hi. very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching russ thanks to all of you for coming. very nice. i tell you -- i had an interesting day today. so i woke up. i wrestled the kids. i took a shower. i drove into work. i sat dune on my desk. somehow found myself in a twitter war with roy moore. [ laughter ] running for senate in alabama even though multiple women accused him of hitting on them, groping them, et cetera, before they were 18 years old? roy moore is not happy with me. what happened was they had a rally for roy moore at a church in theodore, alabama. roy is running against someone as far as i know hasn't been accused of child molesting, doug jones. the election is december 12th. according to new polls they released this week roy moore leads doug jones by 5 or 6 poin w even though roy moore was reportedly so creepy around young girls, he was banned from the mall in gadston, alabama. imagine getting banned from the mall. no hot dog on a stick for you. [ laughter ] they had a rally for roy. a number of his supporters were there and one of them just happened to be our friend jake byrd, who jake byrd is a character who has a forrest gump-like knack for showing up at all the big events. if you're not familiar with his work, this is jake at a donald trump rally in dallas in 2015. >> by the way, can you see in the back, they have the best view, can you see it's really my hair? >> yes! yes! >> jimmy: so he's very passionate. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jake got on a plane and went to alabama last night and apparently there was an incident that resulted in him getting kicked out of the rally. we'll show you all the footage of that later. apparently the commotion touched a nerve because today roy moore lashed out at me. jimmy kimmel, if you want to mock our christian values, come down here to alabama and do it man to man. i responded and he responded back and i responded again, it's all on twitter. the bottom line is this. i accept the invitation. i will come down there. [ cheers and applause ] what i'm going to do is -- i think you're going to like this, roy. i'm going to come to gadston, alabama, with a team of high school cheerleaders, okay? [ laughter ] we'll meet you at the mall. don't worry, i can get you in. [ laughter ] if when the girls and i show up, if you can control yourself and behave, if you can somehow manage to keep little roy in your little cowboy pants -- when those nubile cheerleaders come bounding in, we'll sit down at the food court over panda express and talk about christian values. i don't know if it doesn't fit your stereotype but i happen to be a christian too. i made my first holy communion, i was confirmed, i pray, i support my church, one of my closest friends is a priest, i baptized my children. christian is actually my middle name. i know that' if you're open to it, when we sit down, i will share with you what i learned at my church. at my church, forcing yourself on underaged girls is a no-no. [ laughter ] some even consider it to be a sin. [ cheers and applause ] not that you did that, of course. allegedly. but when you commit a sin at our church, at our church we're encouraged to confess and ask for forgiveness for the sin. not to call the women you allegedly victimized liars and damage them even more. to confess. maybe your church is different, i don't know, let's figure it out together, i'll be happy to talk it through. i'd gladly sit down to interview you about it. maybe you say come to alabama and do it man to man, maybe you're challenging me to a fight, which is kind of what it sounds like. if you are, i accept, by the way. i accept that invitation. [ cheers and applause ] there is no one i would love to fight more than you. i will put my christian values aside just for you and for that fight. if you are challenging me to a fight, here's what we'll do. i'll wear a girl scout uniform so you can have something to get excited about. [ laughter ] and the winner, whoever wins the fight, will give all the money we charge for the tickets to charity. my charity will be the women who came forward to say you molested them, okay? [ cheers and applause ] all right, tough guy with your little pistol? roy moore is never -- he's too scared to even debate the guy he's running against, doug jones. with me he wants to go man to man. maybe if he went man to man instead of man to little girl you wouldn't be in this situation. allegedly. allegedly. [ applause ] i feel sorry for the people in alabama. i go online, people posting things like this about alabama. they falsely accuse jesus, vote roy moore. yes, that is completely crazy. but not everyone in alabama supports this monster. in fact, almost half the people -- i remember living in arizona, are you from alabama? okay. maybe, i don't know, just