Airpods and hope he doesnt shove us into an oncoming train. [ laughter ] even with all this tension, trump has not lost his sense of humor. For instance, this morning he tweeted, we will win. [ laughter ] which is funny. We have a reality show host who will not accept reality. How pleased with himself is Vladimir Putin right now . That 2 million rubles or whatever he put into interfering in the election in 2016 . What a payoff. Might be the greatest investment of all time. Its like he hit the destroy america lotto. Republicans are handling the president with kid gloves, because those are the only gloves that fit him. [ laughter ] i have to say, im less disgusted with our toddlerinchief throwing his oatmeal than i am at the Republican Congress going along with this. The baby is right that oatmeal should go on the wall, hes within his rights to throw it on the wall. We need to let the process of oatmealflinging play out. [ laughter ] only a handful of prominent republicans have acknowled
And now, like the mcrib, im back. It is weird being back in an office after six months. Were being very careful. They divided the office into zones. We have zone a, zone b and zone c. Im not sure if im hosting a jimmy welcome back. Show or boarding a southwest this is our first show back in the studio after six months. Airlines flight. And we decided to change things everyone is Wearing Masks and those clear plastic face up. We gave the set a retro feel. Shields. Everyone looks like theyre in a we figured maybe it would feel daft punk cover band. Like any year but this one. I do want to mention, and wish a happy birthday tonight, to one of the greatest men of all. We have a small crew here in our studio. Bill murray, turns 70 today, and i need you guys to laugh, even if its not funny. Even though i know without a doubt that he is not watching. Dnchlths i said i need you i want to wish him well because guys. I love him. So happy birthday bill. Tonight, their album is called this must be
They should call this one the end of the world series. Its hard to focus on sports with this election coming up. The elections two weeks from today, which means we are only six months away from knowing who our next president will be. In l. A. County, if you vote in person on election day, you will not be required to wear a mask. Voters who refuse to wear a mask will not be turned away. Instead, theyll be escorted to an outdoor area to fill out their ballots there. Youve heard of the smoking section . This is a karen corral. [ laughter and applause ] i get it, you cant deny you a right to vote. They wouldnt let you vote if you showed up not wearing pants, right . Huh . I dont know, maybe its word a try. Thursday night voters will get one more chance to see the candidates facetoface. Details for the second and final debate in nashville are being released because the last one went so far off the rails, the commission on president ial debates has come up with a way to cut down on all the p
Im very close. And now, like the mcrib, im back. It is weird being back in an office after six months. Were being very careful. They divided the office into zones. We have zone a, zone b and zone c. Im not sure if im hosting a show or boarding a Southwest Airlines flight. Everyone is Wearing Masks and those clear plastic face shields. Everyone looks like theyre in a daft punk cover band. We have a small crew here in our studio. I need you guys to laugh, even if its not funny. Dnchlths i said i need you guys. This must be what kim jong un feels like. Is he still alive . Or did he go when we were gone . Remind me to call and check in on him. We have everything we need to do a show. Except, for my little mustachioed angel. Where is guillermo . Isnt he supposed to be here . All right, thats enough. All right. Anyway, good to see you. I miss you. I really did. How are you doing . Im doing great, jimmy. Guillermo, whos happier that youre back to work, you or your wife . My wife. All right, w
Orders the most pumpkin spoic pm stuff of anyplace. California, oregon. I am sure its a coincidence we have legalized marijuana. I love pumpkin pie, one of my top three favorite pies, but i dont understand all the Pumpkin Spice. Its in everything, like bedbugs. Every year, since starbucks started this, theres a new and hardtobelieve Pumpkin Spice product. And this year, that product is Pumpkin Spice spam, which goes on sale monday for a limited time. Theyre only going to sell it until somebody dies. And then, and the saddest part of it is, im going to try it. Im going to slice into a sweaty block of meat that tastes like a season seasonal glo seasonal gourd, and im going to eat it. Ill start trimming my beard with Pumpkin Spice beard oil, apply Pumpkin Spice balm to my lips. These are real items. We didnt make these up. Theres Pumpkin Spice pseudo pso cue. Pumpkin spice latte. Pumpkin spice for dogs. Why do dogs need lattes anyway . All they do is lay around. We even have a Pumpkin Spi