you've already managed to blow the routine. ( muttering ): sexless freak. ( chuckling ) well, it seems as though we're just about at the halfway point. so why don't we call it intermission? excuse me. out of the way. ( general conversation ) oh! don't go too far. if you like cafeteria workers in beatle wigs with tennis racquet guitars you won't want to miss the second half. you drive. i eat. dad, you were supposed to pay for those snacks. i saw krabappel's butt. i paid. whoopsie. hmm. this could take a minute. there's an opening, mom. i don't know. i-i hate to change lanes once i get going. that's really for race car drivers. to your left. he's letting you in. go! no, no. as soon as i get over that lane will stop moving. erma bombeck said so, and dave barry agrees. oh! you suck, marge. ( engine roaring ) ( honking ) come on, move it, you clowns! what in blazes... ? so long, schlubs! wow. did you see that thing, marge? so powerful, so commanding. it didn't ask. it just took. ( over p.a. system ): ♪ canyonero yah! ( whip cracking ) ♪ canyonero. ( moaning ) oh, canyonero... ( chuckling ) go ahead. drool all you want. you can't hurt that finish. now, rainwater, that'll strip it right off... ah, i shouldn't have said that. come on, gil. hey, a red one! can i buy that? please? well, if you-you... dah... wha-really?! wow! ha! hot dog! a sale! i'll take it from here, gil. no, wait! ah, no, you can't take my sale. my wife's going to leave me if i don't start bringing in the green. come on. let me have this one, stan. i'm begging you. look at me. i'm begging you, stan. mm-hmm. let's go write this up shall we? honey, you should've seen me with my last customer. i... no, but i came so close. this guy was a... who's voice is that? is that fred? ah, you said it was over. no, don't put him on. it... hello, fred. hi. okay. here's how your lease breaks down: this is your down payment. then here's your monthly. and there's your weekly. and that's it, right? yep. oh, then after your final monthly payment there's the routine c.b.p. or crippling balloon payment. but that's not for a while. right. sweet. whoo! hello! hey, baby! whoops. oh, sorry, homer. we thought you were one of those hot-to-trot soccer moms. yeah, you don't see many men driving the "f" series. huh? see? instead of a cigarette lighter it's got a lipstick holder. ah, crap! it's a girl's car. i can't drive this. oh, sure, you can, dollface. ( kissing noises ) ( chuckling ) pretty thing like you can do whatever she wants. ( laughing ) shut up! screw you guys! ( tires screeching ) ( mumbling ): where is it... ? where's your keys? i'm taking your car to work. you cashed in your 401(k) to buy that stupid canyonero. why can't you drive it? are you saying i'm gay? because, if that's what you think then just come right out and say it. i don't think you're gay. i just have to do my grocery shopping. now, please, give me my keys. fine. ( electrical crackling ) ( tires screeching ) oh. good lord. how am i supposed to get in this beast? ( mechanical humming ) hmm. well, that's a nice feature. not much headroom, though. ooh! oh, i guess i can drive it for a little while. but, mom, i read that sport utility vehicles are more likely to be involved in fatal accidents. fatal to the people in the other car. let's roll. hang on. the manual says i need to log on to the onboard computer. ( female voice ): hello, marge. where would you like to go today? ( gasps ) no one has ever asked me that before in my life. well, that's a first. i've never been able to fit 32 grocery bags into one car before. eww, why is courtney love on the wheaties box? hmm. i thought it was sandy duncan. bart: uh-oh. gridlock at 12:00. oh, crud. and we're so close to the house. um, i don't want to alarm you but the ice cream's starting to go south. ( slurping ) hey, give me some of that. ( screams ) mom, bart sprayed whip cream in my eye! i did not. ( screams ) ( grunting ) ( yelling ) kids, cut it out! ( sighs ) all right. hey! come on, mom, just cut across the field. oh, i don't know. it doesn't seem right. do you want to spend your whole life doing what's right? of course not. ( throbbing ) let's do it. ( tires screeching ) bart: whoa! you the man, mom! out of my way, nature! marge: ♪ canyonero!  