With segregationistspaad no im on his popularity heres what his popularity looks like [ laughter ]s party officialve released the ground rules for this weeks democratic primary debates, and candidates will have 60 seconds to answer questions and 30 seconds to respond to follow ups. Follow ups like, im sorry,ga what was your name a [ laughter ] no, no, not you, the other one who looks like you. [ laughter ] President Trump today bragged about wall street performance tweeting, quote, stock market is headed for one of our best months in the history of our country. Thank you, mr. President. [ laughter ] is he thanking himself in his own tweet . [ laughter ] thats like leaving yourself a voicemail the morning after you masturbate to say you had a good time [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] cheers and applause anyway, call me back. You know the number, because its this number. [ laughter ] First Lady Melania Trump announced today that her director of communications will shift over and become the next White House Press secretary. It turns out you dont really need your own communicationsdi ctor when you never actually, you know, communicate. [ laughter ] boeing is currently in possession of so many malfunctioning 737 max jets that they have started storing the planes in their employee parking lot. Eitherhat or jerry in marketing finally got that raise. [ cheers and applause wow jerry, looking good. Yeah, thank you. The legoland Amusement Park in new york has constructed the worlds smallest pride parade made exclusively out of toy bricks oh no, ours is smaller, said alabama. [ laughter and applause ikea has begun testing its own food delivery service. Unfortunately, it also comes unassembled. [ laughter ] federal officials today a announced the launch of program to combat robocalls, which theyre calling operation call it quits. Easorry, that name is alr taken, said trumps personal trainer. Disneyland this week opened its k. W star wars themed par the park has nine sections, but it is only worth seeing the first three. [ auence ohs ] you didnt love it [ laughter ] it was reported [ laughter ] it was reported today that cuba will open its first sex sh its called fadildos. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applausna a pde ums of sual assault by wellknown advicet e her, and then said in an interview monday shes not my type, which brings us to a segment we call, hey. [ cheers and applause wan . Anh e ns like if you asko, Hannibal Lecter did you eat that guy . A he said, no, he looked a little boney. And hey, you also said, ive ner met this person in my life despite the fact that the article literally has a picture of you talking to her at a party. Id so you lied, youeet her. Of course, the problem is even if you showed this picture to trump, he wouldnt change his mind, because hes such an egan [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause back again with us tonight, hes the indemand drummer for indie legends superchunk and bob mould. He can also be heard on the new album from the mountain goats in league with dragons. Jon wurster is here, everybody thank you for being here, jon. [ cheers and applause thank you seth guys, this is very exciting thanks to newly developed technology, we here at late night now have the ability to record the tiny voice that is inside Donald Trumps head and you might be surprised to know that like everyones inner voice, Donald Trumps is filled with paralyzing fear and selfdoubt the tiny voice in the f Donald Trumps head. Hey, donald its the tiny voice he the back of your ad and its time once again for your least favorite thing about the job, waing for foreign people to stop talking so you can eat your dinner. [ laughter ] and you have to pretend to listen, and give a little nod. Oh, good point said, but i want to eat these dumplings. Gh [ lit laughter ] im going to look at them, andst im gonna eal a little peek at my dumplings and there they are [ laughter ] okay, one, two, three. Thats good. Ill eat thosed anthen melania will give me hers thats six, seven, eight [ laughter ] so thats eight dumplings. And maybe shinzos wife will give me one or two thats 15, 16 dumplings. Mp thats a lot of dungs. This will be worth it, but you have to stop talking [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth you know our first om guest tonight fris work as spiderman in the avengers films. He returns as peter parker in spiderman far from home which opens in theaters and imax july 2nd lets take a look. Oh, cool. [ explosion what is that . I dont know. What are you gonna do i left my suit in the hotel om why because im on vacation, ned. Everyones gonna see my face just get them out of here. Go. Go. Just go oh, no you dont you okay seth please welcome back to the show, tom holland, everybody. [ cheers and applause me seth welack, tom [ cheers and applause it is it is very hard to believe, but guess it makes sense with how hard they make you work this is your fifth fifth movie playing spiderman somehow, yes it is. Seth yeah. Theyve kept me for five movies seth theyve kept you for five movies. Es seth im certainly happy theyve kept you you now get we were talking backstage, you have a little break coming up. Mmhmm. Seth where you actually get to enjoy yourself. I know you like to golf. Have you been able to golf much in recent years, or has it been too busy i have been golfi a lot recently seth uhhuh. Whats so great about the presser, is you travel the world and ive tried to play golf in every place that i go. Seth thats a good use of your time. I like that. Which has been really good. Im still terrible at it seth hhuh. [ laughter ] but one day i will get labetter hter ] seth there are it does seem to be the sport of choice for a lot of celebrities have you ever gotten a chance to play with any other people in your field not massively, no seth yeah. I know Justin Timberlake plays golf seth yeah. Id like to play with him seth okay. [ laughter ] that would be a lot of fun. So