according to a reports, president trump will release his $1.5 trillion infrastructure plan on monday. apparently, he wants to take the weekend to practice saying infrastructure. [ light laughter ] "infinpuncture -- [ light laughter ] instadenture -- i'll get it, i'll have it. i'll have it by monday." president trump said yesterday it was treasonous that democrats didn't clap during his recent state of the union address. "i don't think it was that bad," said melania. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: white house chief of staff john kelley said today that some undocumented immigrants who are eligible for the daca immigration program were quote "too lazy to get off their asses and sign up." "you tell them john," said his boss between cheeseburger naps. [ light laughter ] the dow jones industrial average dropped over 1100 points yesterday. "sell, sell, sell!" said trump, when asked where he'd be in a year. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] after the dow jones industrial average suffered it's biggest single-day point drop in history yesterday, white house deputy press secretary hogan gidely said that the economy is still overall in a very strong place. okay. but do i have to know who hogan gidely is now? [ light laughter ] i already know too many characters in this stupid play. [ light laughter ] i just want to go back to a time when you knew the president and maybe speaker of the house and you can watch a whole baseball game without checking twitter to see if the president punched a nun. [ light laughter ] i don't want to live in a world where i know rachel maddow's entire blazer rotation. [ light laughter ] i guess what i'm saying is, get lost, hogan gidely! [ light laughter ] an illinois high school teacher has come under fire after he included equations about cocaine and getting high on a homework assignment. even scarier for the parents, all their kids got as. [ light laughter ] over 3 million people watched animal planet's puppy bowl this sunday, followed by the tragic season finale of "this is pups." [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] a student in texas is facing disciplinary actions after he called for a stripper to perform at his middle school and used his parents' credit card to pay for it. [ cheers and applause ] even worse, the kid who had to follow that with a geode! boo! [ light laughter ] and finally, a new bar is open in brooklyn that features a target range for axe throwing. [ cheers ] said one customer, "and draft beers are only $5." we've got a great show for you guys tonight! from nbc's "the blacklist," he's one of our all-time favorites, james spader is on the show, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] she is a fantastic comedian and she co-writes, directs and stars in the new comedy "the female brain," whitney cummings is back on the show. and very excited about this. from the super bowl champion philadelphia eagles, safety malcolm jenkins is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] before we get to all of our fantastic guests, white house press secretary sarah huckabee sanders holds a lot of press briefings. but i don't think they've asked all of the questions we need answers to and we decided to hold another one right here, right now. that's right, sarah huckabee sanders and the "late night" press corps are here in our studio and ready to go. so without further ado, it is time for the "late night white house press briefing." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: secretary sanders! secretary sanders! secretary sanders! yes, thank you. seth meyers, "late night with seth meyers." i heard robert mueller's investigation is almost done. what is the administration doing to get ready? >> we are preparing to leave tonight for switzerland. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what did you always give steve bannon before talking to him face to face? >> additional scope. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what was donald trump doing on a boat with stormy daniels? >> offshore drilling. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: what are trump's thoughts on marriage? >> it's temporary. it's not meant to be permanent. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what do men use viagra for? >> growing their business. [ audience ohs ] >> seth: what does melania want for her birthday? >> a small taste of freedom. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: if melania ever does try to escape, will she have to do it on her own? >> i'm sure she -- if she decides to run, which i think the president thinks he doesn't feel she will, i'm sure she'll have help with that. [ light laughter ] >> seth: secretary sanders, i have a few questions about the president's health. can you send out the doctor who performed his physical? dr. jackson, i heard that before his exam the president got so scared of the needles he climbed on top of the cabinets. what did you tell the orderlies? >> you leave him up there until he's ready. [ light laughter ] >> seth: how many vegetables does the president eat? >> one milligram daily. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what were the results of his brain scan? >> there's no indication whatsoever that he has any -- [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: on a scale of one to ten, how dumb is the president? >> 30. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] what happens when the president is a good boy? >> he can watch as much tv as he wants. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you said that trump got a 30 out of 30 on the cognitive test. does anyone else you know ever scored that high? >> my 5-year-old. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what did you say to yourself after you saw the president with his shirt off? >> i think i need a drink. >> seth: all right, thank you. [ laughter ] thank you for your time doctor. can you send secretary sanders back out here? yes, secretary sanders, what do you do when you're at a party on capitol hill and the deejay drops a banger? >> we encourage the senate to bring it to the floor. [ light laughter ] >> seth: what do you think about jeff sessions' eyes? >> i don't think they're that far apart. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] how does trump feel about getting eric in the divorce? >> the president still strongly believes this is one of the worst deals of all time. [ light laughter ] >> seth: when i came into the parking lot today i saw you sitting on a harley smoking a cigarette blasting van halen. why? >> because i'm awesome. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] if you came up with a new wedding dance like the electric slide or macarena, what would you call it? >> the trump bump. [ light laughter ] >> seth: all right. well, it looks like we're out of time. so on behalf of the rest of the press corps, have a great night! we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back. we here at "late night" work very hard. and nothing helps us keep our minds sharp like a good night's sleep. that's why i love the sleep number 360 smart bed. it's a great way to sleep better. and i'm sorry. this is one of my writers, john lutz. lutz, what are you doing here? >> seth, i have two little kids at home. i never sleep. so when i saw the sleep number 360 smart bed, i knew the second i got into it i could adjust to my ideal comfort, firmness and support, my sleep number. which, by the way, is a 35. >> seth: yeah. but, the pajamas? >> this is just what i wore to work today. >> seth: speaking of work, don't you have some to do? >> they say when you go to sleep, the sleep number 360 smart bed goes to work for you. so i was hoping it would write my sketches for me while i slept. >> seth: i don't think it works that way. >> really? watch this. [ light laughter ] aw. another sketch about mattresses? >> seth: sleep number 360 smart bed. not great at writing sketches, but an expert in sleep. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, no. that's -- >> seth: oh, it's not that bad. it's time for the 'ultimate sleep number event' on the only bed that adjusts on both sides to your ideal comfort, your sleep number setting. and snoring? does your bed do that? right now during the ultimate sleep number event, save 50% on the ultimate limited edition bed with adjustable comfort on both sides. ends soon. visit sleepnumber.com for a store near you. try the deoderant saving millions of clothes. degree ultraclear black + white. no yellow stains on white clothes. no white marks on black clothes. try degree ultraclear black + white. it won't let you down. with advil's fast relief, you'll ask, "what pulled muscle?" 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[ cheers and applause ] this week's drummer is a founding member of a new york city post-hardcode legends "quicksand," whose new album "interiors" is available everywhere now. alan cage, everybody! thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is an emmy award-winning actor, you know, from hit tv series such as "boston legal" and "the practice." he is currently starring on nbc's "the blacklist," now in its fifth season. let's take a look. >> oh, for god's sake. your package was stolen, willy. but not by momo marinello. i'm afraid your first instinct was correct. anthony took it in an extremely misguided effort to finance personal procedure. he'd rather not discuss except amongst friends. what matters is, now that you know the truth, you can call off whatever search you're conducting. anthony will pay you back in full with interest. no harm, no foul. >> no harm. [ door creaks ] >> oh, willy. you certainly work fast. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, one of our favorites, james spader, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: i was -- i got mesmerized by that clip. >> shocking. >> seth: it was shocking. i didn't expect there to be such a shocking end to your clip. >> i haven't seen it. i haven't seen that episode yet. and i was just back there, just about to come out, seeing that clip and really looking at it for the first time. i mean i was obviously there when we filmed it. [ laughter ] but i don't remember, like, the close, lingering shot of the bloody chainsaw. >> seth: yeah. >> i just don't -- >> seth: that was very jarring. [ light laughter ] >> very jarring. wow. >> seth: this is very exciting. and i hope you're as excited as i am. this is your seventh time on the show. >> i just can't believe it. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and that's very -- >> how is that possible? >> seth: there's -- so other sevens, rachel maddow. >> don't we all have better things to do? >> seth: well -- >> i really -- [ light laughter ] >> seth: well, it was over a period of time. >> seven times. >> seth: yeah. rachel maddow, seven times. jason sudeikis. >> have they run out of nobel prize winners or something? is that why? [ light laughter ] >> seth: no, we actually think that if we have you on enough, we can get you a nobel prize. [ laughter ] >> oh, dear. good luck with that. >> seth: martha stewart, eight. she's the only person that you have been on less than. >> martha stewart -- say them again. >> seth: she's been on eight. martha stewart, rachel maddow, seven. jason sudeikis, seven. >> what a random -- >> seth: yeah, it's random. >> list of people. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, you -- >> you should start like a bobsled team or something. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. you -- i want you guys to hang out more. maybe that's why. >> no, come on. >> seth: that's why i've been doing this. i want you guys to meet. >> we all clearly live in the neighborhood. [ laughter ] >> seth: yes, rachel works in the building. >> yeah. >> seth: she's two floors up, yes. >> am i -- >> seth: proximity -- proximity is very helpful. >> helps -- really helpful. >> seth: so thank you very much, though. >> thank you. >> seth: seven times is wonderful. and one of the things i love having -- about having you on is, you have these wonderful stories from your life before being an actor. >> there isn't like a wall of shame or something that we get? >> seth: no. [ light laughter ] >> okay. >> seth: no, i mean, if there was a wall, i don't think it would be shameful. >> okay. >> seth: but next time you come -- all right here is my promise. next time you come, in your dressing room, i will have a wall. [ laughter ] >> no, no no. >> seth: i am -- >> now there's actually a little bit of competition involved. because now, like i'm ready to book it now. because, i mean martha -- >> seth: yeah. >> been here eight. >> seth: yeah. oh, so you're thinking, like, maybe come back next week. >> well, yeah. now that you mentioned it. >> seth: put the pressure on her. [ light laughter ] oh, so at first -- >> i mean, we can go head to head for weeks now. >> seth: yeah. or you guys come on together. i want you to hang out more. >> no, that's okay. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> no, i love martha. believe me, i just the other night cooked a fantastic chicken fricassee which came from -- [ light laughter ] >> seth: from a martha stewart book? >> no, it was -- [ laughter ] >> seth: so wait, you just said you loved martha because you made a chicken? >> no. [ laughter ] what it was is is there's this fantastic chicken fricassee recipe that julia child has in her book. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and i didn't happen to have it. and so i looked up, you know, on the google thing. [ light laughter ] and so i put in martha's -- julia child's chicken fricassee. and, you know, a bunch of things come up on the phone. [ light laughter ] and so, one of them said, you know, "a variation on julia child's chicken fricassee, martha stewart living." so i don't know whether it's the magazine or the empire. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but it's something to do with martha. and i'm telling you, it's the second time i cooked it the other night. and it's exquisite. exquisite. [ laughter ] >> seth: are you -- is this common that you make dinner and make a nice meal like that? >> yes. all the time. >> seth: okay. >> can't you tell? [ laughter ] >> seth: well, now i want you to come -- next time you come on, you should do -- we should do a cooking segment together. >> no, let's not. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> i mean, that's really my -- >> seth: oh, that's -- you, right. >> and besides, for me to be able to cook, we really couldn't do. there's a lot of drinking involved. >> seth: yeah. >> loud music and so on. it might be sort of conducive. but we'd have to -- it would have to be a different sort of -- >> seth: you -- so when you cook, it's a whole thing. you're drinking and you're playing music loudly. >> well, there's music being played in the living room. >> seth: yeah. >> we're in the kitchen and so -- >> seth: gotcha. [ light laughter ] >> you know, it's loud. >> seth: yeah. >> and we're cooking together, leslie and i. >> seth: uh-huh. >> and, you know. >> seth: who picks the music? >> it's the entertainment for the evening. >> seth: do you share music tastes? because my wife and i don't share music tastes so i don't like -- >> ooh, that's hard. >> seth: it is hard. yeah. do you guys? >> what are the choices? what are your choices? [ light laughter ] >> seth: my choices is music that people like. and then hers is, like, country music. [ laughter ] yeah. [ applause ] i want to ask you this question because -- i feel like every time you're here, i've heard this story. and i want to ask you about it. that when you were young, you played a game called "getting ready for robbers." >> yes, yes, yes, we did. >> seth: but we've never talked about it. >> will broddis and i played "getting ready robbers." >> seth: how old are you when you're getting ready for robbers? >> 28. [ laughter ] no. no, we were -- i can't really remember. i mean, we were in elementary school. >> seth: gotcha. >> and probably fairly young in elementary school. because the game changes once you're old enough to -- you know, girls and -- >> seth: you don't, yeah. you don't really care about robbers. >> you are also trying to figure out how to score some beer. >> seth: yeah. or something like that, yeah. at a certain age. >> seth: so what would you -- how would you get ready for robbers? >> well, he'd come over for a sleepover. or i would go for a sleepover at his house. >> seth: uh-huh. >> he was my best friend or one of my best friends growing up, will broddis. his father was our family doctor. and it was such fun going over to their house. the first time i went over, his -- for a sleepover, his mother said to him after i went home, "that boy is never coming to our house again." [ laughter ] well, that immediately drove will, i guess, towards me. so we became best of friends. >> seth: what did you do that the mother said you weren't allowed to come back over? >> you know, i was -- i bounced a lot. [ laughter ] >> seth: like had a lot of energy? >> i had a lot of energy. and "getting ready for robbers" was -- we would get into bed and you know, either it would be a bunk bed or it would be the two twin beds. and we'd get innovative, we'd gather up whatever weaponry we could find. which there was a treasure trove of weaponry around. and so we'd gather all of that around. >> seth: why was there a treasure trove