clapping. i lived in arizona in the '80s when ed mecham was elected governor. he was a nut, he would have fit right in with es i was so embarrassed to be from there, to be from the state he was governor of, i felt i had to explain myself to everyone. i imagine that's how a lot of people in alabama feel. if you do have that feeling, here in hollywood we don't hate alabama, we love alabama, so much we sent reese witherspoon to make a movie about you, okay? [ laughter ] we just don't like alleged child molesters and we hope you can see your way clear to not electing one to the senate of the united states of america. that's all. that seems reasonable, right? [ cheers and applause ] by the way, i understand if you don't -- if you're a republican, you don't want to vote for a democrat. just don't vote, then. you'll feel better about yourself. so later on, we will have all of jake byrd's exclusive report from alabama and you can see for yourself what roy moore got all worked up about. meanwhile, at the white house tonight, our president, president trump and his wife muldavia christmas tree lighting. >> here we go. >> 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. >> good job. good job. that's not festive at all. this is good. i showed this on jake tapper's show on cnn today. you don't know if that was real or not, do you? senator lindsey graham from south carolina has been one of the most vocal critics from the republican party of president trump. he didn't even vote for president trump, he seems to be turning around, he's on cnn today to defend the president against those who question his mental health. >> you know what concerns me about the american press, this endless attempt to label the guy as some kind of kook, not fit to be president. he did win, by the way. >> that's what lindsey graham said today. this is what lindsay graham >> i think he's a kook, i think he's unfit for office. >> these guys can't even agree with themselves any more. speaking of crazies. kim jong-un is riding high and mighty right about now. you see the pictures of him celebrating his missile test? north korea launched a missile. looks like they can reach any spot in the united states. kim jong-un celebrated with a smoke, a cigarette, he's got his guys. this is the missile i want to show you, it's amazing how beautiful, how many stars you can see when your country has no electricity. [ laughter ] but kim jong-un was pleased as punch. looks like he just won a round of candyland after he ate all the on or about pieces. here he is, a regular don draper. oh, you'd be happy too if you got a great black friday deal on plus-size ladies' pea coat at ross. he looks so different. remember when he was just a kid on the news all the time? [ la and he's still cute even though he wants to kill us. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: speaking of cute congratulations to kellyanne conway, who's been selected to be president trump's new opioid czar. for real. earlier this year president trump declared opioids to be a national emergency, so he allocated $12 million to fight them for the whole country. that's by the way -- he spent $80 million this year on golf. so he is serious about this. kellyanne conway has no mental health or recovery background or addiction specialty that would make her qualified to address this, which is a huge national health crisis. naturally trump was like, great, you're in. you're in charge. [ laughter ] we are lucky enough to have kellyanne live with us to talk about her new position. kellyanne, can you hear us? >> hi there, jimmy, hi. >> jimmy: hi there, congratulation on this your new appointment, how does it feel to be the new opioid czar? >> how do you think it feels, jimmy? >> jimmy: i honestly have no idea how it feels. >> well, i'll tell you how it feels. it feels fantastic. >> jimmy: oh, that's -- hey, wait a minute. are those -- kellyanne, are you eating opioids right now? >> i'm eating opioids. i'm the opioid czar. welcome to "dancing with the czar." ♪ >> jimmy: you can't eat all those. those are narcotics. you can't eat those. >> i'm not a marcotic, you're a marcotic -- tic -- tic -- >> jimmy: kellyanne? kellyanne? are you okay? >> i'm coke-kay, moke-kay -- it's fake news, fake news. i love you, mr. president. >> jimmy: kellyanne? kellyanne? >> i'm so [ bleep ]ed up right now it's ridic. >> jimmy: you know what, we're going to -- oh, no. that's terrible. all right, i hope she's -- oh, look at that. when we come back, we'll show you the reason for all the tumult in alabama tonight. >> a man who appeared to be an overzealous roy moore supporter turned out to be a fictional character from the "jimmy kimmel live" show. >> the character named jake byrd was escorted out of that rally, what "jimmy kimmel live" plans to do with the video of this protest remains to be seen. >> jimmy: well, moments from now that will be seen. a special report from maybelle county with jake byrd, so stick around. give joy, get joy - at kohl's! and get kohl's cash for you! give joy with fine fragrances an american girl doll or diamond jewelry and you'll get kohl's cash! presents for them, kohl's cash for you! and starting thursday, stores are open 24 hours. give joy, get joy at kohl's! 