Featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 768. Steve and now, here he is, [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Thats a hot crowd that is a beautiful, beautiful, great new york city crowd. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome. [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Thank you so much. Heres what people are talking about. Well, i w that President Trump is wrapping up his twoweek trip to asia. Yep. Trump said he couldnt wait to get home, put on his pajamas and tweet in his own bed. [ laughter and applause ] it feels so much better. During the trip, trump met with Vladimir Putin and he called people who criticized the meeting haters and fools. [ light laughter ] and he introduced his new speech writer, mr. T. Nd applause ] i pity the fool. Get this, trump said that he asked putin if he meddled in our election, and putin denied . [ laught its like telling kevin spacey to keep an eye on roy moore. You know, i just [ laughter and applause ] steve heyo jimmy but a big breaking am donald trump jr. Was in direct contact with wikileaks during last years election. [ audience ohs ] u can tell don juniors in trouble cause his dad just demoted him to eric. [ laughter ] ] youre eric now. Eric, youre don junior. [ laughter ] thats right. Its pretty crazy. This weekend, trump actually posted a tweet that said, why would kim jongun insult me by calling me old, when i would never call him short and fat [ laughter ] sort of sounds like a high school bully, you know whry own burn book like the one in mean girls. [ light laughter ] ill show you what i mean. For instance, hes got a page about pope francis that says, giant loser who has never had a girlfriend. [ laughter ] he has a page out the head of the russia investigation robert mueller. It says, total narc. [ laughter ] and finally for Vladimir Putin, he just wrote the words, mr. Donald putin over and over again in cursive. [ applause ] everyones talking about this photo that went viral of trump doing a traditional handshake with other World Leaders in manila. Take a look at this. [ laughter ] worst game of red rover. [ applause ]send putin over. This made me laugh. During his trip to japan, trump played golf with japanese Prime Minister shinzo abe and abe ran into a little bit of trouble. Watch what happened on the golf course here. Jimmy here he is sand trap watch, hes like almost then, oh boy see it again, look yeah whoa. Thats right, for three whole seconds,rassing world leader. [ laughter ] it was kind of an amazing moment. [ applause ] everyone was surprised. By now, you guys probably all saw that recent iphone bug where the letter i would get rned into an a with a a question mark. You know what im talking about . Well, over the weekend, apple put out an update to fix that issue. Damn, there goes my new catchphrase. [ light laughter ] jimmy mark, what are you talking about . Catchphrase. Jimmy how is a question mark a catchphrase . Here, ill show you. Tell me that dolphins learned how to fly. Jimmy okay. Dolphins learned how to fly. Ahuh . [ laughter and applause ] see . They loved it. [ applause ] jimmy i dont know, mark. Its not really much of anything. Well, it must be something, because all these guys are doing it. Jimmy really . Yeah, try it out. Give them some sentences. Check your suit pocket for examples. Jimmy you planted this in my jacket . [ laughter ] just read the sentences. Jimmy okay, the tooth fairy is real. Ahuh . [ applause ] jimmy today, donald trump resigned. Ahuh . [ applause ] jimmy every time you sneeze, you lose three pounds. Ahuh . [ applause ] ahuh . Jimmy ahuh . Ahuh . Ahuh . [ laughter ] ahuh . Ahuh . Jimmy okay, i get it i get it. [ cheers and applause ] pretty good. Not bad. [ applause ] guys, thanksgiving is next week. Can you feel it . [ cheers and applause ] you can already feel the thanksgiving spirit on the streets of new york. We wanted to have a little fun with that so we sent our writer arthur downstairs to the 30 rock plaza to ask people one question about thanksgiving. But what people didnt know is that he never actually gets to the question. Its time for a segment we call the big question. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] whats the big question yeah n so, as im sure you know, were fast approaching the holiday of thanksgiving which in north america at least has been celebrated nationally on and off since 1789, after congress requested a a proclamation from thenpresident washington who at the time was only in his second year in office. Although, as we know, it wasnt made a federal holiday for another 65 years when thenpresident lincoln proclaimed the holiday as a a national day of thanksgiving and praise. And one which now, bridges the gap between the costumed kookiness of halloween, and the nonsecular or religious holidays which tend to fall in lateem themselves lie in that the fall season. Yeah. During which thanksgiving coincidentally happens to fall. At least in north america, which leads me to k, isnt it wonderfully ironic when you consider tt thanksgiving, a a holiday of unity and community, of gratitude and appreciation, of recognition and congregati. Of fellowship, closeness, harmony and unity, considering just how much disagreement theres been historically, over where and when the first thanksgiving was held in the united states. The most contentiouswo parties of which, were the then colonies of virginia and massachusetts with the issue not being put to rest until 1963 1963. By then president kennedy who, as we all know, famously proclaimed, and i quote, over three centuries ago, our forefathers in virginia and in massachusetts, far from home in a lonely wilderness set aside a a time of thanksgiving. On the appoiay, they gave reverent thanks for their safety, for the health of their children, fohe love which bound them together. D quote. [ light laughter ] while ofourse acdginknowle thanksgiving similarities to the german Harvest Festival of erntedankfest, i guess the ou asking is, whats shaking . Whats shaking . At. Ally th [ cheers and applause ]immy wh . [ applause ] oh, listen to this you guys, i heard that o. J. Simpson was kicked out of a bar in las vegas for being drunk and belligerent. [ audience ohs ] wow, just when you think you know someone. [ cheers and applause ] unbelievable. And finally, i read that a a plane in india had to make an Emergency Landing after aa pass husband was cheating on her midflight. [ audience ohs ] passengers were like, finally, some good inflight entertainment. [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy it is monday. Were so excited to be back. We have a great week of shows ahead. Michael strahan will be here. Gigi hadid, julian edelm a Jessica Chastain will all be stopping by. Plus performances from tove lo, macklemore, and tim mcgraw and faith hill. [ cheers and applause ] its a big week. But first we have a fun show tonight. We love this guy. Hes such a great actor. From the new netflix limited ef is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] its a western too. And theres already awards buzz for her role in the new movie, mudbound. Were so happy she could be here. Mary j. Blisng us. [ cheers and applause ] plus, we have a big, big, big performance tonight. Her new album repation is [ cheers and applause ] it is crushing. It came out on friday and it sold already over a million copies. She was fantastic on saturday night live this weekend. And she wasnt scheduled to be our musical guest tonight, but shes here. [ cheers and applause ] we love her. Performing her brandnew song for the first time, taylor swift is here tonight. Thank you, taylor. [ cheers and applause ]eers and] its good to be ck, guys. Of you, gloria passed away recently and i cancelled our shows last week, to be with my family and make arrangements. She was the best audience. She was the one i was always trying to make laugh and she was such a fan of the show, and everything iid. When we were little, my mom would walk us to the store, me and my sister, and we would hold hands, you know, and she would squeeze my hand three times to say i love you and i would squeeze back, i love you too. And last week, i was in the hospital and i grabbed her hand, i squeezed i love you, and i just knew we were in trouble, you know . But i feel so ateful to be able to do this every single night and im very appreciative of all the support from all of you that my family received over the past week and were going to continue to work really hard to bring some light and laughter into the world. Thank you for watching. Thank you for helping me and my family recover from this loss. Mom, ill never stop trying to make you lau i love you. [ cheers and applause ] is this it . [ barks ] its go time. Sir, the kids need you. Later lobster. Thanks for hurrcoming everyone we found this special house. For a super special family. Uh, wheres the special part . Thats where you all come in [ cheering ] here, i see a big tree. And a closet filled with holiday outfits dream houses do come true think theyll like it . Yep, theyre gonna love it. The volkswagen atlas. With available pedestrian monitoring. Lifes as big as you make it. Tmobiles unlimited now includes netflix on us. Thats right. Netflix on us. Get 4 unlimited lines for just 40 bucks each. Taxes and fees included. And now netflix included. You know how you dolay the petejo on youtube music is gle, play that hipster song with whistling. Ets that. Like only google can. [ americal ] can i cross it off yet . Almost. The volkswagen atlas. With available digital cockpit. Lifes as big as you make it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy lets do it lets do it performing new years day off her new album, reputation, please welcome taylor swift. [ cheers and applause ] theres glitter on the floor after the partygirls carrs candle wax and polaroids hardr you and me from the night before but dont read the last page but i stay when youre lost and im scared and youre turning away i want your midnights bottles with you on new years day you squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi i can tell that its gonna be a long road ill be there if youre the toast of the town babe or if you and youre crawling home dont read the laspa but i stay when its hard or its wrong or were making mistakes i want your midnights but ill be cleaning up bottles with you n hold on to the memories they will hold on to you hold on to the memories they will hold on to you hold on to the memoriesth and i will hold on to you please dont ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere please dont ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere theres glitter on the floor after the party girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby candle wax and polaroids on the Hardwood Floor you and me forevermore dont read the last page but i stay when its hard or its wrong or were making mistakes i want your midnights but ill be cleaning up bottles with you es new years day they will hold on to you on to hold on to the memories they will hold on to you and i will hol ] jimmy taylor swift thank you. L [ cheers and applause ] my subway. So much reuben. All smartphones are more or less the same, right . Hello moto. Can your phone turn into a projector . Because a 70 inch projection beats any phone screen. And they might be bragging about portrait mode. But can your phone go beyond and transform into a real 36camera . Its time to reinvent your smartphone. Its time to move on. Moto mods on the new moto z, from motorola. Get 200 off a moto z2 force edition. Apply this, not once. Its really soft and almost velvety as you put it on. Thatsreal like soft. Try dove advanced care for softer, smoother underarms. Youre a family of maste adventurers . Meet your new partner in crime . Oure a family of maste adventurers . Iou family time, like only google can. Tion scout, my office is on my b i have. With surface pro, i have one device that does everything. Technology has really changed how i do this job. On pacific rim uprising our characters are 250 ft. Tall. Where in the heck are you gonna land this big robot . Pulled up a satellite image and there is like a giant bullseye, robots here i feel very profn. I have the greatest job in the world. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. Welcome back. Now, i like to think im a a pretty easygoing guy, but thats one thing that really gets my goat. Its bad music. No one should have to listen to bad tunes. So as a service to you guys, im about to play you some real songs from real bands, that i think you should avoid in a a segment i call, my do not play list. [ cheers and applause ] do not play do not play do not play these songs these songs jimmy now, before we start, i just want you to know that every artist a about to play you is 100 real. Questlove dohter ] these are actual bands. Questlove you guys make them up backstage, man. Jimmy no, i do not make them up at all. Steve theyre real. Jimmy these are real bands, actual songs. You can download them on itunes or however you get music. Steve right, sure. Jimmy stream them on amazon. [ laughter ] jimmy go to your zune. Steve yeah. Get em on your zune, man. Jimmy bluetooth it. Steve bing em. You can bing them. Jimmy bing them as much as you can. Whatever you got to do. You do it, because these are real songs. Quest, get ready. This is [ unintelligible ] questlove i dont believe you. Jimmy fantastic. [ laughter ] lets see whats on my do not play list. Our first one is an australian singer. Anyone from australia here tonight . [ cheers ] steve yeah, someone. Jimmy someone was almost from australia. [ laughter ] yeah steve ive seen it on a map jimmy yeah, yeah. Ahuh . [ laughter ] its an australian singer named kirin j. Callinan. And the song is called big enough. [ laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy theres kirin hanging out in the snow, looking tough. I didnt even realize it snowed in australia. But i could be wrong. Anyway, lets listen to big en this town might be big enough for both of us steve yeah. Jimmy all right. Stop, stop, stop, op it. Stop it. Stop that. Questlove you sang that, didnt you . Jimmy no, its not me doing that all that scream. Man, he really just kept going higher and higher. Steve big enough jimmy yeah. This next song is a ballad. Steve ooh, i love ballads. Jimmy right . Steve i so love them. Jimmy yeah. Love it. This isa a artist. His name is gbb. Gbb. Not jibibi. [ laughter ] steve not jibibi . Jimmy no. Steve shes on tomorrow, right . Jibibi hadid . Jimmy nono steve oh. Jimmy thats gigi hadid. Steve oh, im sorry. [ laughter ] i thought it was jibibi hadid. Jimmy no. This is gbb. Steve gbb. Jimmy here he is. Steve yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy just chilling. This is a photo. Steve let her roll. Jimis imy ththe photo he wanted for the album cover. Hes chilling on the hood of his red saturn. [ laughter ] steve yeah. Jimmy lets take a listen to a song he wrote to win his exgirlfriend back. Steve oh. Jimmy heres jessicas song. Hey yo this song goes out to my exgirlfirend [ laughter ] and i will always love ya now heres the chorus listen up [ laughter ] jimmy stop, stop, stop, stop it, stop. [ cheers and applause ] steve oh. I know what happened. I know what happened. Jimmy you know what happened . Steve he tuned his auto, instead of using autotune. Jimmy oh, thats the problem. [ laughter ] steve its right there. The cars there. Jimmy im going to go out on a limb and say he only did one take. Steve really . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, i think so. Heres the good news. Theyre now married. Steve aw. [ audience aws ] jimmy the bad news is, he sang at their wedding. [ laughter and applause ] oh, you know what song i had stuck in my head . Remember we did one of these with a do you remember moustache . Steve of course i remember moustache. Moustache. Jimmy it has that guy who keeps laughing. Hahaha. Steve hahaha. Jimmy fred, do you have moustache . When we make da moustache hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha [ cheers ] jimmy thats good. Thats good. Thats good. Okay, thats good. [ light laughter ] next up is a british duo. Steve oh, i love them. Jimmy right . Im always ready for another british invasion. Who do you love what british bands do you enjoy . Steve i love the chad and jeremy. Jimmy yep. You like the beatles, maybe . Steve beatles. Jimmy the kinks. Steve kinks. The stones. Jimmy stones. This is a new british duo. Steve oh my gosh, love it. Jimmy theyre called Billy Childish and sexton ming. [ laughter ] the album, this is called dung beetle rolls again. [ laughter ] steve dung beetle rolls again. Jimmy yeah. Yeah. Steve dung beetle. Jimmy yeah, so this might be a bad idea, but lets listen to a track up here. Lets just start with this ones called slap up breakfast. [ laughter ] steve wait. Slap up breakfast for me for me slap up breakfast for me for me k pudding eggs chips beans toast tea or coffee slap up breakfast questlove come on, man. Come on. Come on. Jimmy okay. [ cheers and applause ] steve one of them is getting away with a lot. Jimmy yeah, i have no idea. Questlove what are yall doing in the writers room, man . Jimmy no, i did not i did not steve who do you thinks playing the rubber band . Billy or sexton . [ laughter ] jimmy thats one broken rubber band away from not being a song. Steve yeah. Jimmy yeah. It just fantastic. Slap up breakfast more for me slap up breakfast bacon blood sausages dung beetle biscuits and gravy legos bacon egg mcmuffin bacon jimmy slap up breakfast. Steve i love slap up breakfast. Jimmy yeah, man. Steve thats gonna be my new ring tone. [ laughter ] jimmy were down to our last one. Steve aw. Jimmy from another british artist named mr. Zip. he released a single called where me keys where me phone . [ laughter ] now i think i know what the song is probably going to be about. Steve what do you think its jimmy well, i can just assume steve its called where me keys where me phone. Jimmy no not wheres me keys, where me keys. Steve oh, where me keys. Jimmy where me phone. Steve where me phone. Jimmy lets take a listen to it. Steve all right. Where me keys where me phone where me phone where me keys where me phone where me keys where me phone jimmy its actually pretty good. I like this song. Roots, its a good one, right . Where me keys where me phone where me keys where me phone when i say where me keys you say where me phone where me keys where me phone where me keys where my phone when i say where me phone you say where me keys where me phone where me keys where my phone where me keys jimmy its that easy. Thats all the time we have for do not play. [ cheers and applause ] if you have an album or a song you think we can use on our next do not play list, we want to see it. Send your suggestions to our blog at donotplay tonightshow. Com. Stick around, well be right back with jeff daniels [ cheers and applause ] moms got this cold stuffynose nosleep mouthbreather just put on a breathright strip it instantly opens your nose. Up to 38 more than Cold Medicine alone go to breatheright. Com today to request a free sample. Make walmart your first and only stop. Black friday. Thanksgiving 6pm. Get the app for a sneak peek at the deals. Tmobiles unlimited no