Day today. I hope you had a good weekend. I had a good weekend. It was quiet here in l. A. This weekend because for the first time in 15 years the Grammy Awards were in new york. They left us and went to new york. And i dont know if location had anything to do with it, but the ratings for the grammys were way down. They were down by 24 . Which is a shame. Ill tell you why. Because the energy forget the Grammy Awards themselves. The energy the performers were radiating before the show on the red carpet was so powerful i assumed this was going to be the biggest show yet. With me now. Whats going on . Whats going on . How are you . Im good. Yeah . What are you feeling tonight . Feeling normal. Yeah . What are you going to do inside . You excited about what the nights going to bring tonight . Of course huge nominations by the way. Yeah. Whats next for you . Waking up. Eat some pop tarts. [ laughter ] jimmy lil uzi. [ cheers and applause ] waking up, eating pop tarts. He should really think about changing his name to lil snoozy because [ laughter ] then the show started and the grammys were handed out. Among the big winners, comptons own Kendrick Lamar won five Grammy Awards. [ cheers and applause ] from england, ed sheeran won two Grammy Awards. But poor ed sheeran. He was up for best pop Solo Performance in a category, he was up against four female nominees and when he won twitter attacked him. This is ridiculous and this year of all years, how dare ed sheeran beat those women. You know ed sheeran didnt actually beat any women. [ laughter ] there was a vote. I mean, whats he supposed to do . Write less popular songs . The big winner of last night was bruno mars. Bruno won six Grammy Awards. [ cheers and applause ] including song of the year, album of the year, and record of the year. You shouldnt be able to win that many categories for the same thing. Imagine tuning in to the oscars to see meryl streep win best actress, best actress with long hair, and best actress in a movie about newspapers. Its too much. [ laughter ] and not only that, bruno mars now, show this. This is bruno mars accepting an award for song of the year for the song thats what i like. Song of the years an award for song writing. Look at how many guys wrote this song. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Youre telling me eight people sat down and wrote i gotta condo in manhattan baby girl whats happening . [ laughter ] eight guys . [ applause ] thats what i like. The song had four words in it. Well, you cant expect one person to be able to rhyme miami with jammies. Its a multi [ laughter ] one of the songs that they beat for song of the year was despa sooeto, which you know, everyone was saying oh, god, this song again. Ill be honest. Last night, first time i ever heard it. [ laughter ] in fact, my daughter jane, who is 3 years old, walked in the room. I said janev you ever heard this song before . She goes, yeah, despacito. [ laughter ] she pronounced it like a local news anchor overenunciating. [ laughter ] then i tried get her to sing it. I said you know this song . How does it go . She looks at the tv, goes, it goes like that. [ laughter ] [ applause ] by the way, did you see i dont know if you saw the performance of despacito. But if not this is how it went. Pacito, pacito President Trump took one look at that and canceled the wall. [ cheers and applause ] all construction on the wall stops until we can figure out what the hell is going on with that dancer. [ laughter ] instead of the wall hes building a water slide so can get here more easily. [ laughter ] jayz didnt win any of the eight grammys he was nominated for last night but he did get a tweet from the president. Jayz was on the van jones show saturday night on cnn and i guess trump didnt like what he had to say because he teetded somebody please inform jayz that because of my policies black unemployment has just been reported to be at the lowest rate ever recorded. I dont know what policy hes talking about. He didnt even get a piece of major legislation passed until december and black unemployment has been going down in pretty much a Straight Line since 2010. In other words, the credit for lower black unemployment ironically goes to an unemployed black guy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] weve got a new twitter feud. Its jayz versus crazy. [ laughter ] they should solve this with a rap battle, winner gets to be president. I think thats the way to go. Donald trump is right now gearing up for his first state of the union speech. Its tomorrow night. State of the union is the one day of the year president s are supposed to brag about their accomplishments. So hes been training for this really for his whole life. The theme of this speech is they released the theme today, its safe, strong, proud. Based on the three words he never heard from his father. [ laughter ] which i think is a nice personal touch. Thats whos responsible. [ laughter ] fred trump. And this is funny. They hand out tickets for this event. They hand out actual hard tickets. These are the tickets they handed out. You see right there youre invited to the address to the congress on the state of the uniom. [ laughter ] so were already off to a good start. [ laughter ] if im not mistaken, the uniom was the side that won the civil warm. Isnt that right . [ laughter ] is there nothing they cant screw up . Thats because were real americans, not some pansyass spellers. [ cheers and applause ] theres a good chance trump thinks the state of the union means he gets to present the award for his favorite state tomorrow. And the state of the union is florida. Congratulations florida. Ill see you all at maralago. [ applause ] donald trump will deliver the state of the union at 9 00 tomorrow night, and at 10 00 Melania Trump will give us an update