of weaponry around? [ laughter ] >> you know, that's a funny thing that you ask that. because the producer i was talking to, a day or two ago, and she mentioned something that might be something to talk about on the show tonight. >> seth: what's -- oh. >> about carrying a pocketknife or carrying a knife, or something like that. >> seth: oh yeah. you -- >> and i was sort of -- i didn't have an answer, really. because i don't know, when i was growing up -- i grew up on the east coast of new england in a fairly rural setting. but there wasn't an adult male that i'd -- i can't think of an adult male, really, that didn't carry a pocketknife. >> seth: gotcha. so you, even at that age, 10, 11, 12, you had a pocketknife. >> yeah, i was given a pocketknife very early. >> seth: now i'm seeing why she didn't want you coming over. [ laughter ] >> right, well, no but will the same. >> seth: okay, so -- >> his father, you know, his father made knives. his father was very handy besides being a great general practitioner. he made knives in the basement out of -- out of files and things. [ laughter ] and then, you know, but he also was a great carpenter. >> seth: uh-huh. >> he was really, very, very handy. >> seth: yeah. >> great, wonderful wonderful guy. >> seth: i have some follow-ups. but keep going, yeah. [ laughter ] >> okay, that's fine. but anyway, so we would -- so there was weaponry. and also, you know, we grew up in a time when, you know, you had -- at a certain age, like, for me as a kid -- you know, there was a certain age when you got a boy scout knife. and then at a certain age we might get, you know, a hunting knife. i don't know what the use would be. and i didn't really hunt at all. but i don't know, it just was part of sort growing up as a little boy. >> seth: sure. >> and then at a certain age, a bb gun you might get. and then a year or two after that, you might get an actual cartridge gun. like a 22 or something. i was growing up in a rural setting in the '60s, you know? >> seth: i mean, sounds awesome. >> it was awesome. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> yeah. so, you know, and you always had sling shots and boomerangs. and, you know, i mean everything. i mean, and, like, you know, crossbows, you know what i mean? [ laughter ] you had lots of weaponry around. >> seth: it's so funny cause this starts -- >> what's really -- >> seth: the way this starts -- >> i'm realizing this sounds so horrible. >> seth: yeah. >> that i'm generalizing as if it's everyone, right? >> seth: right. [ light laughter ] well it started with, "you know, we all had a pocketknife." and i was, like, "of course, sure." and then you said, "then you get a hunting knife." and now you are like, "and then it's a crossbow and boomerang." and i'm, like, "hold on! wait!" i feel like you got me on the lot to buy this car. now i'm, like, "wait a second. i don't want these extras." [ light laughter ] >> just give us a minute. no but i -- >> seth: so you would get -- you would just be -- you would surround yourself -- >> so we would gather the things together. and we'd arm ourselves. so you had to also be mobile. i mean, you wanted things in proximity. you know, you'd be in your twin bed. you want something that -- there's things under the pillow. there's things with the bedside table. there's something in -- within reach right here. there's also like -- you're wearing a belt that's got like, a hunting knife on it. [ laughter ] you've got like -- everything is like there might be -- i remember when i was a kid, it was just -- i don't know why. i mean if little boys are like that, i've raised three sons. and i became such a pacifist. and actually i -- weaponry is something that i still abhor to agree. i still carry a pocketknife. [ laughter ] but guns -- i actually took it out of my pocket today to come here. because i didn't know if i'd pass through some sort of -- >> seth: yeah. >> where you can't bring it in. >> seth: that's the wall of shame you are going to be on. >> yeah. >> seth: the guy who tried to get a knife -- >> the knife on meyers. [ laughter ] anyways so -- i forgot what i was saying. but in any case, you'd sort of gather the things around you. and then you just lie there, wait for the robbers, you know? [ laughter ] like many things in life, the fun of it is the, sort of, organizing of it. >> seth: yeah. >> like when you have the toy matchbox cars, you know, it's not that you really play with them that much except, you know, at a certain age, blowing them up. but you know, you certainly, you know, gather them. >> seth: yes. >> and categorize and sort of trade and things like that, you know? so, anyway, we would do that. and then i'll never forget, was there a -- there was one specific night where we clearly crossed a certain threshold. and we were a little bit older. where we decided to hit the streets. [ laughter ] so we armed ourselves. we armed oursselves to the teeth. we have --and he had like a throwing knife in his sheath back here. i had -- and we were a little older. >> seth: so you basically said, "you know what? we waited long enough. let's go get some robbers." >> we're going out. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> to hit the street. and, you know, we discussed it at the time, "what if like, you know, police show up or something like that?" and i think -- i think we were under the impression that they -- that we were colleagues. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> or something with the police. >> seth: they would have been like, "off you go." >> yeah, they would have been like, "seeing anything? no, we're good. this area is fine. [ laughter ] don't worry about it. we'll check with you later further down the street." anyway, so we went surreptitiously. you know, sneaking from building to building and yard to yard. until ended up at silus cook's house. and we were there. silus, who was a few years younger than us, although he, you know, there was a strange reaction. and i think he was horrified or scared a little bit by us showing up so heavily armed. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> but -- >> seth: that's a human reaction. >> yes. [ light laughter ] but by the same token, intrigued and a little bit drawn to it. >> seth: yeah. >> a little compelled. but anyway, we then had to get back home. we got our way back home. then we did encounter, didn't engage in any way. but we did encounter as soon as we saw the police car, we realized we were not colleagues at all. [ laughter ] i mean, this was not really -- >> seth: yeah. >> you know, if we were seen and talking and having to actually, you know, disarm, it was going to be a bad thing. so that ended the game. >> seth: there you go. >> and that night ended "getting ready for robbers." >> seth: well, i can't imagine having a better ending than that. [ light laughter ] so, good instincts. i'm glad you trust your instincts. it's always so glad to see you. [ applause ] james spader, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "the blacklist" airs on wednesday nights at 8:00 pm right here on nbc. we'll be right back with whitney cummings. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ try degree ultraclear black + white ♪ saves your white clothes from yellow stains and black clothes from white marks still with 48 hour sweat protection. try degree ultraclear black + white it won't let you down join t-mobile today, and get an unlimited family plan with netflix included. wow. plus, when you buy an iphone, get an iphone for your bff on us. i like it. all on america's best unlimited network. as a meteor headsnderway toward the metro area. go, go, go, go, go! we can fit more! there's still more room! we gotta go. juicer! we don't have a juicer! the volkswagen tiguan. it fits everything you need, and everything you don't. hey, need fast try cool mint zantac. it releases a cooling sensation in your mouth and throat. zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. nexium can take 24 hours. try cool mint zantac. no pill relieves heartburn faster. i just can't believe that i get to live with you. mrs. grey. that's me. ♪this we own this. ♪ you insist on defying me. learn to live with it. rated r. in theaters friday. anjust answer somer simple questions like "are you single?"'s. compli. see... nothing to be afraid of. oh! intuit turbotax. i've had three people try to eathree!oday. oh, lucky penny. anyway, sometimes i wish i were human. woahhhh. look at me! i'm human! ha! do you want to eat me? no. do you want to eat me? no thanks. would you like to eat me? ha! nobody wants to eat me! i'm the luckiest... you dropped your lucky penny. man, i look good. you're still short and bald. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian who wrote, directed and stars in the film "the female brain," which is in select theaters and available on demand this friday. let's take a look. >> i'm dr. brizendine. i'll be administering the test on you today. >> i'm kevin. i'm going to be taking the test today. >> although men have earned the reputation for being more stoic than women, they actually have stronger, emotional reactions than females. but due to social conditioning, within 2.5 seconds, a man tends to change his face to hide or suppress emotion. >> you're just going to be in the module for a couple of other minutes. all the minutes. >> you coming in? >> no. oh, know. [ light laughter ] >> seth: please welcome back to the show whitney cummings, everyone! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i need help with how to sit in a suit. >> seth: it's a gorgeous suit, by the way. >> i agree. i made it. [ laughter ] what am i supposed to untie it or -- >> seth: well, you could. yeah, i unbutton when i sit down, but i don't know. i feel like this looks -- i don't know -- i don't know. >> it's incredibly uncomfortable, though. >> seth: if it's uncomfortable, you can unbutton it. just to see how it feels. >> is this what it feels like to be a man? it's a nightmare. [ light laughter ] it's awful. >> seth: no, i think you look really natural. [ laughter ] i want to talk about your movie. >> please. >> seth: because it is very exciting. you're also working on the reboot of roseanne. >> roseanne. roseanne. >> seth: roseanne. you're executive producer. roseanne. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, cool. >> seth: and you -- here is a photo of you on set. >> yup. >> seth: which is very exciting. >> that's on the couch. >> seth: that's on the couch. [ cheers ] what has it been like? >> it's been a nightmare. you've worked with your heroes. or you have to talk to your heroes all the time. >> seth: yes. and at snl, certainly that was -- >> you're talking to me right now. this must be hard for you. >> seth: and i'm just barely, barely keeping it together. [ light laughter ] obviously, you're a hero of mine, that's why we gave you this paper cup. [ laughter ] >> that's right. i get a lot of respect around here. [ laughter ] you know, for me, i was so excited to work on roseanne. and i just -- i didn't foresee how nervous i'd get around john goodman. >> seth: yeah. >> i'm such a big fan of john goodman. >> seth: he's the sweetest person on earth. >> the nicest, the most talented. and it's weird because growing up, he was kind of like my dad, but now, i kind of have a crush on him. it's weird. [ light laughter ] i have bad thoughts. and i do this thing i guess, when i get nervous around a celebrity that i'm starstruck by. i just start lying. [ light laughter ] i try to just ignore him entirely because i know i'll embarrass myself. but he asked me how my weekend was, which should have been