look at me, lis. i'm baron von chickenpants. ( clucking ) bart, that's tomorrow night's dinner. you're tomorrow night's dinner. mom! bart took what i said and turned it into an insult! that's nice, dear. okay, mr. peanut, you think you can keep... ( stammering ) a three-chambered peanut. marge, look what i did! come quick! hurry! marge? marge, you've been out there all morning. so? so lying on the couch and eating stuff isn't the same if you aren't around to see it. i'll come watch you do nothing after i try out my new high-intensity halogen headlights. ( snickering ) nobody will ever cut me off again. oh, please come in. maggie smells bad, and the cat wants something but i don't know what. i'm almost done. and tell bart to get out of my purse. ( no audio ) geez, try the gas pedal, grandma. it's right there next to the brake. oh, for god's sake. go back to new jersey. ( exasperated grunting ) ( honking horn ) come on! come on! get that corpse off the road! the streets are for the living. slow down, you maniac! show some respect for this coffin full of bricks representing a young man lost at sea! ( siren wails ) oh, great. what'd i do? this better be important. can the sweet talk, thelma and louise. you have a serious mental illness. the technical term is "road rage." i'll see you tomorrow morning at traffic school, speedy. and you got exactly five seconds to get out of my sight. oh... ( tires screeching ) oh, why are the pretty ones always insane? okay, i assume you all know why you're here. that's right. you're all angry sick people. but over these next eight hours you will be broken down to the level of infants then rebuilt as functional members of society then broken down again, then lunch then, if there's time, rebuilt once more. all right, roll it, lou. hello. i'm sergeant crew and i'm here to talk to you about... duh. quiet, fatso. the sergeant's talking. go on, dear. in these modern hectic days of fast food, answering machines and one-night stands people are getting angrier. now, what you're about to see is not pretty. cut me off, will ya?! yah! learn to drive, dimwit! i sentence you to kiss my ass! ( screaming ) look familiar? it should. anger is what makes america great but you must find the proper outlet for your rage. fire a weapon at your television screen; pick a fight with someone weaker than you; or write a threatening letter to a celebrity. so, when you go out for a drive remember to leave your murderous anger where it belongs... at home. and, as if that film wasn't enough we have a special guest. why, it's curtis e. bear-- the courtesy bear. for the next three hours this bear will take your verbal and physical abuse with good nature and aplomb. so, if you'll all just grab one of these two-by-fours... uh, chief, can i at least shield my crotch? bears can't talk, kenny. ( yelling ) well, simpson, did you learn something today? oh, did i ever. and that herbal anger rinse just washed the rage right out of me. uh, remember, midge, you feel the need to rage you call me, right? i won't even get sexual or nothing unless that's what you want. but that's not what you want, right? no, thanks. but thanks. after you, sweetheart. oh, no, you first, ma'am. well, somebody go first. well, not me. i'm not going until she goes. oh, for crying out loud, i... oh... oh, okay. calm down. just think. what would curtis e. bear do? ( honking ) move it, i got to return this suit! get out of the way! ( tires squealing ) yaaah! whoa. thanks, chick dude. well, i hope you're happy, simpson. those prisoners were one day away from being completely rehabilitated. i'm tearing up your license. aw, jeez. darned laminated... would you mind? i got stubby fingers. ( embarrassed chuckle ) caramel mocha. caramel almond. caramel turtle. [ sighs ] that would've been awkward. with dunkin's caramel iced coffee flavors, there are more ways than ever to love caramel. try the new caramel coconut today. america runs on dunkin'. pretzels! [loudly] no, thanks! pretzel roll from dunkin'. try the new pretzel roll sandwiches from dunkin' -- get any bakery sandwich on a soft, warm pretzel roll today. america runs on dunkin'. ♪ [ male announcer ] for those who willingly take on the day. [ screaming ] [ male announcer ] to make it better for someone else. the same way the smooth, creamy taste of coffee-mate makes coffee and your day better. coffee-mate. coffee's perfect mate. now try new girl scout cookie flavors. nestle. good food, good life. now try new girl scout cookie flavors. how could they take away my license? it feels like i lost a limb. well, that's a turnoff. hey, why don't you come to the wild animal park with us? no. your father drives like an old lady. at least i've got a license. ( quietly ): come on, kids. i went too far. aw, what a gyp. they're all just lying around. do something! bart, they're not here to entertain us. i've seen plays that were more exciting than this. honest to god-- plays! i don't want to pay four bucks to watch some