According to nbc news, special counsel Robert Muellers team is expected to interview former white house strategist steve bannon by the end of the month. Theyd do it sooner but they need to get their vaccines first. [ laughter ] according to sources, President Trump will nominate his tax lawyer to be the new irs commissioner. And i actually [ laughter ] i actually think we have a photo of Donald Trumps tax lawyer. [ laughter and applause ] shreddy. Shreddy is going to do a great job. [ applause ] many are claiming that by announcing on their wedding anniversary that she will not travel with President Trump to switzerland this week, first lady melania may be trying to send a subliminal message to trump. Subliminal . [ laughter ] look at her face. Thats about as liminal as it gets. [ laughter ] thats full liminal. [ light laughter ] democratic senator Tammy Duckworth this april will become the first sitting senator to give birth while in office. So, get yeah, give it up. [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. So get ready for the babys first words to be, gah [ laughter ] after the passage of the republican tax bill, starbucks has announced that it will be offering new benefits for its employees. But sadly one of them isnt spelling lessons. [ laughter ] its close. Its close. Pop icon elton john announced today that he will retire from touring after being on the road for nearly 50 years. Said mike pence, how nice for his wife. [ laughter ] what . That elton john . For how long . Forever . [ laughter ] a Car Insurance company has admitted to increasing premiums for customers with hotmail email addresses. Claiming theyre more likely to get into accidents. [ laughter ] said customers with hotmail address, im going to give you a bad review on https yelp. Com. Thats right, a Car Insurance company is admitted to increasing premiums for customers with hotmail email addresses. So if you have a hotmail address, i said youre paying more for insurance [ laughter ] and finally, we all every one of us has a tiny voice in the back of our head. But this is really exciting. Thanks to newly developed technology, we here at late night have the ability to record the tiny voice that is inside Donald Trumps head. [ light laughter ] and you might be surprised to know that like everyones inner voice, Donald Trumps is filled with paralyzing fear and selfdoubt. So here, once again, is the tiny voice in the back of Donald Trumps head. Father in heaven. Hey, donald. Its the tiny voice in the back of your head. And im going to say the prayer you wish you could say right now. Dear lord, please let me handle this elaborate charade that im trapped in. [ light laughter ] please let me open my eyes and be transported back to when i was running casinos and making cameos in home alone. [ laughter ] back to a time when i was disliked but still sort of a beloved kind of a freak. [ light laughter ] but if that cant happen, lord, can you please at least transform this glass of water in front of me into a 30liter bottle of diet coke and a bucket of Chicken Nuggets . Because, honestly, lord, that is all i really want right now. Please lord, make everyone disappear and put Chicken Nuggets in front of me. [ light laughter ] im going to open my eyes, lord. Im going to open my eyes and please let that be the case. Oh, goddamn it. [ cheers and applause ] seth its an amazing technology. You guys, we have a great show for you tonight. Hes currently in the middle of his allnew comedy tour entitled fixer upper, jim gaffigan is here tonight. One of the all time greats. [ cheers and applause ] he is the host of the van jones show on cnn. Van jones is back with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and standup from a fantastic comedian, Josh Gondelman is here this evening. [ cheers and applause ] so youre here a great night. Before we get to all that, the Trump Administration is facing mounting legal headaches and a series of dizzying scandals, including a potential Campaign Finance violation involving a porn star. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth its just another ordinary week in the year 2018. Which means in the last 48 hours its been reported that the fbi director threatened to resign over political pressure from the white house. The president s campaign might have violated Campaign Finance laws when they allegedly paid hush money to a porn star. And the governor of hawaii could not tell people that a missile alert was a false alarm because he forgot his twitter password. [ laughter ] the public could have known sooner about the false hawaii missile alert. But the governor forgot his twitter password. I have to confess that i dont know my twitter account logons and the password. So certainly thats one of the changes that ive made. Seth oh my god. [ laughter ] why is it that people who you actually want to tweet forget their passwords, meanwhile certain other people seem perpetually logged on . [ laughter ] although heaven forbid we ever get a missile alert tweet from trump. [ laughter ] so people in hawaii thought they were about to get hit with a missile for 38 minutes because the governor didnt know his twitter password. And somehow that isnt the biggest story in the news. Neither is the fact that the president of the United States allegedly paid hush money to a porn star named Stormy Daniels. And heres the thing, its not