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(vo) through the subaru share the love event, we've helped grant the wishes of fifteen hundred kids so far. get zero percent financing for 63 months on select models, plus we'll donate two hundred and fifty dollars to charity. breathe freely fast wmy congestion's gone. i can breathe again! n! vicks sinex... breathe on. >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. elizabeth banks, chris laker on the way. first as i mentioned, last night in alabama there was a rally for senate hopeful roy moore, for some reason they held it at a church, maybe they were hoping he would repent, i don't know why. on hand to lenned his support and file this report was our friend jake byrd who really likes roy moore a lot. >> yeah! honk if you don't believe women. hey, jake byrd here, i'm in alabama with the leftard medias giving judge roy moore the business. come on two, four, six, eight, roy moore, roy moore! i'm at the mall. roy moore, roy moore! ♪ ♪ >> i mean, if anybody is stupid enough to where they believe these lies, they deserve the democrat. and the rhinos. >> exactly, exactly, the lying liberal media. who'd you rather have, roy, warts and all, sexual predator, whatever, or a democrat? >> i don't want no democrat. >> okay. so we'll go sexual predator, thank you very much. >> he's not a sexual predator -- >> alleged. >> alleged, this is ridiculous. this is washington, d.c., this is everywhere. we're sick of it. >> we know big government telling us we can't date little people. this lady is right, which is rare, because women have been liars. okay? my mom gave my seventh grade teacher permission to date me. that turned out pretty good. judge roy moore. up top. #moretocome. i worked at the mall back during those roy moore days, okay? i was in miller's outpost. mr. moore came in one day, hot, sweating, said you got to hide me, the nazi gazpacho security guards were after him. i put him in a changing room. a few minutes later i fitted him with a nice pair of cowaurd and nice top. he couldn't be nicer. now, the judge would come into the movie theater, couldn't be nicer. he would order himself a popcorn. always make sure whatever candy he got for his date wouldn't get caught in their braces, complete gentleman, he's got my vote. i don't care what he did in that theater. >> he's got my vote as well, too. >> he's not a democrat. >> this was -- i mean, this was before judge roy moore was even an elected official. >> yeah, right. he wasn't an elected official when he was doing that stuff. >> selves an assistant d.a. >> it shouldn't count. >> no, it doesn't. >> we're not going to elect the democrat. >> that's it. >> we do not care what you did, as long as you're not a democrat. >> yep. >> this is what i'm getting out of it. they think everybody in alabama is stupid. for them to come up with that stuff and think we going to believe it. >> why should we believe women? why should we believe those women? >> i'm a woman. >> we don't believe her. [ laughter ] there ain't no way that a man would fool with me and i wouldn't let him -- >> that's not true, that's not true. >> yes, it is. >> give me two wine coolers and see where this goes. >> i don't drink wine. >> they're not for you. >> listen, i ain't never drank, smoked, fooled with narcotics. or had an affair. i'm a christian. >> you know, if you're 140 years younger, roy moore would be all over you. >> check this out roy! >> not only am i being opposed by the democrats who want to push a liberal agenda, i'm being opposed by the washington establishment who don't want to change what anything's going on. in washington, d.c. >> exactly! >> they're the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender who want to change our culture. >> yes, yes! >> never once has anyone stated anything like has occurred in the last three and a half weeks. >> but the whole town, all the girls are lying? >> five statewide -- >> why would they lie? >> and three countywide campaigns. >> we can stop and it get them out? >> come on, gut out of here, we're here for the judge, we're here for the judge! he's a man's man! the judge is a man's man! you got this, judge, you got this. don't he's a man's man! is that the face of a molester? >> i would remind everyone again that the next one who makes disturbance will be turned over to the police. >> no more sissies! >> i would repeal obamacare. i