And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 664, montserrat, yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Jimmy oh please. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Enjoy yourselves. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the tonight show, baby. [ cheers and applause ] thats what im talking about. Beautiful crowd tonight. Beautiful new york city crowd. Welcome, everybody. Well heres what people are talking about. Tomorrow is President Trumps 100th day in office. [ cheers ] and in the new interview, trump said that he thought being president would be easier than his old life. [ laughter ] people dont know whats more shocking, that he thought being president would be easy, or that he thought his old life was hard. [ laughter and applause ] i guess yelling, youre fired from your apartment is hard. In the same interview trump actually stopped to hand out electoral maps that show which states he won during the election. [ laughter ] then he said, i colored them myself. [ laughter and applause ] good for you, youre very talented. Keep walking. Trump also says he misses a lot of things he used to be able to do, like driving. Then he said, but i also miss putting and everything. Its amazing a week away from golf, i just miss every aspect. [ laughter and applause ] but this is true. Driving. It turns out trump, i didnt know this, hes actually a a pretty big car guy. Steve really . Jimmy yeah, take a look at this video he just put out. This is donald trump and i absolutely love automobiles. Especially these fantastic automakers like chevrolet, bumwa, lamb in a bikini, meatball sushi, ashton kutcher, and my personal favorite i sue you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its interesting. Steve wow. Jimmy meatball sushi. Steve wow. I sue you. He does not know how to pronounce those names. Jimmy lamb in a bikini, yeah. He loves cars. Steve he loves them. Jimmy to mark his 100th day in office, trump also did an interview with fox news. Trump was so excited to be on fox news, it was like when a a kid goes to disney world and gets to meet all his favorite characters. [ laughter and applause ] oh, my god, sean hannity hi, sean hannity. Tucker carlson [ laughter ] trumps 100th day in office. So instead of giving you a full review of everything thats happened so far we decided to put together a little montage that focuses on the key words from trumps presidency so far. I hope you enjoy this. [ cheers and applause ] 100 days so lets review trump cant get his agenda through Health Care Bill absolutely no Immigration Reform remains in limbo border wall no funding at all trump willing to delay it until this fall so its early its positive he is following through on his Campaign Promises by nominating a Justice Neil Gorsuch you are fake news nothing to do with russia knock knock [ horn honks ] first 100 days [ cheers and applause ] jimmy strong handshake. Steve yank that arm. Pull it out of the socket. Last night was the start of the nfl draft. That was exciting. [ cheers and applause ] right . The Cleveland Browns had the first pick or as they put it, crap, thats tonight . Oh my goodness. [ laughter ] whos the biggest guy . And this is kind of interesting, i saw the Dallas Cowboys drafted a player named taco charlton. [ light laughter ] of course, taco isnt his given name. His given name is cheesy gordita crunch charlton. [ laughter and applause ] thats right. Theres a defensive end named taco charlton, marking the first time a taco will be stopping some runs. Steve oh hey [ laughter and applause ] [ rimshot ] [ cheers ] going to a bowl. Jimmy hey, i want to say happy birthday to Willie Nelson who turns 84 years old tomorrow. Willie, baby. [ cheers and applause ] and if you forgot about it, dont worry, because so did he. [ light laughter ] so, its all good. Speaking of marijuana [ laughter ] get this, i saw that disney world has added marijuana to its list of prohibited items. Then parents are like, you mean, we could have been high this whole time . [ laughter and applause ] just now we what . [ applause ] heres a local story. I saw that a brand new, stateoftheart public restroom just opened behind the new york public library. [ scattered applause ] it replaces that old public restroom, the new york public library. [ laughter and applause ] thats the new thing. And finally, after their big scandal a couple weeks ago, United Airlines says it will give passengers up to 10,000 if they agree to give up their seat. [ audience oohs ] which backfired when the pilots were like, sweet, see you guys later, 10,000 bucks, lets go. We have a great show tonight, we do. Give it up for the roots, baby. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh [ cheers and applause ] did you hear that again . Tariq another soul clap. Jimmy im not. Tariq, im not making it up. Our crowds are the coolest crowds in the world. [ cheers and applause ] they did it again. They did it again. Jimmy they did it again, normally the roots play [ clapping along ] everybody is like yeah. Thats not what you guys were doing. You were going let me hear the beat again. Jimmy i mean, thats fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] the soul clap steve soul clap. Show. Welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] weve got a great show tonight. We love this man. Hes hilarious. Martin tall, no. Martin short is on the show [ cheers and applause ] martin short. Steve one of the funniest humans on earth. Jimmy he might be the funniest human being on the face of the earth. Steve ever made. Jimmy plus she stars in the new Netflix Series girlboss. Britt robertson is dropping in as well. [ cheers and applause ] girlboss. Steve girlboss. Jimmy and our pal, she is the author of the great new cookbook called food swings, Jessica Seinfeld is stopping by [ cheers and applause ] steve heyoh heyoh jimmy were going to catch up with jessica and then were going to do a fun Food Experiment with some of her recipes. Steve ooh. Jimmy where i use my taste buds. [ light laughter ] to tell what what is what steve only your taste buds steve no other senses . Jimmy were going to remove some of my senses. [ laughter ] guys, as you know i interview celebrity guests on my show every day. Well theres someone who has been doing it a lot longer than i have and i have a lot of respect for him. His name is jiminy glick. [ light laughter ] and he is known for i know, some people think he looks like a heavier version of martin short. [ laughter ] steve yeah. Jimmy hes known for asking celebrities and politicians a a ton of hardhitting questions that most hosts are afraid to ask. Well i watched his most recent interview last night, and i gotta say it was pretty intense. So i thought id share it with you. Please enjoy jiminy glicks interview with the president of the united states, donald j. Trump. Please enjoy. [ cheers and applause ] hello im jiminy glick and im here with former reality star, bankrupt casino owner, and the 40 the 40 the 45th president of the united states. Difficult one to utter. Donald j. Trump. How are you, mr. President . Jimmy thank you jiminy. Im a big fan of your work. Tonights gonna be fantastic. Oh, im so excited to see you. Let me shake your hand. Look at these. This hand, its like five cocktail wieners attached to a a ham hawk of some form. I think and i dont want to use this inappropriately. But this is what we call circus stuff. You are such a handsome man. Jimmy thank you, jiminy. Thank you. You look like if dennis the menace made a bunch of bad life choices. But still [ laughter ] jimmy thank you. Now your first 100 days, would you say its a complete embarrassment or a total failure . [ laughter ] i know youre very concerned about leaks and so am i. Im actually been leaking for the last 20 minutes. [ laughter ] no really. Im wearing an adult diaper and i swear to you, right now, it weighs 75 pounds. [ laughter ] if you could deport one of your kids jimer interesting indeed. If mike pence is against gay people, why does he walk around with a stick up his ass . [ laughter ] besides ben carson, can you name another africanamerican . Jimmy George Foreman grill. [ laughter ] let me understand your education. It was not extensive is it . Its a limited education. Do you not feel that even words that are simple should be said properly . Say china. Jimmy jina. China. Jimmy yina. Jina. Say Chitty Chitty bang bang. Jimmy jitty jitty bang bang. Say gynecologist. Jimmy jynecologist. Okay. Unbelievable. This is absolutely terrifying. Its now been 100 days since youve seen melania. Where is she . Where does she go . [ laughter ] shes in hiding. Jimmy if i ever see melania again ill ask her. Okay. This is like its like a a 4yearold walked in lost, and i took his hand and i said mama, is mama around, because this is not a normal if this is any indication i cant believe theres five children in the [ laughter ] now chris christie, do you still see him . Jimmy its hard not to see him. Because hes so fat. If anyone should make fun of heavyset people it should be you. Jimmy thank you. Youve met Vladimir Putin. What does he taste like . Jimmy Vladimir Putin is a a great guy. Hes a fantastic guy. Really, really personal, charming, and ive never met him. But you have, again, a a vocabulary of