just a sordid sex scandal. It turns out it might have actually violated federal law. Did Donald Trumps lawyer break Campaign Finance laws when he reportedly paid a porn star hush money to keep her quiet about an alleged affair with President Trump . A watchdog group, common cause, says yes. Filing a complaint with the department of justice and the federal elections commission. Seth amazing. So theres actually a chance someone at the Justice Department will have to interview Stormy Daniels. [ light laughter ] and i for one hope its jeff sessions. [ laughter ] now, miss daniels, you say you engaged in, uh oh, i cant read that word. [ laughter ] oh i cant say that word either. Oh, dont even know what that word is. But im definitely not gonna say it. One things for sure, when sessions goes home that night, hes gonna answer questions from his wife the same way he answers questions from congress. How was work today honey . I dont recall. [ laughter ] so heres whats been reported. Trumps lawyer, Michael Cohen, set up a Shell Company to secretly pay daniels. And if that payment was intended to help trumps campaign, it might have actually counted as an inkind donation. Which means it should have been reported. And it definitely sounds like the payment helped trump out a lot. Journalists at several news outlets say just a few weeks before the 2016 election, daniels told them she wanted to talk about her relationship with trump. And then suddenly she didnt. The wall street journal also reports thats around the time cohen formed a Shell Company to pay the porn star 130,000 in exchange for her silence. Seth wow. So if they hadnt paid her off, the last month of the campaign might have been dominated by two people named Stormy Daniels and anthony weiner. [ laughter ] is it possible that the 2016 campaign was a porno . [ laughter ] are we living in a porno . Because he acts the way a president acts in a porno. [ laughter ] immigration, crime, north korea. Is it getting hot in here . [ laughter ] so, trump allegedly had an affair with a porn star, and then tried to cover it up a month before the election by paying hush money through a Shell Company called essential consultants llc. Now, the whole point, the entire point in setting up the Shell Company was to obscure their identities. So how did trumps lawyer, Michael Cohen, get caught . He put his name down on the documents. Michael cohen, Donald Trumps lawyer, created an llc so that he could pay Stormy Daniels 130,000. Essentially to stay quiet about this alleged sexual encounter. And according to the formation documents of the llc that the wall street journal is reporting on, Michael Cohen is listed as the authorized person on these documents, and Stormy Daniels is listed as peggy peterson. This appears to be a pseudonym. Seth wait, he used a pseudonym for the porn star but not himself . [ light laughter ] the porn star already has a pseudonym. [ laughter ] using a pseudonym for her and not you is like robbing a bank and telling your partner, here, wear this second mask on top of your first mask. And ill just cover my face with saran wrap. [ laughter ] of course, by now youve probably heard some of the more sordid details of the alleged affair. Like the fact that daniels claimed that her affair with trump included an unusual act. Spanking him with a copy of Forbes Magazine. [ laughter ] the spanking came during a series of sexual and romantic encounters with trump and that it involved a copy of forbes with trump on the cover. [ light laughter ] thats right. Trump got spanked with a Forbes Magazine with his face on it. And this is apparently the issue shes referring to. But its not just trumps face, check out who else is on the cover. [ laughter ] look at don juniors expression. He looks like right before that was taken trump said, smile, im gonna get spanked with this [ laughter ] now, on top of the potential illegality, theres also the fact that trump overwhelmingly won evangelical voters by pretending to be a godly man. And the socalled family values brigade was firmly behind him. So how do those selfproclaimed defenders of morality feel about trump paying hush money to a porn star to cover up an affair he had just months after his son was born . Well, tony perkins, president of the Family Research council, was asked about it on tuesday, and this will shock you. Hes suddenly a lot more chill about all that family values stuff. If the president were to all of a sudden revert back to some of that behavior as president , the evangelical support will not be there for him. So, its based on, we kind of gave him, all right, you get a mulligan. You get a doover here. Seth ah, yes. [ light laughter ] it just like jesus said to the apostles when they found him in a strip club. Bros, im gonna need a mulligan on this one. [ laughter ] you got me. Now im gonna need a mulligan. [ applause ] so why . Why are evangelical voters overwhelmingly sticking with trump, despite his apparent contempt for the values they claim to believe in . Well, true to the teachings of jesus, perkins said evangelicals like trump because he fights with people. They were tired of being kicked around by barack obama and his leftists. And i think they are finally glad that theres somebody on the playground that is willing to punch the bully. And even though punching the bully what happened to turning the other cheek . You know, you