monkey wannabe laying in the sun! but, dad, lemurs are nocturnal. don't worry, honey. daddy will fix that broken animal. no! i'm not going to hurt him. i'm just going to wake him up. ( screeches ) ( bellowing ) ( hooves thundering ) uh-oh. here's your slingshot, lisa! i told them a chain-link fence wouldn't hold rhinos. oh, wait. no, i didn't. i meant to tell them. ( shrieks ) ( screaming ) don't worry, kids. i know just what to do. jumanji! does anything from the movies actually work? aw, nuts. isn't there anybody who can round up these thunder lizards? well, they'd need a pretty rugged vehicle. and a heart to match. i'd like to help you, chief but my license was revoked. seems i'm full of rage. then do it for this adorable little puppy. look at the puppy, marge. that's your hat. she's good, chief. now, if you'll excuse me i've got some dust that needs busting. ( people screaming ) this is kent brockman at the scene of a level-three rhino alert. authorities say there's no immediate danger to anyone except those three luckless people whom we'll identify once the rhinos spit out their wallets. ( gasps ) back! back, i say! oh, no. i'm out of popcorn. throw your peanuts! you throw your peanuts. ( all yelling ) ( horn honking ) bart: look, it's mom. out of the way! move it or lose it! get going, you! this ought to hold them. there's one missing, mate. if we don't find him, it'll be my ass on the barbie. ( grunting snorts ) get in! get in! ( grunting ) come on, homer, jump! ohh... when will detroit build a sunroof for the husky gentleman? ( screams ) oh! ( whimpering ) hey, anybody seen homer today? ( screaming ) there he goes. oh, thank you, god! and thank you, porta-john. you really saved my... ( screams ) who's out there? ( screams ) oh, i'm going to die. jesus, allah, buddha-- i love you all! ( tires squealing ) oh, no! she's not going to make it! hmm. looks like it's time for plan "b." one, two three... "b"! ( tires squealing ) it's okay, homey. you can come out now. uh, give me a minute. oh, marge, you saved me. wow. you are so much cooler than milhouse's mom. yeah, way to channel that rage, simpson. how did you know your plan would work, mom? thanks for asking. well, i was watching dateline and stone philips said s.u.v.s always roll over when you turn sharply and the gas tanks explode at the drop of a hat. and she also knew, if the rhino sees a flame he'll instinctively try to put it out. stone philips again. is there anything that guy doesn't know? why, this stone philips sounds like quite a bloke. what television network is he on? why, nbc, of course. nbc has lots of great shows and their news and sports coverage can't be beat. do you think there's anything great on nbc right now? oh, i'm sure of it. but there's only one way to find out. [captioned by the caption center wgbh e educational foundation] okay. are you from the star wars universe? yes. were you in the original trilogy? yes. oh, is there a picture of you in my wallet wearing a metal bikini? god, i hope not. and no, i'm not princess leia. okay, okay. my turn. um... are you in all six star wars movies? yes. interesting. are you a droid? yes. do you kind of look like a shiny sheldon? yes. c-3po. you got it. that's preposterous. i do not resemble c-3po. don't get me wrong. i'm flattered. i just don't see it. (cell phone plays "she blinded me with science") leslie winkle. you've reached "friends with benefits." for a booty call, press one now. what exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? does he provide her with health insurance? no. look, uh... imagine you maintained a friendship with someone you had sex with, but you were free to date whoever you wanted. i'm sorry, i can't imagine any of that. all right, back to the game. i believe it's my turn. you may begin your questions whenever you're ready. are you spock? i don't like this game. so, where were we? aren't you leaving for your booty call? no, it was something else. why does everything have to be about sex with you? come on. whose turn is it? we were up to you. great. just start. okay, let's see. are you from a tv series? (sobbing): she dumped me! i bet he's someone from babylon 5. we're never going to get it. ♪ our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ ♪ then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... wait! ♪ ♪ the earth began to cool ♪ the autotrophs began to drool, neanderthals developed tools ♪ ♪ we built the wall ♪ we built the pyramids ♪ ♪ math, science, history, unraveling the mystery ♪ ♪ that all started with a big bang ♪ ♪ bang! ♪

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