Transcripts For WRC Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170511 : c

Transcripts For WRC Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170511



[ laughter and applause ] "he did what? great. great." president trump said today that he fired fbi director james comey because he was simply "not doing a good job." you know, if i were you, i wouldn't put it out there that you can get fired for that. i mean, just say, like, i don't know. [ laughter and applause ] he was misusing taxpayer money. oh, wait, no that doesn't work either, i don't know. [ light laughter ] we'll -- we'll think of something. the white house is claiming fbi director james comey was fired, not because of the russian investigation, but over his handling of the investigation of hillary clinton's private e-mail use. right. they're firing him for the hillary thing. [ light laughter ] kind of like how jared got fired from subway for stealing sandwiches. [ laughter and applause ] president trump, yesterday, announced that the search for a new permanent fbi director will begin immediately, added trump, when deciding who to putin charge." [ laughter and applause ] president trump today met with russian foreign minister sergey lavrov. "please give vladimir putin my best," said lavrov. [ light laughter ] president vladimir putin said today, that russia had nothing to do with the firing of fbi director james comey. and you can tell because comey's alive. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] in a resurfaced legal document, former fox news anchor, bill o'reilly's ex-wife claimed that she once caught o'reilly engaging in phone sex half naked. and believe me, there's no good answer to the question, "which half?" [ light laughter ] and a new study has found that men are the loneliest at age 35 while women are the loneliest at 21. [ audience ohs ] and finally, a retreat called "cannabliss" will take place next month in california. it's a five day marijuana festival that lasts ten days. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. very excited. from nbc's "chicago p.d." sophia bush back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we had her once and -- first week -- first week of "late night" guests. i believe she was our first thursday. yeah. also, he's a fantastic actor, he's on hbo's "silicon valley," zach woods is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's a great guy. whom i've known for a very long time. and very excited about our stand-up comedian tonight. he is a friend of ours and he is just fantastic, truly one of my favorite comedians, dan mintz will be doing standup tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so you're here on a great night. before we get to all of that, today the political world has been reeling from president trump's shocking decision to fire fbi director james comey, a surreal and chaotic development that has felt like something out of a dictatorship. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] it's been a little over 100 days and president trump has already degraded so many political norms, and flouted so many conventions, that to some degree, we've become desensitized to his behavior. still, as the russian investigation has escalated, most people assume there was at least one thing trump would not do, and that was fire the man who is investigating him. but yesterday we learned that for trump, even that line was not too sacred to cross. >> breaking news, jim comey is out at the fbi. >> it is lost on no one that president just fired the man who is leading an investigation into the trump campaign and whether it colluded with russians. >> there's a strong feeling at the fbi that the director of the fbi was fired because he wouldn't drop the russia investigation. >> never in history have we had an fbi director fired by a president who is under investigation by the fbi. >> or as donald trump put it, "today, we made history. [ light laughter ] they said we couldn't do it. we did it." [ light laughter ] now while trump may have the legal authority to fire comey, it's the timing of this firing that's obviously troubling. because, of the current fbi investigation into the trump campaign ties with russia, and it's possible for an action to be suspicious, because of it's timing. for example, if you buy your wife jewelry it's a lovely gesture. if you buy her jewelry after a boys' weekend in vegas, there's gonna be some follow up questions. [ laughter and applause ] and just -- just to give you an idea of how unexpected and earth shattering this news was when it gasping for air after sprinting out to the cameras to deliver the news. >> we do not have reaction yet from the fbi, but this is just happening now. of course, this is coming on the heels of -- the fbi director being so central involved in this russian scandal. excuse my breath, here wolf. [ light laughter ] i just ran out here to bring you this news. [ laughter ] >> this is how crazy things are in the trump administration. reporters literally don't have the aerobic strength to report the news anymore. [ light laughter ] soon, cnn is gonna have to replace wolf blitzer with usain bolt. [ laughter and applause ] then later, things were so crazy, that later in the evening, a makeup artist just walked on camera while anderson cooper was doing an interview. >> sean spicer, the white house press secretary moments ago was huddling with reporters. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i like how she noticed the camera, like it fo [ light laughter ] "wait, is this whole thing for tv?" [ light laughter ] so again, this is not something that anyone saw coming. in fact, the news especially, came as a shock to comey himself, who found out about it while he was speaking to fbi employees in los angeles. >> the "new york times" account of this is just stunning. it says, "mr. comey was addressing a group of fbi employees in los angeles, when the television in the background flashed the news that he had been fired. in response, mr. comey laughed. he said he thought it was a fairly funny prank." >> seth: that's right, the guy who is probably seeing the russian hooker tape, thought his firing was too weird to believe. [ light laughter ] so trump who was famous for firing people on tv, is now firing people via tv. but of course, on "the apprentice," donald trump, at least, had the decency to fire people to their face using his now famous catch phrase, "there were 1.5 million people at my inauguration." no, that's not it. what was -- [ light laughter ] what was his catch phrase? oh, right. "you're fake news." no, that wasn't it either. [ light laughter ] he had a catchphrase. "grab 'em by the [ bleep ]." no, what, umm. [ audience ohs ] no, "you're fired, you're fired. you're fired." i'm sorry, it's just -- [ applause ] he has so -- he has so many catch phrases. but trump didn't have the guts to fire comey face-to-face or even over the phone. after comey saw the news on tv an official termination letter was sent to fbi headquarters from the white house. but, the letter wasn't delivered by the white house chief of staff, or the attorney general, or an adviser to the president. the letter was delivered by trump's personal bodyguard. >> he actually dispatched keith schiller, who was his long time bodyguard, and head of personal security at trump tower. keith schiller is now the director of oval office operations at the white house. he was dispatched to the fbi headquarters to deliver, hand deliver trump's letter, terminating comey. >> keith schiller his personal bodyguard, was the person who delivered the letter firing the man investigating the president's campaign? >> that -- that is cct >> seth: wow, that's even worse than breaking up with a girl by text. that's like breaking up with a girl in the chat feature on "words with friends." [ laughter ] so, to repeat that, trump actually sent one of his goons to do his dirty work. "mr. trump is very disappointed in your performance. now, i gotta take your thumbs." [ light laughter ] and if you were worried trump would send a boiler plate letter, worry not. because in his three paragraph note, he still found time to add, "i greatly appreciate you informing me on three separate occasions that's i am not under investigation." he used a termination letter to defend himself. donald trump is such a troll at this point, he's going to start doing his hair like this. [ laughter and applause ] and then -- then there's the fact, that once comey found out and left the fbi