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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170503

Thats right. Ivanka trumps new book went on sale today. I cant wait to learn to read it, said eric. [ light laughter ] Hillary Clinton today said she is very aware of the shortfalls of her campaign that caused her to lose the election. Specifically short falls, michigan and short falls, wisconsin. [ light laughter ] White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer today left his Daily Press Briefing without taking questions from reporters. Spicer was apparently too busy taking questions from himself. Why do i keep doing this . What . [ light laughter ] whats wrong with me . Why dont i just quit . [ light laughter ] President Trump tweeted yesterday, quote, president Andrew Jackson, who died 16 years before the civil war started, saw it coming and was angry. Would never have let it happen. Oh, man. Now that trump learned when Andrew Jackson died, how often do you think hes gonna squeeze it into conversation . [ light laughter ] i was so sorry to hear about your mother. Its just like when Andrew

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170617

Reality winner leaked information about a reality denier who tried to influence the election to support a reality host who is detached from reality. [ light laughter ] so now the winner is the loser and this loser who helped this loser win is the winner and thats our reality. [ laughter and applause ] pretty simple. Education secretary betsy devos said that while schools receiving federal funds must abide by federal civil rights laws, the department will not enter decrees on things like lgbt discrimination. Coincidentally, lgbt is also how betsy devos thinks you spell discrimination. [ light laughter ] according to reports, four top law firms have turned down requests from the white house to represent President Trump during the russia investigation. Man, how guilty do have you to be when a lawyer wont even take your case . [ laughter and applause ] bill cosby has a lawyer. O. J. Had like five of them. At this rate the president is going to have to rely on the law firm of stumpy and lur

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Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170617

Reality winner leaked information about a reality denier who tried to influence the election to support a reality host who is detached from reality. [ light laughter ] so now the winner is the loser and this loser who helped this loser win is the winner and thats our reality. [ laughter and applause ] pretty simple. Education secretary betsy devos said that while schools receiving federal funds must abide by federal civil rights laws, the department will not enter decrees on things like lgbt discrimination. Coincidentally, lgbt is also how betsy devos thinks you spell discrimination. [ light laughter ] according to reports, four top law firms have turned down requests from the white house to represent President Trump during the russia investigation. Man, how guilty do have you to be when a lawyer wont even take your case . [ laughter and applause ] bill cosby has a lawyer. O. J. Had like five of them. At this rate the president is going to have to rely on the law firm of stumpy and lur

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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170801

Wouldnt even be time to call your doctor yet [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats right. President trump has removed Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications director in just ten days. Now, ten days may not seem like a long time, but consider all the mooch got accomplished. He sold his company away. He gave a vulgar damning interview to the press. His wife filed for divorce. He missed the birth of his son. Thats more than trump has done in his entire presidency. [ cheers and applause ] according to the new york times, trump removed scaramucci at the request of incoming chief of staff john kelly. And when he heard that, Reince Priebus laughed for the first time in 18 months. [ laughter and applause ] after north korea tested a new Intercontinental Ballistic Missile on friday, kim jongun issued a statement saying the whole u. S. Main land is within his reach. Still not within his reach, the top shelf. [ laughter and applause ] new Jersey Governor Chris Christie was caught o

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Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170801

Wouldnt even be time to call your doctor yet [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thats right. President trump has removed Anthony Scaramucci as White House Communications director in just ten days. Now, ten days may not seem like a long time, but consider all the mooch got accomplished. He sold his company away. He gave a vulgar damning interview to the press. His wife filed for divorce. He missed the birth of his son. Thats more than trump has done in his entire presidency. [ cheers and applause ] according to the new york times, trump removed scaramucci at the request of incoming chief of staff john kelly. And when he heard that, Reince Priebus laughed for the first time in 18 months. [ laughter and applause ] after north korea tested a new Intercontinental Ballistic Missile on friday, kim jongun issued a statement saying the whole u. S. Main land is within his reach. Still not within his reach, the top shelf. [ laughter and applause ] new Jersey Governor Chris Christie was caught o

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