six or seven words. Jimmy thank you. Do you ever want to add another one like the. Jimmy duh. Say the, the its really something. Jimmy duh. My god youre a handsome man. Not many people can pull off a a moat that look likes a cats butthole as it walks away from you. Is it because you dont see what youre doing to the country . I want to ask this, you had this wonderful dinner at the white house with sarah palin and kid rock. Jimmy thats right. And how did you get them over . Did you phone them up or did you just burn a whole bunch of tires and let the smoke signal them . Jimmy dont you love kid rock . I love kid i love kid rock. Jimmy isnt he fantastic . And ted nugent. Jimmy ted had some very great ideas. Have you ever seen or heard of ted talks . Thats ted nugent . Jimmy that is. What do you jimmy i could be wrong. I could be wrong. Its time to eat. Would you like to have something . [ laughter ] [ choking sound ] jimmy are you choking . Are you choking . You are choking. [ choking sound ] whats what are you doing . Om more food helps. [ laughter ] you know what . Im gonna speaking of north korea. Jimmy kim jongun is a very dangerous man. He look likes a bouncer in a a lesbian bar doesnt he . [ laughter ] well so much fun. Mr. President , lets do this again. I want to talk to you in 100 days from now. After the impeachment. [ laughter and applause ] this has been jiminy glick. And im so honored to be sitting with the commander in chief of our wonderful nation. Donald j. Trump. What does the j. Stand for . Jimmy genius. [ laughter and applause ] very good. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to jiminy glick for a in depth interview with the president. Stick around, well be right back with martin short [ cheers and applause ] ima wade, ima wave through the waters tell the tide, dont move Freedom Freedom i cant move freedom, cut me loose Freedom Freedom where are you . Cause i need freedom too Freedom FreedomFreedom Freedom what you want from me . Is it truth you seek . Oh father can you hear meee. Ooow . Is thno, its, uh, breyers gelato indulgences. You really wouldnt like it. Its got caramel and crunchy stuff. I like caramel and crunchy stuff. Breyers gelato indulgences. Its way beyond ice cream. We are not here to observe, to sit idly by, or watch from the stands. We are here. For one reason. To leave. A mark. Lexus high performance. With 5. 0liter v8s and sport directshift transmissions. Experience a shift in the natural order. Experience amazing. Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. You stand out in a crowd. And are pulled together. You follow your own lead and show your strength. Always comfortable in your own skin. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. T. J. Maxx [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jiminy glick. You guys, i love you guys. Thank you so much. Steve oh, my god. Jimmy welcome back, everybody. Guys, today is friday and thats usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. You know i check my inbox, i return some emails and, of course, i send out thank you notes. And i was just wondering [ cheers and applause ] i was running a bit behind today, so i thought if you guys wouldnt mind, id just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that cool with you guys . [ cheers and applause ] you guys are the greatest. James james, can i get some thank you note writing music please . [ laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy oh, hes in a hes in a good mood this week. Steve today, yeah. [ light laughter ] tgi friday, man. Jimmy good lord. [ light laughter ] looks like hes wearing kwames pocket square. [ laughter ] steve oh heyoh deep cut jimmy thank you, treasury secretary steve mnuchin, for happen if ross geller hooked up with mclovin. There you go. [ laughter and applause ] thank you, starbucks new dragon frappuccino, for looking like what came out of me after i tried the unicorn frappuccino. Steve ho [ laughter and applause ] jimmy why . Steve why . Jimmy why do we keep trying new things . Steve no. Jimmy thank you, people wearing trench coats, for basically saying, im expecting some rain and possibly a mystery. [ applause ] thank you, astronaut peggy whitson, for speaking to President Trump via satellite this week. When asked how much longer shed stay in space, she said 2020 or 2024, depending on what happens. [ cheers and applause ] why did she say that . Steve i know, thats a long time. Thats a long time in space. Jimmy thank you, counting sheep as a cure for insomnia, for letting shepherds know we find their job very boring. [ laughter and applause ] thats rude. Steve rude. Jimmy that is