tomorrow between doug jones of the democratic party, and roy moore who is not allowed at parties. [ laughter ] one more. that's right, the election is tomorrow, and roy moore is already setting up for his victory celebration. [ crowd groans ] bridge too far? [ applause ] overstayed my welcome? okay, i hear you loud and clear. four women today accused celebrity chef mario batali of sexual misconduct, and when he found out, batali was so depressed he could barely dress himself for the past five years. [ laughter ] [ applause ] according to the "new york times," president trump sometimes watches msnbc's "morning joe" because it fires him up for the day. it's the same reason he watches dora. [ light laughter ] "why doesn't she give me more time to answer? just so fast." the "new york times" also said there is a rule in the white house that no one is allowed to touch the tv remote except president trump, and the technical support staff, and i know that sounds insane, but, remember, that's literally the only rule. [ light laughter ] a former facebook executive recently said that he feels tremendous guilt about helping to create the company while the creator of tinder said, "i feel nothing." [ laughter ] according to a gallup poll, 80% of russians approve of vladimir putin's leadership, while the other 20% are missing. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] i'm sure they're fine. they'll turn up. golden globe nominations were announced this morning, and hbo led with 12 nominations, not to be outdone, netflix led the field in allegations. [ crowd groans ] imagine having to host it. [ laughter ] a man in england had to be rescued by firefighters after cementing his head inside a microwave for a youtube video. i don't know, did he have to be rescued? [ light laughter ] and finally, according to reports prince harry has chosen to quit smoking for his fiance meghan markle. more for me, said the queen. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen we have a great show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's the star of "blackish" on nbc, and is the voice of bones the bull in the animated movie "ferdinand." anthony anderson is back on the show, always a delight to have him here. [ cheers and applause ] she just received a golden globe nomination for her performance in a great new film "downsizing," hong chau is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and we will have standup comedian amanda seales is here, she's very funny. [ cheers and applause ] i'm very much looking forward to you getting to see her. before we get to all of our fantastic guests, president trump is pulling out all the stops to help elect an accused sexual predator in tomorrow's special election in alabama, and that's because roy moore and donald trump have a lot in common, up to and including the fact that they're both wildly unfit for office. for more on this its time for "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] for most people self-care usually involves eating well, getting some exercise, or staying off social media. for donald trump it means periodically holding a rally to bask in the warm embrace of his supporters, and relive the 2016 election as he did yet again on friday in florida. >> the great state of florida, where we had a tremendous victory, didn't we? michigan hadn't been won in many, many years by a republican. we went to wisconsin, hadn't been won in many, many years, and her husband supposedly said, she said no, no, no, bunch of dummies, just a bunch of dummies." do you remember, there is no way for donald trump to get 270. we heard that for week after week, and we won. >> seth: oh, my god, get over it, man! trump is like a guy who threw one touchdown in high school, and tells the story to everybody who comes into his bar, he's the buddy garrity of american politics. [ laughter ] of course, our current catch-22 is this, is it better for trump to obsess over his election win, or to focus on and potentially mishandle the north korean nuclear crisis. he's clearly more comfortable talking about his win as evidenced by the fact that he briefly mentioned north korea, and then immediately veered off his prepared remarks to undercut himself. >> as part of a campaign of maximum pressure on the vile dictatorship of north korea, we have imposed the toughest ever sanctions passed by the united nations security council, and we have a lot of other sanctions, but you know i don't know that sanctions are going to work with him, we got to give it a shot, you know, we'll see. who knows? i'll just tell you, folks, you're in good hands, that's all i can say. [ crowd groans ] >> seth: you can't say you're in good hands right after a sentence that makes it clear we're not in good hands, that's like saying i'm good to drive and then sticking your keys into the gas tank. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] now, at the very least you might be reassured by the fact that our allies like nato have our back in a potential crisis, but trump has gone out of his way to pick fights with those allies over what he falsely claims is their refusal to pay for military assistance. a line he repeated on friday. >> i told the people of nato, standing right behind me, while they were standing behind me, they haven't been paying. i said, "you got to pay, you got to pay," and i guess i implied if you don't pay, we're out of there, right? so we'll have a nation that doesn't pay, then their nation gets frisky with whoever. >> seth: gets frisky? our president refers to war the same way your grandparents refer to sex. you know, after a couple of sherries, russia can get pretty frisky. of course for trump the substance of the speech is itself meaningless compared to the validation he receives from the crowd. so naturally his fragile ego was once again bruised when a reporter for "the washington post" dave weigel tweeted a photo of the arena where trump spoke with many empty seats. now weigel quickly deleted the tweet after realizing it was misleading, but that didn't stop trump from whining about it on twitter writing, "dave weigel, "washington post" put out a phony photo of an empty arena hours before i arrived, demand apology and retraction from fake news "washington post." and weigel in return did the standup thing, apologized, tweeting, "i apologize, it was a bad tweet on my personal account, not a story for "washington post." i deleted it after like 20 minutes, very fair to call me out." so there you go, trump demanded a retraction and apology, got a retraction and apology, which i'm sure he accepted with grace, and i'm just kidding, our colicky man baby president wouldn't shut the hell up about it. >> president trump called for his dismissal. quote, dave weigel of "the washington post" just admitted that his picture was a fake, fraud, showing an almost empty arena last night for my speech in pensacola, when in fact he knew the arena was packed as shown also on tv. fake news. he should be fired. >> seth: you know, i'm not sure getting fired for false tweets is really a precedent you of all people want to send. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i mean -- if tweeting something incorrect was a fireable offense, you would have had to give your inaugural address while holding a cardboard box full of your stuff. "well it's great to be here, but i've been fired." but this goes to the very heart of trump's world view, one set of rules for him and the people closest to him, another set of rules for everyone else. if you're an immigrant, or a minority, and trump thinks you broke the law, he only wants to punish you. if you're a white man close to him, who's been accused of a crime, trump thinks you deserve leniency. if you're a reporter, and you make a mistake, trump wants you fired, but if you're trump, or one of his acolytes you get to lie brazenly with impunity. reporters are human, human beings make mistakes, the difference is, when reporters get something wrong they're accountable, take responsibility for those mistakes. trump lies as often as he breathes, and yet when asked if he has ever made a mistake said only this. >> that notion of forgiveness, that's not a central tenant for you? >> well i try not to make mistakes where i have to ask for forgiveness for one thing. >> the idea of repentance. is that something that's important to you? >> i think repenting is terrific, i mean -- >> but do you feel the need to? >> why do i have to you know, repent? why do i have to ask for forgiveness if you're not making mistakes? trump in a confessional. "forgive me father, but i nailed it again. another perfect week, zero hail marys, and zero our fathers. in the name of the donald, the trump, and the holy me." [ laughter ] [ applause ] trump constantly lashes out at the media, even though he seems to spend so much of his time watching cable news. in fact, in a behind the scenes account of trump's daily routine, "the new york times" reported over the weekend that trump spends at least four hours a day, and sometimes as much as twice that in front of a television. eight hours, who's letting him watch that much tv. even netflix checks in on you after three hours. [ laughter ] but the most important take away from this article is the shocking degree to which trump is temperamentally and emotionally unfit for office, and the degree to which he's in over his head. which brings us back to that rally in florida. even though it wasn't in alabama, the main theme of the rally was trump's full-throated support for a candidate who is just as unfit for office as he is, roy moore. alabama's special election is rally once again as an opportunity to urge his supporters to back moore, an accused child molester. at one point he even repeated his support for moore at the urging of someone in the crowd. >> this guy's screaming