if justin, youre watching, my number is on no, but i was et of this film spiderman far from home and i was talking to sam jackson about my golf life seth eah. And i play with my brothers and my dad, mostly and, you know, well you know, well bet a pound a hole d something, so at the en the round, youre only gonna lose or make 18 pounds seth right and he wasnt very impressed by my story. [ light laughter ] because he was saying that he plays this crazy betting game wh he plays golf and then he also dropped in, and i was playing with tiger woods and michael jordan. [ laughter ] so it wasnt quite as cool as my seth no. I will say, i bet sam jackson didnt feel even a little bit bad about making you feel as though you were less cool than him. He loves it seth yeah. [ laughter ] Jake Gyllenhaal on thilmh yes, i did. [ cheers and applause seth and how was that . Hes a great guyhi were fans ohere it was interesting because [ laughter ] that was hilarious [ laughter ] no, it w interesting, because i have always been such a big fan of his work. And i really, really looked up to him and when i found out that he wav cast, i was quite s about the idea of working with him and then, he came to set for his first day of shooting, and what marvel do sometimes is they will completely change the lines overnight. Et gotcha. So you walk in on monday morning, and all of a sudden, you have a threepage monologue about inteimensional rifts and all these kindf crazy stuff. Seth sure, right very important plot thbegs that might not uper natural coming out of a human mouth. Totally so jake was, likck he was, like, panig. So i found myself on day one with working with one of my idols, like, its okay, man, itskay. [ laughter ] this is just how it goes over here in the marvel world. So, it was really weird. Seth that actually looks like what happened right before this photo [ laughter ]t thais exactly what that was, yeah. Seth yeah, thats like, thanks, man i really appreciate it. We have talked about the suits you feel as though your argument is, you have the hardest suit to wear of anybody in the marvel universe eah. I would argue that, yes. Seth yeah. Because i have no skin showing. Seth yeah. Im straight up head to toe in lycra [ light laughter ] i dont even have my i cant even use my phone. [ laughter ] and im 23 like i use my phone a lot. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Ive become so good at, like, liking pictures with my nose and [ laughter ] seth yeah, i mean, thats one if anybody shouldnt be able to use their phone on set, it should be sam jacksonat thhould be the tradeoff exactly seth yeah. I know Robert Downey jr. , who, of course, youve worked with in many films yes [ cheers ] seth you have you have his phone number, which is a pretty cool thing i do have his phone nu he i was where were we i think we were in london and he facetimed me at 2 00 in the morning. O seth y. And i didnt even check to see who it was i was like, who is that . I, lik hung up and then i woke up in the morning and in my phone, hes saved as the godfather. [ laughter ] so, i woke up and panicked i was like, oh, my god. Im so sorry i didnt mean to ghost you. [ light laughter ] and he didnt he obviously dn di reply for ages, because of the time difference in l. A. Seth yeah. So that was maybe the most stressful day of my life where h ght my relationship with downey was over. Seth yeah, but imagine how stressed out he was, being like, oh, my god, i got ghosted by tom. [ laughter ] is that what its come to seth i was the godfather and now this . Hey, so, i know, you went to hawaii when was your hawaii trip . We my family and i wwat to ha in january. Seth very nice amazing trip. Seth and do you ever have yo this happen where re flying, and because you have been in so many of these films that people watch all the time, that they watch on airplanes o have you ever beenan airplane and realized, like, oh, that peon is watching a movie im in right now . Yeah, it happens i also ive seen someone watch one of my movies and turn it off seth yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] which was greatbut when we were flying to hawaii, i noticed this young lady was watching spider man homecoming. And, you know, it was nd of cool i was like, oh, that lady is watching my movie. And then this other lady walked past me, and i said to my brother, i went, dude, that lady looks so unwell. And then, all of a sudden, i heard this thud next to me and i looked to the left, and this lady had passed out next to me seth wow like, full on, out cold so, i jumped up. Was trying to im not a doctor, im an actor [ laughter ] i was like, maam, are you all right . So i was calling for a docto i was trying to clear her hair out of her face, check her airways and stuff. And this woman who was watching my film was looking at me. Laughter ] anheshe must have thought, s was like, wow, this kid just never stops. [ laughter ] you know seth just go, go, go yeah that was great [ cheers and applause she was like, hes better at spiderman stuff than he is at doctor stuff. I know, i was useless like, i was trying to find her pulse. Do i t know how to do that. I was like, she has no pulse. Oh, no, she does she does, i just dont know how to do that. Seth i was checking her hip. I was wrong. I loed in the wrong place. [ laughter ] you travel one of your brothers is backstage. Yes, harry. [ cheers and applause apparently, he has more fans than i do. Seth yes [ laughter ] do they ever wh you travel and youve got the family together, are they ever trying to sort of trade off the fact that youre a well known older brother . Do they every try to say your name loudly to draw attention to people and maybe use it to meet meet the ladies i mean, they wouldnt. But i would always help them seth oh, very nice so, wing man, yeah as a wing man seth you do never rest, its true i do never rest [ laughter ] no, we were in hawaii and sam and i were we were swimming in the sea and there were so many beautiful ladies