Human. And now its time for the late show with stephen ercolbt captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause thank you for all that energy. Everybody feeling nice tonight . Everybody feeling good . cheers and applause we are going to need that positive energy Going Forward because the election is getting nastier day by day. Donald trump is accusing Hillary Clinton of enabling bill clintons affairs. Thats what he said this weekend, which trump frowns on because he was able to accomplish all of his affairs on his own, did it himself. cheers and applause by his own by his own bootstraps. I believe all he was wearing at the time was his boots. Trump even said that hillary was nasty and mean to the women who slept with her husband. Trumps wives did not treat his mistresses like that at all. They had the courtesy to let him tag, youre it hes all yours i think personally that it is ridiculous to blame a wife for her husbands affairs. You agree . Do you agree . applause its ridiculous. We all know when theres this kind of trouble in a marriage, its the kids fault. If you were better, if you were better, mommy and daddy would love each other. I dont know what it is. Didnt clean your room or Something Like that. Dont know what it is. Fix it. Heres the thing, donald trump has been married three times. Attacking Hillary Clinton for having marital problems is like the pot calling the kettle black, or in trumps case, calling the kettles the blacks. By the way, the kettles love him. For anybody concern abouted election, theres a new dating web site out there match canadians with americans who want to escape the trump presidency. Thats right. Thats right. You can escape to the great white north if youre afraid of the great orange here. The site is called maple match, the third most canadian sounding dating site behind moose mates and beaver buddies. Dont look that up, by the way. Now, thousands of people have signed up to maple match, but about 70 of the them are canadian, which means theyve got plenty of mounties. Theyre just looking for a few more mounters. Its not as dirty as it sounds. Theres also big news about facebook book out in the last 24 hours, a. K. A. , the it came out yesterday that facebooks trending news section isnt actually determined by an algorithm but by facebook workers who routinely suppressed conservative news. Yeah, yeah, its shocking. Before this, the most popular way to suppress conservative news was to change the channel in the hospital waiting room. laughter apparently laughter let it sink in. Let it sink in. Apparently, facebook censored popular stories about conservative topics from appearing on the trending news section. Folks, i think this is wrong. If facebook is going to censor things, why not get rid of the stuff people really dont want to see, like your exs tropical honeymoon . Or invitations to coworkers improv shows . Mike, im glad youre getting out after the divorce, but im not going out at midnight on a tuesday to see your improvised episode of dawsons creek. applause . Ill be there. Save me one ticket. laughter the only thing i want to see on facebook is people who were mean to me in high school who are now fat and bald. cheers and applause okay . You know who you are laughter im depressed. Ill tell you why. And, job, you and i were talking about this earlier today. Jon thats right. Stephen we just recently learned that love is dead. Jon thats right. Stephen love is dead, its sad. Because this weekend, ozzy and Sharon Osbourne said that theyre getting a divorce. Ozzy announced the separation by biting the head off their lawyer. Its sad news. They were married for 33 years, six of which ozzy remembers. laughter now, Sharon Osbourne is not talking about it, but ozzy released the following blee gerd muh muh filt. Innit . All aboard ayeayea. Say hello to jon batiste and stay human, everybody. Jon everybody cheers and applause stephen all right hey, ive got some good news for people who experience time. Who experiences time here . I do. Yeah, we all want to stay younger jon, how do you stay so youthful and fresh looking. Jon i try to drink green juice every day. Stephen oh, really . Jon and i play happy music. Stephen do you moisturize . Jon yeah. Stephen because seem so young. I have no idea how old are you. Jon yeah, you know, im black, so i have to moisturize. Stephen you have to . Jon in the corners it will get ashy. You dont want that. Stephen well, my body doesnt have cornerrers . Jon oh, yeah. Stephen if i exer side, my body might actually have corners. Right now, my body is like the oval office, no corners at all. Jon thats right stephen listen, if you are someone who does age, you might be excited to find out scientists have now developed something called a second skin that you apply to your own skin, and it can temporarily reduce wrinkles. For instance the wrinkles you might get from having scientists haik on your eyeball bags. It takes a unique scientific mind to look at wrinkly old people and say, you know what they need . More skin. laughter this breakthrough in second skin the university of silent lambs. laughter remember to follow the doctors instructions. It puts the lotion on its skin, then it puts the lotion in the basket. Apparently, its a twostep process. First, you apply a transparent cream and then a catalyst that binds it to your skin as a smooth film. Since its not on the market yet, the best i can do is saran wrap. laughter cheers and applause bleep . laughter cheers and am i beautiful yet . Ah ah ah its amazing, its amazing how quickly you panic in there. laughter ah i feel younger already. Folks, im glad ive got this stuff because were all going to need thicker stin because. Donald trump. Now that trump is the presumptive g. O. P. Nominee, his fellow republicans are slowly getting behind him, though some of them might be back there to push him down a flight of stairs because while hes gotten support from some Party Leaders like g. O. P. Senate leader mitch mcconnell, r. N. C. Chairman reince priebus, and supreme but not everybody has love for the trump. For example, the georges bush have refused to endorse trump. Also former Massachusetts Governor and former