Eat crackers you highsodium bastard its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes tracy morgan Timothy Simons and musical guest dan auerbach. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen yeah, wooo cheers and applause stephen hey how are you . cheers and applause stephen hey, whats up . Good to see you. Whats going on . Thank you very much. You cannot ke down. Thats the problem right there. cheers and applause welcome to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. It is. cheers and applause it is friday. I think we all need a weekend. Except james comey. His started on tuesday. laughter and ever since comey was fired, folks at the f. B. I. Have been feeling pretty demoralized. In fact, when asked for a comment, one veteran f. B. I. Agent told a reporter, who cares . Nothing matters. No one knows anything. Everything sucks. laughter i believe we have a photo of that agent laughter come on, f. B. I. Theres got to be something that would cheer you up. Youve got those storage lockers filled with cocaine and bootleg dvds. Just stay up all night and watch all the harry potter movies on fast forward. Its fun to watch them age. Anyo moral is low at the f. B. I. Its not just comeys firing, its how donald trump did it. He sent his longtime private Security Guard to deliver the termination letter in a manila folder to f. B. I. Headquarters. If you ever want to know if youre the villain in a movie, ask yourself this question , do i have a private squad of goons who terminate people . A Senior Intelligence official said, its not just that they removed him. Its that they did it in the most thuggish and humiliating way possible. I think that was designed to send a message cut this bleep out or this will happen to you. this is like horse head in the bed. Its like the godfather, only in this one, nobody respects the don. cheers and applause yes. Right . But yesterday, sean spicer standin and star of a onewoman show about marie osmond, Sarah Huckabee sanders, denied that theres a problem with morale at the f. B. I. Ive heard from countless members of the f. B. I. That are grateful and thankful for the president s decision. Stephen countless . I have a calculator here. Let me help you count. Go ahead. Ive certainly heard from a large number of individuals, and thats just myself. And i dont even know that many people in the fbi. Stephen okay, okay, a large number of people you know, and that is a small number of people that you know, and that adds up to. Yeah, its bleep . laughter applause thats math. Thats not me. Thats math. Jon if you do the math, you get the right answer. Stephen the question is, who wi now . We need a head of the f. B. I. Its a huge organization. Some are speculating that it might be Chris Christie or rudy giuliani. booing or as i call them, tweedle dee and rudy giuliani. laughter applause i personally it would be exciting to see those guys back on the national stage. I think he should appoint both of them. Giuliani can ride christies shoulders like master and blaster. It does feel like the aftertimes. And americans arent the only ones who are shocked about the comey firing. So is the rest of the world. A british paper called comeys firing a brazen attack on the rule of law. An israeli paper described trump as a president who doesnt play by any rules. And a headline in the netherlands read, vrees voor doofpot na onstlag fbitopman. laughter i dont speak dutch, but i think i know who the doofpot is. laughter applause oh, my gosh. And the turmoil back here in the states is really hard on u. S. Ambassadors. Like the u. S. Ambassador to qatar, dana shell smith, who tweeted, increasingly difficult to wake up overseas to news from home, knowing i will spend today explaining our democracy and institutions. It does sound hard. That sounds like a tough gig. Jon thats a tough one. Stephen let me try to help you out, ambassador. I can explain our government to the people of qatar america is run by a group of powerful men, many of whom are very religious, doing whatever they can to protect their oil industry. Im not sure if you can relate to that. applause now, i dont i dont we always have a fair number of qataris in the audience here. I do need to pause for a moment and make a correction. We did a joke on wednesday about sean spicer avoiding reporters by hiding in the bushes. It had been reported that he was hiding in the bushes after comey was fired. Okay. Well, the Washington Post has since updated that report, saying, editors note spicer huddled with his staff among bushes on the white house grounds, not in the bushes. laughter its a subtle difference. Ill show it to you. If you bring the bushes out here, guys. Thank you very much. He wasnt hiding in the bushes, okay . He was hiding among the bushes, okay . Totally different. You see how much more reassuring this is . This is perfectly dignified. And sean spicer hiding is a great way to teach kids about prepositions. Sean spicer hides among the bushes. laughter and my favorite, sean hides from the bushes, because one of the bushes asked him a question about james comey. cheers and applause hello remember, sean. Theyre not laughing at you. Theyre laughing among you. laughter applause thank you, thank you. cheers thank you, gentlemen. applause , of course, trump isnt the only politician trying to sell you