And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 801, utah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, i love you i love you. Welcome. Welcome, everybody. Thank you so much for being here to the tonight show you are at the tonight show [ cheers and applause ] welcome to heres what people are talking about. It came out during a meeting on immigration yesterday, trump referred to african countries and haiti as well i cant say the word on tv, but lets say sholes. [ light laughter ] right after that Sarah Huckabee sanders went out and got sfaced. [ laughter ] she was like, oh tomorrow tomorrows going to be rough [ cheers and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy thats right, the president of the United States actually said that about other countries, so to everyone who thought 2018 would be better than last year, that lasted a a whole eleven days. Steve yeah. Jimmy so i hope you enjoyed it. [ cheers and applause ] fun while it lasted. Actually, he said he wanted fewer immigrants from haiti and africa, and more immigrants from norway. [ light laughter ] even steve bannon was like, looks like i got out just in time. [ applause ] later, dude. This comes after the white house released a video that shows all the highlights of trumps first year in office. Take a look at this. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wow. Steve i mean, what is going on . Jimmy well now lets take a a look at what the democrat released to sum up trumps first year in office. [ shouting ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy pointing at stuff. Steve putting on a hat. Putting on a hat was one of the highlights. Jimmy yeah. Hey guys, the nfl playoffs kick off tomorrow with the Atlanta Falcons facing off against the Philadelphia Eagles. Now [ cheers and applause ] Atlanta Falcons, Philadelphia Eagles. Now as you know, at the end of the season they give out most valuable player, but they also give out other awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks, like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. So with that in mind its time for tonight show superlatives, here we go. Tonight show superlatives jimmy first up for the Philadelphia Eagles is jason kelce, he was voted most likely to be the love child of nick offerman, and haley joel osment. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] next up from the eagles is jalen mills who was voted most likely to ask his barber for the par three. [ applause ] next up for the falcons is derrick coleman. He was voted most likely to flirt with himself when he walks past a mirror. [ laughter and applause ] looking good, derrick. Next up from the eagles we have halapoulivaati vaitai. He was voted most likely to accidently awaken an ancient spirit whenever he says his name. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] houla vatu prota. [ growl ] [ laughter ] next up, from the falcons is eric saubert. He was voted most likely to be swallowing a watermelon whole. [ laughter ] how are you doing that . Amazing. [ gulp ] next up is falcons starting quarterback matt ryan. He was voted most likely to prepare for a date by wearing his romance slacks. [ applause ] it goes great with my seduction loafers. [ laughter ] next up for the eagles is wendell smallwood. He was voted most likely to wink, and say, it aint though, after he introduces himself. [ laughter ] [ applause ] bigger than average wood. Yeah steve alright, we got it. Jimmy next up for the falcons is matt schaub. He was voted most likely to be Steven Miller learning how to smile. Can we [ laughter ] yep. There you go steve yeah. [ applause ] next from the eagles we have dannell ellerbe. He was voted most likely to be a teen who just got their phone taken away. You guys dont get me. Next up from philadelphia is bryan bramen. He was voted medieval james corden. [ laughter and applause ] and finally from philadelphia we have jake elliot. He was voted most valuable intern. There you go. I just [ cheers and applause ] im just here for the experience. Thats the superlatives right there. Your nfl superlatives. Well guys its the end of another crazy week, and since theres too much to talk about, instead of giving you a full week in review we decided to put together a little montage, that just focuses on the keywords used this week. Its something we call this week in words. Hope you enjoy. [ cheers and applause ] happy new year. Im wondering whats next. I still write 1987 on my checks. Yeah. Fire and fury is flying off the shelves and a fire on the roof of trump tower as well. My roof, my roof, my roof is on fire. Author Michael Wolff is defending his depiction. The white house is claiming a grotesque work of fiction. Bannons career is even harder to find. He not only lost his job, but lost his