office in l.a., cable news networks aired non-stop helicopter footage of his car driving on the los angeles freeway. because nothing says the press is keeping calm moreha filming a car on an l.a. freeway. [ laughter ] and then, once comey got to the airport, there was the bizarre question of whether he would even still be allowed to use the fbi plane that he had taken to l.a., given that he no longer worked for the fbi. >> the real question just how comey is going to get home. he's out in los angeles with the fbi plane. and he's no longer the fbi director. so, will he have the ability to use the plane to fly home? >> seth: come on, you know trump made him fly united. [ laughter and applause ] "but make sure, this is very important, make sure it's on a flight that's overbooked. because i want to see that s.o.b.'s bare belly." [ light laughter ] but as absurd as the unfolding drama over comey's firing was, nothing could top the truly laughable justification trump's white house offered for firing comey. they claimed, that it wasn't russia, but that they were upset with how comey handled the investigation into hillary clinton's e-mails >> this news tonight, came accompanied by a chain of letters, first from deputy attorney general rod rosenstein saying, "i cannot defend the director's handling of the conclusion of the investigation of secretary clinton's e-mails." >> this memo, form rod rosenstein, it says that, james comey was fired for being too mean to hillary clinton. does anyone believe that? [ light laughter ] could anyone believe that? i mean, it's just absurd. >> comey was not fired because of hillary. comey was fired because of the russians. >> the white house is peeing on our leg and trying to tell us it's raining outside. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: said trump, "that's ridiculous, i don't pee on people's legs. you pay hookers for that. ask comey. he's seen the tape. where's comey. he was fired? who did it? me? when, yesterday? how did it go? good? bad?" [ light laughter ] of course, the idea that trump is now upset about how comey handled the e-mail investigation is a preposterous lie. after all, this is how trump reacted in october when comey wrote his famous letter, announcing that he was reopening the investigation 11 days before the election. >> i give them great credit for having the courage to right this horrible wrong. and it took guts, for director comey, to make the move that he made in light of the kind of opposition he had. but, i'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation. he brought it back. he's got to hang tough. 'cause there's a lot of -- lot of people want him to do the wrong thing. what he did was the right thing. >> seth: "he did the right thing, so i had to fire him. he's got guts. he had to go." [ light laughter ] so with all those contradictions out there, naturally it was time for human contradiction and white house counselor kellyanne conway, to go on cnn. [ audience ohs ] and do everything sh >> why now are you concerned about the hillary clinton e-mail investigation, when as a candidate donald trump was praising it from the campaign trail? >> i think you're looking at the wrong set of facts here. today, not in the campaign, in the white house, the president of the united states -- took decisive action -- >> so that person doesn't exist anymore? candidate, donald trump, that's a -- that's a fictional character we no longer are allowed to refer to. we can now only refer to the donald trump who exists today? >> anderson, i'll ignore how unkind that is. [ laughter ] >> seth: and i'm good at ignoring things, anderson. because, every morning i wake up and ignore the fact that my boss is a lunatic. [ laughter and applause ] the only silver lining -- the only silver lining to that interview, is that we got one of the most epic eye rolls in cable news history from anderson cooper, when conway for no reason went out of her way to brag about trump's election night victory. >> thanks for the trip down memory lane. i was on your show often last fall, saying we were going to win michigan and how we were going to do it. so that was fun. but here's what happened today. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: he rolled -- [ cheers ] he rolled his eyes so far back, i expected his makeup artist to run back on -- [ laughter ] to draw in a new set of pupils. [ laughter ] as to what happens with the russian investigation next, it's impossible to know. but no investigation is needed, to know that russia really seems to be enjoying all of this. today trump met with russian foreign minister sergey lavrov and ambassador sergey kislyak, and before him, lavrov and secretary of state, rex tillerson addressed the press. and watch how sarcastic lavrov is, when a reporter asks about comey. >> does the comey firing cast a shadow over your talks gentlemen? >> was he fired? [ talking over each other ] >> you're kidding. you're kidding. >> seth: you're kidding. get out of here. [ light laughter ] you know when they walked out of the room, lavrov said, "why do you let reporters ask questions like this? [ laughter ] "problem over. no more questions. why, why, why, why, why? bang, bang. problem over." [ light laughter ] so what really prompted trump to look for a reason to fire comey? well, obviously, there's the ongoing russia investigation, and on top of that, there is also the media attention comey has gotten for that investigation. according to "the wall street journal," trump grew unhappy that the media spotlight kept shining on the director. he viewed comey as eager to step in front of tv cameras. which may explain why, when the two met in the oval office in january, trump's first comment to comey, was about how much media attention he'd been getting. >> oh, and there's -- [ inaudible ] he's become more famous than me. [ laughter ] >> seth: look at that. if you missed it, trump literally blew comey a kiss, and then yesterday got rid of him. a move affectionately known as the fredo. [ audience aws ] "i knew it was you, comey. if i had a heart, you would have broken it." [ applause ] of course, even if the russia investigation does move forward that the trump administration will just appoint a lackey who does trump's bidding, and tries to slow, or even shut down, the investigation. >> if anyone thinks that a new fbi director is going to come in and the agency will just take over and continue their investigation as if this had never happened, that's not how it works. they will put in a stooge who will shut down this investigation. and now donald trump will put in maybe chris christie. >> president trump is apparently, likely to reach outside the fbi for a replacement director. >> there was some interesting sightings in d.c., actually. i saw on twitter that rudy giuliani was at trump's d.c. hotel overnight. >> seth: so the next fbi director could be chris christie or rudy giuliani. at least reporters won't have to exercise to keep up with them. [ laughter ] now democrats are, of course, up in arms, but this moment poses a crucial test for the republican party as well. will they stand up and defend democratns threat from trump, or will they continue to choose party over country? you know, people like marco rubio, come on marco, you've been one of the most outspoken critics of russia and it's interference in this election. you are gonna strongly condemn this move, right? >> so -- i'm surprised. you know, i didn't see it coming, but it's a decision the president's made, and we'll go from here. >> seth: ugh, come on, marco! is marco rubio your name or is it the spell a wizard used to make your spine disappear? [ light laughter ] marco rubio! [ laughter and applause ] now, the comey firing has invited obvious comparisons to richard nixon's actions during watergate. with many calling trump's move "nixonian." in fact, the nixonian label has been tossed around so frequently in the past 24 hours, that even the nixon presidential library felt compelled to distance itself from trump. >> the richard nixon library responded to commentary that comey's firing was "nixonian." in a tweet they wrote, "fun director of the fbi." [ audience ohs ] >> seth: here's another fun fact. you know it's bad when even the nixon library thinks you're bad for their brand. [ light laughter ] this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with sophia bush, everybody. 