a really quick exchange. [ light laughter ] and i had been on a book tour at the time. so i was like, "i was on a book tour." he's like, "where did you go?" i was like, "i went to florida, new york, st. louis." and he was like, "well, i'm from st. louis." and in that moment, i realized i had not been to st. louis. [ laughter ] i was going to st. louis. but i couldn't say, "actually, i just lied to you." like that was -- so i just had to like lean in. and he's like, "where did you perform?" and i was, like, "the panthenon." [ light laughter ] because that kind of sounds like a theater. >> seth: sure, yes. >> like the paramount. >> seth: i would believe there's a panthenon. >> right. and he's like, "when did that get built?" and i'm like, "you don't know about the panthenon?" [ laughter ] i mean, i'm like making him feel bad for not knowing about st. louis. [ laughter ] and then, he's like, "where did you stay?" and i was like, "the doubletree." [ laughter ] and he's like, "there's a doubletree in st. louis?" and i'm like, "the one city there's not a doubletree, is the one i lied." and now, the window has closed. >> seth: yeah. >> for this, and if he watches this show, i am fired. [ laughter ] but, so, somewhere, john goodman is trying to book a hotel at the doubletree that doesn't exist. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and can't believe he can't get a show at the panthenon. [ laughter ] >> yeah, totally. and like, i just -- i'm not good with meeting my heroes. >> seth: yeah. >> i just can't do it. one time, john cleese -- i did something with john cleese. >> seth: that's one for me as well. yup. >> monty python. [ cheers ] and he came into my dressing room and we're talking. and i was just like trying to seem cool. and i was like, "i'm just going to like have a drink of whatever i'm drinking." it was a lit candle. [ laughter and applause ] literally, it gets to here and i'm, like, "oh, my god!" [ laughter ] you know, so i just -- i don't think i'm designed to be around my heroes. >> seth: i want to talk about "the female brain." >> by the way, i didn't bring this out here for that prop. it just worked out that way. >> seth: look, you know what? >> i am not a prop comic. [ light laughter ] i just want you to know i'm getting a migraine. so i brought this out because i need it. just to be clear. >> seth: oh well, we all love the prop bit. but now you ruined it. [ laughter ] >> sorry. >> seth: guys, i know you loved how i have the prop. i have a terrible migraine. >> and so, my umbrella. that was fortuitous. [ laughter ] >> seth: so this is based on a book based on the same name, "the female brain." how did you find -- how did you come across the book. >> do you ever shop online and the store you're shopping at like, judges you with the purchases they suggest? >> seth: yes. [ light laughter ] >> my amazon, the things they suggest to me are so insulting. like, i'll be like, "i need a rubber band." and it's like, "did you mean chicken soup for the soul?" [ laughter ] like, no! so, i'm just like, buying because i guess i do buy a lot of self-help books. not that i need it. [ light laughter ] and they kept suggesting, users who bought this item also bought "the female brain." and i'm like, i should just buy this because they're going to keep harassing me about it. so i finally just bought it. and then i read it. and it was so empowering and interesting, and i was like, "i just really -- i think we should make a movie of this. i asked our friend neil brennan if he would write with me >> seth: neil brennan, another very funny comedian. you guys have known each other for years. >> created "the chappelle show" with dave chappelle. >> seth: created the chappelle -- >> no big deal. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how was -- how was collaborating? obviously, this is a film about how the brains are different. >> yeah. >> seth: you guys have very different brains. how was that? >> yeah, when you write with someone, like especially of the opposite sex, it's like all the negative parts of the relationship and none of the positive parts. >> seth: right. >> it was only like -- it was just fighting and driving and no sex or vacationing. [ laughter ] so we basically just tried to make it as real as possible. and we put ourselves in situations where we could actually just fight it -- the actual scene out and transcribe it. so we basically just like, got paid to fight all day. >> seth: that's not bad. >> it's like my dream. >> seth: yeah. yes, so we just knocked it out. and you know neil, he's the funniest. >> seth: great cast. sofia vergara, cecily strong, james marsden, blake griffin. blake griffin is so funny. >> comedy marvel? >> seth: comedy genius. >> legend in the making. >> seth: yeah. blake griffin, nba superstar, is way too funny. >> it's actually embarrassing. >> seth: yeah. >> to people whose first job is to do comedy. [ light laughter ] like, we're all just like, "oh, my god." this is bad. this is like his hobby. >> seth: yeah. >> he's better at this. so, he is such a natural. and like, he improvised a lot of it. i can't take credit for a lot of it. neil knew him. and you know, suggested it and made it happen. >> seth: that's great. >> i think you'll be very delighted. >> seth: you are going to make blake griffin a different kind of star. >> yeah. like, he needed some cash. [ laughter ] but it's obviously -- he was also so tall. thank, god. cecily, we had to put her in these huge heels so they could fit in the same frame. because blake is so tall, it's hard to shoot him. you just see like, blake and like clouds, you know? [ laughter ] we had to get all these special things to shoot him. it was pretty funny. >> seth: well, well done. and always so great to see you, whitney. congrats on the movie. >> you were so great in the golden globes. >> seth:nk and applause ] >> i know you were waiting for my opinion. i know you wanted to know what i thought. >> seth: whitney cummings, everybody. "the female brain" is in select theaters and imax. we'll be right back with malcolm jenkins! ♪ bibs on people! lobsterfest is back at red lobster... with the most lobster dishes of the year. new dueling lobster tails has two tails that'll fight to be your favorite. one topped with creamy shrimp and scallops, the other... steamed with lemon and herbs. and no, you're not dreaming, classics like lobster lover's dream are back too, along with decadent new lobster truffle mac & cheese. but enough talking about lobster- let's get to eating! - because lobsterfest won't last. so dive in today at red lobster! 