only have two cheeks. [ laughter ] seth technically you have four cheeks. [ laughter ] two on your face and then the magazine catchers in the back. [ laughter and applause ] and perkins [ cheers and applause ] perkins wasnt the only selfproclaimed social conservative who was in a forgiving mood on tuesday. There was also matt schlapp, chairman of the american conservative union. Schlapp dismissed the allegations, focusing specifically on the fact that the original interview with Stormy Daniels appeared in in touch magazine. I dont really have many thoughts on this, alison. I dont know what i dont even know what we know. Theyre basing this on a publication that is kind of like tmz, a gossip publication. Im sure the media would continue to originally, hold on matt, but theres been other reporting. The wall street journal, which is not tmz. Yeah, but theyre reporting that i know what youre talking about, in touch, the original one. But wall street journal yes. Do you read alison, do you read in touch . Hold on, hold on. I dont read it. Do you read it . I do read the wall street journal. And heres what they but i dont read in touch. Seth i guess its not surprising that matt schlapp would defend trump. Hes apparently such a big trump fan, he changed his last name to the sound a Forbes Magazine makes when it hits trumps ass. [ laughter ] schlapp [ applause ] oh, thats good. Schlapp oh, thats the candy. [ laughter ] this scandal is yet another example of the rot of bad faith at the core of the modern gop. Imagine if obama or Hillary Clinton had potentially violated federal Campaign Finance law by paying hush money to a porn star. The right wouldve lost their minds. But the same people who declared themselves defenders of family values and the rule of law for the last eight years dont seem to care about the fact that the president allegedly asked a porn star to give him a good old schlapp. [ laughter ] seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth well be right back with jim gaffigan, everybody. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] crunching dude, your crunchings scaring the fish. Dude, theyre just jealous. Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. With crunchy clusters and the taste of. Apples and strawberries. I got one i guess were having cereal for dinner. Deliciously hearthealthy kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. Charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. 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Advil liquigels minis. Can someone make a target run . Great idea, sweetie get some more soda. Wed love some cheese dip noooo she likes guacamole. Get low prices, today and every day. Target run done. So naturally not all pet food is either. At petsmart, we understand that different pets need different food. Thats why were always adding new brands like Rachel Ray Nutrish real food recipes, inspired by rachel rays kitchen. So, our wide assortment including science diet, blue buffalo and pro plan just got even bigger petsmart has everything you need for these guys. Why shop anywhere else . Right boots . Petsmart for the love of pets. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, back on drums with us tonight, hes the from the renowned metal band mastodon whose album, emperor of sand is Grammy Nominated for best rock album. They also earned an impressive second nomination in the best Metal Performance category. Brann dailor is back, everybody. Thank you for being here, brann. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for having me. Seth our first guest tonight received his third grammy nomination this year for his comedy album sanko, cinco. I think i said it right. There you go. I certainly should. Hes currently in the middle of his latest stand up tour, jim gaffigan the fixer upper he can also be seen in the upcoming film chappaquiddick. Please welcome back to the show, jim gaffigan, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back. Thank you for having me. Seth im always so happy to have you here. Last time you were here you had just come back from asia. Youd been doing thats right. Seth touring there, and now this time youre just back from europe. How was your europe travel . You know, i got back on sunday. So im still a little bit delirious. Seth mmhmm. I mean the transatlantic flight, that is no joke, right . I mean, i guess thats the only option, right, to get across the atlantic. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. Is the flight. Seth trans is the only way. Right . You never really theres no people like, you know what, i jet skied. You know . [ light laughter ] but its an insane flight. People are messed up after that flight. For days. Theyre like, i need a day. I need a day. But it doesnt seem that hard. Youre like it was hard. I had to sit in a comfortable chair for six hours. [ laughter ] and watch movies. I felt like i was being waterboarded. [ laughter ] people complain. It used to take six weeks. Seth yeah. It used to take six weeks to get from europe to the western hemisphere, and even back then people were like, thats great, you know . [ laughter ] thats good. Like how long did it take . Six weeks. Oh, thats good. Yeah, i was productive. I read every book thats ever been printed. You know . [ laughter ] but thats how columbus, he, you know, got from spain to the western hemisphere, six weeks