steve rude. Jimmy that is rude. How dare you. Fred. Fred . How dare you. [ slapping ] [ laughter ] good day to you, sir. [ slapping ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] everybody was kung fu [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, umbrellas, for keeping about 15 of my body fairley dry. [ laughter ] not worth not worth it. Steve no. Jimmy thank you, the potential writers strike, for sorry, theres nothing here. Please dont strike, please. Please dont strike. [ applause ] please dont strike. [ applause ] thank you, wildlife refuge in kenya, for setting up a tinder account for your endangered rhino. He must be pretty horny. Steve ho hey [ laughter and applause ] jimmy those were my thank you notes. Well be right back with martin short [ cheers and applause ] and let roomba help with your everyday messes. A full suite of sensors automatically guides roomba throughout your home. Cleaning under furniture, along edges, and in corners. And roombas patented 3stage cleaning system agitates, brushes and suctions dirt from your floors for up to 2 hours, recharging itself when it needs to. Which means your floors are always clean. You and roomba, from irobot. Better. Together. Hey, leggo my eggo. I dont see your name on it. Really . Ba bam leggo my eggo. Okay. State farm knows that for every one of those moments. What . Theres one of these. Sam, i gotta go. Is this my car . This is ridiculous this is ridiculous from car insurance. To car loans. State farm is here to help life go right. So ammara, youre a verizon engineer, tell me, whats one really good reason why the Samsung Galaxy s8 is better on verizon . Well we have the largest 4g lte network in america. And the most reliable. Uhhuh. And, with unlimited, you get full hd video. Oh wow, yeah, thats, uh, two, maybe even three reasons right there. Its exactly three. Okay. Sure, whatever you say. vo if you really, really want the best, switch to verizon unlimited and get the galaxy s8 for just 15 a month. I saw you take those phones, you know. No, you didnt. Kohls lowest prices of the season. Prices so low, no coupons needed. Get 5 jumping beans tops and bottoms kitchen electrics are only 4. 99 after rebate and the big one bath towel is just 2. 99. Plus, get kohls cash. Wednesday through sunday at kohls. You might not ever just stand there, you may never even sit in the back seat. Yeah, but maybe you should. laughter [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Our first guest is a very funny, very talented man. Hes currently on a 40city comedy tour, with the also very funny and very talented, steve martin. Upcoming dates are sunday may 21st at the ohio theater in columbus, ohio. Friday july 21st, starlight theatre, kansas city, missouri. Friday august 11th Concord Pavilion at concord, california. Theres one in rochester hills, michigan im booking the whole tour. Steve are you really . Jimmy please welcome our good friend, theay [ cheers and applause ] thank you for having me. [ cheers ] jimmy martin short oh, my goodness. Thank you thank you so much. Jimmy oh, my goodness. There he is. Martin short, everybody. Im embarrassed that we almost went we almost thought it was over. I almost thought it was over. [ talking over each other ] jimmy welcome, welcome to the show martin short. Thank you so much. You know i cant stay long. [ light laughter ] i cant. Jimmy you just got no, no, i know i did. But i i left my uber driver waiting. Jimmy oh. [ laughter ] and you know how testy bill oreilly can get, you know. [ laughter ] jimmy [ inaudible ] martin now. Now marty. [ cheers and applause ] put that down. You know, his problem was, he thought harass was two words. [ laughter and applause ] steve heyoh oh thank you so much. Jimmy oh, my gosh. Good to be here. [ light laughter ] jimmy we love having you. You are hilarious tonight. Jimmy we love having you thank you. I love your monologue. Oh, my god. How brave are you. [ laughter ] no really, to do an entire monologue and not worry about any reaction from the audience. Its a its an intriguing new approach to show business, i think. Jimmy but the audience loves you. We love you. I mean, i love you. They go nuts when you come. Oh, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you look you look fantastic. Oh, thank you. Well you look sensational. [ cheers ] no, really. Ive never noticed this before but you in person, you look like a slightly older version of kim jongun. [ laughter ] jimmy yes. Just just a little more moody. Thats all. [ laughter ] no really, i mean you got you got donald jr. s face and works on you. Jimmy oh, thank you so much. [ laughter ] i appreciate it