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[laughs] ♪ you have a side that is retired ♪ ♪ playing tag and gettin' tired. ♪ ♪ you have a side that saves for their tuition. ♪ ♪ but right now it looks like bedtime is the mission. ♪ ♪ a side that owns your own store. ♪ ♪ looks like you need to expand some more. ♪ ♪ that's why there's nationwide. ♪ ♪ they help protect and grow your many sides. ♪ ♪ nationwide is on your side. ♪ at lincoln, we're all about making things simpler for you. like, imagine having your vehicle serviced... from the comfort of your own home. introducing complimentary lincoln pickup and delivery servicing. because the most important luxury of all... is time. pickup and delivery servicing on the entire family of lincoln luxury vehicles including a complimentary lincoln loaner. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back. give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, joining us this week on drums, he's played with the fantastic singer/songwriter meghan trainor and r&b singer bryson tiller to name just a few. our friend thaddeus dixon is back with us this week. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks, seth. >> seth: so wonderful to have you, thaddeus. >> thank you so much. >> seth: thanks for being here. our first guest tonight is a talented actress, who stars as detective erin lindsay in the hit nbc series "chicago p.d." the season finale airs wednesday, may 17th at 10:00 pm. let's take a look. >> you go see bunny? okay. you couldn't help yourself. >> she's still my mother. >> yeah, and you're still the police. where is she? did she move those drugs? >> what drugs? >> either you're with me, or you're with bunny. >> hank, she said there is something bigger going on here. she wouldn't say what. that is all. >> her boyfriend stole 40,000 painkillers, they're missing, and i think she's got them. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: so wonderful to see you. >> hello. very nice to be back. >> seth: i'm also very excited about this. it was just announced, like moments ago, that "chicago p.d." is going to come back for its fifth season. >> i just heard. >> seth: so exciting. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i just got a text message from my co-worker marina in the dressing rooms. >> seth: and that's really exciting because we -- our friendship started because we were nbc people. we met at an nb -- so i am very happy that our nbc friendship can continue. >> i like that very much. >> seth: because once you leave the network, it's over. and i can never come back. >> seth: for me. i'm that guy. like, i can only be friends with the network. that's -- >> you're a loyalist, really. >> seth: i'm a company man. i'm a company man, yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: so you obviously shoot your show in chicago. >> yeah. >> seth: you get to spend time there. i used to live in chicago. it's where i got my start as an improviser. you just did your first improv show. >> my very first improv show. >> seth: how did you get roped into doing it? >> so we go see improv at io all the time. >> seth: beautiful theater, where i got my start. >> yeah, it's amazing. they do improv shakespeare and whirled news is there. and they asked us if we would go up on stage with them, and marina, who i mentioned, was still very pregnant and on maternity leave and very bored. and was like, "let's go." and i was like, "you are so pregnant, how are you going to do improv? if you can do it, i can do it." so we went up on stage together. unlike her or you, i've never taken an improv class. >> seth: yeah. >> i know "yes, and" is the rule. >> seth: yes, there you go. that's the first lesson. so you're off to a good start. >> and that's all i know. >> seth: uh-huh. >> so i got up on stage. felt like i was going to vomit. >> seth: uh-huh. >> seth: that's good. i'm glad you were. >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. >> seth: 'cause i was terrified, too, and i'd taken classes and stuff. >> well, i appreciate your kindness. [ light laughter ] it was very scary. but we just -- we jumped in and we had a really good time. and i apparently -- my first line was apparently a bold drop. >> seth: okay. >> so i impressed my team. >> seth: oh, good. >> and they asked me back, so i didn't destroy anything. >> seth: okay, great. what was your first line? >> well, the sketch quickly became -- everyone decided we were in a jail and it was obvious that as we were all lined up, there was a guy on the end who was going to be -- not really a criminal. so everyone said, you know, "i'm in for murder, or triple murder," or whatever. and then the gentleman at the end said, "accounting fraud." and i went, "oh, so you're a [ bleep ]." >> seth: oh, there you go. [ laughter ] >> because i figure if the president can say it, i can say it. >> seth: yeah, you can say it. >> so right, yeah. [ applause ] >> seth: and i will say -- yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: never be afraid to go a little blue on your first day. >> and you said it, so, you know. >> seth: yeah, i said it, too. we've said it twice tonight. >> we've said it twice tonight. >> seth: we're really awkward. >> i'm so sorry. >> seth: we're a very -- a very high-minded show. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you live in chigo the world series? >> it was the most incredible night. people were crying. the, like -- illegal fireworks were going off. everybody ran out on their balconies. cars were honking. it was madness. it was madness. >> seth: you went to one of the games. you didn't go to the last game. but you -- this is so altruistic. you brought someone -- 'cause you're not naturally a cubs fan. you brought a lifelong cubs fan. >> i did. so you know how it is -- you work on a show. you become like family. and our transportation team is deeply important to us. they're a bunch of guys who i love. and tony port picks me up every day for four years, whether it's 4:15 in the morning or we're doing nights and he's picking me up at 6:00 at night. we drink our coffee together every morning. some mornings we chat about all the things and his kids and their swim meets and their sports and some days he's like, "we have an hour-long drive, go to sleep. it's 4:00 a.m." he takes very good care of me. he's like an uncle to me. and he's a lifelong cubs fan. we shot really late. and i like -- i don't call in favors for things. i just don't. and i was like, "i will give someone my firstborn -- maybe -- if they get me two tickets to the world series." so somebody came through and i managed to get two seats for the saturday night game, which was a loss, but who cares? and so friday night we wrap, and we're waiting for a couple of the other actors to get out of base camp and get in the van. and i'm like, "tony, what are we going to do for the cubs game tomorrow, man?" like, "we had to watch the game on set tonight on cell phones." he goes, "i don't know. i'll probably just be home, you know, with the kids." and i was like, "yeah, but shouldn't we do something fun?" and he goes, "well, what do you want to do? you want to go to a bar?" and i was like, "yeah, or we could sit, like, ninth row behind third base." [ light laughter ] and he ju -- he, like -- he was like, "what?" [ light laughter ] and i was like, "tony, i got us tickets. we're going to the world series." and he was like, "no, no. no. [ laughter ] you have to take -- you have to take someone else." >> seth: you broke tony. you broke tony. >> and i was like, "no, but i got tickets for you. and if you don't want to go with me, then i'm just going to give you the tickets and can you take anybody you want." and he was like, "no, no, no, no." and then he just kept drinking coffee. [ laughter ] and so tony and i went to the world series. >> seth: look at how happy tony is. >> that's my guy. [ audience aws ] [ applause ] yeah. >> seth: here's -- here's who i feel really bad for. the next actor that tony drives. >> right. >> seth: because there's no way they're ever going to do anything that nice. [ light laughter ] and i feel like he'll drop it a lot. he's like, "you know, sophia bush took me to a cubs game." >> she took me to the world series. >> seth: world series, no big deal. yeah. >> it was really special, though. he was like, "that's where i sat at my first game when i was four with my parents." and it was like -- it was a cool thing to be a part of through sort of the lens of a lifelong fan. >> seth: something else cool you're doing. tell me about this pen pals organization. >> yes, so pen pal schools -- you know i'm a big