we want roy moore, he's right. just so i can satisfy this gentleman out there. how many people here are from the great state of alabama? so get out, and vote for roy moore. >> seth: he's taking requests from the crowd now. we don't have a president, we have a radio dj. "you're listening to donnie in the morning, this next one goes out to roy moore, and it's called banned from the ymca." [ light laughter ] now, trump and moore have a lot in common including their penchant for conspiracy theories, alleged sexual predation, and the fact that they're both grossly unfit for office. let's not forget that even before the allegations against moore surfaced, he was removed from office twice for disobeying court orders, said homosexual conduct should be illegal, and said muslims should be barred from servingco like trump he also seems to be an admirer of vladimir putin. in august, moore was asked about a quote from ronald reagan who said, "russia was the focus of evil in the modern world," and said this -- >> he said that russia was the focus of evil in the modern world. >> you could say that very well about america, couldn't you? >> do you think? >> well, we promote a lot of bad things, you know. >> like? >> same-sex marriage. >> that's the very argument that vladimir putin makes. >> well, then, maybe putin is right. maybe he's more akin to me than i know. >> what would you say to him? [ speaking in russian ] [ crowd groans ] >> seth: it's pretty alarming when a guy slips into fluent russian, and it isn't even the most sinister part of the clip. is roy moore a character on "the americans?" it would make sense. would think americans dress. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ russian accent ] dimitri, here. here is cowboy hat dimitri, wear this, become judge. is this a good way of talking? yes dimitri, that is southern talk. i don't like homosexuals. very good dimitri, very convincing. so, you've got donald trump the president, and the leader of the republican party enthusiastically supporting roy moore. two accused sexual predators, and outspoken admirers of vladamir putin, one, a wannabe authoritarian strong man, and the other, a lawless theocrat, and in other words -- >> bunch of dummies. >> seth: this has been "a closer look." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with anthony anderson, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ subscribe to "late night" on youtube. ed into the new house. but having his parents over was enlightening. ♪ you don't like my lasagna? no, it's good. -hmm. -oh. huh. 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(announcer) a gift is only as good as the network it's on. so give any google pixel 2 and get $300 off with no trade-in required. ♪ now it just needs a tv! we can just order one on target.com and pick it up in the store. easy! you got this? can you add a vacuum to that order? order online at target.com and pick up in store. i met bruce i saw on his lapel (che's got a purple heart.e (bruce) we started talking about the service. i outrank him. (chris) [laughs] yeah. meals on wheels reaches so many people. it's impactful beyond anything i've ever done in my life. (bruce) the meals and his friendship really mean, means a lot to me. (vo) through the subaru share the love event, we've helped deliver over one-point- seven million meals to those in need. get a new subaru and we'll donate two hundred fifty dollars more. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] seth: welcome back, everybody. and please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also joining us this week on drums, he's one of the most innovative voices in jazz music today. and the critically acclaimed album "jersey" from his band, "the mark guiliana jazz quartet" is available now. mark guiliana is here. welcome back. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank youh. >> seth: our first guest tonight received a golden globe nomination this morning for his work on the hit abc show "blackish." he's starting in the new animated movie "ferdinand", which is in theaters friday. let's take a look. >> can't we just show you off to the rest of the guys? >> whoa. >> ferdinand is that you? >> hey guys. >> whooo! little ferdinand, you've had a growth spurt. >> suddenly i regret every time i called wow, thony anderson, everyone. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> okay. >> seth: welcome back. >> thank you seth. before we get started, can i say something? >> seth: please. >> you have amanada seales on sh >> right. i was just backstage with her. and she told me, i was rude to her the first two times we met. basic -- she actually said i was an asshole. laugeth: okay. er ] >> so -- >> seth: this is our stand-up comedian. >> yes. >> seth: that is on tonight -- >> so i would like to -- amanda, i know you can hear me. so i was like -- >> seth: there are tvs in her dressing room. >> yes. but i want her to hear me through the walls. >> seth: okay, great. >> amanda, i sincerely apologize to you in front of all these people and the 72 million people that are watching seth meyers right now. [ laughter ] i do apologize for my rude behavior. i don't recall it. but if you say that happened, i believe you. so i do apologize. >> seth: alright. >> alright. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i do think that's too late to affect her set which is all about what a dick you are. [ laughter ] can't write a new set. congratulations. you had a great morning. >> thank you. i did. >> seth: you're nominated for "black-ish." >> nominated for "black-ish." >> seth: the show was nominated as well. >> the show was nominated. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: and "ferdinand" -- >> and ferdinand was nominated. >> seth: so that's really exciting. >> yeah, it was ea i also -- this is exciting for me to ask. because my son's very young, i got another one on the way. you have two? >> i have two. >> seth: your daughter finishing college, senior in college? >> senior in college. >> seth: your son is waiting to hear, yes? >> waiting to hear, my wife and i are supposed to be empty nesters. but that's not going to happen because my daughter is graduating in may. and just found out the other day that she's moving back home after graduation. >> seth: okay. >> and my son has not received his acceptance letter to any of the colleges he applied to. so he may not even leave the house. >> seth: okay, gotcha. >> yeah. >> seth: so you're a full nesters. >> so i'm a full nester. yeah so -- that's right where i am right now. >> seth: gotcha. >> yeah. >> seth: you -- i wanted to ask, did you go on the college tours? did you go with your son? >> i did. we only went on one. >> seth: uh huh. >> i went to howard university. that's it, just one. >> seth: that's great work man. >> he was only going to howard university. >> seth: okay. >> that's where i went. that's where his mother went. and that's where his mother and i met. >> seth: oh, great! >> we didn't conceive him there. but we tried to. >> seth: yeah. >> we tried to. uh, so no, we went to howard, man. because i wanted my son to have the black experience that i had when i was a student at howard university. and, you know, because he's been living a "black-ish" experience. >> seth: yeah. >> so i wanted him to experience that. and i took him to the school. and he fell in love with it. >> seth: when you walk around on the tour are you hoping that -- well you got your son with you. are you little hoping you'll get recognized by the other kids? >> it's a black university seth. yes, they recognize me. >> seth: okay, good. [ laughter ] >> i'm good in the black markets. [ laughter ] >> seth: cause i -- i was on howard university campus once. and i couldn't get arrested. >> yeah. yeah but if you went across town to g. dub and georgetown -- seth! seth! yeah. >> seth: true story, i went to howard university once. you know who i went with that i think is one of the reasons i did not get recognized? >> who was it? puff? >> seth: michelle obama. >> oh, michelle obama. >> seth: yeah. >> oh no. nobody gets recognized with michelle obama. >> seth: no, i was just the blurry outside. >> oh yeah. there together? >> seth: we shot something for her educational initiative. >> oh really? >> seth: it was fantastic. >> okay, yeah. >> seth: when college -- we surprised college students. like she walked out and surprised them. people lost their minds in a way. >> oh yeah. >> seth: and it made so much sense to me once i saw it. >> yeah. >> seth: especially kids that were freshman. because you realize how young they were when they came into -- when she came into their lives. >> right. >> seth: it was just stunning to watch. >> i had the opportunity to play golf with president obama. >> seth: oh, wow. >> and -- not too long ago. and, man, just -- it's amazing, they had snipers on mountain ridges. [ laughter ] you know, they shut the golf course down. it was just the president, myself, chris paul and michael phelps man. >> seth: wow. >> and some of our other friends. that's one hell of a foursome man. >> seth: now how -- how is your golf game? >> it's horrible. >> seth: okay. >> yeah, it's horrible. >> seth: is it -- but you still were confident enough to golf? >> oh, yes. >> seth: okay. >> oh no, no, no, it's horrible, only because work gets in the way. you know when i'm playing consistently -- >> seth: but you know what you're doing? >> i know what i'm doing. >> seth: were you more nervous when you're golfing with the president about your game? >> no, not at all. because i didn't think he could play. >> seth: uh huh. [ laughter ] >> but he can play. and he talks a lot of trash man. he talks a lot of trash. and he was the best golfer out of all four of us. >> seth: wow. >> yeah, he took our money. and i couldn't believe it. [ laughter ] i was