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She s the one that does it forever. it s how you set up a whole system of how domestic labor is organized. not just for those first few days or hours or weeks. but on for years. and that s how we get an unequal system of parenting. so this kind of issue of male presence and participation in the parenting and family structure, this isn t just what happens in those first few moments extends beyond that and part of a much bigger gender system. inside the professional sports league, obviously the role of the wife, they re supposed to play, is very gendered and very traditional and is sort of forced upon the woman because the man is essentially penalized in the culture for trying to step outside of it. well, you re absolutely right. it s funny because back when i did co-out thauthor my book wit partner crystal anthony, one of the women found out one of the players of the new york flyers had cheated on her. the team gathered around this one guy who was devastated. ....