mitt romney, mitt romney. But other republicans are conflicted. Republicans like New Hampshire senator kelly ayotte say theyll support the nominee but will not endorse him. Stephen yes, support but not endorse. Shes holding multiple positions at once. Shes in some sort of political quantum state. Its like shrodingers cat, except shed rather endorse a dead cat than donald trump. applause . cheers but the endorsement Everybody Knows people love quantum physics jokes. But the endorsement donald trump really needs is from speaker of the house and man who truly believes that hes smiling, paul ryan. Ryan is the highest ranking republican and will be chairman of the g. O. P. Convention so, naturally, last week he gave his partys nominee his full can i get back to you . You have said throughout this process that you will support the republican nominee. Now you have a nominee, donald trump. Will you support him . Well, to be perfectly candid with you, jake, im just not ready to do that at this point. I am not there right now. And i hope to, though. And i want to. Stephen yeah, hes not there right now, he just needs a little more time. One assumes to fill out his profile on maple match. cheers and applause okay, now, to try and work out their differences, trump and ryan have scheduled a meeting this thursday. But before they do, trump is sending in his most dynamic surrogate to win paul ryan over ben carson. Makes sense. Nobody can stay mad around ben carson. Or stay awake. Hes like a tranq dart you use to sedate a rhino before you ask the rhino to endorse donald trump. But carson can be very persuasive. Hes Donald Trumps number one hype man. laughter applause stephen four, four. I can just the chanting at the rallies now only four years only four years they were actually chanting it. So are you there yet, speaker . I am not there right now. And i hope to, though. And i want to. Stephen i understand. This is a big decision. Speaker ryan may not be ready to support trump right now, but someday he hopes to and wants to. I just want to give him a little advice. Hey, paul. Its me, steve. I know youre under a lot of pressure right now to endorse trump. And i just want to say, its okay to take it slow. Just because all the cool people like ben carson are doing it doesnt mean you have to. You want the first time you endorse donald trump to be special. I mean, look at chris christie. He rushed right into endorse, and now everywhere he goes is a walk of shame. cheers and applause dont worry. But dont worry, paul. When you decide the time is finally right for you to endorse trump, itll only last a minute. Just just shut your eyes and think of reagan. But you know what, until then, i know youre a young, vital speaker of the house. You have needs. So until youre completely ready, maybe its best if you just stay home and endorse yourself. Well be right back wihl cheers and applause while the other guys gouge you for every bit of data you use. Now, tmobile lets you stream all the video and music that you want from your favorite services. Free without using one bit of your lte data. Plus, you can roll your unused data forward. Nobody does data like tmobile. Get four lines. With ten gigs of 4g lte data each. For just thirtyfive bucks per line. From tmobile. Never underestimate the power of energizer. Our longest lasting energizer max ever. Id wash them, and itd be back before i even got to class. Finally, i discovered the new tide and downy odor defense collection. Tide gets out the yogaaroma, while downy keeps them fresh all day. Now, i dont smell like wet dog. I smell good. Dont just mask odors. Eliminate them with new tide and downy odor defense collection. Advil pm gives you the healing at nsleep you need, it. Helping you fall asleep and stay asleep so your body can heal as you rest. Advil pm. For a healing nights sleep. The seal you can trust. With stain and sealer in one. And easy to choose colors. Exceptional beauty and protection have never been easier. Thompsons waterseal stain and sealer. Available at national retailers. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My first guest tonight is a talented actor known for her roles in kickass, hugo and carrie. Her new film is neighbors 2 sorority rising. Stop it dont you see whats happening this is what the old people want us to do they want to tear us apart. They know if were a united front, we cant lose, because we are sisters. And for the first time in my life, i feel like i belong right now. This is so much better than i ever thought college could be. This is the most fun i ever had, a i havent slept in, like, a week. I just dont want to miss out on anything. You guys are so fun. We are never going to lose each other. What do you call a house of united women . A brothel. No, man, a sorority oh stephen please welcome chloe grace moritz. Stephen thanks for being here. Im happy to be here. Stephen i was saying backstage, youre much taller than i imagined you would be. Its fake, its all fake. Stephen how old were you when you first started acting . I was six years old. Stephen wow. Yeah. Stephen its amazing, youre 19 now. Yes. Stephen so the last 13 years youve been a performer on screen, but you dont have any, like, childhood actor crash d youve got no scandal. I know, its a shame. I need to work on that. Stephen if you could have a scandal, if you could choose your scandal, what would you want it to be . If i could choose my scandal, okay, i would want to go to the met ball, and wear, like, a really nice dress, right, and walk up to a huge star, like Angelina Jolie and grab a glass of red line and, like, throw it on her, and get into a big cat fight,un, and end up tumbling down the front steps of the met. Yeah. And theres a snapshot of me tumbling head first. Stephen thats a really good one. While i screamed, red faced half my exceptions falling out. Stephen have you been to the met before. I was there last week. I was there. Stephen why didnt you throw a glass of wine in my face and wrestled me down. We could have figured out a scandal. Stephen yx year . Its a deal. Ill throw that wine in your face. Stephen as somebody who i havent had, like, ench new roles. Wiewf done different