like, "as a taxpayer, i can't believe he takes the money." [ laughter ] he was like, "i'm a civilian now. i can take your money." but then, i took chris paul and michael phelps' money. >> seth: alright, so -- >> yeah. >> seth: it all worked out. >> it all work -- it all balanced itself out. >> seth: okay, that's great. i want to ask about -- you were the -- were you grand marshall of the -- >> grand marshall of the compton christmas parade. >> seth: what is the compton christmas parade like? >> it's exactly -- oh what it's like? i thought you were about ask me, "what is it?" >> seth: yeah, no. >> i was going to be like, it's a christmas parade in compton. >> yeah, no i -- [ laughter ] i had pieced that together. >> oh yeah. >> seth: now i want to know what it's like. >> no, it's interesting. i have been the grand marshall of the compton christmas parade a few times in the past. and, you know, we -- it's not your traditional floats or anything like that. you know, we rode in lowriders. >> yeah, we rode in lowlows. i was in a six deuce impala. my mama was behind me -- no, my children were behind me in a convertible bmw. my mama was behind my children in a corvette with the doors open. [ laughter ] and actually like flying, wings up. and my grandmother was in the corvette behind her. so it was five generations of andersons. >> seth: that is very exciting. i wanted to ask about your mom. here you guys are. >> oh, there we go. >> seth: and your mother is -- she's in the dating scene. >> unfortunately for the men out there, yes. >> seth: yeah. >> yes. >> seth: how is it for you? does she talk to you about it? >> you know what? she comes around with, you know, different guys. let me clear that up. my mama not out there like that. she comes around with, you know, fellas. and was like, "baby, you need to meet your new daddy." i was like, "i'm not calling that man my new daddy. [ laughter ] i'm going to call him your new boy toy because he ain't going to be around long." but the thing about my mother, m but my mother's gap is on her bottom row. >> seth: uh huh. at the -- come the christmas parade on sunday, my mother -- when i saw my mother, she just started smiling at me. and that's normally how we talk about people in the crowd that we're in. i was like, "oh, okay. i see it." but we weren't talking about anybody, i couldn't understand what she was doing. and she was kept smiling. she said, "boy, you don't notice!" i was like, "what mama?" she said, "i got my damned teeth fixed." she got a whole new set of teeth on bottom and top row. but she said, "but i kept my gap." i was like, "no you didn't." she said, "yeah i did. i just moved to the top." [ laughter ] so she moved her gap on the bottom row to the gap on the top row. she said, "because i didn't want to lose my personality." [ laughter ] i was like, "what the hell are you talking about, mama?" [ applause ] >> seth: that is fantastic. >> yeah, true story. >> seth: people might not be able to tell, that we knew that was your voice in the clip for "ferdinand." that's john cena. >> yes. >> seth: as ferdinand -- when you do a film like that, do you get to hg >> seth: yeah. >> as a matter of fact, i had no idea john cena was in the movie. >> seth: okay. >> because when -- >> seth: up until when? >> i'll get to that. up until the premiere sunday. you know, because when you're doing animated films, you're doing voices. it's just you and the director in the vocal booth, you know? and it's just your session and so you're there. and i never thought to ask who was in the movie. because i always think it's all about me. [ laughter ] so we were at the press junket a couple of weeks ago. and the reporters kept asking me about john cena and nick jonas and all these other -- and i was like, "hold on. wait a minute. they in the movie?" [ laughter ] they were like, "yeah, you didn't know?" and i was like, "i had no idea." i just went in and played this little cow. so i left the room and started introducing myself to everybody in the -- boris kodjoe. it's chuck full of people. >> seth: that's fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: i can't wait to see it. congrats again on all the nominations. >> oh, thank you. >> seth: i'll see you out there in january. >> you got it. >> seth: always a pleasure. anthony anderson, everybody. "ferdinand" is in theaters friday. we'll be right back with hong chau. ♪ but it might be hard to handle ♪ ♪ like the flame that burns the candle ♪ ♪ the candle feeds the flame ♪ topped steak & twisted potatoes at applebee's. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood. kelp is on the way! with herbal essences bio:renew to help animate lifeless hair. let life in with herbal essences bio:renew. something inside me has always been there... but now it's awake. ♪ the force is yours. the last jedi ar stickers only on the google pixel camera. ♪ i just want to find a used car without getting ripped off. you could start your search at the all-new carfax.com that might help. show me the carfax. now the car you want and the history you need are easy to find. show me used trucks with one owner. pretty cool. 