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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140306

nominated for a nobel peace prize. nice try, norway. he s still going to invade. (laughter) this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. great to have you with us. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) there are some nights, folks, back home you may not know this sitting at home but there are some nights when the love is so ripe in this room (laughter) (cheers and applause) stephen: this room is so turgid, that i really should be wearing protection. folks, 2016 election is just around the corner. i cannot wait for president obamacare to pack up his quinoa garden and move back to indo-kenya. don t celebrate too soon, folks, because barreling down on 2016 like a cement truck with its brakes cut is hillary clinton. (cheers and applause) just last week i broke the story that fox

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140306

tonight can we trust our food labels? i m beginning to think my wild razz el berry gusher gum isn t really free rang. and then a cable rebrand, history channel will now be known as the feral dirtman network. and my guest tonight is beau willimon, creator of the netflix hit house of cards you can see the entire interview in 6 minutes and 20 seconds. vladimir putin has been nominated for a nobel peace prize. nice try, norway. he s still going to invade. (laughter) this is the colbert report. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. great to have you with us. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) there are some nights, folks, back home you may not know this sitting at home but there are some nights when the love is so ripe in this room (laughter) (cheers and applause) stephen: this room is so turgi

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140306

captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. great to have you with us. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) there are some nights, folks, back home you may not know this sitting at home but there are some nights when the love is so ripe in this room (laughter) (cheers and applause) stephen: this room is so turgid, that i really should be wearing protection. folks, 2016 election is just around the corner. i cannot wait for president obamacare to pack up his quinoa garden and move back to indo-kenya. don t celebrate too soon, folks, because barreling down on 2016 like a cement truck with its brakes cut is hillary clinton. (cheers and applause) just last week i broke the story that fox news broke the story that hillary suffered from a rare, dibill tating condition doctors call aging. (laughter) unlike republican hopeful bobby

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140307

room (laughter) (cheers and applause) stephen: this room is so turgid, that i really should be wearing protection. folks, 2016 election is just around the corner. i cannot wait for president obamacare to pack up his quinoa garden and move back to indo-kenya. don t celebrate too soon, folks, because barreling down on 2016 like a cement truck with its brakes cut is hillary clinton. (cheers and applause) just last week i broke the story that fox news broke the story that hillary suffered from a rare, dibill tating condition doctors call aging. (laughter) unlike republican hopeful bobby jindal who made a wish on a monkey paw to be 12 forever. (laughter) well now, papa bear bill o reilly has found found yet another reason she should be taken out of the not yet running. there s got to be some downside to having a woman president, right? something. something that may not fit with that office. correct? i m going to say no, bill. men are men, women are women, there s a differ

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Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20140310

captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen stephen! stephen: welcome to the report. great to have you with us. thank you so much. (cheers and applause) there are some nights, folks, back home you may not know this sitting at home but there are some nights when the love is so ripe in this room (laughter) (cheers and applause) stephen: this room is so turgid, that i really should be wearing protection. folks, 2016 election is just around the corner. i cannot wait for president obamacare to pack up his quinoa garden and move back to indo-kenya. don t celebrate too soon, folks, because barreling down on 2016 like a cement truck with its brakes cut is hillary clinton. (cheers and applause) just last week i broke the story that fox news broke the story that hillary suffered from a rare, dibill tating condition doctors call aging. (laughter) unlike republican hopeful bobby

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