laughter ] recently americas greatness has come into question. U. S. High School Students getting a bad grade from a new report that measures proficiency in reading math and science among 65 countries. The u. S. Was 36th behind the slovak republic. Jon oh i always feel bad for whatever country is just above america on these lists. [laughter] because invariably that country is used as a standard for just ....

New York , United States , Puerto Rico , Slovak Republic , United Kingdom , South Africa , Puerto Rican , Amy Adams , Helen Mirren , Melanie Sloane , Jim Belushi , Neville Chamberlain , Lester Holt , Raul Castro , Julie Christie , Jeremy Renner , Jon Stewart , Alex Blumberg , Warren Beatty , Nelson Mandela , Julie Christy , Bradley Cooper , Colin Firth , Jason Jones , Raul Astro , Adolf Hitler ,

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131211

[laughter] what sort of witchcraft . [laughter] question for the audience tonight. What do you do with that thing . That thing in your hand there . What do you do with that . We begin tonight with american exceptionalism there are many reasons that this nation is great starius stripeiest flag, the most loco tacos and the best oprah on earth. Seriously. [cheers and applause] canadas oprah, she aint bleep . [ laughter ] canadas oprah doesnt even have a show. Shes just some lady who lives in canada and is named oprah and looks identical to our oprah. What a surprise. [ laughter ] recently americas greatness has come into question. U. S. High School Students getting a bad grade from a new report that measures proficiency in reading math and science among 65 countries. The u. S. Was 36th behind the slovak republic. Jon oh i always feel bad for whatever country is just above america on these lists. [laughter] because invariably that co ....

New York , United States , Puerto Rico , Slovak Republic , United Kingdom , South Africa , Puerto Rican , Amy Adams , Helen Mirren , Melanie Sloane , Jim Belushi , Neville Chamberlain , Lester Holt , Raul Castro , Jeremy Renner , Julie Christie , Jon Stewart , Warren Beatty , Nelson Mandela , Julie Christy , Colin Firth , Bradley Cooper , Raul Astro , Jason Jones , Adolf Hitler , Jennifer Lawrence ,

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20131217

Report that measures proficiency in reading math and science among 65 countries. The u. S. Was 36th behind the slovak republic. Jon oh i always feel bad for whatever country is just above america on these lists. [laughter] because invariably that country is used as a standard for just how far we have fallen as a people. 36, beneath the slovak republic. I mean, those bleep people eat their own vomit. [ laughter ] pretty sure their president is a cow. [ laughter ] the main export is farts. [ laughter ] farts [laughter] that they export in crates which is i think the worst wait to export farts, i would think. You would want something more, more airtight. A crate you pack the farts, you do your job by the time it gets to where its going its [laughter] just a box of air. [ laughter ] so how bad are we doing . Its ranking has dropped in all three subjects now placing 26th in math, 21st in science and 17th in reading. [laughter] jon oh, my god were in twentyfirth place. [ laughter ] why would ....

United States , Puerto Rico , Slovak Republic , South Africa , United Kingdom , Puerto Rican , Helen Mirren , Melanie Sloane , Jim Belushi , Neville Chamberlain , Lester Holt , Raul Castro , Jeremy Renner , Julie Christie , Warren Beatty , Nelson Mandela , Colin Firth , Bradley Cooper , Julie Christy , Raul Astro , Jason Jones , Adolf Hitler , Jennifer Lawrence , Fidel Castro , Math Science , Just Box ,