something, because bill clinton and James Patterson are teaming up to write a novel. Its called the president is missing. Thats. Much more dignified than the original title, have you seen my well, we got an advance copy of the book. Lets see if we can detect bill clintons influence on the classic patterson thriller. Here we go. clears throat chapter two. Really hot. Ken brantley swung his agile body onto the roof. He smiled, thinking of the moment he would corner his mark and take him out with a single shot. He also smiled because he was thinking of boobs. laughter brantley shook his head, determined to focus on the threat ahead. Butts are cool, too, he thought laughter theyre like boobs on your back. stay focused, ken, he told himself. youve got a boob to do. I mean, a job to butt. dammit and he shoots the guy. And he shoots the guy. applause thats an actual book. Speaking of books. Any game of thrones fans out there . applause me too. That show has everything great characters, pulsepounding action, fleeting moments when no one is naked. So i was excited to learn that hbo is developing several game of thrones spinoffs. This is perfect for all of the people who watch game of thrones and think, there just arent enough character names for me to keep straight. laughter and what will these new spinoffs be about . Well, apparently, they will explore different time periods of george r. R. Martins vast and rich universe. That is exciting. Maybe now well finally find out which time period hes dressing for. Im going to say steampunk newsie in nazioccupied brooklyn. Well, we here at the late show because were in show business were in show business we here at the the late show have obtained an exclusive first look at these new game of thrones spinoff tv shows. First up, what happens when the most exciting character in game of thrones moves in next door to tim allen . Thats my dragon next, spring is here, and that means nuptials. Follow real brides on their journey to their big day in say yes, to the red wedding dress. And, of course, everyone loves Police Procedurals and undead zombie armies and tight jeans and karate, so get ready for white walker, texas ranger laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Stick around. Tracy morgan is here cheers and applause watch out tired of paying hundreds more a year in taxes and fees for your unlimited plan . Only tmobile gives you unlimited data with taxes and fees included. Thatll save you hundreds. Onlget two lines foryou unla hundred dollars. Axes and fees included. Thats right. Two lines of unlimited data. A hundred bucks. L alin. And right now, were giving you even more. For a limited time, get a free Samsung Galaxy s8 when you buy one. Thats two galaxy s8s for the price one plus, two lines of unlimited data for a hundred bucks. Le. Have you tried the tissue test . Question, are my teeth yellow . Ugh, yellow. What do you use . Crest whitestrips crest 3d whitestrips whiten. 25 times better than a leading whitening toothpaste i passed the tissue test. Oh yeah. Crest whitestrips are the way to whiten well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. band playing cheers and applause stephen oh, hey jon batiste and stay human, right there, ladies and gentlemen cheers and applause my friend. Oh, my goodness. Ladies and gentlemen, you know my first guest tonight from saturday night live and 30 rock, and now hes got a new standup special, staying alive. Please welcome the one and only tracy morgan applause shes a brick house cheers and applause stephen nice to see you. Nice nice digs i like this stephen it is a nice place, isnt it . It is. Stephen were renting to own. You were at the Kentucky Derby last weekend. Oh, yeah, i was there, man. I was disappointed, though. I was there with my family. You know, i went there and i bet on seabiscuit, and they hes no longer with us. And i said, when did this happen . Im upset. Stephen they should let you bet on anyone you want. I say the secretariat. They said he isnt with us. Stephen place the bet anyway and demand really big odds. I went to the race and bet it on mayweather. Hes not a horse you. Stephen cant go wrong. I bet mayweather could take a horse. That piece. You remind me of j. J. From good times. I love j. J. Damn, damn, damn stephen jon j. J. Was hip. He was cool. Yes he was. He cant play like me, though. No, he cant. Stephen hes not dead. Hes still alive. Jimmy walker . Stephen hes still alive. He went to my high school. Stephen that means hes dead. What do you mean . Youre talking about him in the past tense. Jimmy walker is still alive. No, no, no jimmy better not come out here. What is jimmy doing on the coal bay show. I dropped out of high school. Stephen you did. I dropped out of high school with four credits to go. I loved it. I loved dropping out so much, i wish i could go back and drop out again. I might have been stuck in a job lifting heavy box s. Stephen this should be a p. S. A. You do for the children kids, dont listen to your parents. I love when the plan comes together. Stephen i barely graduated from high school. You did. Stephen yeah, if i hadnt aced my final exams my time year, would still be in high school right now. Im not joking. I was a total neerdowell. Until recently. High school taught me how to pick up chicks. Stephen how to pick up girls. Were you an