on the beach. And, you know, sam was singlat the time and he was like, oh, i just really wanna i wanna meet someone, man. So, i was like, all that needs to happen is weve got to get og someone to recze me. And then theyll introduce all their friends and itll be youll be golden. So anyways, so this girl walks into the sea shes gorgeous and shes walking over and im like, here you go, bro. Here you go. Here we go. [ laughter ] and she breezes right past me. Like, hello . And she goes over to sam a she goes, oh, my god, are you Timothee Chalamet . [ laughter ] and he was like, yes. [ laughter ] yes, i am. Seth and i will say, not crazy. I mean i mean, come on [ audience oohs seth i will say theyre very bold to say you are a person who like, thats like, because then you yeah. Seth then youre like moments away from the game being up you know true, true. I think sam no, he doesnt speak any french that was [ light laughter ] that was when chat shows stress of like, yeah, hes fluent in french. [ laughter ] seth he had to do that thing of theyre like, oh, well, you f must speaknch, being Timothee Chalamet. Hes like, not on vacation. Im on vacation right now. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. [ speaking in Foreign Language ] [ laughter ] seth hey, thg ks so much for beinre thanks for having me. Seth congrats on the film. Always a pleasure to see you thanks again. Seth tom hollands derman far from home opens in theaters and imax july 2nd well be right back with jenny slate. [ cheers and applause new magnum ice cream. Double sea salt caramel. Carefully made to be broken. Magnum ice cream. Ni be magque. Keith used to be great to roadtrip with. But since he bought his house. Are you going 45 . Uh, yes. 55 is a suggestion. Its kind of like driving wi his dad. What a sign, huh . Terry, can you take a selfie of me . Take a se can you make it look like im holding it . W he did show us hoto bundle home and auto at progressive. Com and save a bunch of money. Oh, a plaque. Leaving. Progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents. But we can protect your home and auto when you bundle with us. 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With advanced automotive technology, available on the nissan rogue, youll be equipped to help protect the moments that matter most. T this isthis is nissanou telligent mobility. The world is changing at a rate like never before. So, why isnt education . Raise your hand if you could use an education thats actually modern, actually affordable, and actual personal . If youre one of the 35 million americans, who hasn finished your degree, well, strayer is here to help. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a very funny actress you know from tv series such as parks and reeseation and house of li she returns as the voice of gidget in the secret life of now. 2, which is in theaters lets take ak. Okay. Gidget, eat sweetpea what . Cats eat birds. Its nature. Yeah, im gonna pass. No, no, no, no. You used your one pass on the litterbox, so you have to do this but bu bu bu bu do it. Youre seriously going to make her eat sweetpea . Oh, no, no, no. Of course not. Im just freaking her out. [ gasp ] okay. Whats next . Gidget, no. Thats bad dog. Bad cat dog. Blah, blah, blah. [ bird chirping oh sorry. Seth welcome back to the show, our friend, jenny slate, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth hi, jenny hi, seth. Seth last time you were here, we talked about how you gave a commencement speech at a high school. True. True t seth e. Correct seth you did one you gave a speech, a different kind of commencement this year recently. Yesth seth made papers yeah. Seth made the papers yeah. Seth do you want to explain to everybody why it made the papers well, first of all, that sounds like something went wrong. [ laughter ] seth thats right. It did not go wrong. O, nothing went wrong. Seth it made the papers, because it was so right. Thats right. I guesseah. I me, yes, sure. What happened was that a lovely young lady named gwen lynch was the last student to ever graduate from the oneroom schoolhouse on cuttyhu island. Shes an 8th grader. I gave the commencement speech to her class which was her seth yes [ laughter ] o [ cheers and applause seth so you gave a one person commencement speech yeah. Ye seth was she someone you requested . Okay, no. Well, i mean, i would request her. I think shes really cool. Seth yeah. Heres the deal she did not request me at all. Seth mmhmm. I found this out from the new york times. [ laughter ] seth after the fact . Before. Seth before the fact okay which is also devastating seth right yeah you know. Seth because youre about to l in there, and now you f like, i might bomb. Not only that but truly, im unwanted. [ laughter ] well, not yh. So, okay i heard from the times, you know, that she wanted Michelle Obama [ laughter ] and they were like, well, no, you cant have that. Shes busy she was, like, okay got it i want oprah [ laughter ] and they were like, yeah, she cant come here. You know theres two ferries a day. Shes too busy. Then i show up, and im a nervous jewish lady. Seth yeah. Eah. She also told the times that she wasnt she didnt really know who i was [ laughter ] seth w yea seth but then you show up. You know, there must be this incredible burden to give a speech to one person because, i think, normally with a commencement speech, its jus try to think oings for all of you sure. When i gave it to my high school, it was 180 students. And i was kind of, like, i could ur sincere, like, follow companion, but also bnny, and be like, hey, dont get a lizard or a bird as a pet. Seth right, yeah good advice. Yeah. I mean, its not the best thing to do th your adulthood. [ light laughter ] seth right, yeah but thats like, you cant be general or that specific. Seth right you cant just show up on an island and be like, dont get a lizard. Seth yeah, right [ laughter ] its like, yeah, yeah, you cant seth but then you could tell, shes like, oprah nev