would repeal it tomorrow. transgender troops, he favors. and he opposes trump's ban on transgender troops -- >> i'm his number one fan! you're kicking out your number one fan, judge. your number one fan. you know what, because i believe in the judge. and i don't believe in the ladies who lie. does that look like the face of someone who hits on teenage girls? no. that's a man's man. that's an american right there. thank you, judge. >> thank you. >> this man repeatedly interrupted individual interviews. he was asked to leave after he stood up and shouted, does that look like someone who hits on teenage girls? >> a moore supporter who announced he was the former judge's number one fan was also removed. >> i was just trying to let the judge know he's a man's man. and it took -- everyone freaked, they freaked. thanks for understanding! well. looks like i got a little too loud with the old wordsies. kind of like those teenage girls who couldn't keep a secret. don't worry, roy, you still got my support vote! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well done. jake byrd, everyone. sorry they didn't appreciate your enthusiasm. all right. we got a good show tonight. from "the crown," matt smith is here. chris laker is with us. we'll be right back with elizabeth banks! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you duracell. ery nigh♪ -talking sweet and looking fine. ♪ - ♪tis' the season -to be jolly. fa la la la la... ♪ -oohh... ♪ i'm so into you. ♪ ♪ what fun it is to ride and sing ♪ ♪ a sleighing song tonight. ♪ ♪ it's just a sweet, sweet fantasy bab♪. ♪ it's time for the holidays. holla back holla hey... ♪ hurry in to old navy for up to 75% off the entire store. get last minute gifts for just 3, 4, and 5 bucks at old navy. inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. our history is made from the inside. how will you make yours? >> jimmy: we're laying eggs in the united states and shipping them to mexico? yeah. >> what happens when the wall is there? i'm joy bauer, and as a nutritionist i know probiotics can often help. try digestive advantage. it is tougher than your stomach's harsh environment, so it surivies a hundred times better than the leading probiotic. get the digestive advantage. with twice the crispy caramelized peppered bacon. dunkin' sweet black pepper bacon sandwich is back. experience a breakfast sandwich made for bacon lovers. america runs on dunkin' >> jimmy: hi, there. tonight from "the crown" on netflix matt smith is here. he plays prince phillip. then a very funny man you can see him live at center stage theater in atlanta next month chris laker is here. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night we close out the week with the director and cast of a very small independent film called "star wars: the last jedi." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be joined by mark hamill, adam driver, daisy ridley, john boyega, oscar isaac, andy serkis, gwendoline christie, kelly marie tran, laura dern, rian johnson, and even bb 8. so join us for a new show tomorrow night. the force will be with us. why not you? [ cheers and applause ] and i want to mention -- this is very important. for those of you who are in the las vegas area our friends the killers and imagine dragons are the main events for the vegas strong benefit concert tomorrow night. this concert helps those impacted by the tragedy in las vegas on october 1st. the show is at t-mobile arena. tickets are still available, so get those and go, it will be fun and it's for a very good cause. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest is a very talented actor and director who is a producer too and star of the new movie "pitch perfect 3." >> they were world champions. the wingest acapella group of all time. >> a group of not-men who somehow managed to win at something that didn't have to do with baking. >> i can hear you. >> you're this close to being cut out of the this documentary. >> we're calling security, and i care mace. >> we're going to be clinging do you like mom jeans to a camel toe. >> that's right! >> jimmy: pitch perfect 3" opens december 22nd. please welcome elizabeth banks! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you look fantastic. >> thank you. >> jimmy: by the way, before we get into this, my mother, i want you to know -- maybe the biggest "pitch perfect" fan in the world. >> a big fan, i love her for that. >> jimmy: we hate her for it, not that we didn't love the movie but she never stops. i mean, with the singing and the watching. >> she's going to love this one too, then. >> jimmy: she's excited for it. >> need premiere tickets? >> jimmy: yeah, sure work, you allow her at the premiere? >> is she going to act like -- >> jimmy: yes, whatever's wad, she's going to act like it, like jake byrd at a roy moore rally. the premise of this film, which is again her "star wars" trilogy, it really is, you guys -- not you guys but the a capella group, the bellas, go on a uso tour. >> yes, formerly of bart, now of life, the bellas. a uso tour, which i didn't direct this movie but i'm the producer which means i'm responsible for figuring out what the story's going to be. >> jimmy: right. >> and in 2015, i went on a uso tour with the joint chief of staff general dunford. >> jimmy: where did you go? >> afghanistan, bahrain, italy, djibouti, africa, and germany. >> jimmy: did you enjoy that trip? >> it was life-changing, it was amazing. >> jimmy: really? in what ways -- >> it was so fun. you get to be with our troops. we're in one of the longest wars in american history. >> jimmy: right. >> i think it's really important -- >> jimmy: and they're very excited to see you, right? you never feel better about i could do as an american citizen. >> jimmy: yeah. >> go and especially at the holidays, you know they're not going to get to be with their families. so we get to bring a little bit of american fun over to them. >> jimmy: what did you do? who'd you go with what did you guys do? >> chris daughtry was the headliner. >> jimmy: oh, okay. >> i was sort of the host of the show with my friend david wayne. i was meant to go with john michael higgins who's in that clip with me, john and gail host the uso. at the last minute he couldn't go. i brought david -- >> jimmy: because he doesn't love america as much as david? [ laughter ] no, i think he got a movie job. >> jimmy: i see, okay. >> i thought long and hard about who i could bring that could kind of hang and do -- frankly like parlor tricks. david can solve a rubik's cube in 60 seconds and does magic and he's really funny, standup comedian. >> jimmy: this is what he did for the troops? >> yes. >> jimmy: solved the rubik's cube? >> in 60 seconds. >> jimmy: did they beat him up or let him get away with it? >> a the most fun you have is you get to interact and understand how the troops -- oh, yeah. >> jimmy: really interacting here. >> well, okay. so -- yeah. our guys, they're big guys. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> and they really like to work out. i mean, this is in -- i believe this is in djibouti. >> jimmy: no, djibouti's a little bit lower. [ laughter ] >> djibouti. >> jimmy: i have a diagram in the back, we'll go over it. >> okay. and we started after a while, we met so many guys that were huge, we started -- our parlor trick became guessing how much they could bench press based on the size of their pecs. i could tell somebody who was a 280 and somebody who was a 420. >> jimmy: how would you evaluate them? >> that guy's well over 300. >> jimmy: would you have them take off their shirts and then you would evaluate? >> you could just tell. i mean, no offense, but like -- you know. [ laughter ] they're just wider, they look like the hulk. you know. it's amazing. >> jimmy: can you tell all ranges of people what they can bench? or can you just tell -- >> no, you have to have benched a little bit. what are you, under 200 for sure. >> jimmy: i don't even -- i just do the bar. [ laughter ] >> the nine-pound bar. exactly. >> jimmy: you put things on that? i didn't realize that. it should come with them, it's really ridiculous. okay, so you go over there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: did you ever feel like you were in danger? >> yeah, no, we were definitely -- we were traveling -- >> jimmy: besides him dropping you will on your head? >> we were traveling with the highest-ranking military official in the united states. so we had a lot of security. we had a c-17 plane fly behind air force two that we were on. and travel with us. and when we got to afghanistan, they told us, you know, we're going to do li make sure that you can't get hit by like missiles. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> i mean, just hearing that sentence we were like, what? what are we doing? and they do this like spin thing with the 747. it's not like we're on some little plane. they spin down and land. and then when you take off, it's like a rocket. like they want to get high as fast as possible. so it's going to be a quick up. and no joke, it's as if this seat like went backwards and we were like, whoa! okay, we are going. >> jimmy: did you get sick? >> i didn't get sick. but i was warned to keep the baggy ready. >> jimmy: yeah, wow. that's pretty crazy. >> the scariest thing that happened was when we got to afghanistan i forgot to turn my phone off. then it said welcome to afghanistan on my phone. and i thought, i don't need the government knowing that i went to afghanistan. i was like, oh, no! aah! that was the thing that made me weirdly the most scared. >> jimmy: i would have been scared of the roaming charges. [ laughter ] >> yeah, right. but also -- impressive that i had coverage. >> jimmy: we're going to circle back to you inviting my mother to the premiere because i'll get a phone call tonight. >> it will happen. >> jimmy: very good to see you, elizabeth. thanks, everyone. "pitch perfect 3" opens december 22nd. we'll be right back! 