education activist and a geek about data and numbers. and when i started working on schools in the developing world, i thought how cool it would be to create pen pal relationships between, you know, kids in guatemala and kids in the u.s. but i just didn't really know what the infrastructure would look like. and then when i did that panel about gi michelle obama at south by southwest, this guy joe comes up to me and he's like, "hey, you're super into schools and i'm building this digital pen pal company to try to get kids in other countries learning about each other." and i was like, "big magic," that elizabeth gilbert book, is a real thing. and we just started talking about it. >> seth: i like that that -- what he did to you was like you getting cubs tickets for tony. >> yes! >> seth: yeah. >> literally! like, it was my world series. i was like, "we're going connect kids and teach them empathy, education about how the world works. this is amazing." [ light laughter ] and so it's actually really cool because we get groups of students together in classrooms and they partner up on learning about the environment, on learning about global history, whatever the sort of task that their teacher picks is, and in groups of four, they have these pen pal e-mail relationships. and then we put together virtual reality programming about all of their schools. so they can take tours of each other's schools and ge k each other. and we actually were just lucky enough to sign a huge partnership deal with the education ministry in pakistan. >> seth: oh, fantastic. >> and we were like, "cool. we're just going to circumnavigate your ban. watch us." >> seth: all right. there you go. >> we're going to remind kids that they're all the same, and they're all excited about the same things and that the world is not a scary place. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: well done. i'm such a fan of your work and i'm such a fan of your activism. >> thanks. >> seth: keep up the good work. always great to see you. >> thanks, seth. >> seth: sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] season finale of "chicago p.d." airs wednesday, may 17th at 10:00 p.m. right here on nbc. we'll be back with zach woods. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ heare you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool? try zyrtec® it's starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. ♪someday you'll let me put my comb up there♪ ♪'til then you're beautiful and i just stare♪ she's the reason the ♪good times are great. ...and the reason the tough times are easier. because she's your best friend... ...and your true love. the ever us two-stone diamond collection. a timeless design, now in white and rose gold for mother's day. one diamond for your best friend... ...one diamond for your true love. for the one woman... who's both. ever us. available at zales, jared and kay. with motionsense technology... degree has redefined deodorant so that i can redefine... power... footwork... range... the more it works. degree. it won't let you down. bill assumed his mayo was the best choice. assume nothing. just like the leading brand, kraft real mayo is made with high quality ingredients at a price you can feel good about no wonder kraft is so good. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny actor and comedian you know from "the office." he stars in "silicon valley", which airs sunday nights on hbo. let's take a look. >> i was right all along. i was right. >> can i just -- can i try something? >> yeah. >> whoo! >> okay. >> i don't know. whoo! >> whoo! >> whoo! whoo! whoo! sorry. >> it's okay. >> seth: please welcome to the show, zach woods, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. how are you seth? >> seth: good, i'm so happy you're here. we used to improvise together in new york city. you used to live here. >> that's right. >> seth: and it was -- it's such a joy to see all your success now. but you've come back to new york, like you are now, and you do a very unique thing that i feel like people who come back to new york don't tend to do. >> yes, i -- i like to go to the empire state building late at night. because the empire state building is open 'til 2:00 a.m. and late at night, there's nobody there. and the city looks like a little train set and it makes you feel kind of small, in a good way. and it sounds like the ocean. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and was this something you did when you lived here as well? >> yeah, i would do it a lot, especially if i was sad, i'd just go up and like look down. [ laughter ] but a -- but the last time i was there, i was leaving and one of the security guards recognized me, and he was like, "hey man, you're from "silicon valley." and i was like, "oh yeah." he was like, "you should be on this wall." and there was this wall with all these pictures of celebrities at the empire state building. like gloria estefan -- >> seth: sure. >> like smiling and i was like, "oh no, i'm not -- i'm not famous enough to be on the wall." and he was like, "man, look at that." "who's that?" and he pointed and there's a picture -- i guess they did "the grinch" on broadway. and he was like, "man, that's broadway grinch." [ light laughter ] he's like -- he's like, "that's not even real grinch. that's broadway grinch." { laughter and applause ] and he was like -- he said -- he made me go -- he said, "say it." say, "i'm more famous than broadway grinch." [ laughter ] and i said it. i was like, "i'm more famous than broadway grinch." and en angeles, and someone was like, "hey, would you mind taking a photo?" and i was like, "i guess i'm more famous than broadway grinch." and i went and i stood next to them. and then i realized that i was standing in front of a historic bank, and they'd wanted a photo of themselves in front of the bank. [ laughter ] like they wanted me to take the photo of them. it was like a real up then down. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: they -- they probably walked off and they were like, "who does that guy think he is, broadway grinch?" [ light laughter ] "silicon valley" cast, one of the great things about the show is, you guys know each other in real life. you're friends in real life. you knew -- i think you all knew each other beforehand, pretty much? >> yeah, a lot of us knew each other. and we're really good friends. and we hang out when we're not shooting. >> seth: so because you hang out together as a cast, people then must recognize you faster because oh, you're all in context. it's like, oh. >> yes. yes. it happens much more. there is a thing recently like at the end of the season, we got a -- a hotel rooms at the beach and we all hung out at the beach to sort of celebrate the end of the season. and we were star-gazing one night. we -- like we were lying on the beach, looking up at the stars. and then thomas middleditch, who's on the show, realized that on the beach there was a couple having sex close by. [ light laughter ] and so we thought well we should go just in case -- what if their favorite show is "silicon valley," we should go and stand around them -- [ laughter ] because it would be so funny if you're having sex on the beach in the middle of the night, and if you love like "nypd blue" and then you looked up, and there's like dennis franz and like jimmy smits. [ laughter ] but then we realized, if they don't watch the show, then we're just a group of men encircling them, late at night. [ light laughter ] and that's -- that's predatory. [ laughter ] so we didn't do it. >> seth: yeah. i have a great -- i tip my cap to the enthusiasm of people who have sex on the beach. is that something that has -- >> god bless 'em. yeah i -- i don't have the confidence or -- yeah, or a comfort with sand enough to do it. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> but -- yeah, it's funny. like my dad -- this is a weird story. [ laughter ] it's a weird segue to go from sex to my dad. >> seth: yeah. >> but my dad gave me like a sex talk, when i was a kid. but he's a therapist. so his sex talk was really different. i remember like when i was a teenager, and he was like, "listen zach, you might be ready to have sex, but a good test is sex is really intimate. so if you can't make eye contact with the person with the lights on during sex, you probably shouldn't have sex with them, because then there's not the requisite emotional intimacy." which is good advice, but at the time i was like wearing a winter coat all day. like i was not eligible for sex at all. [ laughter ] i think my first kiss was in a school show like in a school play where it was like, the script made her kiss me. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] so the idea of adventurous sex is outside of my -- >> seth: that's funny that if your parents -- if you give the sex talk too early then the kids thinks, "wait, am i way behind?" >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. >> seth: oh, i didn't realize i was even adjacent to having sex. >> yeah, my dad was like tick-tock. [ laughter ] >> seth: many have said, and what i think is one of the most endearing things about the show, you guys are not a classic hollywood cast. and, so there's a second teams on all shows. >> yeah. >> seth: explain what a second team cast is, and what the "silicon valley" second team cast is like. >> well a second team is the stand in. so, when they're setting up a shot so that you can learn your lines or get ready for the scene, they bring in people to stand in the place where you're going to stand during the shoot. i don't know why i'm explaining it to you, you know. but -- to stand there so they can set up the cameras. >> seth: so do they look like you? >> they look like you. they look like their -- they have the same coloring, height, et cetera. but on most shows, it's like, you know, someone -- sort of a a little bit like matt damon or whatever, and then they call first team, and matt damon shows up. but in our show, the second team is so much better looking than the first team. [ laughter ] so like, i'll see like, i'll see them setting up the shot, and i'll look at the monitors and i'll be like "that looks like a tv show." [ laughter ] and then - and then they'll call us, and it's like the freaks and the gargoyles have like come to take over the cathedral. [ laughter ] and -- and they're cooler than us too. like they are like -- their conversations are like, "hey man, what you doing this weekend?" "oh, i'm going to the football game." "i'm working out." "i'm going to the bar." whereas like, among us, it's like, "oh, i'm painting a figurine of a centaur." [ laughter ] i'm going to go see if my favorite falconer is at the renaissance fair. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i'm glad. i really mean this, not just because i've known you for a long time, i'm very glad you're on the first team. it's a fantastic show. >> thanks seth. >> seth: and thank you so much for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> seth: it's so great to see you, zach. [ cheers andla nights on hbo. we'll be right back with standup from dan mintz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ classic hershey's; plus cookie bits; plus caramel. hershey's cookie layer crunch. a layered twist on a classic. hershey's cookie layer crunch. ♪ you know that feeling you get when you're locked in? it's like that, the refreshing citrus kick of mtn dew. a 10-speed direct-shift 5.0transmission.ine. a meticulously crafted interior. all of these are feats of engineering. combining them with near-perfect weight distribution... ...is a feat of amazing. experience the first-ever 471-horsepower lexus lc 500 or the multistage hybrid lc 500h. experience amazing. ♪i aibeat or cheat or compemistreat you ♪ ♪ ♪ simplify you, classify you ♪ ♪ deny, defy or crucify you ♪ ♪ all i really wanna do ♪ ♪ is, baby, be friends with you ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a very funny comedian and a writer on the hbo series "veep." he is also the voice of tina on "bob's burgers." please welcome to the show, my friend, dan mintz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> this woman gave me a palm reading. this woman gave me a palm reading and said i'm going to die. but i don't believe in that stuff even if she is a dermatologist. [ laughter ] i was watching porn and all of a sudden it hit me -- that's somebody's daughter. this is supposed to be gay porn. [ laughter ] sometimes i'm at a bar and there's a woman who, if i was sober, i wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. but because i've been drinking, i start touching her with a ten foot pole. [ light laughter ] when i -- when i was a kid, my parents would always pretend like my food was an airplane. they make me wait for it for hours. [ laughter ] the people at starbucks always get my name wrong. and i've been working there for nine years. [ laughter ] but to me, making love to a woman is like playing the violin. i don't know how to do it. [ laughter ] lately i'm starting to feel like i'm turning into my father. like the other day i caught myself just lying in a coffin for hours. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] why do women always have to label everything? you know? i mean, why can't we just be two people that spend a lot of time together and share a common interest? but, no, i have to be your stalker. [ laughter ] it's weird that an ancient chinese tradition of sticking needles in people's bodies would cure back pain. but the heroin really did make my back feel much better. [ laughter ] my wife is the only one i've ever been with. everyone else is a nine or a ten. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] i have to use a magnifying glass to masturbate. because the only way i can get off is by burning ants. [ light laughter ] i don't want my kids to repeat my mistakes -- to child services. [ light laughter ] that would be really bad. i always try to put bros before hos. but that's kind of confusing, 'cause my brother is a prostitute. [ laughter ] sometimes kids who are adopted will blame themselves. so i had to sit down our son and say, "it's not your fault. we're giving you up for adoption." [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] did you know that if you play "paranoid" by black sabbath backwards, you get fired from your job as a deejay? [ laughter ] all right. thank you very much. you guys have been great. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: dan mintz, everybody. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] what makes a lipton meal? these guys. a place like shhh! no. found it! and definitely lipton ice tea. lots of it. a lipton meal is what you bring to it. and the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. pay stubs and bank statements to refinance your home. w2s, or you could push that button. [dong] [rocket launching] skip the bank, skip the paperwork, and go completely online. securely share your financial info and confidently get an accurate mortgage solution in minutes. lift the burden of getting a home loan with rocket mortgage by quicken loans. [whisper: rocket] hawe got you this.! oh, boys. and i got you this. edible arrangements for mother's day. order in store or online. this isn't a competition. it's always a competition. oh no, looks like somebody needs a new network. when i got this unlimited plan they told me they were all the same. they're not. verizon has the largest, most-reliable 4g lte network in america. it's basically made for places like this. honey, what if it was just us out here? right. so, i ordered you a car. 'cause of the, uh, coyotes. ok, thanks, bud. bye. be nice to have your car for some shelter. bye. when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. just $45 per line for four lines. well it's a perfect nespresso hold on a second.orge. mmm. ♪ [mel torme sings "comin' home baby"] hey there. want a lift? ♪ where are we going? no don't tell me. let me guess. ♪ have a nice ride. ♪ how far would you go for coffee that's a cup above? i brought you nespresso. nespresso. what else? republican leaders are to affordable health care. i'm tom perriello and in congress i voted for obamacare because it was wrong that a million virginians weren't covered while insurance companies held all the power. now i'm running for governor because it's wrong that most virginia incomes haven't gone up in 20 years. together, we can stop donald trump, raise wages and build an economy that works for everyone. and we'll make sure this never happens in virginia. ♪ >> for more "late night," go to latenightseth.com. follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth. and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. head over to itunes and subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get a closer look and more, downloaded right to you phone every day. ♪ i'm at higher risk fore as depression.ave a stroke. i'm 26% more likely to develop an irregular heartbeat. i have a 65% higher chance of developing diabetes. no matter who we are, these diseases can be managed or prevented when caught early on. because with better research, the right medicine, and with doctors who help keep me healthy to begin with, we will thrive. ♪ you'busted tail.rd. and impressed the boss. maybe, it's time to be your own. transform your career with strayer university's mba program today. let's get it, america. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to sophia bush, zach woods, dan mintz, everybody. thaddeus dixon, 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: hi, i'm carson daly. this is my television show, "last call," that's on conveniently in the middle of the night. thanks for being here, we've got a go one coming up. musini