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[engine accelerating] see marvel studios' black panther in theaters february 16th. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is the captain of the philadelphia eagles, a two- time pro bowler and as of sunday, a two-time super bowl champion. please welcome to the show malcolm jenkins, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome to the show! >> appreciate you having me. >> seth: very dapper! >> seth: very dapper! >> i make suits for a living. people don't know that about me. >> seth: this is a suit you made? >> i made this. damari savile is my company. [ cheers and applause ] we got a brick and mortar in philadelphia. >> seth: that -- this is very upsetting me that you're good at another thing. i don't like that. so this was the second time that you were a super bowl champion. you won with the new orleans saints your rookie year. which was, of course, their first super bowl ever, as well. and what was it like being a veteran compared to the experience? >> well that first one in 2009, i was a rookie. and my head was spinning. we're getting ready for the colts. peyton manning and the great, you know, offense they had. and i wasn't supposed to start. i was a special teams guy. and the starter in front of me got walking pneumonia, like, two days before the game. and i got thrown in, kind of the second half. and so everything happened so fast. i didn't even get to enjoy it. but this time around, being a veteran and being a captain of the team, being a key contributor and everything that led up to this year, it was something different. be able to bring that to the city of philadelphia is something myself and my family won't forget. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: fantastic. a couple of photos. there you are. again, far too well-dressed. [ cheers and applause ] but i have to say as when to comes to well-dressed in the family, this is your daughter. is it elle? >> elle. >> seth: so how old is elle? this is -- she was at the game. >> elle just turned 4. [ audience aws ] >> seth: fantastic. >> she had her eagle wings on. [ light laughter ] >> seth: that's very cute. >> you know she -- in the playoffs she was, like, "hey daddy's going to the supermarket." [ laughter ] but by the time we got to super bowl sunday, she understood everything that was going on. >> seth: that's great. >> you just won the super bowl. >> seth: oh, that's very exciting. and i guess that would be a nice difference between your rookie year. now too is you have kids to share it with. >> i have two kids. yeah. i just had a daughter three weeks ago. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: congratulations. now i -- my dad's from pittsburgh. so i grew up a steelers fan. and i was very happy because now the steeler, at least for another year, still have the most super bowl trophies. >> there you go. >> seth: your dad was a giants fan and held on to being a giants fan for a long time, right? >> yeah, i mean, i grew up in northern new jersey so that's giants, you know, country. >> seth: yeah. >> but he was looking for a reason to give up on eli manning and those guys. [ laughter ] when i got to new orleans, he obviously became a saints fan. i came up to philly and there was no way. he had to cut every tie that he had to that team. he did it willingly and, you know, after those super bowl commercials, i think he's probably thinking, "that was a great decision." [ laughter ] >> seth: so i want to commend you. because you are very involved with the community and on a larger scale, how the nfl players are trying to approach, sort of this very charged year as far as the politics of the nfl and players reaching out to the communities. tell us about the player's coalition that you're one of the members of. >> yeah. so in 2016, i think after the killings of alton sterling and philando castile, the officers in dallas, i think there were a ton of players that kind of had that lightbulb moment where they wanted to get involved and get from behind our, you know, twitter tags and social media and really become part of the process. and guys started talking to police. they started talking to legislators. you saw colin kaepernick start the nfl protest that everybody's, you know, been talking about for the last two years. and at the start of 2017, myself, anquan boldin and about three other players took our second trip to capitol hill to speak to legislators about criminal justice reform and how we could really lend our platform of voices to push for the legislative changes that we wanted to see. once that we saw that we were able to get three days of meetings, meet with republicans, democrats and have all of this influence, we said, "it would be something if we could get together as athletes all across this league and really amplify our voices." and we started what we called, "the players' coalition." and we were able to engage -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. able to engage guys on almost every nfl team. and we've able -- been