thank you very much. welcome to the great american scream machine. (laughter) stephen: folks, there is a lot of news out there and we will get to all of it, i promise you. but first i have to start by issuing a rare apology. it goes out i know, i know. it goes out to the team at abc channel 5 woi des moines news lieder. last week i attacked woi when their general manager ray cole refused to air our colbert report superpac ads. you have [bleep] with the wrong people! colbert superpac is 165,000 strong, baby, here us roar. (cheers and applause) stephen: i happen to foe you haven t won a local emmy in ten years. want to touch mine? (cheers and applause) stephen: now that was a low blow. almost as low as the number of emmies they have. (laughter) stephen: but it turns out that i have met ray cole and he has touched my emmy. (laughter) you see, what happened was (laughter) in 2008 we had just won our first emmy and naturally i went to the bathroom to celebrate. (laughter
join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. they did a poll six weeks ago on all the presidential candidates and favorrities in their own states. there s only one presidential candidate that s viewed favorably in his or her owncapty co captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you so much. welcome to the report. welcome to the report, everybody. it is so (cheers and applause) it is so good to have you with us. folks (cheers and applause) thank you very much. welcome to the great american scream machine. (laughter) stephen: folks, there is a lot of news out there and we will get to all of it, i promise you. but first i have to start by issuing a rare apology. it goes out i know, i know. it goes out to the team at abc channel 5 woi des moines news lieder. last week i attacke
co captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( applause ) (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you so much. welcome to the report. welcome to the report, everybody. it is so (cheers and applause) it is so good to have you with us. folks (cheers and applause) thank you very much. welcome to the great american scream machine. (laughter) stephen: folks, there is a lot of news out there and we will get to all of it, i promise you. but first i have to start by issuing a rare apology. it goes out i know, i know. it goes out to the team at abc channel 5 woi des moines news lieder. last week i attacked woi when their general manager ray cole refused to air our colbert report superpac ads. you have [bleep] with the wrong people! colbert superpac is 165,000 strong, baby, here us roar. (cheers and applause) stephen: i happen to foe you haven t won a local
stephen: i happen to foe you haven t won a local emmy in ten years. want to touch mine? (cheers and applause) stephen: now that was a low blow. almost as low as the number of emmies they have. (laughter) stephen: but it turns out that i have met ray cole and he has touched my emmy. (laughter) you see, what happened was (laughter) in 2008 we had just won our first emmy and naturally i went to the bathroom to celebrate. (laughter) the only other gentlemen in there who i had never met was ray cole. he offered to hold my little trophy while i peed. (laughter) i said i would rather you hold my emmy. and in return true story, true story. (cheers and applause) true story, in return when he peed i held his package (laughter) by which i mean these little parcels he s holding down there. so my apologies. did you touch my emmy and when you have touched my emmy, you ve touched the best of me. so like my children, in that i legally adopt all of them. they re going to get ever
stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) stephen: thank you so much. welcome to the report. welcome to the report, everybody. it is so (cheers and applause) it is so good to have you with us. folks (cheers and applause) thank you very much. welcome to the great american scream machine. (laughter) stephen: folks, there is a lot of news out there and we will get to all of it, i promise you. but first i have to start by issuing a rare apology. it goes out i know, i know. it goes out to the team at abc channel 5 woi des moines news lieder. last week i attacked woi when their general manager ray cole refused to air our colbert report superpac ads. you have [bleep] with the wrong people! colbert superpac is 165,000 strong, baby, here us roar. (cheers and applause) stephen: i happen to foe you haven t won a local emmy in ten years. want to touch mine? (cheers and applause) stephen: now that was a low blow. al