athlete . Yes. Stephen what was your sport. Track and field. I thought i was carl lewis but i wasnt. I ran that fast running from the being bullied. And then i learned how to be funny so that kept the bully offs my back. It was either that, or cook them hot dogs upstairs. Cheese burgers and stuff like that. laughter gla. Stephen yeah. I dont understand that part. What do you mean cooking the hot dogs and the cheeseburgers . You mean for the bullies . Yeah, dont beat me up. Come and eat hot dogs and pork and beans. Stephen thats a really unique response to bullys. I never heard that before. True grit. I was a dude in high school. I would scalp lunch ticket s. Stephen you would scalp lunch tickets . How did that work . Did you make money on that . I would bring 20 to school and buy all the lunch books at home room. My lunch tickets were shot, weps sloppy joes and tatter tot s. Stephen if they ran out of tickets i was there. Who needs tickets . Who needs tickets . Just like yankee stadium. Who needs who needs tickets . People still owe me money from lunch ticket. Stephen so you would let them get it on credit. You you cant do that. Sometimes. It was like owning a bor diego in the ghetto. Its true. You give credit, you never go hungry. Stephen you started Everybody Knows you got your big break on s. N. L. Do you remember your audition . I remember your audition because i was there. Upper. Stephen you and i were both there in the final callback going to network in 1996 . I never worked with you oh, you didnt get to my bad. laughter im sorry you didnt get the job applause im sorry of. Stephen i forgotta that part of the story, tracy. Thanks so much for reminding me. Every savvy jewish man is supposed to love one black man in his life im glad he chose me. Stephen he didnt love eddie murphy . I dont know. I wasnt there stephen but i remember you auditions. I remember you i thought im not going to get this job. Were too alike. Wow. Yeah, i remember seeing you in the ghetto. Stephen yeah. And i said, what happened . What did you all do stephen the ghetto was writing for Norm Mcdonald on weekend update. Oh, yeah. Stephen i ended up doing that for one month writing for norm. That was good. Those were good times. Those days are still important to me. My days on saturday night live are still important to me now. cheers and applause still important to me now. I love lorne michael. Stephen how long were you there . I was there for seven seasons. Stephen people dont understand a lot of work. Its really exhausting. You guys pull unbelievable hours. If you are married and youre on s. N. L. Shes basically a widow. Youre there 24 7 because the show knows it can change your career in 60 seconds. And they when i first got there, people would tell me, well, you know you have to have a reoccurring character. I said, first it has to laughter what if it never occurs stephen you had a character brian fellow who loved animals. Im brian fellows. applause . Stephen thats kind of real. You do like exotic animals. I understand you had an octopus. I have an octopus. I loved marine life since i was younger because my greatgreatgreat grandfather was jacques yo cousteau. Stephen your special on net fliction is called staying alive. Were coming up on three years from the terrible accident where you lost your friend and you were in a coma for how long, six, seven days . 10 days. Stephen how does that make you feel about life itself . Do you have a different approach to being alive every day now . Well, ive always felt this way. I mean, it was way before walmart. I just embraced life. I dont know nothing about death. And i got close to it. So i embraced it even more now. I love everybody, man. I dont care who you applause i love you, and you cant do nothing about it. Thats how i feel. I was smoking with jesus. Stephen i havent met him. Youll meet him. I heard you got a beef with trump. Stephen what . I heard you got a beef with trump . Stephen who doesnt . Hes the president he is the president and im going to follow his example. Thats why ill going to file for bankruptcy north going to pay my taxes and grab the women by their crotch, because i have to do my part to make America Great again cheers and applause do my part stephen a beautiful message. Thats a beautiful message. Well, trace hold on for one minute. Stephen you got something . Hold on. Stephen what have you got . Whats up, obama. I put the wiretaps where you told me to put them . Stop yelling at me mr. Former president. Obama. Stephen do you talk to obama a lot . Yeah, i talk to obama a lot. Hes my man. We went to high school affect. Though, right . He graduated, i dropped out. Stephen you said that you had you said you had a 10monthold when you went into the coma. She is almost four now . I would say . She will be four july 2. Stephen did you take her down with you, too . Thats my baby girl. Thats my wife right there. Stephen i know. Im going to get her pregnant tonight. laughter its hard stephen happy mothers day you have a beautiful, young its difficult when you have a beautiful young wife like that, that you are madly in love with, because it puts you at a disadvantage in the relationship. Stephen what do you mean . Youre not ever going nowhere. I aint leaving that. I might talk junk like im going to leave. The other day i teller,you keep treating me the way