Musical guest patti smith. And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 735 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, looking good. Looking great tonight. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] we made it. Were here, thank you. Well, heres what people are talking about. I guess Hillary Clintons book what happened came out today. And i heard that its almost 500 pages long. [ light laughter ] unfortunately, the only person with enough time to read it is hillary clinton. Steve wow. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy they sold one copy. Steve one person. Jimmy yeah. Well, actually i heard that hilly will actually be signing books at a costco in connecticut. [ laughter ] its going to be awesome when someone gets to the front and goes, oh, i thought this was the line for cheese samples. Im sorry. [ laughter and applause ] can you sign a cheese sample . But this is interesting, if you pick up a copy of the book, youll see that a lot of notable people wrote little blurbs in the back cover. Ill show you what i mean. For example, Vladimir Putin wrote, was like fairytale cinderella book. Princess failed and pumpkin becomes president. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh. Wow jimmy next, barack obama wrote, id say i got to hand it to you, but the last time i tried to hand you something, you lost it to donald trump. [ laughter and applause ] steve meow jimmy and finally, President Trump wrote, i loved it. Especially the end, i really did not see that coming. Enjoy. Why would you put those blurbs on the book . I dont know. [ cheers and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy but everybody is talking about this, last night on twitter, ted cruzs official account liked a pornographic video. [ laughter ] the next time cruz tries to reach across the aisle, the other senators will be like, no, thank you. Thats good. Were good. Thats right, cruz liked a a pornographic video. Some are wondering if hes going to hire a pr team to beat the scandal, but cruz says he plans to beat it alone. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy yeah, he doesnt he says its fine. Hes got to do it. [ rim shot ] steve whoa wee jimmy on the plus side, he was wearing a fitbit, so he got his 10,000 steps in. Steve well thats good. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hey, i dont know that i didnt even steve cruz. Jimmy this is nice, today President Trump became a a grandfather for the ninth time, yeah. When asked to name all of his grandkids, trump just started listing names from mambo number five. [ laughter and applause ] hes like, monica, erica, rita, tina. [ laughter ] and finally you guys, apple unveiled its new iphone today and get this, they say the iphone 10 will look at you and recognize you. Which means one lucky phone will be like, oh, my god, beyonce. [ laughter and applause ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was amazing. We love it. That is ninetime grammy winning musician herb alpert sitting in with the roots tonight. [ cheers and applause ] i am honored to have you here. His current album, music volume 1, debuted at number 1 on the contemporary jazz chart and you can pick up his new holiday album, a christmas wish, on september 29th. Herb, i know youre in town wow, man, thank you so much. Jimmy youre at youre at the carlyle, right . Were at the carlyle until saturday night, yeah. Jimmy im going to go check you out. I love you so much. We always talk about you on the show cause i can go on for i mean, even this guys in love with you, lonely bull, spanish flea, all the dating game music that you hear. Thats you. You got it. Jimmy rise. We were we were just talking and i there was a song and i heard and i go, what is that song . It goes [ mimicking song ] and and so i go questlove goes, oh, its route 101. its herb alpert. I go, i know its herb, i didnt know if that was the name of the song. I love that song so much if if you could be in the worst mood when you hear the song, it just puts you in a good mood like, ill try it, can you just give a little taste and ill try it. Yeah. Jimmy just give me like [ laughter ] steve wow. Wow [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, i love you herb alpert right there. Go see him at the carlyle, here in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] youre music is so positive. Its just everything is really every song i hear puts me in a good mood. And youre such a talented guy. Well thats what i try to do. I try to make uplifting music. You know, were going through a a strange time right now. And in this country and around the world, i want i want music to elevate. I like that feeling. Jimmy absolutely, yeah. Its great. [ cheers and applause ] guys, we have a fun show tonight. We love when she stops by. From the new movie, mother, Jennifer Lawrence is here. [ cheers and applause ] steve oh shes the best. Jimmy look at this. Gorgeous, oh, my gosh. Beautiful right there. Jennifer we always have fun with her on the show. Jennifer challenged me to an axe throwing competition. [ light laughter ] steve the body spray . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Steve wow jimmy throwing aerosol cans you know how dangerous that is . Steve yeah, crazy. Jimmy ive never thrown an axe in my life and i guess she only did it once, but she challenged me and i said, yes. Steve oh. Jimmy so its happening tonight [ cheers and applause ] steve what jimmy were having it shes the best. From the new netflix series, narcos and the new movie, kingsman the Golden Circle, pedro pascal is joining us. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] i cannot wait. Jimmy and then oh, man, oh, man. She has a new book out today called, devotion. Performing to close the show tonight, an absolute legend, patti smith is here tonight, you guys. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy patti smith is here. Steve what a show. Jimmy i just love her. Shes great. Guys, its time to take a look at the stories making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. Its time for pros and cons, here we go. [ cheers and applause ] pros and cons and pros and cons and pros jimmy tonight well be taking a look at the pros and cons of the new iphone. Steve hmm. Jimmy earlier today, apple revealed their newest phone and all the updated features. So lets take a look at the pros and cons of the new iphone. Here we go. Pro, it has a glass front and a a glass back. Con, now you can crack your phone on both sides. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh jimmy thats great. Steve a winwin. Jimmy might as well throw axes around. Pro, it has a much larger screen. Con, hearing trump accuse apple of trying to make his hands look even smaller. Oh, that sounds like steve what . Jimmy ive always hated apples. [ light laughter ] theyre the worst fruit, am i right . [ laughter ] steve never eaten one. [ light laughter ] jimmy pro, theres still no headphone jack, so hang onto your dongle. [ light laughter ] con, hang onto your dongle is what ted cruz does when he logs onto twitter. Steve ayo hey [ laughter and applause ] steve dongle. Jimmy pro, apple is also releasing a new apple watch 3. Con, in case a 1,000 phone wasnt enough to tell your friends i make more money than you. [ laughter and applause ] its like, yeah. I can call from my arm too. Steve i got it. It broke. Jimmy pro, it has a a bezelfree display. Con, awe, man, they got rid of the bezel. Cant believe they got rid of the bezel. [ light laughter ] the bezel was my favorite part. [ laughter and applause ] i love the bezel. Whats a phone without a bezel . You got to have the bezel. [ laughter ] whats wrong with the bezel . Pro, it uses facial recognition instead of a password. Con, getting locked out of your phone every time you get a a pimple. Oh, just like that [ laughter and applause ] its not recognizing me steve this is not you. Wait, ted cruz . Jimmy no, im not ted cruz. This is not you is what the robot says, though . Steve yeah. [ light laughter ] my friend. Jimmy whoever it is, it is me. Steve no, its not you anymore. Jimmy finally, pro, you have clearest audio for making phone calls. Con, the only people who still make phone calls in 2 2017 are your parents. Steve yeah jimmy there you go. Those are the pros and cons, everybody. Well be right back with Jennifer Lawrence. Come on back. [ cheers and applause ] the all new 2018 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. Heare you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first is an Academy Award winning actress who stars in a new movie called mother which opens a friday. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the one and only Jennifer Lawrence. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jennifer, everybody. Jennifer, welcome back hey. Jimmy welcome back, welcome back. Hey. Jimmy i love having you. Thanks, awe. Jimmy you look gorgeous as always. Thank you. Jimmy talk about gorgeous look at this right here. Oh, lala, saison. Thank you. Jimmy i mean this is the biggest night i didnt know you spoke french. Jimmy well [ laughter ] this is the largest magazine i have ever seen in my lifetime. Yeah, well an the interesting thing jimmy this is Hillary Clintons new book. [ laughter ] jimmy its unbelievable. I dont know why she chose me for the cover. Jimmy its your book. But its really flattering. Jimmy but youre honored. Yeah. Jimmy this is gorgeous. I said, of course. Jimmy of course. How many theres different covers, right . Yeah, this is the annie leibovitz. I actually have