mind. Trump came out swinging. He is ready to fight. Because of the books assertion that hes not very bright. Uh. Something to look forward to. Something that should be evident. In 2020. Vote oprah for president. Fake it [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have a great show tonight give it up for the the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have got a fun show tonight. We love it when he stops by. He is the star of nbcs the blacklist, celebrating their 100th episode, james spader is here ladies and gentlemen. Steve yeah jimmy james spader [ cheers and applause ] plus her new album camila, is available today, Camila Cabello is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] love her. And we have great standup from pete lee, ladies and gentlemen, very funny individual. [ cheers and applause ] hes been here before. Pete lee is coming back to the tonight show. Guys today is friday and thats usually when i catch up with some personal stuff, you know, i check my inbox, return some emails, and of course i send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] well, i was running a bit behind today so i thought if you guys wouldnt mind id like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that cool with you . [ cheers and applause ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music please . [ laughter ] unbelievable. Fantastic. Thank you. Thank you people who joke that theyre still writing 2 2017 on all their checks for making me wonder who still writes checks. [ laughter and applause ] thank you steve bannon leaving breitbart. Now youre free to pursue your dream job, being the before model for literally anything. [ laughter and applause ] good for him. Thank you kim jongun for turning 34 this week. I really like the theme of your party, mandatory. [ laughter and applause ] were having fun. Were having good steve yeah, great. Jimmy were having good, and were having fun. Thank you Christmas Trees being thrown out in the street, for looking like everyone just went through a bad break up with santa. [ laughter ] get out of here nothing to do with you anymore. Whose stockings are these . [ laughter ] steve dont call me a a hoe. Ho, ho, ho. Jimmy okay. Thank you Cross Country skiing for being the perfect sport for people who like skiing, but wish it took ten times as long, and wasnt fun. good exercise huh . Yeah, you said that three hours ago. [ laughter ] its really good exercise. Thank you, wearing colorful socks, for sending the message to your shoes, just between you and me, im fun. [ laughter ] i dont have any fun socks, though. Steve really . Jimmy no, normally during the show i wear just normal, yeah black socks or blue socks. Thats my sock. James, do you have fun socks . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] steve oh jimmy he doesnt wear socks. Steve yeah. Jimmy thank you old apartment radiators for never making the same noise twice. [ laughter ] [ applause ] [ mimicking radiators ] steve steamed heat. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you asking someone to go ice skating, for basically saying, you want to almost fall down for an hour. There you go, everybody, those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with more of the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] sometimes a little thing. Can feel like a. Big bad thing but then we do our taxes with turbo tax. If youre nervous, they have real, live help you can talk to. Hi, turbo tax lady can i claim a mask as a deduction . Yes, if its required for work. Well, goody gumdrops see, nothing to be afraid of at all. Intuit turbotax its time for sleep numbers lowest prices of the season on the only bed that adjusts on both sides to your ideal comfort your sleep number setting. And snoring . Does your bed do that . Its the lowest prices of the season on the queen c4 mattress with adjustable comfort on both sides. Now only 1199, save 400. Plus, 36 month financing available. Ends monday. Visit sleepnumber. Com for a store near you. Whentrust the brand doctors trust for themselves. Nexium 24hr is the number one choice of doctors and pharmacists for their own frequent heartburn. And all day all night protection. When it comes to frequent heartburn, trust nexium 24hr. Ohhhhhh, ou guess what i just got . Uh i used to be spellbound hello again. I used to be spellbound hi. I used to be spellbound thats a big phone. In your arms. [screams] ah, my phone. You built the flame that warms my heart, but lying and cheating has torn us apart and im moving on. Jimmys gotten used to his whole yup, hes gone noseblind. Odors. He thinks it smells fine, but his mom smells this. Luckily theres febreze fabric refresher for all the things you cant wash. It finds odors trapped in fabrics and washes them away as it dries. And try pluggable febreze to continuously eliminate odors for up to 45 days of freshness. Pluggable febreze and fabric refresher. Two more ways to breathe happy. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back everybody. Here at the tonight show we love songs, and we especially love songs written by our audience members in under an hour. It is time for battle of the instant songwriters. Here we go. The song now im singing the song now by the song by the song [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my gosh. Excellent. Welcome to battle of the instant songwriters. Before the show we went through our audience and picked out two people who said they were musicians. We gave them each a made up song title and gave them an hour to write an original song based on that title. Heres a shot of them practicing backstage a minute ago. Look at that. There you go. Very interesting. Cant wait to see what they come up with. Lets meet the contestants right now. Come on over guys [ cheers and applause ] hey, jimmy. Nice to see you. Jimmy thank you. Welcome, welcome to the show. Lets start with contestant number one. What is your name and where are you from . My name is melinda and im from pennsylvania. Jimmy hey, melinda from pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] melinda thank you so much for being here. What was the title of the song that you were given . Its called texting with my dentist. [ laughter ] jimmy ah. Ah, classic. Classic title. And what instrument will you be playing . The guitar. Jimmy i love the sitar. [ light laughter ] the guitar. Jimmy well, yeah. [ light laughter ] please take a seat over there on the stage and go get ready. Get yourself ready and want to give you a big intro. Melinda [ cheers and applause ] and now ladies and gentlemen, here to perform the World Premiere of the soon to be classic, texting with my dentist, on the guitar, its melinda may. [ cheers and applause ] oh my god im blowing up its my new friend im like whats up its my dentist texting my dentist he knows i eat too many sweets oral surgery at 19 yes he knows everything about the inside of my mouth [ light laughter ] now hes about to see the kind of things that come out texting my dentist [ cheers and applause ] im texting my dentist when i look up from his chair and your eyes ill get lost in ill never lie to you unless you ask how much im flossing [ cheers and applause ] im texting my dentist jimmy oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for melinda may, right there that was incredible. Melinda, come on. [ applause ] come on over here. Oh, my god. Yeah, you cant lie about flossing. Lets meet contestant number two. What is your name and where are you from . My name is nat osborn, im from brooklyn, new york. Jimmy hey, brooklyn boy. [ cheers and applause ] nice to see you buddy. Nice to meet you. Jimmy welcome nat, i appreciate it. Now tell everyone what your song title is. My song title is prepare for two inches tonight. [ laughter ] weather related song. Jimmy weather related song. Of course. [ light laughter ] its that time of the year. What instrument will you be playing . I will be playing a piano keyboard. Jimmy an organ. Exactly. [ laughter ] jimmy why dont you take a a seat over there. And get ready. Get in the zone. Challenge it. Challenge that energy. Get ready. Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for the World Premiere of prepare for two inches tonight, by nat osborne. [ cheers and applause ] these new york city winters got me shivering or maybe its the thought of your perfume the weatherman is saying to stay in tonight so i lite every candle in my room yeah well im not trying to leave im thinking maybe baby we could take this deeper i hope your ready for everything ive got so you will take care dont despair but prepare for two inches tonight [ cheers and applause ] jimmy nat, get over here. Thats classic. [ cheers and applause ] good job. Jimmy prepare for two inches tonight. There you go. Its time to see it is time to see who won. Were gonna let our great audience decide the winner. Now was it melinda . [ cheers and applause ] or was it nat . [ cheers and applause ] the winner is nat ladies and gentlemen. Nat [ cheers and applause ] nat you will be going home with 1,000 and a tonight show notebook for writing more songs. Oh man, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you so much. That was hilarious. That was great. But nobody goes home empty handed. Our other contestant will get a a tonight show notebook. [ cheers and applause ] and 1,000. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for your two new instant songwriters right there. Congratulations buddy. Congratulations. Stick around, well be right back with james spader everybody. Hey, you were fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] with 33 individual vertebrae and 640 muscles in the human body, no two of us are alike. Life made more effortless through adaptability. The perfect position seat in the lincoln continental. chil chicken and steak for just 10. 99 in the lincoln continental. Major fajita improvements 48 more meat, 10. 99 please sing it with us its 10. 99 chilis is back baby back baby back mmhmm oh baby chilis is back baby back baby back volunteer at neighborhoodofgood. Com. State farm. Directv has been rated number one in Customer Satisfaction over cable for 17 years running. But some people still like cable. Just like some people like preshaken sodas. Having their seat kicked on an airplane. Being rammed by a shopping cart. Sitting in gum. And walking into a glass door. But for everyone else, theres directv. For 1 rated Customer Satisfaction over cable, switch to directv and get a 200 reward card. Call 1800directv. You doing your taxes . Oh. Yeah. Trying to sneak them in between set ups. Why are you using turbotax . Hm . Well h r block more zero lets you file online for free even if you itemize deductions. Turbotax doesnt do that. Oh man. At this point, it kind of just seems like you hate money. Yikes that was not me. I think somebody touched something. Unlike turbotax, h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. A more free way to file. Get your taxes won. And were gonna get the phone his phone,ry sorry. Uh out of you. The important thing is that were going to make you better. voiceactivated doubletone okay. Heres how to make butter. Pour two thirds a cup of cold heavy cream into a one cup canning. Snickers® satisifes. Feel the power of thenew power. Smax. To fight back theraflus powerful new formula to defeat 7 cold and flu symptoms. Fast. So you can play on. Theraflu expressmax. New power. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest, aw, we love him so much. I wish he was on every night. I just love talking to this guy. Hes an emmy winning actor who stars on the blacklist which will air its 100th episode wednesday january 17th at 8 00 p. M. , right here, on nbc. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome james spader. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what im talking about james spader, on the tonight show hes back. Hes back in black, james spader, please. It was acdc wasnt it . Jimmy oh yeah, yeah. Oh, it definitely was, how are you buddy . Im great. Jimmy always great to have you on the show. You always look sharp. Thank you. Jimmy we were talking quickly backstage, cause i wanted to save it for out here. But you you quit smoking . Is that true . I did. In the last jimmy this is [ cheers and applause ] good for you. I recommend it. [ laughter ] really. Jimmy yeah. This is jimmy have you tried before . I had. And the first time around was, probably about 17 years ago 18 years ago. And it was miserable. I mean, i was miserable. And i was off for probably ten years. And i was miserable the entire ten years. [ laughter ] i mean, i really was i jimmy sorry to laugh, i thinking about something else. [ laughter ] but, no you i dont want you to be miserable. Thats right jimmy i didnt want you to be, i didnt want you to be miserable. No i resented everyone that was happy that i had quit. [ light laughter ] jimmy so if someone came up and said, im so happy. No, i just, i mean, if people if people were saying jimmy please, mind your own business. That they might want to quit, i would try and talk them out of it. [ laughter ] i just was it really and it changed my life so dramatically, in such a a terrible way. I mean, truly in that i just became this sort of angry i even resented myself for having put myself through it. So, i sort of just said, you know what, the hell with you, just eat like a pig. And, you know, so i also gained, like, 30 pounds. Or 40 pounds or something when i quit. Yeah. I just, i ate whenever i wanted, i just it was miserable. I hated it. And jimmy start smoking. It lasted about ten years and i started again. And this time it was so easy, it was so perfect. And it was all because of this book. Jimmy what is the book . Its called allen carrs easy way to quit smoking. Jimmy allen carrs allen carrs easy way to quit smoking. He also jimmy what is his step one . He also has a diet book, i mean, but the great thing about the book is, he also [ light laughter ] he insists that you keep smoking while youre reading the book. And then when you finish it you stop. So, i took i mean, the books about this thick, okay . And poorly written with big letters. [ light laughter ] and i took months to read it, because im smoking. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] jimmy i want to hear what this guys gonna say. Yeah, no, hes urging hes urging m