able to pass that baton and engage with the nfl to see or to work with them on how to amplify our words, our thoughts to really move past this protest stuff and the divisiveness of the conversation and really get to some solutions on how we can educate our fan base. >> seth: you mentioned divisiveness and i -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah, absolutely. i was really impressed reading from reading about, especially particularly what you were doing and i heard you refer to as a holistic approach, that you actually went and engaged with police officers as well as the community. do the police appreciate being a part of that conversation? because i'm sure that they want things to be better and different, as well. >> yeah, i think so. i mean, i know anything -- any time you're trying to get something done, you got to have an understanding first. and oftentimes we look at our own experiences and we speak on that and that only. and that goes on both ways. you see a lot of people that are pro-police. a lot of people that are pro- people of color and black communities and whatever. but those things aren't mutually exclusive. you can support the police and also want accountability. and so the first thing i did was engage -- [ applause ] with the police and asked them, "what is it that you're going through? what are the struggles? how is it going out in these neighborhoods? what do you need?" because i know what it's like to be a black man in this country. my family knows it. the communities i serve know it. but and i don't know what it is like to be an officer. and so if i want to move to a solution, i got to be able to understand the problem from a holistic standpoint. >> seth: that's fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] i really think that approach is commendable. and then you also, on top of all of this, you have your own foundation. and that -- that is the malcolm jenkins foundation. and is that philadelphia based? >> well we started in new orleans -- >> seth: uh-huh. >> in 2010 with the scholarship. we've -- this past spring just -- last spring, just gave over $100,000 in scholarships. that's still in place. and since 2010, we branched out to four states. louisiana, ohio, where i went to school at the ohio state university, go bucks. [ cheers ] [ applause ] new jersey where i'm from and then pennsylvania, obviously, in philadelphia. >> seth: that's great. i know this already comes out, it feels like in this era it gets asked of athletes. when the team gets invited to the white house, will you go? >> no, i will not. [ cheers and applause ] i've been to the white house before. >> seth: yeah. >> so i don't need to see the building. >> seth: yeah. >> and i won the super bowl. so these things are just really photo-ops. and i haven't been interested in photo-ops this entire time i'm involved in social activism. i am very, very much interested in meeting with policymakers about, you know, making changes in our community. i am definitely for that and have been for that and engaged in those activities over the last two years. but photo-ops are really not my thing. >> seth: well i'm glad they're not your thing. [ cheers and applause ] mostly because i do find the way that you're engaging with people on both sides of the aisle and both sides of the issue. i just think it's great. and congratulations on everything. really great having you here. malcolm jenkins, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] super bowl champion. for more information about his foundation, the work they're doing, please visit the malcolm jenkins foundation.org. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hi. i want you to pick a new truck for your mom or dad, knowing that they could possibly pass it down to you one day. cool but you should know that chevy silverado's are the most dependable, longest lasting full-size pickups on the road. which means that ford f-150s are not. which truck would you pick? the chevy the chevy the chevy boom get zero percent financing for seventy two months on this 2018 silverado all star. or a total value of over ninety-six hundred dollars when you finance with gm financial. find new roads at your local chevy dealer. pain from a headache whcan make this...ld, ...feel like this. all-in-one cold symptom relief from tylenol®, the #1 doctor recommended pain relief brand. tylenol®. and this is the no-look laser shot. 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'saved money on motorcycle insurance with geico! goin' up the country. bowl without me. frank.' i'm going to get nachos. snack bar's closed. gah! ah, ah ah. ♪ ♪ i'm goin' up the country, baby don't you wanna go? ♪ ♪ i'm goin' up the country, baby don't you wanna go? ♪ geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. try degree ultraclear black + white ♪ saves your white clothes from yellow stains and black clothes from white marks still with 48 hour sweat protection. try degree ultraclear black + white it won't let you down ♪ >> announcer: for more "late night," go to latenightseth.com. follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth. and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. head over to itunes and subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get "a closer look" and more downloaded right to your phone. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to james spader, whitney cummings, malcolm jenkins, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] alan cage and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: what's happening, everybody? it's your old pal carson daly here. it's "last call," thanks for joining us. we're at the cutting room in new york with a great show for you that features "blame's" quinn shephard. music's great. we

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