ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey! how are you? ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ how are you, everyone? hey! welcome, ladies and gentlemen, one and all, boys and girls of all ages, welcome to the "late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. now, by now-- ( cheers and applause ) thank you. by now, you've probably heard of alabama senatorial candidate, former judge, and human-cracker barrel hybrid, roy moore. ( laughter ) last week, allegations surfaced that, when moore was an assistant district attorney in the 1970s, he had sexual contact with a 14-year-old -- which would be appropriate only if he were a 14-year-old assistant district attorney. ( laughter ) kind of like a douche-y howser. now-- ( laughter ) i'd watch that show. a horror show. ( laughter ) moore, to defend himself, he went on the hannity radio to "strongly" make things worse: >> do you remember dating girls that young at that time? >> not generally, no. ( laughter ) >> jon: ooh... >> stephen: "not generally, no. but specifically, you betcha. ( laughter ) but again, not generally. most of the time i'm 'not' touching teenagers. for example, i'm not touching one right now. oh, i am? thank god this is radio." ( laughter ) then moore clarified-- >> i don't remember ever dating any girl without the permission of her mother. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: wait a minute. ( laughter ) permission from her mother? she's a 14-year-old girl, not a field trip. ( laughter ) you'd think all of this would immediately disqualify him as a candidate. but according to a recent poll, alabama evangelicals are more likely to support roy moore after sexual assault allegations. ( audience reacts ) oh, okay, i see-- so "alabama evangelical" is like "long island iced tea." it isn't what it says it is, and it makes me want to puke. ( laughter ) >> jon: oh! >> stephen: so-- ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) so, things are looking pretty bad for roy moore. but there's still a chance he could weather this storm, as long as nothing else-- aaaand this afternoon, a new roy moore accuser claimed he violently assaulted her when she was 16. and this latest accuser has proof that moore signed her yearbook! "to a sweeter more beautiful girl i could not say merry christmas. christmas 1977. love, roy moore-- roy moore, d.a." ( audience reacts ) that is disturbing. but it could still play well with evangelicals-- 'cause he didn't say, "happy holidays." okay? ( laughter ) that's a deal-breaker. >> jon: whoa! ( cheers and applause ) wow, wow. >> stephen: merry christmas! ( piano riff ) but not everybody wants moore, anymore. which is why "some republicans are floating the idea of delaying the december 12 special election in order to get moore's name off the ballot." wait, you can just do that? you can just move an election where you want? if that's the case, can we move the next presidential up to tonight? ( cheers and applause ) tonight? yeah, we got time. >> jon: you ready? >> stephen: between now and midnight. ( piano riff ) ( cheers a and today, senate majority leader mitch mcconnell made an even stronger statement: >> i think he should step aside. >> do you believe the allegations to be true? >> i believe the women, yes. ( audience reacts ) >> stephen: what is this... strange feeling? ( laughter ) i-- and i'm not sure this is the word-- i... agree with mitch mcconnell? is this a dream? somebody pinch me! just not roy moore. ( cheers and applause ) ( piano riff ) yeah, i'm alive. but not everybody was willing to take a side. when asked about roy moore, trump claimed he wasn't up on the story. "believe it or not, even when i'm in washington and new york, i do not watch much television. ( laughter ) i know they like to say-- people that don't know me, they like to say i watch television. people with fake sources-- you know, fake reporters." "all day long, all day long i see them on tv, saying i watch tv all day long. ( laughter ) fake news! didn't happen. not gonna-- " ( cheers and applause ) and he told reporters what he's doing instead of watching tv. "i don't get to watch much television, primarily because of documents. ( laughter ) i'm reading documents a lot, and different things. i actually read much more than i watch television. and my documents have all of the best letters. we got a, b, l, o, o with the little kickstand, mr. snake, and the rest, of course. ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) ( cheers and applause ) l, m, n, o, p. l, m, n, o, p." of course, trump's still on his whirlwind tour of asia. while in vietnam, he met with vladimir putin in what appears to be a lane bryant. and-- ( laughter ) at the big and tall. ( laughter ) and at the meeting-- >> jon: ha ha! he put on lane! >> stephen: very flattering. and at the meeting, trump got the bottom of russian interference in the 2016 by using his most powerful investigative tool, asking putin if he did it. "he said he didn't meddle. every time he sees me, he says 'i didn't do that.'" ( laughter ) yeah, and we know from past experience you can always trust a guy who repeatedly denies allegations. look at weinstein, cosby, ailes, o'reilly, louis c.k., brett rattner, bill clinton, and future-senator roy moore. trump says-- ( applause ) "all good guys, by the way. kitchen cabinet. my kitchen cabinet." the allegation