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Transcripts For WRC Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170511 : Comparemela.com

Transcripts For WRC Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170511

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[ laughter and applause ] "he did what? great. great." president trump said today that he fired fbi director james comey because he was simply "not doing a good job." you know, if i were you, i wouldn't put it out there that you can get fired for that. i mean, just say, like, i don't know. [ laughter and applause ] he was misusing taxpayer money. oh, wait, no that doesn't work either, i don't know. [ light laughter ] we'll -- we'll think of something. the white house is claiming fbi director james comey was fired, not because of the russian investigation, but over his handling of the investigation of hillary clinton's private e-mail use. right. they're firing him for the hillary thing. [ light laughter ] kind of like how jared got fired from subway for stealing sandwiches. [ laughter and applause ] president trump, yesterday, announced that the search for a new permanent fbi director will begin immediately, added trump, when deciding who to putin charge." [ laughter and applause ] president trump today met with russian foreign minister sergey lavrov. "please give vladimir putin my best," said lavrov. [ light laughter ] president vladimir putin said today, that russia had nothing to do with the firing of fbi director james comey. and you can tell because comey's alive. [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] in a resurfaced legal document, former fox news anchor, bill o'reilly's ex-wife claimed that she once caught o'reilly engaging in phone sex half naked. and believe me, there's no good answer to the question, "which half?" [ light laughter ] and a new study has found that men are the loneliest at age 35 while women are the loneliest at 21. [ audience ohs ] and finally, a retreat called "cannabliss" will take place next month in california. it's a five day marijuana festival that lasts ten days. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. very excited. from nbc's "chicago p.d." sophia bush back on the show. [ cheers and applause ] we had her once and -- first week -- first week of "late night" guests. i believe she was our first thursday. yeah. also, he's a fantastic actor, he's on hbo's "silicon valley," zach woods is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he's a great guy. whom i've known for a very long time. and very excited about our stand-up comedian tonight. he is a friend of ours and he is just fantastic, truly one of my favorite comedians, dan mintz will be doing standup tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so you're here on a great night. before we get to all of that, today the political world has been reeling from president trump's shocking decision to fire fbi director james comey, a surreal and chaotic development that has felt like something out of a dictatorship. for more on this, it's time for "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] it's been a little over 100 days and president trump has already degraded so many political norms, and flouted so many conventions, that to some degree, we've become desensitized to his behavior. still, as the russian investigation has escalated, most people assume there was at least one thing trump would not do, and that was fire the man who is investigating him. but yesterday we learned that for trump, even that line was not too sacred to cross. >> breaking news, jim comey is out at the fbi. >> it is lost on no one that president just fired the man who is leading an investigation into the trump campaign and whether it colluded with russians. >> there's a strong feeling at the fbi that the director of the fbi was fired because he wouldn't drop the russia investigation. >> never in history have we had an fbi director fired by a president who is under investigation by the fbi. >> or as donald trump put it, "today, we made history. [ light laughter ] they said we couldn't do it. we did it." [ light laughter ] now while trump may have the legal authority to fire comey, it's the timing of this firing that's obviously troubling. because, of the current fbi investigation into the trump campaign ties with russia, and it's possible for an action to be suspicious, because of it's timing. for example, if you buy your wife jewelry it's a lovely gesture. if you buy her jewelry after a boys' weekend in vegas, there's gonna be some follow up questions. [ laughter and applause ] and just -- just to give you an idea of how unexpected and earth shattering this news was when it gasping for air after sprinting out to the cameras to deliver the news. >> we do not have reaction yet from the fbi, but this is just happening now. of course, this is coming on the heels of -- the fbi director being so central involved in this russian scandal. excuse my breath, here wolf. [ light laughter ] i just ran out here to bring you this news. [ laughter ] >> this is how crazy things are in the trump administration. reporters literally don't have the aerobic strength to report the news anymore. [ light laughter ] soon, cnn is gonna have to replace wolf blitzer with usain bolt. [ laughter and applause ] then later, things were so crazy, that later in the evening, a makeup artist just walked on camera while anderson cooper was doing an interview. >> sean spicer, the white house press secretary moments ago was huddling with reporters. [ light laughter ] >> seth: i like how she noticed the camera, like it fo [ light laughter ] "wait, is this whole thing for tv?" [ light laughter ] so again, this is not something that anyone saw coming. in fact, the news especially, came as a shock to comey himself, who found out about it while he was speaking to fbi employees in los angeles. >> the "new york times" account of this is just stunning. it says, "mr. comey was addressing a group of fbi employees in los angeles, when the television in the background flashed the news that he had been fired. in response, mr. comey laughed. he said he thought it was a fairly funny prank." >> seth: that's right, the guy who is probably seeing the russian hooker tape, thought his firing was too weird to believe. [ light laughter ] so trump who was famous for firing people on tv, is now firing people via tv. but of course, on "the apprentice," donald trump, at least, had the decency to fire people to their face using his now famous catch phrase, "there were 1.5 million people at my inauguration." no, that's not it. what was -- [ light laughter ] what was his catch phrase? oh, right. "you're fake news." no, that wasn't it either. [ light laughter ] he had a catchphrase. "grab 'em by the [ bleep ]." no, what, umm. [ audience ohs ] no, "you're fired, you're fired. you're fired." i'm sorry, it's just -- [ applause ] he has so -- he has so many catch phrases. but trump didn't have the guts to fire comey face-to-face or even over the phone. after comey saw the news on tv an official termination letter was sent to fbi headquarters from the white house. but, the letter wasn't delivered by the white house chief of staff, or the attorney general, or an adviser to the president. the letter was delivered by trump's personal bodyguard. >> he actually dispatched keith schiller, who was his long time bodyguard, and head of personal security at trump tower. keith schiller is now the director of oval office operations at the white house. he was dispatched to the fbi headquarters to deliver, hand deliver trump's letter, terminating comey. >> keith schiller his personal bodyguard, was the person who delivered the letter firing the man