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[ laughter ] did alexander take it hard when he heard they didn't care about him at all? down a couple of notches. >> seth: okay, got ya. [ laughter ] and your parents have an incredible story. you were -- now were you -- you were born in thailand, is that correct? >> yes, my parents story is pretty wild, they left vietnam after the war, they were part of boat people. my mom was six months pregnant with me. my dad got shot that night that they were leaving and was bleeding on the boat for three days, until they got to a refugee camp in thailand, that's where i was born. we ended up in new orleans, louisiana because we had a sponsor family there. >> seth: that's fantastic. that's such an incredible story. [ cheers and applause ] they -- it's certainly, again, i would be excited to hear you were doing a movie with matt damon. he's very exciting. do -- a lot -- do people ask you a lot of questions about what it's like to work with matt damon? >> yes. >> seth: what was a question they asked about it? >> people always ask, what's matt damon like? what's matt damon like? but, and of course the answer is he's wonderful. but some people lean in and they ask, did matt gain weight? he looks a little -- he looks a little fat. >> seth: he's a little chunky in the movie. >> he looks fat, in this movie. >> seth: good, all right, i'm glad now that question is out. >> yeah, but they -- [ light laughter ] well, i know he's mr. perfect but i hate to break it to you, he was wearing a fat suit. >> seth: really? >> he came straight from doing "borne", he was ripped. >> seth: oh, man. so while the rest of us were finally feeling good about ourselves cause matt damon let go. >> yeah. >> seth: not true at all. >> not true at all, sorry. >> seth: that's all right, thank you for your honesty. >> i'm hoping to work that fat suit into my golden globes outfit. >> seth: absolutely, i think fat suits are going to be the hot look this year. so, you -- we were talking backstage, new orleans, you were in new york for a while, boston, you found your way to l.a. obviously the first thing about l.a. is you got to drive everywhere. but you did not make that decision to drive everywhere. >> no, no, i was so terrified, i didn't drive for the first four years i lived in l.a. i thought everyone was high. marijuana? >> yeah. >> sh: i can't risk it, i'm just going to walk everywhere. >> seth: wow, it's an impossible city to walk around, did you use public transportation, as well? >> you know, i've been nearly hit a few times. >> seth: okay, got ya. well, i'm glad you survived. thank goodness. i'm glad it was so funny to you. are you sure you're not the one that's high? [ laughter ] you know while you're being so judgy of everyone driving around l.a. they are like, hey, there's that girl giggling on the sidewalk who almost got hit by a car. they are like, i think she might be the problem. >> look, i try to stay positive. >> seth: i also heard that matt damon reminded you of a "game of thrones" character? >> yes, we didn't meet until our very first day of shooting, so, of course he was a little bit ripped and they wanted him to look doughier, so, not only did he have a fat suit on but they also put chalky makeup on him. and his eyes are so blue, i met him in the makeup trailer, i had my eyes closed and he was like, "oh hey, hong, is that you?" and he was standing above me and he looked like a white walker from "game of thrones." [ light laughter ] >> seth: i feel like you have had a very different experience of matt damon than most people, most of his co-stars. so i do you want to -- honestly, we talk a lot about immigrants right now, we talk a lot about refugees. your parents, your family has this incredible story which is, as you mentioned, you came here, you had a sponsor in this country. it seems to have been very welcoming in a way to your family. is it a story that you feel comfortable telling these days with everything going on? >> well, you know, my natural inclination is to not talk about myself, which is why i'm here on this talk show. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> but i think given the climate, if it helps to share my story, so it can humanize a refugee, i'm happy to share it. but, you know, i also grew up -- i lived in government housing, i needed government assistance. i was one of those kids who needed lunch assistance, and that's been in the news, i needed pell grants, so, to go to college and, you know, i don't feel like i'm a scourge to society. so -- [ cheers ] >> seth: really -- it's really just lovely having you here, thank you for sharing that story and congratulations again on your nomination. >> thank you. >> seth: it's a delight to have you. [ cheers and applause ] hong chau, everybody, "downsizing" is in theaters december 22. we'll be right back with more "late night". [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ music ♪laying ♪ ♪ youand the blanket e got takearound your feett and then you realize the remote is on the other side of the couch. just say, "hey google, play west world." ♪ it's google home mini. now only $29 ( ♪ ) when it comes to holiday shopping, my wife loves style, my son is all about technology and my daughter? she just loves horses. don't you just love one-stop shopping? i do. ring in the holidays with buick. get up to 20% below msrp on most 2017 luxury suv models. that's over $7,100 on this buick envision essence. experience the new buick this holiday season. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. republicans have promised to pass their tax plan by the end of the year which has capitol hill scrambling. to find out a little bit more about how things are going in washington, we 've come up with a new segment called "just the tax, ma'am." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] paul ryan continues to push hard for tax reform. though it's hard to push for anything when you don't have a spine. [ laughter ] >> leave em' alone. >> seth: excuse me? >> leave em' alone! haven't we made fun of paul ryan enough? >> seth: well, you know, he is a so i think it's okay to make jokes about him. >> leave em' alone. [ light laughter ] poor guy, day in and day out, just trying his best. the last thing he needs after a long day at work is to turn on the tv and see you ripping him a new one. leave em' alone. [ laughter ] >> seth: i'm sorry, are you a paul ryan supporter? >> if i'm a supporter of anything, it's compassion. it's human decency, not snide little jokes. if you have to make fun of somebody, make fun of me. >> seth: yeah, i don't even know you. so why would i make fun of you? >> well, you could make fun of the fact that my toenails grow so fast that i have to clip them twice a day. [ laughter ] >> seth: not really something you should tell people. you know, i just usually tell jokes about people who are in the news, people like paul ryan. >> oh, sure, make fun of paul ryan. have your fun. go ahead and say he looks like a lipless dracula who just shed his skin. >> seth: whoa, that's really harsh, man. >> i know. so leave em' alone. >> seth: you know, i think i would just love to get back to my jokes. >> oh well, you know what you'd love, a laugh. and how about this? you could make fun of the fact that i dress my dog up as santa and my cat up as jesus. and i make them fight about the true meaning of christmas. [ laughter ] or you could make fun of the fact that sometimes i whisper things to superman. because i figure with his superhearing, he can hear me. >> seth: i would really rather just make fun of paul ryan. >> leave em' alone. >> seth: what? i can't hear you? >> well, i was talking to superman. >> seth: sir, why don't you please sit down so we can continue the show? >> fine, go ahead and get back to your paul ryan jokes. you know what i'd say to that? >> seth: i'm guess you'd say, "leave em' alone." >> leave em' alone! [ laughter ] if you need to make fun of somebody, make fun of me. make fun of the fact that when i got married, i took my wife's name, her first name. so now my legal name was beverly beverly. >> seth: what was n >> susan beverly. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] wow. >> need some more material? >> seth: no. >> well too bad, so sad. leave em' alone. because i got more. you could make fun of the fact that i pee a little bit every time i cry. and i cry a lot every time i pee. [ laughter ] or you could make fun of the fact that the reason the -- they announced the walkway is about to end, because every time i step on one i scream, "dear god, when is this ending!" [ light laughter ] or you can make fun of the fact that my nickname is miniballs. but it's not what you think. it's because i have tiny testicles. [ laughter ] or you could make fun of the fact that i lost my virginity when i was 24. and it came back when i was 31. >> seth: alright, that's enough. you can just sit down, sir. >> alright, i'll sit back down. >> seth: oh no, i didn't mean to upset you. >> i'm not upset, i'm just peeing. >> seth: alright, that's enough. we'll be right back with standup from amanda seales, everybody! 