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Faithful. Youll have a butt clean enough to eat off of. So dont worry about the t. P. Shortage, come to ted bidets budget bidets and get the water up your squatter. Squatter. Stephen welcomes john oliver, and musical guest, alex ebert. With jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live onape from a safe distance, its stephen clbert stephen fire hello. Welcome to day two of my special quarantine edition of the late show with stephen colbert. Or as were calling it tonight, the flame show with stephen colburn. As you can see, ive migrated from my bathtub to my fire pit. Well eventually go through all of the elements. For a lot of americans, today is primary day. Despite the virus, americans are going out and voting. This is still a democracy. The only change is this year well be awarding the presidency to the person with the most toilet paper. Primaries were scheduled today in ohio, arizona, illinois, and florida. They should be fine. Are there any old people in florida . Theres nobody over t ....
( cheers and applause ) announcer: it s the late show with stephen colbert! tonight demolition derby! plus stephen welcomes john oliver, and musical guest alex ebert, featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it s stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( theme song playing ) stephen: hey there! hello, my friends, all! welcome! welcome one and all to the late show ! i m your host stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) last night was the oscars. how did you do in your oscar pool, jon? jon: i didn t win my oscar pool. stephen: i think i won mine. we don t have all the votes in yet. i think i won. i tell you how i clinched it. i clinched it, thanks to ford versus ferrari for sound editing. ( cheers and applause ) daddy boom! jon: yeah, see? stephen: daddy knows his dad movies. ( laughter ) it was an historic night. bong joon ho s parasite became the first foreign language film ....