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Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20170916

featuring lunchmoney lewis, and the legendary roots crew. questlove: 738, higgins. steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: look at how great you look. welcome, everybody. welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show! this is it, baby. you re here. you did it. [ cheers and applause ] here s what people are talking about. i saw that amazon is removing all the one-star reviews of hillary clinton s new memoir what happened. [ light laughter ] but to be fair, they re also removing all the 5-star reviews that hillary gave herself. [ laughter and applause ] i i mean, she is very relatable! did you guys see this? it came out that trump called attorney general jeff sessions an idiot, and sessions responded by sending a a resignation letter to the white house. [ light laughter ] but no one saw it, cause the guy who sorts through the resignation letters had also resigned. [ laughter ] so there was no one steve: wh

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170531

ethic. the rest said, i hate my family. [ laughter ] i don t want to spend another minute with them. but it s interesting. because even though we aren t taking all our vacation days, most american workers i think you ll agree are more than making up for it by spending the vast majority of every day checking facebook at work. [ laughter ] it was an eventful memorial day at the white house. this was weird. sunday night, this video made the rounds. you can see mysterious red lights flashing in or on, this is not fake, this is from the second floor window at the white house. it went on for about 20 minutes. and white house stress secretary sean spicer said the red light was the reflection of an ambulance in lafayette park. so the one thing we know for sure is the red light was definitely not the reflection of an ambulance in lafayette park. [ laughter ] there are a lot of theories [ cheers and applause ] maybe it was the alarm that goes off when president trump tries to get int

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Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170531

jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: hi, everyone. i m jimmy, i m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. very nice. we are back to work after a long weekend. it didn t feel like a long weekend. but technically it was. i hope you had a fine memorial day. i hope you took time to remember the men and women who risked and sacrificed their lives so the rest of us can eat yogurt out of a tube. [ laughter ] memorial day s become the unofficial start to summer. summer doesn t technically start until next month. that didn t stop me from wearing a bikini all weekend, i ll tell you that. this is interesting. here s there s a new report that says more than half of american workers didn t use all their vacation days last year. they had them, they just didn t take them. so the people who did the study asked why. some said they did it to impress their boss with their work ethic. the rest said, i hate my family. [ laughter ] i don t want to

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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170627

and now, hold on tight, here s jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: hi, everyone. i m jimmy, i m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. very nice. we are back to work after a long weekend. it didn t feel like a long weekend. but technically it was. i hope you had a fine memorial day. i hope you took time to remember the men and women who risked and sacrificed their lives so the rest of us can eat yogurt out of a tube. [ laughter ] memorial day s become the unofficial start to summer. summer doesn t technically start until next month. that didn t stop me from wearing a bikini all weekend, i ll tell you that. this is interesting. here s there s a new report that says more than half of american workers didn t use all their vacation days last year. they had them, they just didn t take them. so the people who did the study asked why. some said they did it to impress their boss with their work ethic. the re

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Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170627

and now, hold on tight, here s jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: hi, everyone. i m jimmy, i m the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. very nice. we are back to work after a long weekend. it didn t feel like a long weekend. but technically it was. i hope you had a fine memorial day. i hope you took time to remember the men and women who risked and sacrificed their lives so the rest of us can eat yogurt out of a tube. [ laughter ] memorial day s become the unofficial start to summer. summer doesn t technically start until next month. that didn t stop me from wearing a bikini all weekend, i ll tell you that. this is interesting. here s there s a new report that says more than half of american workers didn t use all their vacation days last year. they had them, they just didn t take them. so the people who did the study asked why. some said they did it to impress their boss with their work ethic. the re

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