Wow. The trump robot looks like he just saw the trump robot. [ laughter ] did they let his ex wives design this . Make the eyes emptier. Add more neck fat. [ laughter ] anyway, were going to be using the trump robot as our picture for him during the monologue as our way of saying merry christmas. [ laughter ] moving on President Trump tweeted this morning [ cheers and applause ] quote, was fox friends just named the most influential show of the news. You deserve it. Three great people. Hey, dummy, that show is influential, because you believe every word they say, and they mostly just read your tweets. [ light laughter ] that show is basically your alexa. [ laughter ] during a speech yesterday, celebrating the passage of the republican tax bill, house speaker, paul ryan, said quote, something this profound could not have been done without exquisite president ial leadership. Holiday song, ryan, the brownnosed reindeer. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] nicolle wallace, former aide to president bush, asked yesterday if republicans were dead inside for allowing President Trump to criticize the fbi in the ongoing russia investigation. Hell, im pretty sure some of them are dead outside [ laughter ] [ applause ] an Aerospace Company is reportedly considering building a supersonic jet that can travel from new york to london in four and a half hours. While Spirit Airlines will keep asking passengers to get out and push. [ laughter ] new york city subway system had its worst year of delays this year since the 1970s. Trains are taking so long, even normal people have started masturbating. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] my late entry for my favorite joke of the year. Representative Maxine Waters criticized President Trump in a recent interview for questioning the integrity of the ongoing russia investigation asking, quote, what is he afraid of . Well, lets see. Theres wind, vegetables, birds of prey, eric, commitment, and theme parks. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] a winery is partnering with warner bros. To release four new wines based on the lord of the rings. And just like the movies, by the time you get to the fourth one, you wont remember the first three. [ laughter ] two straight men in ireland recently announced their plans to marry in an effort to avoid the countrys high inheritance taxes. At least thats how they explained it to their catholic parents. [ laughter ] its not real, da [ laughter ] a man in mexico with a 19inch penis is claiming that the size of his member has made it impossible for him to get a job. Because he cannot kneel or wear a uniform comfortably. Have you tried latenight host . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know who is going to think that jokes hilarious. My wife. [ laughter ] a robot in california just successfully passed a philosophy course at a college. Not to be outdone, a robot in florida just successfully passed a kidney stone. [ laughter ] tonight is our last show of the year, which means were not going to get to do a single joke about betsy devos attempting a new yearsou 10, 11 no, betsy 12, 50 thats right. Tonight is our last show of the year. And to 2017, i just like to say bye felicia. [ cheers and applause ] seth and finally, we dont always have enough time to cover all of the recent news so here, with a recap is one of our writers, amber ruffin, in a segment we call, amber says what. [ cheers and applause ] yay you guys, things have been crazy. Okay, first of all, they put trump in the hall of president s, at disney world. And i was like, what . People bring their children there also, look at those other president s. Theyre looking at him like, what . [ laughter ] but i saw that picture and i was like, what is seth meyers doing in the hall of president s . Is Franklin Pierce seth meyers . Possibly. Then i read that back in the 90s, jason priestly punched harvey weinstein. And i was like, 9021what . Then, australia voted to legalize gay marriage, and i was like, what mate . [ laughter ] what mate . But, theres actually been 22 unsuccessful attempts to legalize it, since 2004. So australians have been, like, whawhawhawhawhawhawhawha whawhawhawhawhawhawha whawha [ laughter ] and now theyre like, whaa . [ cheers and applause ] then then the fcc repealed Net Neutrality rules. And i was like, what am i gonna do when i want to stream what t when i want to stream what about bob . When i want to listen to what a girl wants. When i want to listen to whats love got to do with it. Hell, when i want to watch whats love got to do with it. What are you going to do, ike . A bunch of people came here to see me. So what you gonna do . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] then, i heard jaden smith did the moon walk at a concert. And i was like, what would make you think i care about that . But then i watched it, and i was like whaaaaaaat is happening . I suddenly care about the moon walk and jaden smith. [ light laughter ] then, i realized, i only had two shopping days left until christmas. And i was like, what but then i remembered, i love christmas. And i was like [ cheers and applause ] this has been amber says what. Seth give it up for amber, everybody we have a great show for you tonight from Pitch Perfect 3 rebel wilson is back on the show [ cheers and applause ] also, he is the senatorelect from alabama. Doug jones is on late night tonight. How about that . [ cheers and appe before we get to our guests, republicans spent yesterday gleefully celebrating their tax plan and lavishing praise on President Trump. With trump even going so far as to claim that he also repealed obamacare. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth trump convened his cabinet for their final meeting of the year yesterday, and as usual, he did not help but take a gratuitous swipe at the media. Trump called on housing secretary, ben carson, to say a prayer, but before doing so, said this about the reporters in the room. So with that, im going to ask ben carson you can stay if you want to, because you need the prayer more than i do, i think. You may the only ones. Maybe a good, solid prayer, and theyll be honest ben. Is that possible . Seth ah, yes, prayer. What a cool thing to be a dick about. [ laughter ] but is it possible for a prayer to make people more honest . Because this happened earlier this year, and it didnt really seem to take for you. [ light laughter ] now, of course, yesterday republicans passed their tax cut , reputable studies, would overwhelmingly benefit corporations and the wealthy. And yet, as usual, trump has been focused primarily on the branding. Claiming that it was his idea to call it a tax cut instead of tax reform. I said to my guys, i called everybody in. We had a meeting. Senators, congress, everybody. I said, we have to use the word tax cuts. Now, if you want to throw reform, you can say tax cuts and reform. But you have to use the word cut. So for years, 30 years, 31 years, theyve been using the word reform. So we use the word tax cuts i said very specifically use the word tax cut. You know for 34 years, they have been trying to do this and they havent and they used the word reform. Well, there is reform, but i said were going to be talking about tax cuts. Seth oh, my god, do you think you came up with the phrase tax cuts . [ laughter ] those are literally the two most popular words in the history of politics. Thats like if you said at your inauguration, i, donald j. Trump, do solemn swear, that i will faithfully execute the office of the president of the united states. You know i wrote this myself. [ light laughter ] thats right, trump claims he invented the phrase tax cuts. That is so fake, the only thing that would be more fake is claiming you came up with the word fake. The media is is really the word i think one the greatest of all terms ive come up with is fake. [ laughter ] seth right. You came up with fake. I can just see you at your writing desk with a waste basket full of crumpled papers going, lets see, untrue . No, thats not it. [ light laughter ] false, thats too fancy. Oh, fake fake ive got it so trump thinks he came up with the phrase tax cut, but of course his delusional self congratulation didnt stop there. During a meeting with his cabinet he claimed once again that his administration has accomplished more than any other administration in history. Americans are filled with excitement for the future. Optimism like they havent seen. And enthusiasm for the incredible possibilities that lie ahead for our country. We have done a job like no administration has done. Seth you passed one bill. [ light laughter ] and people are so enthusiastic about you that alabama elected a democratic senator. [ cheers and applause ] and hes hes so enthusiastic about you, hes going to be a guest on this show tonight [ cheers and applause ] so trump trump loves to stroke his own ego. But yesterday he got some help from Vice President mike pence, who was also at the cabinet meeting. Trump called on pence to say a few words. And for about three minutes, pence lavished praise on trump, directly to his face. Thank you for seeing through the course of this year, an agenda that truly is restoring this country. Youve restored american credibility on the world stage. Youve unleashed american ener records. Im deeply humbled as your Vice President to be able to be here. I want to thank you, mr. President. I want to thank you for speaking on behalf of, and fighting every day for the forgotten men and women of america. Seth well, i guess we know what trumps old face looks like. [ laughter ] look at him. Even hes like, dude, im married. [ laughter ] after that cabinet meeting, pence showed up at trumps door holding cue cards. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] why does trump sit with his arms crossed like that . Did he eat some bad clams . Or is he just practicing for the day they finally put a straight jacket on him . And that wasnt even the last time that day that trump surrounded himself with lackeys stroking his ego. Later outside the white house he celebrated the passage of the tax plan with house and Senate Republicans who took turns stepping up to the microphone to praise their dear leader. This has been a year of extraordinary accomplishment for the trump administration. Something this profound could not have been done without exquisite president ial leadership. President donald trump is a man of his word. Hes a man of action. Thank you, President Trump, for allowing us to have you as our president. Youre living up to every everything i thought you would. Youre one heck of a leader. Seth man, even Waylon Smithers is like, have some dignity. But it wasnt just a giant Corporate Tax cut that trump celebrated yesterday. The gop bill also repeals obamacares individual insurance mandate. Which could cause as many as 13 million fewer people to have Health Insurance and reduce federal spending for poor and middle class americans Health Insurance with premiums going up. Now the individual mandate is just one part of obamacare. But that didnt stop trump from gleefully claiming that he had finally killed the law completely. Although his plan for replacing obamacare was not all that clear. The individual mandate is being repealed. When the individual mandate is being repealed, that means obamacare is being repealed. We have essentially repealed obamacare. And well come up with something that will be much better. Whether its block grants or whether its taking what we have and doing something terrific. Seth oh [ laughter ] something terrific . Thats your plan . Youre like a dad who stuffs his kids stockings with a card that says, i owe you something terrific. [ laughter ] now trump hasnt repealed obamacare. There is still the medicaid expansion, the exchanges, the subsidies, the protections from preexisting conditions. But i say we let him think hes repealed obamacare so he stops trying. In fact, i think i think this could work with all of his promises. All we have to do is get someone to show him a photo of the great wall of china, tell him its the mexican border, and hely, i did it. And then [ cheers and applause ] and then, they will just hand him a slip of paper that says, 1 million pesos on it, and hell say, we got mexico to pay for it. [ light laughter ] and while were at it, well bake him a cake, that says congrats on a great eight years. Then hell pack his [ bleep ] and get out of our lives forever. [ cheers and applause ] this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth well be right back with more late night, everybody [ cheers and applause ] announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Gstores are now open 24 hours. Take an extra 20 off when you spend 100 or more and get kohls cash for you short on time . Buy online and pick up free in store give joy, get joy right now at kohls. At tmobile when you holiday twogether, great things come in twos. Like tmobile and netflix. Right now when you get an unlimited family plan, netflix is included. Wow tmobile covers your netflix subscription, so you can catch the hottest new movies and shows all year long on us. Amazing and its your last chance to buy any of these hot new thats one samsung for you and one to gift. Just in time to finish off your list. Tmobile. Holiday twogether. I met bruce i saw on his lapel ches got a purple heart. E bruce we started talking about the service. I outrank him. chris [laughs] yeah. Meals on wheels reaches so many people. Its impactful beyond anything ive ever done in my life. bruce the meals and his friendship really mean, means a lot to me. vo through the subaru share the love event, weve helped deliver over onepoint seven million meals to those in need. Get zero percent financing for 63 months on select models, plus well donate two hundred and fifty dollars to charity. Now it just needs a tv we can just order one on target. Com you got this . Can you add a vacuum to that order . Order online at target. Com and pick up in store. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause ] also, weve been so happy this week to have fred armisen back with us on the drums. How are you, fred . [ cheers and applause ] and fred, its just always such a joy to see you. And im always so happy to catch up, because well go months without seeing each other. And you always have so many great accomplishments that are real. Real things that youve done. [ laughter ] and yet at the same time, i feel like instead of just being happy with that, you also add on things that i believe you are making up. [ laughter ] to impress me. And i just want you to know, you never have to make anything up to impress me. Fred okay. [ laughter ] seth like, f e heard you backstage tonight saying that you have a new idea for a new years eve tradition that you think this year will be more popular than the times square ball drop. Fred yes. Everyone, this year and for years to come try to go to your local dentist and get to know him. [ laughter ] just go there. Knock on the door of the office. You know, hey, happy new year. Tell me about what you do. Tell me about your job, and, you know, you could use medical lingo, or you could just use regular lingo. And just tell me about your job. Why do you wear the white smock . [ laughter ] why you know, why all these tools . Whats that tool . Whats this tool for . Whats the little sink for . Just i think this from now on, lets get to know these people. Seth okay. Uh see, ive got a ton of holes in your plan. Can i start with my main one . Fred you dont have to do it. You know this is seth oh, i dont have to well, heres my problem. Like if i wanted to do it, i would my fear would be i d 11 59 on new years eve, and i just find it hard to believe theyd be in their office. [ light laughter ] fred they work so hard. [ laughter ] see, thats thats what we dont know about them. Seth okay. Fred were just not curious enough to know that. Lets know that. Seth great. Whats your dentists name . [ laughter ] fred he doesnt have a name. Seth he doesnt what . Fred he doesnt have a name. Seth he doesnt. [ laughter ] he doesnt he never had a name . Fred i asked him, and hes like, i dont have a name. And i was like [ laughter ] seth what does it say on the door . Fred its blank. Its just blank. I know i know, i know. Seth give it up for fred armisen, everyone. Fred thank you. [ cheers and applause ] seth if youre like me, im sure by now, youve heard about bitcoin. Its been in the news a lot lately. And there are still quite a few people who dont understand what it is. Commercial last night that explains what bitcoin is and how it works. Take a look. [ laughter ] gin oh i love our little gettogethers. Well, you know what i dont love . What . Not knowing where to put my money for retirement. There are just too many options. 401 ks, i. R. A. S, savings. Its so confusing. Well you know where i put my money . Where . Bitcoin. Whats bitcoin . Bitcoin is the first decentralized digital cryptocurrency that works without a central bank. That sounds interesting. Yeah. And its so simple to use. Transactions take place through the use of cryptography and are verified by Networks Nodes and recorded in an immutable public distributed leger called a blockchain. What could be simpler than that . Nothing. It sounds great. Right. So is it like investing in stocks . Kind of. But not at all. Well, im on board. Really . Because i have so many more questions. Not me. [ bitcoins . Can i buy one at my local bank . Of course not. What a dumb question. [ laughter ] thought it was brilliant. No it was dumb. [ light laughter ] bitcoins arent like regular currency. Theyre mined. In a physical mine . Like gold . Thats ridiculous. Bitcoins are mined on computers using the fha 256 hashing algorithm creating 12. 5 bitcoins per block. Uhhuh. That is until mid 2020. Uhhuh. And then afterwards, 6. 25 bitcoins per block for four years until the next halving. Wait, are we still talking about money . Cryptocurrency. This sounds so simple. Shut up, margaret. Theres no way you understood all of that. [ laughter ] okay. So how much do one of these bitcoins cost . 17,000. 17,000 . Thats insane sounds like a bargain. Oh [ light laughter ] and how do you keep track of these things values . Just check the internet. So far today its value has gone up 1,000 and now its down 800 and now its up 500. You absolutely can, margaret. How do i buy bitcoins . Its easy. Just go online and give them your credit card number. Give who your credit card number . Bitcoin. And then let the internet do what it does. What does it do exactly . It bitcoins. Heres my credit card. No [ laughter ] so who started bitcoin . We think it was satoshi naka