i dont own one of these, because i thought that would be super modest. Jimmy yeah, just having it around your apartment. Oh, i guess im on the cover of vogue. Thats not me. Jimmy yeah, its hard to find you in here. None of these are you. This is the one with bruce weber. Jimmy oh, that is you. Oh, bruce weber. And i havent worked with bruce weber since i was 15 and i did an abercrombie shoot. Jimmy me too im his i was [ laughter ] and i have none of the pictures. Jimmy im always shirtless at abercrombie. None of the pictures ended up being useful, because they told us to play football, but it was like you know, like, model football. But i was like, red faced, sweating, nostrils flared, like, uhh. At one point one girl said, get her away from me. [ laughter ] jimmy really . And then, yeah. And then when i went to do the shoot with bruce, hang on. We did when had done this photo. How does this work . Jimmy its a magazine. Oh. Jimmy oh, wait. So we had done this photo, where my hair is all greasy. And so next day i showed up and tried to wash my hair like six times. And it just was not going anywhere. And so i showed up, hadnt seen him since i was 15, all sweaty and disgusting. I showed up like a grease ball. Theyre like, what are we going to do . We have to wash your hair. And, uh, i speak french too. Ohlala, saison. Ohh yeah. Youre not the only one. Jimmy look at this the horse whisperer. I mean, look at this. Yeah, i dont know if the horse is doing that because, i was doing that. Jimmy yeah, are you frightening are you was that real . Yeah, it was real. Jimmy it was real. The horses were very real. Jimmy what were you do saying to the horse . Stand up. [ laughter ] what else do you say to a a horse. Jimmy you said i dont know, man. But you, you grew up with horses. So this must have i did, yeah. I grew up i grew up with horses. Jimmy what was yours horses name . I had, well, i had many horses. Um, but jimmy bones, was one. It was there was one horse named bones. Growing up on a farm, you have ups and downs. Theres good things and very sad things. I was at a cheerleading competition. I was a cheerleader. Which im really proud of. Jimmy yeah. I was at a cheerleading competition. My mom was mouthing something and i didnt understand, and she was like, what . Shes like, bones is dead. [ laughter ] bones died. I was like, what . Jimmy bones is dead. Yeah, and shes here and i was like, can you try to rethink what your thinking was on the timing on that . Jimmy did you start crying . No, then they she went into how what shes getting my, um, 3yearold nephew for his birthday. Shes like, did i tell you what im getting theo for his birthday . Im getting him a leaf blower. A real leaf blower. [ laughter ] jimmy a real leaf blower. A real jimmy hes gonna love it. Yeah. He actually really will. Jimmy he will . How old is he . Hes turning three. He loves engines, trains, locomotives. Jimmy i remember when i was three. Is that what they are called . Jimmy yeah. Oh cool. Jimmy yeah, well i dont think youre gonna get him a a locomotive. I dont know why i keep drinking this water. Jimmy cause water is good for you. I remember as a kid i really wanted a metal detector. I dont live by the beach. I didnt grow up i just had my back and my front yard. Oh, i was picturing oh, you mean, the scanner. I thought you meant like the kind we walk through in the airport. [ laughter ] jimmy i joined the tsa when i was 3 years old. [ laughter ] no, i begged for and finally got a clap on clap off. In my room. Oh, it was sick. Jimmy it didnt quite work. My grandparents had that and they hooked to the Christmas Tree but also the television. Oh, my god. Jimmy it was so awful. cause they would be like [ clap clap ] i would just run into there i would run into the room clap and then leave the room. And like, the tree would go off, the tv would turn on. They loved me. I was a great grandkid. Wow. Jimmy yeah, i was great. You sound like a hoot. Jimmy i know, yeah. I want to talk to you about reality shows because i know i heard that you like reality shows. And i love them, im obsessed. What do bravo, is it, bravo . Jimmy bravo is on in my household 24 7. I am a i guess kind of a a producer of all of the real housewives, andy cohen and i. Jimmy that is not true. I would call us colleagues. Jimmy you and andy cohen . Yeah, i get really passionate and i give him a lot of advice. Jimmy wait, i do too. I know, really . But do you text him . Do you make a difference in the show, like me . Jimmy ive never made a a dent. Do you really . Have you changed the i mean, well see cause one of the stars fates is kind of in my hands. [ light laughter ] so. Jimmy this is insane. Well, not to brag. Jimmy which ones do you watch . Well, i have different with beverly hills, my friends and i have