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you know, i was thinking about you today. and i was wondering if people ask you about like the royal wedding. about harry and meghan markle and whatever. >> all the time. >> jimmy: but you don't -- you're not a member of the royal family, right? >> not officially. >> jimmy: not officially. >> unofficially. >> jimmy: not in any way. no insight into that situation. >> no. i don't. >> jimmy: do you know prince harry? >> i've met him twice. i presented an award to him at the audi polo. and he played polo, then i threw -- was the guy afterwards that went up and presented the award. >> jimmy: what award did he get, best prince? >> yeah, best prince. coolest prince on the coolest horse. and they won! >> jimmy: sure, they got to win, right? >> exactly. >> jimmy: can't knock the prince off a horse. >> he's a very charming, lovely man. >> jimmy: he as nice guy. >> he is, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: prince philip is how many years old? >> 96. >> jimmy: 96 years old. can you play him like forever? until you are 96? >> maybe, yeah, i think so. sadly not, no. it changes every two years. >> jimmy: i see. >> new cast. >> jimmy: do you know prince philip? >> no, i don't know. i'd really like to meet prince philip. >> jimmy: why haven't you met prince philip? >> he's too cool for school. he's an enigma, philip. >> jimmy: do prince philip and the queen watch the show? >> philip, no. the queen, maybe, s. >> jimmy: how do you know he doesn't and she might? >> well, a friend of mine had dinner with the queen and the prince. it was about 80 of them there. >> jimmy: really, t.g.i. friday's? >> yeah exactly. [ laughter ] denny's. >> jimmy: would you like the mozzarella sticks? >> he's the sort of man of like prominence, basically. >> jimmy: right, in film mode. he said that prince philip said, are you involved in this "crown" show? and he said, no, no, i'm not, i'm not. then it was the first course, then it was the second course, then the third course came out. by the end he thought, you know, actually, i'll ask him. and i'll see. he asked him. philip, have you watched "the crown"? he turned around and went, "don't be ridiculous." >> jimmy: don't be ridiculous. he's not streaming? >> no, he doesn't have netflix. >> jimmy: maybe he doesn't have a netflix subscription. maybe somebody should send him one and that would cover it. i do know, because of this photograph, that you met prince charles. >> charley boy, yeah. >> jimmy: and camilla. >> fantastic shoes. >> jimmy: his were? >> his. he has fantastic shoes. >> jimmy: he could use hemming on those pants. let's go over his outfit. >> he's wonderfully tailored, do you not think? >> jimmy: not wonderfully. >> i don't know about that. >> jimmy: why are there so much buckling going on? >> that very stylish sort of -- >> jimmy: he's reaching for a weapon it looks like here too. i would be a little worried if a guy did that. is that the prince thing to do? >> yeah, it is. >> jimmy: you pick things up from watching these guys? >> yeah, that's exactly what they do, put their hands in their pockets. >> jimmy: what is that? >> it looks kind of cool, it looks rock 'n' roll. i can't get anything. >> jimmy: yes, most people have fake pockets. your pockets aren't even real. you've got to have that tailored. >> exactly. >> jimmy: even though it's the left hand, he doesn't have to shake people's hands? >> maybe. although he's very good at that as well. he's very, very -- >> jimmy: like that? that's how he does it? >> a nice royal shake. >> jimmy: don't you have to be good at that? >> you're meant to learn these things. the kind of wonderful thing about prince philip that is he's the kind of dissident. he's the one that doesn't really do anything. he's the outsider. >> jimmy: i see. >> he kind of just plays -- >> jimmy: you don't have to learn any of that stuff. >> not really, yeah. >> jimmy: will you go back home for the holidays? >> will for christmas. >> jimmy: what did you guys do? >> the local village pub. >> jimmy: what's the name? >> i shouldn't say where, should i? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't worry, they don't know when christmas is. >> it's new world psalms, have a couple of pints with my mates, mulled wine and all that. do you have mulled wine here? >> jimmy: we don't have that, i don't know what you're saying to be honest. [ laughter ] >> so mulled wine. >> jimmy: tell me about it. >> mulled wine is wine that's put in a big urn and then it's like cloves and whiskey and stuff as well. >> jimmy: clothes? >> cloves. >> jimmy: cloves. i thought a sweater in there. >> they boil it. >> jimmy: they boil it? >> they boil it. >> jimmy: i have heard of that. is it good? >> well, yeah. it is. it gets you really pissed. >> jimmy: do they reduce it? is that why it's so -- >> yeah, it smells like christmas, the scent of christmas, it's marvelous. >> jimmy: the cloves smell like christmas. >> i think you'd like it. >> jimmy: i'll boil up some wine and we'll see. >> boil up some wine. >> jimmy: very nice having you here. have a great holiday. matt smith, everybody! "the crown" december 8th on netflix. be right back with chris laker! >> jimmy: you can see the gentleman you are about to see on december 15th and 16th at the center stage theater in atlanta with the great mike vermiglia. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome chris laker! [ cheers and applause ] >> i am happy. [ scattered laughter ] i need to tell people that because my face looks angry. strangers come up to me and tell me i look angry. which is very confusing because they find me approachable enough to tell me that. [ laughter ] people also have a hard time figuring out my age because i appear younger than i am, when you look at my accomplishments. [ laughter ] last night i went out to dinner with my girlfriend. now i've been living with my girlfriend for like six years, no talk of marriage, i don't know, she hasn't brought it up. [ laughter ] and i feel like it's more romantic to say, you're free to leave at any time. [ laughter ] she is jewish, i am not. i was raised catholic, which is the nicest way i can think of saying, i'm not catholic. [ laughter ] they make it too easy to get out of being catholic, that's their fault. you don't show up for like two weeks they're like, you're not catholic anymore, get out of here. jewish people don't do that. you're in for life no matter what. it's like the crips. [ laughter ] my friend doesn't go to a synagogue, we miss two candles last hanukkah, still jewish. and get this. if i get her pregnant, i just made another jewish person. [ laughter ] it's a lot of power to give me. it's a chosen baby. born with thousands of years of oppression and a free trip to israel. [ laughter ] now i got to explain anti-semitism to my little jewish kid. i don't know how to do that. little guy just looking up at me. like, why don't people like us, dad? well, first of all, it's just [ laughter ] [ applause ] i am welcome everywhere! so we're out at this restaurant. we're brought to the table. my girlfriend, for some reason she insists on sitting with her back to the wall. i don't know why. but i'm like, okay, sit wherever you want, you're paying. [ laughter ] i don't like that she's paying. it's embarrassing. i just don't have any money. [ laughter ] i used to have money. i used to be an accountant. i didn't look like this then. i looked like this on the inside. they found that out. i don't work there anymore. [ laughter ] i got fired, man. when i got fired, my boss told me it's because my performance had gotten poor, which as lie, it did not happen. my performance was always poor, it took them four years to [ laughter ] some people take pride in a job well done. i was getting paid just as much as that dude. [ laughter ] so we're sitting there at the table. my girlfriend's back is to the wall. my back is to the waiter. the waiter comes up from behind me and says, can i help you ladies? [ laughter ] it's a mistake. it's not a huge deal. except i heard pity in his voice. saw my back and thought, look at this monster of a woman. [ laughter ] i'm going to make her feel like a real lady! it's just not a good idea to say, can i help you ladies? even if you just see me from the back. because think about it. this gal's got a political agenda. [ laughter ] [ applause ] she votes green party. doesn't like gender-specific pronouns. and has so many documentary recommendations. [ laughter ] i love all of you. thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very funny, thank you. chris laker, everybody! thanks to my guests, apologies to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next. thanks for watching, good night! you really do have beautiful hair. tonight, we're on the ground in russia. >> this is quite a show of force. >> when president vladimir putin has an iron grip on power. >> this is a risky thing you're about to go too. >> yeah, it's russia. >> dan harris in the streets with young people daring to stand up to the kremlin. >> is he trying to start a fight? >> yes. >> and the biker gang with a reputation for violence riding in to defend their president. plus, the alleged russian troll factory exposed. i'm from abc news in the united states. [ bleep ]. >>