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COM The Colbert Report August 3, 2011

jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your mom of zen. [ the colbert report theme music captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by stephen: tonight, president obama makes a deal with republicans. and in exchange, he gets really good at guitar. [laughter] then, a new technology to honor the dead. that burp you hear means the coffin has sealed in the freshness. [laughter] and my guest tony hsieh is the ceo of zappos which means if i don t like him, i can return him for free. [laughter] a new study says colon cleanses can be risky. but i think they just pulled that finding out of their ass. [laughter] this is the colbert report. [ the colbert report theme music playing] captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] thank you. [cheers and applause] woo! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] oh, boy. good to have you with us. [cheers and applause] thank you. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] thank ....

United States , Harry Reid , Mitch Mcconnell , Tony Hsieh , Clem Parnell , Oscar Meyer , John Boehner ,

COM The Colbert Report August 2, 2011

you so much, everybody. i want to give a big shout out out here, out there to all my bronies who may be watching. [laughter] don t ride the white brony. after laugh it s [laughter] nation, it is exactly 11:32 eastern time, if i had not pre-taped this show four hours ago. [laughter] so i don t know whether congress has passed the compromise plan to raise the debt ceiling. or whether we defaulted and you are watching this from a cave, eating squirrels that you are cooking over a pile of u.s. treasury bonds. [laughter] now, i m betting default which is why i spent the weekend bottling my own urine to use as drinking water. remember, you want to run it through the brita three times. [laughter] after that, you are golden, or rather you are not. [laughter] but if the unthinkable happens and congress cooperates, there s a silver lining to solvency because this is the best kind of deal the kind democrats hate. now is this the deal i would have preferred, no? we all may n ....

United States , Harry Reid , Mitch Mcconnell , Tony Hsieh , Clem Parnell , Oscar Meyer , John Boehner ,

COM The Colbert Report August 2, 2011

[ the colbert report theme music captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by stephen: tonight, president obama makes a deal with republicans. and in exchange, he gets really good at guitar. [laughter] then, a new technology to honor the dead. that burp you hear means the coffin has sealed in the freshness. [laughter] and my guest tony hsieh is the ceo of zappos which means if i don t like him, i can return him for free. [laughter] a new study says colon cleanses can be risky. but i think they just pulled that finding out of their ass. [laughter] this is the colbert report. [ the colbert report theme music playing] captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] thank you. [cheers and applause] woo! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] oh, boy. good to have you with us. [cheers and applause] thank you. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] thank you so much, everybody. i want to give a big shout out out here, out there to all my ....

United States , Harry Reid , Mitch Mcconnell , Tony Hsieh , Clem Parnell , Oscar Meyer , John Boehner ,

COM The Colbert Report August 2, 2011

deal the kind democrats hate. now is this the deal i would have preferred, no? we all may not be to be able to supported it or none of us may be able to support it. this is not a balanced approach. this is a satan sandwich. [laughter] stephen: yes, for the democrats this is a satan sandwich, a beelze-b-l-t, a because the deal gives the republicans $2.4 trillion in cuts with no increase in taxes or closing loopholes for corporations and the rich. in return, the democrats get a rise in the debt ceiling that lasts until 2013. you know you ve won a negotiation when the opponent s only demand is not to have to negotiate with you again for a long time. wlaf laugh [laughter] as speaker of the house john boehner said, the republicans got 98% of what they wanted. so obviously republicans are thrilled. from the republican party s point of view we can declare victory. i m not ready to vote for this. this say victory for our leadership. i can t vote for this. thi ....

United States , Harry Reid , Mitch Mcconnell , Tony Hsieh , Clem Parnell , Oscar Meyer , John Boehner ,

COM The Colbert Report August 2, 2011

jon: that s our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. [ the colbert report theme music captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by stephen: tonight, president obama makes a deal with republicans. and in exchange, he gets really good at guitar. [laughter] then, a new technology to honor the dead. that burp you hear means the coffin has sealed in the freshness. [laughter] and my guest tony hsieh is the ceo of zappos which means if i don t like him, i can return him for free. [laughter] a new study says colon cleanses can be risky. but i think they just pulled that finding out of their ass. [laughter] this is the colbert report. [ the colbert report theme music playing] captioning sponsored by comedy central [cheers and applause] thank you. [cheers and applause] woo! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] oh, boy. good to have you with us. [cheers and applause] thank you. [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting stephen] ....

United States , Billy Smith , Samuel Adams , Harry Reid , Tony Hsieh , Clem Parnell , Dave Chappelle , Samuel Jacksons , Oscar Meyer , Samuel Jackson , John Boehner , Mitch Mcconnell , Samuel L Jackson ,