a drinking game. With anytime lisa rinna says her husbands full name harry hamlin. She calls have you guys ever noticed that . She always goes, harry hamlin is on his way. Jimmy yeah, yeah. And so we have a drinking game for that. Jimmy every time she says his full name. But my when i found out when luanne announced her divorce to tom. I was horrified and shocked, and my stomach dropped, because i realize i had just seen the reunion, which means they arent filming. So i texted andy, and i was like, get a camera in ramonas face right now. I also told him to show the interview, or not the interview but the moment in the berkshires where betheny is crying and going, i just dont think your guy is a good guy. Anyway, i dont know. Jimmy not thats it i mean its hard to explain its hard to explain the ways of producing, you know, if youre not a producer. So. Jimmy oh, my god. Youre un does andy every call you and give you ideas for your set . He wouldnt get it. Oh, its a little bit over your head you wouldnt get it. [ laughter ] does andy ever call and give you notes . On your acting . He doesnt say the same thing about me. Jimmy yeah, no, yeah. I have to tell you saw mother last night. Im still shaken to the core. I thought you were just kidding, okay. Jimmy not my mother. Right. Jimmy i saw mother the other night. Like its our mother. Oh, thank you for seeing it. Jimmy no, your movie mother. Yeah, its very its hard to watch. Jimmy yeah, we dont have the same were not brother and sister. [ laughter ] youre the daddy. I thought you were being andy cohen. Okay, anyway. Jimmy no, yeah. No, i saw the movie i saw your movie last night directed by darren aranovsky. Which is a coincidence i grew up with an aaron daranoski. Oh, really . Jimmy no relation. Oh, and i saw this move last night and i am still shaking. I dont know what i went trough. Yeah, i know. Jimmy why did how did you act in this . Did you take a giant vacation after this role . This is insane. I mean, ive already said this. I dont know if people got this. I got to such a low point, in the film, emotionally, like, i was going to such a dark place eventually i had to bring the kardashians in. [ light laughter ] not in person, obviously. Jimmy that happens. No, no that happens they do that for people. Yeah. Jimmy yeah they show up its like a party bus. They show up like, were here to carry ya out. Whats up . Oh, my god. Jimmy you know khloe, kendell, they go though the whole family. Oh, my god, no, we we i had to do this one scene. That like, i had never gone that, like, dark before, i dont want to sound like my craft, but i had never done something that horrifying. So i started getting scared like a couple of days before and i was like, i needed a a tent to be away from all the extras. So i didnt know what i would do. And then eventually one kardashian came and then another kardashian came. Jimmy like a clown car. Yeah, they all come out of one car. It was just a computer playing the kardashians and had head shots and it also little notes of like to me from them that i had written. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Just like, just to keep you happy. Yeah, like, which i cant share any of them, because i dont want to offend anybody but just like my own personal thoughts. Jimmy but they make you happy . I dont know. No i because im watching im going, this is just insane for one person to do all this. You were so good. Oh, thank you. Jimmy youre so talented. Thanks. Jimmy and im just like i feel for you and im like, i dont know how much i can take. I know, my whole family is going to see it tomorrow. And im really scared. Im like, really worried about my brother seeing it. Jimmy oh, it is bizarre. We saw it, and it had an awesome sound system. The place was rattling. Because sound is a very i would say is one of your costars in the film. Would you agree . Totally. Yeah. The design, the amount of effort that darren put into the sound design was really grade a. Jimmy tell him he did a a great job from like its from me. Okay, i will. Jimmy i think i know what im talking about. [ light laughter ] it starts off, and you hear every creek, and every little thing and i go okay, and by the end i dont i hate to i dont even know what to tell people about the movie. I dont really know what to tell people either. Ive gone between either not saying anything and just telling everybody everything. Jimmy just go see it. Just go see it. And not know anything. Thats what i did. Or you can google all the times ive just spilled the entire plot. Jimmy no, dont. We wont do that here. Theres many of them. Jimmy but you guys javier bardem, and you you hes a writer, and you have this remote house in the middle of nowhere, then and a a strange dude that represent earth. Jimmy youre spoiling a a