you treating me, im going ill be sitting right there. I wont be going nowhere. I dont need to go to no high school. I got hit by a walmart truck. laughter . Stephen did you take your daughter . Did you tack a fouryearold to the derby . Yeah. Like . She is very nice. My daughter was really relaxed. She was with her mom and dad. Shes not one of them rowdy wild kids. She was okay with us. Stephen youre okay to travel with a young kid. She doesnt bother you anything like that . Yeah. Stephen these shooez good on the plane. But the planes are getting violent. You see all the fights happening in the airports and on planes. You dont even have to go to vegas to Sea Mayweather fight. Just go to dealt. That last fight, that dude a straight left hook, left jab. I said, wooo they dont even give you the p. A. Announcement on the plane nowhere. Theres a voice that goes, lets get ready to rumble laughter applause stephen very nice. Hey, i understand this is kind of exciting news i understand that youve got a project with jordan peele. Whats that going to be . Tbs, we have a serious on tbs with jorda i talked to him today. Its going to be very nice. Its grounded and funny. Its my life. Its called the last o. G. And you all are going to enjoy it. Me, cedric the entertainer, tiffany haddish. Its going to be beautiful. Stephen have you seen get out . Yeah, i saw get out. That was scary. It was like watching the exorcist. My dad took me to see the exorcist. And hes smoking a joint next to me and im watching this girls head turn around. Traumatized me for life. I was scared of little white girls for years stephen well, get out will not help that. No. But thats my main man. Congratulations, jordan. I love you. Stephen tracy, thank you so much for being here. Congratulations to you. Thank you for spreading the love. cheers and applause staying alive is available tuesday on netflix. Tracy morgan, everybody well be right back with Timothy Simons. Is your skin dry . Then moisturize with aveeno® skin relief. With oat oil and natural shea butter, it softens and smooths extra dry skin and lasts for 24 hours. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful results® aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tom . Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa snickers® satisfies. When i feel controlled by frequent, unpredictable abdominal pain or discomfort and diarrhea. 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With new herbal essences bursting with argan oil of morocco and notes of jasmine to put more life in your head. And now with the power of bio renew to put more life in your hair. And let life in cheers and applause welcome back, everyone. My next guest stars on veep as the extremely unlikeable congressman jonah ryan. Excuse me, shawnee, i dont know what your problem is, but ive been underestimated my entire life. Failure to thrive at birth. bleep that. Puberty at 19. When it hit it hit leak a bleep thunderbolt. Thirdgrade reading level in the tenth grade. Everything i have been through in my entire life has only made me stronger and taller. Get those bleep meat balls away from me stephen please welcome the very likable Timothy Simons. applause how you doing . Stephen that is for you. This is for me. Stephen ill wait while you hydrate yourself. Go ahead. We could go here a while. One second, guy s. Stephen while you do that, i will comment i love your beard. Thank you. Stephen we havent seen jonah with a beard. Ive been working very hard on it. Stephen it gives you secondary male characteristics that jonah does not possess. Does he have any . Stephen hes very tall. That helps. And hes a dick. laughter you go by timothy, right, the whole damn thing . Yeah, the whole thing. Stephen timothy. It makes it sound like, when i say your name, that im mad at you timothy request not tim. I like the formality of timothy. Theres something i like about that. Stephen does your mom call you tim . That happened when i was a kid. Im putting it together that i might have been a nightmare child. laughter like a fun nightmare but a nightmare. Stephen sure. You know you have kids when youre mad at them you will yell the middle name. So i was Timothy Charles simon s. Stephen sure. But it turns out, my mom would get so mad at me, that for a long time, she would get so mad at me she started adding middle names. And for a very long time i thought my name was Timothy Charles michael orile pat reich michael simons. She would get so mad that she would just start screaming irish middle names. And it turns out thats not my name. For years i believe it was. Stephen you have kids of your own now. I do. Stephen do you yell their middle names at them . Theyre wonderful, lovely, amazing children. But, no, theyre fun nightmares, too. I think they got that from me, for sure, but they are fun nightmares. They have gotten into a thing recently stephen girls, boys . One of boy named marty. Stephen how old . Five years old. We have twins. Stephen perfect age. I have always pictured myself i feel like im coming into my sweet spot as a parent. I always pictured myself as a parent of five to nineyearolds. I dont really know what to do with a baby so, for, like, a good year and a half, i had no idea what i was doing. I feel like im coming into my sweet spot where if they ask me a question i can make up the answer