on the state of their union. [ laughter ] and then ive got Stormy Daniels on our show tomorrow. Porn star. [ applause ] the wall street journal says trump paid off. I have a lot of questions for stormy. People are excited about this. I got a number of emails from a number of envious fellow latenight talk show hosts about this booking. But Stormy Daniels will be on our show after the state of the union tomorrow night. This will be the president s second major presentation this week. He was in davos, switzerland over the weekend speaking at the World Economic forum. And also he was there to share his message of peace, prosperity, and humility. My message is peace and prosperity. Thats what we have. And we have a tremendous crowd. And a crowd like theyve never had before. They tell me this is a crowd like they have never had before in davos. Including all of you people like theyve never had before. Thats good. I assume theyre here because of klaus. Jimmy poor klaus. Are we sure klaus is okay . [ laughter ] while he was in daf ogs trump sat down with cnbc where i think he made what was a bombshell admission. Reciprocal. I want reciprocal. If theyre going to charge 100 for a motorcycle it should be 100 the other way too. And you know, when you mention attacks at the border, a 10 tax on the border for everything coming in, im a free trader. Totally. Im a fair trader. Im all kinds of trader. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy as if that wasnt enough, the president also did an interview with piers morgan while he was overseas, which is funny because you know, piers morgan was on the celebrity apprentice. This was a bit of a reunion for them. Last time they were together trump was choosing between piers and trace adkins for the title of celebrity apprentice. Piers is back in england now, where trump is not well liked. 63 of brits disapprove of the job hes doing. But it seems that nobody passed that note to donald. A lot of stuff has been going on between you and my country. Which has been i think its good. I think im very popular in your country. Lets not be too hasty, mr. President. But i believe that. I really do. I get so much fan mail from people in your country. Jimmy fan mail. Was that fan mail all in handwriting that is suspiciously similar to Kellyanne Conways . [ laughter ] [ applause ] fan mail. Meanwhile, one prominent former trump staffer, omarosa, has a new job. She will be joining the cast of celebrity big brother. Aka get out 2. [ laughter ] insiders say she left the white house for big brother because she wanted a more stable work environment. And this is a start because omarosa could become the first person ever eliminated from the apprentice, the trump administration, and celebrity big brother. I like this idea. I have to say i think big brother should be nothing but former members of the trump administration. Announcer they went from the white house to our house. Join seven ousted trump staffers. Omarosa, sean spicer, steve bannon, anthony scaramucci, james comey, pikiell flynn and sally yates. Locked inside the big brother house for three months of drama. Its a pretty closeknit group. Hes a total and complete phony. Backstabbing. Where i grew up in the neighborhood im from were front stabbers. And revenge. Im going to go after her with a vengeance of all of omarosa. With 76 cameras and 100 microphones capturing their every move. Lordy, i hope there are tapes. And the winner gets to move back into the white house. Its never going to happen. Never going to happen. Bigley brother tuesdays at 8 00. Followed by Chris Christies my 600pound life. Only on cbs. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i want to see both of those. Were going to take a break. When we come back, we have a new episode of the bachelor to rip to bits and a new dating app you will want to download immediately. So stick around. Ill tell you about that. [ cheers and applause ] lock its tuition. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by university of phoenix. To your. From between shifts and after hours. From the struggle, to the reckoning. To the moment you sit in that auditorium and realize that your whole life is about to change. What if a university could guarantee fixed affordable tuition. From your first class, to your last. At at t, buy one iphone 8 and get one on us. Thats one for you, and one for. Your bbf your backup singer. Your frenemy your boo your roomie so one phone for you and one phone for someone in your squad. Buy an iphone 8 and get a second iphone 8 on us. Depend silhouette briefs. 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Pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning. Snickers® satisifes. Wiback like it could used to . Neutrogena hydro boost water gel. With hyaluronic acid it plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. For supple, hydrated skin. Hydro boost. From neutrogena strummed guitar you cant experience the Canadian Rockies through a screen. You have to be here, with us. Upbeat music travel through this natural wonder and get a glimpse of amazing, with a glass of wine in one hand, and a camera in the other, aboard rocky mountaineer. Canadas Rocky Mountains await. Call your travel agent or rocky mountaineer for special offers now. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Chadwick boseman. Music from zz ward and fitz. And dave salmoni and wild animals are on the way. Lets check in with dave salmoni in his dressing room. Oh, look at that. What is that . How are you doing . Its a north american porcupine, and im doing great. Jimmy oh, great. It looks kind of furry. Doesnt look spiky. No, its completely spiky. Ill show you him later, but these are a little softer quills, and then deep in there are the hard ones that are the big defense. Jimmy and what about the hair on your head . Is that its hard now but thats more productrelated. I wont prick you with my quills. Jimmy be very careful when you get here. Dave has all kinds of animals and he will be here later. Speaking of adorable animals, have you seen the video of the rat taking a shower yet . If you havent, youre going to. Its got about 2 million views on twitter right now. Well, if youve never seen a rodent lather up before, allow me to present the shower rat. [ laughter ] its like Stuart Little for real. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] get that rat a deal with head shoulders. I dont think thats a rat. I think that may be a good metaphor for 2018. You know . Earlier tonight here on abc the love gods showered us with a new episode of the bachelor. Arie and the women went to ft. Lauderdale because that city doesnt get enough stds during spring break. Once again the star of the show tonight was krystal. I know you havent seen the show yet but basically what happened was they split the women into teams, they all went bowling, and the idea was whichever team won was supposed to get time with arie and the losers would get sent home. So krystals team won but then arie changed his mind and invited the losing team to come out too because he felt bad and thats when krystal lost it and barricaded herself in the room which did not make her a favorite with the other ladies. But krystal doesnt care because she thinks she is better than the other ladies. Im sorry, i just i feel like a lot of the girls here dont operate at my level and im tired of lowering myself to try to stoop to theirs. Like im done. Done. That was glitter. Glitter. [ laughter ] jimmy exactly. What . Lets see that again. Because that was glitter. Glitter. [ laughter ] jimmy what does that is that a thing . That was glitter . No. It doesnt mean anything. But that is how im going to end every argument from now on. [ laughter ] that was glitter. [ applause ] and you know, while it might seem like krystal was bei in in petty by staying in her room and refusing to be part of the group date according to krystal thats not at all what was going on in the room. Yesterday i wasnt hiding in my room. I was investing in myself. And growing from the struggle that happened and the challenge. Like there was discovery. Jimmy right. She was investing in herself and discovering. [ laughter ] she could be the next White House Press secretary. Thats a hell of a spin. [ cheers and applause ] thats a worldclass spin. So the big question is after all that the hysterics, the arrogance, the immature behavior, did arie send krystal home . And the answer is no of course he didnt. Krystal got a rose. Shes still in. I dont know, maybe aries scared to cut her loose. Breaking up is hard to do. Its a big reason people stay in bad relationships, theyre afraid to break up. But now theres an app that if you do find yourself in a romantic situation you want to get out of this app will help you get out of it fast. Dating is hard. Telling a guy you dont want to sedate him anymore is even harder. Some cheeses make me sweat. Interesting. Now theres an app for that. Introducing harisin. The easy way to end it. Arthur, please take a moment and say your goodbyes. What . We havent even ordered. Thats not necessary. Youre incredibly boring. So if you would, lets go. You havent met my pet rats. Youre only making it worse. The harrison app was designed by miserable women for miserable women. [ knock at door ] [ laughter ] oh, hell no. Dont delay the inevitable. Say adios with harrison. Oh, no, no, no. Just take a moment, say your goodbyes. Who the hell are you . I am chris mother [ bleep ] harrison. [ laughter ] intermission, bitch. Now, beat it. The harrison app. Well say goodbye so you dont have to. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight on the show we have music from zz ward with fitz from fitz and the tantrums. Dave salomoni is here. And well be right back with chadwick boseman. [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by febreze. Neil lane designs for hollywoods biggest stars. And at kay, he designs for the star in your life. This ring was inspired by an art deco design that goes back 100 years. At kay. The numberone Jewelry Store for. Yes. Every kiss begins with kay. You doing your taxes . Yeah. Why are you using turbotax . Hm . Well h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. Turbotax doesnt do that. Oh man. H r block more zero lets you file online for free. Get your taxes won. A jimmy we do have a lot of teachers who come to the show. And typically they say the High School Students are threatening to kill them and stuff like that. Welcome to ireland. Its not just something we say when you arrive. The warmth of an irish welcome stays with you long after you leave. So come on over. Well give you the inside track. And let you into some Little Secrets that will take you back through history, bring our landscapes to life, and make your evenings last longer. Welcome to ireland. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight, from animal planet, dave salmoni is here with his wild animal friends. Dave brought lets see. Dave brought a hedgehog, a sixfoot monitor lizard, and a cinereous vulture with him. Theyll be inside the building. Then, her latest album is called the storm. Zz ward with fitz of fitz and the tantrums from the mercedesbenz stage. Later this week, well be joined by jamie dornan, lupita nyongo, danai gurira, billy eichner, and well have music from russell dickerson, ty segall and rick springfield. And tomorrow night, Kerry Washington and Stormy Daniels will be with us. Theyre here to promote scandals of a different type. So please join us for that after the state of the union. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight stars as the classic Marvel Comics hero