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(sneezing) (yelling) google home mini: re-ordering gummy vitamins. and you even get free delivery from here, here, here, and lots of other places with google express. it's google home mini. now only $29. it's google home mini. because everyone likes easy. sure do. because everyone is on the go. because we all like to save energy, but sometimes we slip up. reaching up. ssssh! because sometimes we want it cool at night, then toasty in the mornings. adjustable from everywhere, easy on the wallet and the eyes, nest thermostat e. e is for everyone. streaming and gaming are only as good as your internet. so get the best internet - with the 100% fiber-optic network. get fios gigabit connection, the fastest internet available - with download speeds up to 940 megs - plus a fios custom tv package, with over 150 of your favorite tv channels, and phone, and thanks to our customers, fios by verizon won the j.d. power award for highest ranked by customers for residential internet service satisfaction five years in a row and residential television service satisfaction in 2017. get fios gigabit connection plus tv and phone for just $79.99 per month online with showtime and multi-room dvr service included with a two-year agreement. and now get a two-year price guarantee for over $800 in savings. switch now and get out of your contract with up to a $500 credit to help cover your early termination fee. get the 100% fiber-optic network. go to getfios.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian who will be headlining at caroline's comedy club february 1st through the 3rd. her podcasts, "small doses" is available on itunes, please welcome amanda seales, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] >> so, surprise! cat calling is still a thing. i was on cnn and the other correspondent said, "everybody knows that women love when strange men yell compliments at them in the street, everybody knows that." that's when i decided i needed to tell him what a compliment was? cause he doesn't know that. a compliment is words of praise. so, if i'm in brooklyn at midnight and a jamaican man appears, from the shadows, and like a vanilla ice cream, i want to lick ya." [ slurping noise ] that's not a compliment. huh-uh. [ applause ] it's a threat. [ light laughter ] if i'm walking by and some guys pause their dice game and say, "yo, shorty with the curly bun and the janet jackson velvet and the "beetlejuice" pants. i see you, ma." [ light laughter ] it's not a compliment. [ light laughter ] it an observation. [ light laughter ] if i'm walking by a construction site and i just hear, "eh." that's not even words. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] shout out to colin kaepernick, you know? [ applause ] making kneeling sexy, you know, protesting police brutality with the national anthem, got people riled up about the national anthem. but i have a question. to everyone in the audience who is not black, make some noise if you know that there is a negro national anthem. you're lying. [ light laughter ] there is! there is a negro national anthem, and spoiler alert, it is not a song from "hamilton." [ light laughter ] it's called, "lift every voice and sing." and when i was in high school, i had a white best friend who was like, "amanda, as your friend, i feel i should know your anthem." and it was only right because i knew her anthem. wilson phillips "hold on." [ light laughter ] event where they said please rise for the negro national anthem, and i was ready to just have malcolm and martin hear me. and here she comes, "lift every voice and sing!" ya'll she out sang me. [ light laughter ] this is white girl grew cotton under her vocal cords overnight. [ light laughter ] she sang it so good that i am 36 and single and she married a black man. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] that's how the kardashians are getting them. [ light laughter ] they know all the words. i took an uber here -- i took an uber here and the driver said, "i think we can all agree, donald trump looks great for his age." [ light laughter ] i co [ light laughter ] [ applause ] donald trump don't look good -- donald trump don't look good for his money. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] listen. you got that much money, you should have skin smooth like a baby's bottom, yet he makes john mccain look like a young asian woman. [ light laughter ] donald trump don't look good for his money, have you seen black people? pharrell williams is 127 years old. [ light laughter ] he doesn't look good for his money or his age, obama left office with some grey hair. donald trump will leave in a jar. [ light laughter ] okay? he doesn't look good for his age. you know what? okay. okay. joke's aside, i mean, his approval rating of 32%, so to be fair let's just say he looks as [ cheers and applause ] i'm amanda seales, thank y'all. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: amanda seales, everybody. we'll be right back. that was great. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our thanks to anthony anderson, hong chau, amanda seales, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] roy guiliana, and of course the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: hello there and welcome to "last call." i'm carson daly. appreciate your time tonight here on nbc, and we've got a go o