and they cant they dont know how to use google. They cant fact check me. So i can straight up lie to them, and they have to believe it. Stephen any good lies youve told your children . All the regular ones, santa, the easter bunny, and that everything is fine. laughter papa its just all going to work out. Papa is well liked and well respected. laughter but the stephen do they tell lies to you . They do. Very recently, i was in the kitchen, i was making dinner, backyard, and told me, papa, i didnt throw my sneakers on the roof of the garage. laughter stephen thats your daughter . Yeah. Stephen thats what she led with . She led with, papa, i did not throw my sneaks, or the roof of the garage. Im going to give you one guess where you think her shoes were. They were on the roof of the garage. Stephen yeah, yeah. Thats like being pulled in by the cops and going, i dont know how the body got in the storm drain. The thing si try to think when people ask me what their maturity level is, i put together this week that donald trump in that comey letter that he wrote, essentially, in that letter wrote, i did not throw my shoes on the top of the garage. Stephen oh, right because he said the thing about stephen he said, even though you have told me three times that im not under investigation, so im totally not firing you for that reason. Youre fired. So they are they are 70yearold leader of the free world. Stephen uhhuh. Maybe a little more. Maybe a little more. Stephen because they have an excuse. You did theater in chicago for a long time. I did. Stephen i lived there for 11 years. Yeah. Stephen i did sheert in chicago. How did you whats the word eat . Chicago is a great place to do theater. You can really you can get a lot of work there. It doesnt necessarily kill you to live there but you still have to make ends meet. What was your job during the day . I had a bun of different jobs. I was a carpenter and at one point because im a physical specimen. I know everyone can see that, especially in the back row, you can see jacked. I was a bouncer at what i believe is the worst bar in america. laughter . Stephen whats its called joes on weed. Stephen joes on weed . I think i can say the name of the bar. Its awful. Dont ever go there. Dont ever. Stephen joes on weed. Is it its on weed street. I was there, one of my first days, there was a riot there. And it can hold about 1,000 people. Stephen wow. So its a big crowd. And i think what they did is they didnt need bouncers that could actually bounce anybody out. They just assumed we would handle it in numbers that they would just hire 30 bouncers like me that weighed 170 pounds at 65 or whatever and that we would handle it. Im not steeped in hiphop culture, but there was a hiphop show, and one of the opening acts said and i dont think that this is i dont think this is a nice thing he said bleep chicago hiphop. I only like new york city hiphop. Or i think im paraphrasing. Stephen thems fighting words. It did not go over well, and a fullon riot broke out. And somebody at one point, like, took a sofa from the second floor, and threw it on to the first floor. Stephen a person picked up a sofa . I think he was so laughter in my memory it was one person. Stephen rage, yeah, rage. So what did you do . I i looked to my boss, and i said, what do i do . And he said, stop it. Meaning, i guess, stop the riot. But as i know that im a physical specimen and i know you can all see, that i was unable to do that. I was wearing a shot that said joes on weed, and i just turned it inside out and joined the riot. Stephen teach that to your daughters. Teach that to your daughter. Yeah. Stephen it was lovely it meet you. Thank you so much for being here. Im a huge fan of veep. Thank you. Stephen i love your performance. I love jonah ryan, as hateable as he is. I love the unstable piece of human scaffolding, the Worlds Largest singlecell organism, and, of course, jonad. Thats the one that comes up the moat at the grocery store. Stephen how does it feel no writers thinking of ways to insult you . Terrible. Theyre all harvardeducated, incredibly intelligent people and their only job is to say that make me feel terrible about myself. It is a murderers row of people worst is youre always able to separate it, sometimes. Youre mostly able to separate it stephen its not me. Its my character. Yeah. But when they come out and look you up and down and they go back into the writers room, and 30 seconds later they come back with, okay, try you look like melted play dough on a flag pole you know that wasnt about the character. You know you looked like melted playdoh on a flag poll. Stephen with a beautiful beard. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Veep airs sundays on hbo. Timothy simons, everybody furry hat. Furry hat. Because getting older is inevitable. But feeling older . Thats something i control. Get a free sample at depend. Com. Wiback like it could used to . Neutrogena hydro boost water gel. With hyaluronic acid it plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. For supple, hydrated skin. Hydro boost. From neutrogena of being there for my sons winning shot. That was it for me. Thats why im quitting with nicorette. Only nicorette mini has a patented fast dissolving formula. It starts to relieve sudden cravings fast. Every great why needs a great how. Every great why inaudible singing heyyyy hooo inaudible rapping get 6 months of netflix plus a free entertainment kit when you buy the galaxy s8. Chevythree years in a row. Car company really. Lets see how quickly you can read through all their awards. 