personally, adding, "i think he is very insulted by it." and i believe it. i mean, no one wants to take the blame for trump being elected. ( laughter ) ( russian accent ) it wasn't me, it wasn't me. nyet, it wasn't me. ( applause ) >> jon: ♪ they caught me red handed. >> stephen: now, as you can imagine, the president siding with russia over his intelligence agencies did not go over very well. so, the next day, trump took the opportunity to de-clarify his position. >> when i said that-- i'm surprised that there's any conflict on this. what i said there is that i believe he believes that, and it's very important for somebody to believe. >> stephen: "yes, very important. i know from long experience that believing is the most important part of lying. ( laughter ) for instance, i didn't collude with russia. and i completely believe that i believe that. believe me." ( laughter ) but there was one guy trump did have harsh words for, north korean leader and rogue campbell's kid, kim jong-un. ( laughter ) trump gave a speech in south korea over the trip calling out kim jong-un and north korean state media responded, "reckless remarks by an old lunatic like trump will never scare us or stop our advance." the president immediately tweeted back "why would kim jong-un insult me by calling me 'old,' when i would never call him 'short and fat?' oh, well, i try so hard to be his friend-- and maybe someday that will happen!" ( audience reacts ) >> jon: oh! >> stephen: okay. ( laughter ) there's a lot to unpack from this "presidential" tweet. first of all, north korea called him an "old lunatic" and his response was "what do you mean, old? ( laughter ) ( piano riff ) i'm young! i'm virile! crazy! virile! crazy! but tough." ( laughter ) secondly, "i would never call him short and fat." way to diffuse the nuclear standoff, donald! trump would be a horrible hostage negotiate. "listen, there is no need to harm the hostages, you fat, bald, fatty. why don't you go kidnap a chili dog, you chubster! you know what? i dare you to kill 'em. i dare you to kill 'em and then eat 'em." ( laughter ) we've got a great show for you tonight, elton john is here! ( cheers and applause ) but when we return, i sit down with former vice president joe biden! stick around, please! little rocket man! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) when you ache and haven't you're not you. tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. we give you a better night. you're a better you all day. tylenol®. resolution #1: binge more. join the un-carrier, and get four unlimited lines for only forty bucks each. plus, netflix for the whole family. on us. so, they get their shows... let's go, girl! you're gonna love this bit! and you get yours. watch however you want. on your phone, tablet, or tv. for just forty bucks per line. with no extra charges. let's rock this joint! all on america's best unlimited network, t-mobile. if you could see your cough, you'd see just how far it can spread. robitussin soothes in seconds and delivers fast, powerful cough relief for hours. (giggling) robitussin dm max. because it's never just a cough. we can'twhy?y here! flat toilet paper! i'll never get clean! way ahead of you. (avo) charmin ultra strong. it cleans better. it's four times stronger and you can use less. enjoy the go with charmin. ♪ ♪ i want ycome on mom!t easy. go slow. ♪ let's go! ♪ mom! slow down! for the ones who keep pushing. always unstoppable. ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) >> stephen: hey, everybody, welcome back to the show! jon batiste and stay human, everybody! right there! give it up for the band! ( cheers and applause ) ladies and gentlemen, president obama has called him a lion of american history. i'm always honored to call him my guest. please welcome vice president joe biden! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: sir, mr. vice president, thank you so much. thank you for being here. >> good to be here. >> stephen: joe biden, everybody. nice to see you again. >> now would be a good time to leave. thank you very much. >> stephen: donald trump is the president of the united states-- spoiler alert-- and the last time you were here was in december after president trump was president-elect and before he had been inaugurated and you said at the time, "we're going to give this guy an even shot, we're going to give him a clear shot to do the job." have we given him enough of a shot at this point? ( laughter ) >> look, there are certain things that, when they occur, you just can't remain silent. and charlottesville, for me, was a moment where i thought silence would be complicity, i mean, for real. so i wrote an article for the in a battle for the soul of the country. and the idea that you would see in america in an historic city nazis carrying flags, spouting the same exact bile about jews that was spouted in germany in the '30s, and then these guys crawling out from under rocks with torches, and to not have an outright flat condemnation of that is, you know, what-- look, david brooks talks about this invisible moral fabric that holds up society, and leaders impact on how that is perceived, and i thought the silence was, was deafening. and then when the comparison was made to those who were protesting, i found it reprehensible. so i couldn't remain silent anymore. it was just such a, it goes to it's not just the president. it's