roles where you fly in the face of what you might think a beautiful young actress might be cast in. Youve been a disturbed psychic teen. Yup. Stephen youve been an action kickass hero in kick ass. Do you want to wear the period costume and say lines from a jane austen novelil . Be the demure young lady . When i was younger i didnt make a decision to go against the grain. I grew up with four older brothering. Stephen you have four older brothers. Youre the youngest. Im youngest with four brothers. I didnt grow up wearing pink and wearing this, so i kind of grew up being may have tomboy in that sense, and that reflected itself on screen. Stephen you have no sisters. Yes. Stephen so youre in a sor roarity. If it was cappa nu, i would like to be in it. Its an antisorority sorority its a series of squad rant s. Stephen do you have a squad, do you have a girl squad gidont have a girl squad, per se. I have more kind of a random collection of friends. I dont know if were cool enough to be a squad, per se. Stephen if you got invited in somebody elses squad if taylor swift said, get in the squad . Would you get in the squad. What are the ramifications of being in the squad. Stephen i think she has to order you to kill people. I think swifts squad is blood in, blood out. How do i have to kill them . Whatry rwe talk here . How dirty i do have to get. Stephen ive never been in a girl squad. You can be in my girl squad. Stephen its a deal. After our fight. Stephen after our fight. After our big fight. Stephen in this movie, you are with seth rogan, rose byrne, zac effron, and zac effrons abs. His abs, like that. And his abs, which is the fourth character in the movie. Stephen exactly. Did they get their own trailer . Yeah, they get their own trailer. They have their own chair to sit in. They have their own, you know, makeup artist. Everything involved. Stephen and there are wild parties in this in this movie. Wild, yeah. Stephen well, there are, there are wild parties. Theyre insane. Stephen are you a wild partier yourself or do you not have time for that because youre a working person at 19 . Not per se. We love a good themed party at my house, like a Halloween Party or 4th of july, i dont know if thats a theme America Stephen its a common theme. People have it all on the same day around the nation. But, yes. Its not the most inventive theme. I thought it was specific to my family. Stephen if you had 4th of july on christmas that would be crazy, but july is common. Do you dress up . Yeah, we love dressup partys. We do, like air, Christmas Party but everybody has to wear, like, all white. I just like a theme. I love a theme. Stephen super what. Bougie. Stephen what does that mean . Im sorry, i dont know. Bougie means an extra. Im being really millennial right now. laughter applause stephen yeah. Yeah. Im sorry. Stephen now, i understand that you actually canvassed for Hillary Clinton when you were out in nevada. Di. Stephen youre politically involved. I traveled to colleges and was talking to men and women about it. Stephen and youre an outspoken feminist yourself. Yeah. Stephen why do you, so many young women dont want to say theyre feminists . I dont know. The word has become polarizing. I dont know why. I ed the caucusing time and a lot of them were afraid to say they were feminists and i think we need to get to a point where its gender neutrality, and not just about feminism and raising one particular sex. You know what i mean . I think we need to make it more neutral because the i think the word has become demonized applause . Stephen i wont demonize it, because that would make me bougie. You dont want to be bougie. You want to be extra. Stephen i want to be cool. Dont look to me for the cool cards. Stephen i always will. See you next year at the met . I will throw the wine in your face. Stephen neighbors 2 so close. But with unitedhealthcare its easy to find quick care options and compare costs. Thats my husband. Let me try this. Second times a charm. Oh there goes mine. Unitedhealthcare life is a sport. We are the utility. The new ford escape. And youre talking to your doctor about your medication. This is humira. This is humira helping to relieve my pain and protect my joints from further damage. This is humira helping me go further. Humira works for many adults. E of inflammation that contributes to ra symptoms. Doctors have been prescribing humira for over 13 years. Humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. Serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. Before treatment, get tested for tb. Tell your doctor if youve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if youve had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flulike symptoms or sores. Dont start humira if you have an infection. Ready for a new chapter . Talk to your rheumatologist. This is humira at work. Now a bull rider jumping a bulfrom a planeold. While eating a crispety, crunchety butterfinger bar. Even when his mother tells him not to. Youll spoil your dinner . Now thats bolder than bolder than bolder than bold crispety, crunchety, peanutbuttery butterfinger. Now i use this. The nicoderm cq patch with unique extended release Technology Helps prevent the urge to smoke all day. I want this time to be my last time. Thats why i choose nicoderm cq. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest tonight has hosted shows on three Major Networks and is now the global news stephen welcome back, anchor at yahoo. Her new documentary is called under the gun. Please welcome katie couric. Stephen have a seat. Thank you. band playing . Ae stephen nice to see you again. I am so happy to see you, too. Stephen i am you know, were friends, right. We are. Stephen are we friends . I would say were definitely friendly. We dont really hang. Stephen no, i saw you at the Bruce Springsteen center the other night. I saw you at the barkley center. Stephen we waved to each other. Somebody tried to give you cheesecake. Everybody on the pit, on the stephen. The whole concert i spent watching you watching bruce. We went to this springsteen cons expert it was so funny because i wanted to see your concert behavior. Stephen what was my concert beha