The Bath House
The Russian invasion of London and the Home Counties hasn’t had much impact on daily life in the capital, unless you’re a consigliere-type lawyer, or run a concierge company that panders to oligarch whims. After all, we’ve been drinking vodka here for centuries, and caviar (or as anglicised White Russian aristocrats used to call it, ‘fish jam’) has been a delicacy since the Revolution.
But that could all change with the banya-fication of the capital. A banya is a Russian alternative to a Turkish bath, though where the Turks favour marble and massages, the Russians are keener on raw wood and beatings with birch twigs - it’s all generally hotter and more intense. This was an experience Lord Mandelson once found highly invigorating in the presence of aluminium tycoon Oleg Deripaska and Lord Rothschild’s financier son, Nathaniel. Rothschild described the experience thus: “We were beaten by a 25-year-old banya keeper man, who has spent his life perfectin