the-- it's all that surrounds this, and bannon and the alt-right i find to be reprehensible. ( applause ) i mean, the inability to condemn hate is -- ( applause ) >> stephen: one of the things that many people said when president trump was elected, that we have to hold on to certain standards and we cannot normalize the behavior that got president trump elected, but, on another level, whoever is the president, is, you know, de facto presidential. >> yes. >> stephen: what do you think has changed about the presidency with him being president? how will this influence the future of presidencies? >> i think it will, god willing, go down as the single exception in american history. ( cheers and applause ) i really mean it. look, i think that a lot of the folks in the audience, my guess is, when the president was elected and the people he gathered around him, the political people he gathered around him came into play, you kind of thought it was, well, maybe it's amusing or a little bit, you know, embarrassing sometimes, but it wasn't-- it didn't go to the heart of who we were. but i lay you eight to five-- and i'm speaking to a large crowd of republican audience in california and i said how many of you are now worried about the stability of the republic? how many of you are now worried about the new phony nationalism, that's us against them? how many of you are worried about this populism that is designed to essentially undermine the essence of the bi o are certain inalienable rights that, nobody, no matter what the majority is, they cannot overrule them. ( applause ) people are worried. i mean, i just think there's an attack on the system and i think people are worried and, by the way, and it goes beyond president trump, in my view. i just think it's a-- look, but for 74,500 votes or thereabouts, we wouldn't be having this conversation, we would have a good president. we would have a president who understands the role of the presidency. she would have been somebody who would, in fact, you know, weaved that fabric. ( cheers and applause ) stephen, the only point i'm making is we're talking about like this was a wave election and somehow-- >> stephen: only he is. ( laughter ) only he's talking like that. saobody said i could win, nobody biggest electoral victory of all time. of all time, joe, of all time. ( laughter ) i'm sorry your lady lost, the biggest of all time. i play golf. i play golf with all kinds of people." ( laughter ) is that disturbing? ( laughter ) does he ever call you? does he call you? has he ever called you? >> no, but i do speak to vice president pence. >> stephen: what do you guys talk about? >> he's asked my view on a number of issues. i spent a lot of time dealing with foreign policy, and i had responsibility for certain chunks of the world and he is-- you know, i've let him know, in a security setting, what i thought they should look out for, what i thought the landmines were-- >> stephen: like saying i'm going to spain, what do i need to know about my counterparts over there? >> no, not directly like that. >> stephen: i'm going to a country where they speak spanish. ( laughter ) >> part of what this tit is, we, jill and i called him and had his wife and he over for dinner-- actually for lunch-- to let them see the facility they were going to move into, talk about secret service coverage. he told me for example, his daughter was going to law school, going to have secret service coverage, didn't know what it was like, so i had my granddaughter who went to columbia high school call her and tell her what it was like. basic courtesy. >> stephen: that's nice. it's nice you can help each other like that. we'll take a break and be back with more from vice president joe biden. don't go away. ( cheers and applause ) like when you finally get it mahome from the storeeasy. but forgot that one thing. just say, "hey google, buy dog food." it knows that was a disaster, and this one's you fav. and while you're doing that, "okay. ordered coffee." and when you don't want to share everything with your family... 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"promise me, dad, you're going to stay engaged." it wasn't promise me, dad, you're going to run for president, which a lot of people are trying-- no, because he really wanted me to run, but barack asked me-- the president asked me at lunch one day when bo was sick, he said, what do you want to do with the rest of your life? i said, i want to do what i've done, the same answer i'd have given you when i was 29, 39 and right now, i want to make a difference and i think i can. ( applause ) so bo-- we talked about this, stephen, you understand this better than most anybody-- he wanted me to stay engaged. not-- it wasn't about running for president, it was about staying engaged. i had a great opportunity. when i got out of office, all the people i would have had i run in the state department and defense department and national security apparatus are now with me at the university of pennsylvania. the university of pennsylvania has given me a significant amount of money to hire staff, university of delaware has done the same thing, and i have first-rate staff people and a grou n with guys-- the heads of major hospitals like at sloan kettering and said would you keep the biden cancer initiative going because there is not as much happening now. and so it's all about purpose. and