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Last night I competed in the world arm wrestling final against my nemesis, Phillip ‘the squeeze’ Schofield. In the best-of-three contest (think ‘over the top’ with the actor’s actor, Sly Stallone, and you get the gist), I sweat profusely and visualised screaming ‘Adrian…we did it!’ before being mauled by Bucket the dog. The contest went to the wire as European and South American menfolk threw fistfuls of dollars onto the table, before Schofield, unbeknown to the ref, kicked me square between the legs causing a momentary lack of concentration before claiming the spoils of the victor. I woke up just as Pip was being wheeled around the smoky underground den, with a trophy bigger than his torso, as as I cried into my broken elbow, before coming to and wondering why the heck I was wasting my dreams on such frivolous nonsense. ....