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Classic Celebrity Quote Frankly, I came close to disintegrating. No, it s not too strong a word. I wish it were, but it isn t. A relentless mantra in my head: I want to die. Overnight, I went from being a completely private figure, to a publicly humiliated one. I was patient zero, the first person to have their reputation completely destroyed worldwide via the Internet. During this period, I gradually came to realize that there were two Monica Lewinskys.There was me, and there was public Monica Lewinsky. A somewhat curious character, constructed by political factions and the media. Constructed with a little fact, and a lot of fiction. My friends didn t know that Monica. My family didn t know that Monica. And this Monica, the real Monica standing here today, didn t know her either.