i find that for me and jill and hunter and my daughter ashley, look, when you and i had one of the most-- presumption of me to say this, but i feel like i know you because the last show we had i think it went in a direction neither of us expected it to go. and when i got home, hunter said, "dad, you and mr. colbert was great but here's the deal, dad, let's focus not on bo's loss, let's focus on bo's promise, what it is bo would be doing were he here now." and for me, that's the promise. i want bo to be proud of me and that i'm doing what i've always >> stephen: well-- ( applause ) talking to you is always enjoyable because you are willing to share in your humanity, warts and all, because grief is something that nobody wants to face, nobody wants to invite it but it eventually comes for everyone. it's the one shared thing no matter your beliefs are, religion is, political position, it doesn't matter, and i think one of the reasons why people, you know, two years ago, when we had you on the show would have been very happy if you ran for president is they want someone who shares their humanity and can unite people about common values. ( applause ) now, i'm not going to ask you if you are going to run for president because i know you're not going to give me an answer. but are you going to run for president? ( laughter ) you're not going to give me an answer. >> no, i honest to god don't-- look, anybody who has been through this, how many of you have lost someone close to you? raise your hand. were you ready to make a decision about a fundamental change in your life immediately after that or shortly after? it's been two years. i'm just not-- i want to focus on bo and my grandkids, and, you know, we'll see where it goes, but i-- >> stephen: well, the country has never been more divided. we need a unifier. who do you like in the democratic field-- or the republican field? who do you think in 2020 you go, that person has a chance at uniting people? >> i'm not going to start naming them, i'll leave somebody out, but we have some really talented, relatively new people. and just remember, no one knew who bill clinton was till about 15 months before he ran, before the general election. no one knew who barack-- they knew the speech, but didn't have any idea of his presidential aspirations till about a year really early in the game. and you're already seeing-- what's happened now in my party is you're seeing the surge of a lot of younger women, particularly, and men who are getting engaged and said enough, i've had enough. this last election i think is a wave election all the way from washington state to maine to the upper peninsula to florida, all sending the same message that we've had enough of this god- awful division. and i think people are-- i think it's gotten bad enough that people are now getting engaged again, kind of like my generation. when i was in high school and early days of college, the war in vietnam, it was, like, drop out, don't trust 'em over 30, but it got to the point in late '70s when it was, like, hey, man, this is enough, we've got to change this, and our generation changed it. '68 after bobby kennedy my only hero was killed that same day and said i can be part of fundamentally changing the country. that's happening now. you're going to see so many new changes out there. ( applause ) >> stephen: mr. vice president, thank you so much for being here. "promise me, dad" is on sale tomorrow. joe biden, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) we'll be right back with elton john! ♪ ♪ charmin ultra soft! it's softer than ever. charmin ultra soft is softer than ever... so it's harder to resist. okay, this is getting a little weird. enjoy the go! with charmin! why do people put why does your tummy go "grumbily, grumbily, grumbily"? no more questions for you! ouph, that milk in your cereal was messing with you, wasn't it? try lactaid, it's real milk without that annoying lactose. good, right? -mmm, yeah. lactaid. the milk that doesn't mess with you. enlightening. ♪ you don't like my lasagna? no, it's good. -hmm. -oh. huh. 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( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back! my next guest is a musical icon who has sold over 300 million records, has five grammys, and is in both the rock 'n' roll and songwriters halls of fame. please welcome elton john! ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) ( band playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: this is for you. >> i know. >> stephen: this is for you. elton john! elton john! now, elton john, thank you so much for being here. this is going to be slightly difficult for me because i'm going to geek out at you extremely hard. when i was in third grade, i had a band called nebula five. there were only three of us in it. i was the lead man, grey on drums, tommy whittel on piano, we did all elton john songs. ( cheers and applause ) i was an elton john tribute-- at eight years old i was a performer in an elton john tribute band. >> wow, thank you very much. >> stephen: you've got the new box set here. it's called "elton john diamonds." ( cheers and applause ) >> it's the very last of the greatest hits packages you will ever see. >> stephen: it's the greatest of the greatest hits packages. >> it's got everything on it. i came up with the title "diamonds" because i like "diamonds." ( laughter ) >> stephen: there you are. you're elton john, you can name it. you have "diamonds" out, you're still on tour, you're performing in vegas, working for the elton john aids foundation. you're raising two sons. what is it like for you as a pop star to have two young sons. is raising sons cutting into your cool at all? >> no, it's just changing the landscape of our lives. i never thought i would be a dad but it came to pass, my children will be seven and five soon, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. other than-- i have been so blessed during my life. i had a great career. i got sober. i met my husband and the careers are great, but the greatest thing that ever happened is having the children because it takes the focus away from me. ( applause ) celebrating your 50th anniversary of song writing partnership with bernie taupin. how did you guys meet? >> god, it's funny. i was in a terrible band-- not terrible, but a mediocre band and was getting fed up playing to people eating fish and chips and the cabaret thing. and so i thought, what can i do? i saw an advertisement from a record company that said singers and songwriters wanted. and i had written a couple of songs for the band and we recorded them. and i answered the ad. when i look back now, i was kind of choppy, very shy, not the lead singer, just the piano player in the band, but i was so fed up, and i went to the office in london, it was liberty records, and i went in there and there were hundreds of reel to reel tapes-- no cassettes in those days, this is in the late '60s-- and there were piles of envelopes, and the guy behind the desk said "what do you do?" i said, "well, i can sing and write songs but i can't write lyrics, i'm hopeless." he said, ", just take this envelope." he went through a pile of them. it could have been anyone. talk about kismet. he gave me an envelope which was sealed. i took it back on the tube train or the subway and i opened it and i read it and it was bernie. it could have been any envelope. that was the envelope he gave me. >> stephen: were any of those poems, did they become songs? >> absolutely not. ( laughter ) they were very nice, and i found them lovely, they were esoteric and flower power and very sweet. i wrote melodies to the songs and liked them and subsequently we got a song writer contract with dick james who published the beatles. it's a long time when we made it. for three years we were struggling. >> stephen: but boy did you make it. because if i'm not mistaken, your first album was-- >> the first breakthrough album was elton john with your song on it, that was 1970. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: 1970. >> tumbleweed, mad man, don't shoot me, goodbye yellow brick road, captain fantastic, caribou, rock of the westers. there you go. ( cheers and applause ) all in about five years. >> stephen: five years. >> and separate singles as well. philadelphia freedom, pinball wizard, lucy in the sky with diamonds. >> stephen: correct me if i'm wrong, it's your life, but goodbye yellow brick road was the first album to go platinum before it was ever released, that's my understanding. >> i had no idea about that. >> stephen: that's my understanding. >> well, i know that captain fantastic was the first album to go #1, but i had no idea about yellow brick road. but you know, we were so busy and we love what we're doing so much that we didn't really pause for thought. we were having so much fun. when you have that adrenaline, when you have that impetus and you're successful, we were like kids in candy stores, so we just loved what we were doing, and that helps. >> stephen: well, the new collection of collections here it's got stuff like: ♪ you can tell everybody this was your song ♪ ♪ hold me closer tiny dancer ♪ ♪ rocket man ♪ funky cat ♪ i remember when rock was young ♪ ♪ daniel my brother ♪ saturday ♪ goodbye yellow brick road ♪ it seems to me ♪ you lived your life ♪ b-b-b-benny and the jets ( cheers and applause ) ♪ philadelphia freedom ♪ i love you girl ♪ someone save my life ♪ don't go breaking my heart ♪ sorry seems to be the hardest word ♪ ♪ little genie "diamonds," elton john! stick around for a performance by the same man! ( cheers and applause ) that's the new rockstar. hurry in to old navy for up to seventy-five percent off storewide! that's up to seventy-five percent off with all jeans on sale from fifteen dollars for adults and twelve dollars for kids at old navy. i had a doctor's appointment. when you said you were at the doctor, but your shirt says you were at a steakhouse... that's when you know it's half-washed. now from downy fabric conditioner comes downy odor protect with 24-hour odor protection. downy's powerful formula conditions fibers to lock out y, your shirt's making me hungry. ha ha, derek. downy and it's done. pain from chest congestion can make this... when you have a cold, ...feel like this. all-in-one cold symptom relief from tylenol®, the #1 doctor recommended pain relief brand. tylenol®. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it feels good to be back. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: and now, performing "crocodile rock," elton john! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ i remember when rock was young ♪ me and suzie had so much fun ♪ holding hands and skimming stones ♪ had an old gold chevy and a place of my own ♪ but the biggest kick i ever got ♪ was doing a thing called the crocodile rock ♪ while the other kids were rocking round the clock ♪ we were hopping and bopping to the crocodile rock ♪ well crocodile rocking is something shocking ♪ when your feet just can't keep still ♪ i never knew me a better time and i guess i never will ♪ oh lordy mama those friday nights ♪ when suzie wore her dresses tight ♪ and the crocodile rocking was out of sight ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ >> ♪ la lalalala ♪ la lalalala >> ♪ but the years went by and the rock just died ♪ suzie went and left us for some foreign guy ♪ long nights crying by the record machine ♪ dreaming of my chevy and my old blue jeans ♪ but they'll never kill the thrills we've got ♪ burning up to the crocodile rock ♪ learning fast as the weeks went past ♪ we really thought the crocodile rock would last ♪ well crocodile rocking is something shocking ♪ when your feet just can't keep still ♪ i never knew me a better time and i guess i never will ♪ oh lordy mama those friday nights ♪ when suzie wore her dresses tight ♪ the crocodile rocking was out of sight >> ♪ la lalalala lalalalala ♪ lalalalala >> ♪ i remember when rock was young ♪ me and suzie had so much fun ♪ holding hands and skimming stones ♪ had an old gold chevy and a place of my own ♪ but the biggest kick i ever got ♪ was doing a thing called the crocodile rock ♪ while the other kids were rocking round theck ♪ we were hopping and bopping to the crocodile rock ♪ well crocodile rocking is something shocking ♪ when your feet just can't keep still ♪ i never knew me a better time and i guess i never will ♪ oh lordy mama those friday nights ♪ when suzie wore her dresses tight ♪ and the crocodile rocking was out of sight ♪ oh, yeah, yeah, yeah oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ lalalalala oh, oooh ♪ oh, yeah, yeah, yeah lalalalala ♪ oh, oooh oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ lalalalala lalalalala ♪ oh, yeah ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: "diamonds!" stick around for another performance from elton john! we'll be right back. feel the power of theraflu expressmax. new power... ...to fight back theraflu's powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms... fast. so you can play on. theraflu expressmax. new power. ♪ ♪ give extra. get extra. new charmin ultra soft! it's softer than ever. new charmin ultra soft is softer than ever... so it's harder to resist. okay, this is getting a little weird. enjoy the go! with charmin! like when you finally get it mahome from the storeeasy. but forgot that one thing. just say, "hey google, buy dog food." it knows that was a disaster, and this one's you fav. and while you're doing that, it can do this: "okay. ordered coffee." everything with your family... [sneezing] "reordering gummy vitamins." and you even get free delivery from here here here and lots of other places with google express. google home and google home mini, now starting at $29. >> stephen: here performing, "i'm still standing," once again, elton john! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ you could never know what it's like ♪ your blood like winter freezes just like ice ♪ and there's a cold lonely light ♪ that shines from you you'll wind up like ♪ the wreck you hide behind that mask you use ♪ and did you think this fool could never win ♪ well look at me i'm coming back again ♪ i got a taste of love in a simple way ♪ and if you need to know while i'm still standing ♪ you just fade away don't you know ♪ i'm still standing better than i ever did ♪ looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid ♪ i'm still standing after all this time ♪ picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind ♪ i'm still standing ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ once i never could hope to win you starting down the road ♪ leaving me again the threats you made were meant ♪ to cut me down and if our love ♪ was just a circus you'd be a clown by now ♪ you know i'm still standing better than i ever did ♪ looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid ♪ i'm still standing after all this time ♪ picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ you know i'm still standing better than i ever did ♪ looking like a true survivor i'm feeling like a little kid ♪ i'm still standing after all this time ♪ picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ i'm still standing yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you, elton! his ultimate greatest hits compilation, "diamonds" is out now! elton john, everybody! we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) before we start, i just want to say if anyone still doesn't have fios, please stay out of the way so your lag doesn't get us all killed, ben. what's so good about fios anyway? uh. what's so great about a 100% fiber-optic network k awesomely? hey. did you take out the trash? haha, garbage boy! dad, i already took out ben. it's not funny. gaming is best on a 100% fiber-optic network. so get fios. now, just $79.99 per month with a 2-year price guarantee with a 2-year agreement. >> stephen: good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry ♪ where it is you come from it'll be all right ♪ it's the late, late show >> reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way from anubis' kingdom of hades, give it up for your