2017 motor trend car of the year. Kelly blue book 2016 best resale value. U. S. News best cars for the money 10 best blah blah blah only about 90 more to go 2017 iihs. Top safety. 2017 north american car of the year thats a lot of awards get 20 below msrp on all malibu lt models. Thats 5,200 on this chevy malibu. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. When they thought they should westart saving for retirement. Le then we asked some older people when they actually did start saving. This gap between when we should start saving and when we actually do is one of the reasons why too many of us arent prepared for retirement. Just start as early as you can. Its going to pay off in the future. If we all start saving a little more today, well all be better prepared tomorrow. Prudential. Bring your challenges. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. As the host of a talk show, i wield enormous power. But as powerful as i am, there are those even more powerful than i. Historys most merciless despots, like genghis khan, vladimir putin, and macklemore laughter strike him down, and nine ryan lewises rise in his place all of us have one thing in common we were all kicked out of taylor swifts birthday party, and we all wear a big furry hat. cheers and applause . cheers and applause now that this hat is upon my head, any proclamations i make thus enhatted are now and forever law. Let us begin. From now on a picnic is me eating alone on a blanket, and the blanket is on my bed. laughter henceforth, if you make a doctors appointment for 11 00, that doctor will see you at 11 00. If the doctor is late, you get to check his prostate. laughter applause scientists will stop adding feathers to dinosaurs. I dont care if its more accurate. Youre making them look like idiots. From this day on, if an allmale panel wishes to reduce womens maternity care, they must first pass a cantaloupe through their urethra. cheers and applause let it be known my keys will be where i think i left them, not where i actually left them. laughter applause as of today, anyone who forgets to clean their hair out of the drain after showering must put that hair back on their head for the rest of the day. laughter applause henceforth, any man wearing a fedora will be sent back in time laughter applause let it be written, let it be done. Actor jon hammust be in Something Else very soon. I like that guy. applause starting now, halal and kosher are the same thing. Middle east peace begins with a yogurt sauce. As of today, any movie with a sad ending must let me know in advance. If i wanted to cry, id stay home and watch the news for free. The hat has spoken well be right back with a performance by dan auerbach. 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Republican leaders are to Affordable Health care. Im Tom Perriello and in congress i voted for obamacare because it was wrong that a million virginians werent covered while Insurance Companies now im running for governor because its wrong that most virginia incomes havent gone up in 20 years. Together, we can stop donald trump, raise wages and build an economy that works for everyone. And well make sure this never happens in virginia. Are making the move to nissan. Because of rogue, the best selling suv in america. Titan, with americas best truck warranty. And the most advanced safety features on alitma and our best selling models. Thats why were americas fastestgrowing auto brand. Get 0 financing for up to 72 months on 11 models. Latches onto youry finger so hard, its like shes saying i love you. Thats why aveenos oat formula aveeno®. Naturally beautiful babies. School lunch can be difficult. Cafeteria chaos. One little struggle. Can lead to one monumental mishap. Not with ziploc easy open tabs. Because life needs ziploc. Sc johnson. Rock th party up rock this party up rock this party up well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Shine on me, please welcome back to the show dan auerbach you only got a couple miles to go if youre tryin to drive me insane i saw you crack a smile about a week ago in the middle of the pourin rain so i climbed the cliffs of dover to go dry out in the sun now im like a four leaf clover cause i hide from everyone shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me when i get up i got to get me a plan to do whatever i can i suppose im already working for my uncle sam you know hes got me countin cheerios no more crying on my shoulder im allergic to the tears its trying for this soldier to pretend for all these years shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me i got to keep my raybans on so my eyes wont burn while they shed new light upon my number one concern shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me shine on me cheers and applause stephen thanks, his new album waiting on a song is out. June 2 dan auerbach, everybody well be right back. Stephen thats it for the late show. Join me next week when ill be joined by jennifer garner, ricky gervais, and metallica. Now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from salvador,