investigating the president's campaign? >> that -- that is cct >> seth: wow, that's even worse than breaking up with a girl by text. that's like breaking up with a girl in the chat feature on "words with friends." [ laughter ] so, to repeat that, trump actually sent one of his goons to do his dirty work. "mr. trump is very disappointed in your performance. now, i gotta take your thumbs." [ light laughter ] and if you were worried trump would send a boiler plate letter, worry not. because in his three paragraph note, he still found time to add, "i greatly appreciate you informing me on three separate occasions that's i am not under investigation." he used a termination letter to defend himself. donald trump is such a troll at this point, he's going to start doing his hair like this. [ laughter and applause ] and then -- then there's the fact, that once comey found out and left the fbi office in l.a., cable news networks aired non-stop helicopter footage of his car driving on the los angeles freeway. because nothing says the press is keeping calm moreha filming a car on an l.a. freeway. [ laughter ] and then, once comey got to the airport, there was the bizarre question of whether he would even still be allowed to use the fbi plane that he had taken to l.a., given that he no longer worked for the fbi. >> the real question just how comey is going to get home. he's out in los angeles with the fbi plane. and he's no longer the fbi director. so, will he have the ability to use the plane to fly home? >> seth: come on, you know trump made him fly united. [ laughter and applause ] "but make sure, this is very important, make sure it's on a flight that's overbooked. because i want to see that s.o.b.'s bare belly." [ light laughter ] but as absurd as the unfolding drama over comey's firing was, nothing could top the truly laughable justification trump's white house offered for firing comey. they claimed, that it wasn't russia, but that they were upset with how comey handled the investigation into hillary clinton's e-mails >> this news tonight, came accompanied by a chain of letters, first from deputy attorney general rod rosenstein saying, "i cannot defend the director's handling of the conclusion of the investigation of secretary clinton's e-mails." >> this memo, form rod rosenstein, it says that, james comey was fired for being too mean to hillary clinton. does anyone believe that? [ light laughter ] could anyone believe that? i mean, it's just absurd. >> comey was not fired because of hillary. comey was fired because of the russians. >> the white house is peeing on our leg and trying to tell us it's raining outside. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: said trump, "that's ridiculous, i don't pee on people's legs. you pay hookers for that. ask comey. he's seen the tape. where's comey. he was fired? who did it? me? when, yesterday? how did it go? good? bad?" [ light laughter ] of course, the idea that trump is now upset about how comey handled the e-mail investigation is a preposterous lie. after all, this is how trump reacted in october when comey wrote his famous letter, announcing that he was reopening the investigation 11 days before the election. >> i give them great credit for having the courage to right this horrible wrong. and it took guts, for director comey, to make the move that he made in light of the kind of opposition he had. but, i'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation. he brought it back. he's got to hang tough. 'cause there's a lot of -- lot of people want him to do the wrong thing. what he did was the right thing. >> seth: "he did the right thing, so i had to fire him. he's got guts. he had to go." [ light laughter ] so with all those contradictions out there, naturally it was time for human contradiction and white house counselor kellyanne conway, to go on cnn. [ audience ohs ] and do everything sh >> why now are you concerned about the hillary clinton e-mail investigation, when as a candidate donald trump was praising it from the campaign trail? >> i think you're looking at the wrong set of facts here. today, not in the campaign, in the white house, the president of the united states -- took decisive action -- >> so that person doesn't exist anymore? candidate, donald trump, that's a -- that's a fictional character we no longer are allowed to refer to. we can now only refer to the donald trump who exists today? >> anderson, i'll ignore how unkind that is. [ laughter ] >> seth: and i'm good at ignoring things, anderson. because, every morning i wake up and ignore the fact that my boss is a lunatic. [ laughter and applause ] the only silver lining -- the only silver lining to that interview, is that we got one of the most epic eye rolls in cable news history from anderson cooper, when conway for no reason went out of her way to brag about trump's election night victory. >> thanks for the trip down memory lane. i was on your show often last fall, saying we were going to win michigan and how we were going to do it. so that was fun. but here's what happened today. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: he rolled -- [ cheers ] he rolled his eyes so far back, i expected his makeup artist to run back on -- [ laughter ] to draw in a new set of pupils. [ laughter ] as to what happens with the russian investigation next, it's impossible to know. but no investigation is needed, to know that russia really seems to be enjoying all of this. today trump met with russian foreign minister sergey lavrov and ambassador sergey kislyak, and before him, lavrov and secretary of state, rex tillerson addressed the press. and watch how sarcastic lavrov is, when a reporter asks about comey. >> does the comey firing cast a shadow over your talks gentlemen? >> was he fired? [ talking over each other ] >> you're kidding. you're kidding. >> seth: you're kidding. get out of here. [ light laughter ] you know when they walked out of the room, lavrov said, "why do you let reporters ask questions like this? [ laughter ] "problem over. no more questions. why, why, why, why, why? bang, bang. problem over." [ light laughter ] so what really prompted trump to look for a reason to fire comey? well, obviously, there's the ongoing russia investigation, and on top of that, there is also the media attention comey has gotten for that investigation. according to "the wall street journal," trump grew unhappy that the media spotlight kept shining on the director. he viewed comey as eager to step in front of tv cameras. which may explain why, when the two met in the oval office in january, trump's first comment to comey, was about how much media attention he'd been getting. >> oh, and there's -- [ inaudible ] he's become more famous than me. [ laughter ] >> seth: look at that. if you missed it, trump literally blew comey a kiss, and then yesterday got rid of him. a move affectionately known as the fredo. [ audience aws ] "i knew it was you, comey. if i had a heart, you would have broken it." [ applause ] of course, even if the russia investigation does move forward that the trump administration will just appoint a lackey who does trump's bidding, and tries to slow, or even shut down, the investigation. >> if anyone thinks that a new fbi director is going to come in and the agency will just take over and continue their investigation as if this had never happened, that's not how it works. they will put in a stooge who will shut down this investigation. and now donald trump will put in maybe chris christie. >> president trump is apparently, likely to reach outside the fbi for a replacement director. >> there was some interesting sightings in d.c., actually. i saw on twitter that rudy giuliani was at trump's d.c. hotel overnight. >> seth: so the next fbi director could be chris christie or rudy giuliani. at least reporters won't have to exercise to keep up with them. [ laughter ] now democrats are, of course, up in arms, but this moment poses a crucial test for the republican party as well. will they stand up and defend democratns threat from trump, or will they continue to choose party over country? you know, people like marco rubio, come on marco, you've been one of the most outspoken critics of russia and it's interference in this election. you are gonna strongly condemn this move, right? >> so -- i'm surprised. you know, i didn't see it coming, but it's a decision the president's made, and we'll go from here. >> seth: ugh, come on, marco! is marco rubio your name or is it the spell a wizard used to make your spine disappear? [ light laughter ] marco rubio! [ laughter and applause ] now, the comey firing has invited obvious comparisons to richard nixon's actions during watergate. with many calling trump's move "nixonian." in fact, the nixonian label has been tossed around so frequently in the past 24 hours, that even the nixon presidential library felt compelled to distance itself from trump. >> the richard nixon library responded to commentary that comey's firing was "nixonian." in a tweet they wrote, "fun director of the fbi." [ audience ohs ] >> seth: here's another fun fact. you know it's bad when even the nixon library thinks you're bad for their brand. [ light laughter ] this has been "a closer look." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hawe got you this.! oh, boys. and i got you this. edible arrangements for mother's day. order in store or online. this isn't a competition. it's always a competition. so ammara, you're a verizon engineer, tell me, what's one really good reason why the samsung galaxy s8 is better on verizon? well we have the largest 4g lte network in america. yeah that's a pretty good reason. and the most reliable. uh-huh. and, with unlimited, you get full hd video. oh wow, yeah, that's, uh, two, maybe even three reasons right there. it's exactly three. (vo) if you really, really want the best, switch to verizon unlimited and get the galaxy s8 for just $15 a month. i saw you take those phones, you know. no, you didn't. 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[ cheers and applause ] also, joining us this week on drums, he's played with the fantastic singer/songwriter meghan trainor and r&b singer bryson tiller to name just a few. our friend thaddeus dixon is back with us this week. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks, seth. >> seth: so wonderful to have you, thaddeus. >> thank you so much. >> seth: thanks for being here. our first guest tonight is a talented actress, who stars as detective erin lindsay in the hit nbc series "chicago p.d." the season finale airs wednesday, may 17th at 10:00 pm. let's take a look. >> you go see bunny? okay. you couldn't help yourself. >> she's still my mother. >> yeah, and you're still the police. where is she? did she move those drugs? >> what drugs? >> either you're with me, or you're with bunny. >> hank, she said there is something bigger going on here. she wouldn't say what. that is all. >> her boyfriend stole 40,000 painkillers, they're missing, and i think she's got them. >> seth: please welcome back to the show, sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: so wonderful to see you. >> hello. very nice to be back. >> seth: i'm also very excited about this. it was just announced, like moments ago, that "chicago p.d." is going to come back for its fifth season. >> i just heard. >> seth: so exciting. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i just got a text message from my co-worker marina in the dressing rooms. >> seth: and that's really exciting because we -- our friendship started because we were nbc people. we met at an nb -- so i am very happy that our nbc friendship can continue. >> i like that very much. >> seth: because once you leave the network, it's over. and i can never come back. >> seth: for me. i'm that guy. like, i can only be friends with the network. that's -- >> you're a loyalist, really. >> seth: i'm a company man. i'm a company man, yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: so you obviously shoot your show in chicago. >> yeah. >> seth: you get to spend time there. i used to live in chicago. it's where i got my start as an improviser. you just did your first improv show. >> my very first improv show. >> seth: how did you get roped into doing it? >> so we go see improv at io all the time. >> seth: beautiful theater, where i got my start. >> yeah, it's amazing. they do improv shakespeare and whirled news is there. and they asked us if we would go up on stage with them, and marina, who i mentioned, was still very pregnant and on maternity leave and very bored. and was like, "let's go." and i was like, "you are so pregnant, how are you going to do improv? if you can do it, i can do it." so we went up on stage together. unlike her or you, i've never taken an improv class. >> seth: yeah. >> i know "yes, and" is the rule. >> seth: yes, there you go. that's the first lesson. so you're off to a good start. >> and that's all i know. >> seth: uh-huh. >> so i got up on stage. felt like i was going to vomit. >> seth: uh-huh. >> seth: that's good. i'm glad you were. >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. >> seth: 'cause i was terrified, too, and i'd taken classes and stuff. >> well, i appreciate your kindness. [ light laughter ] it was very scary. but we just -- we jumped in and we had a really good time. and i apparently -- my first line was apparently a bold drop. >> seth: okay. >> so i impressed my team. >> seth: oh, good. >> and they asked me back, so i didn't destroy anything. >> seth: okay, great. what was your first line? >> well, the sketch quickly became -- everyone decided we were in a jail and it was obvious that as we were all lined up, there was a guy on the end who was going to be -- not really a criminal. so everyone said, you know, "i'm in for murder, or triple murder," or whatever. and then the gentleman at the end said, "accounting fraud." and i went, "oh, so you're a [ bleep ]." >> seth: oh, there you go. [ laughter ] >> because i figure if the president can say it, i can say it. >> seth: yeah, you can say it. >> so right, yeah. [ applause ] >> seth: and i will say -- yeah. >> yeah. >> seth: never be afraid to go a little blue on your first day. >> and you said it, so, you know. >> seth: yeah, i said it, too. we've said it twice tonight. >> we've said it twice tonight. >> seth: we're really awkward. >> i'm so sorry. >> seth: we're a very -- a very high-minded show. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> seth: you live in chigo the world series? >> it was the most incredible night. people were crying. the, like -- illegal fireworks were going off. everybody ran out on their balconies. cars were honking. it was madness. it was madness. >> seth: you went to one of the games. you didn't go to the last game. but you -- this is so altruistic. you brought someone -- 'cause you're not naturally a cubs fan. you brought a lifelong cubs fan. >> i did. so you know how it is -- you work on a show. you become like family. and our transportation team is deeply important to us. they're a bunch of guys who i love. and tony port picks me up every day for four years, whether it's 4:15 in the morning or we're doing nights and he's picking me up at 6:00 at night. we drink our coffee together every morning. some mornings we chat about all the things and his kids and their swim meets and their sports and some days he's like, "we have an hour-long drive, go to sleep. it's 4:00 a.m." he takes very good care of me. he's like an uncle to me. and he's a lifelong cubs fan. we shot really late. and i like -- i don't call in favors for things. i just don't. and i was like, "i will give someone my firstborn -- maybe -- if they get me two tickets to the world series." so somebody came through and i managed to get two seats for the saturday night game, which was a loss, but who cares? and so friday night we wrap, and we're waiting for a couple of the other actors to get out of base camp and get in the van. and i'm like, "tony, what are we going to do for the cubs game tomorrow, man?" like, "we had to watch the game on set tonight on cell phones." he goes, "i don't know. i'll probably just be home, you know, with the kids." and i was like, "yeah, but shouldn't we do something fun?" and he goes, "well, what do you want to do? you want to go to a bar?" and i was like, "yeah, or we could sit, like, ninth row behind third base." [ light laughter ] and he ju -- he, like -- he was like, "what?" [ light laughter ] and i was like, "tony, i got us tickets. we're going to the world series." and he was like, "no, no. no. [ laughter ] you have to take -- you have to take someone else." >> seth: you broke tony. you broke tony. >> and i was like, "no, but i got tickets for you. and if you don't want to go with me, then i'm just going to give you the tickets and can you take anybody you want." and he was like, "no, no, no, no." and then he just kept drinking coffee. [ laughter ] and so tony and i went to the world series. >> seth: look at how happy tony is. >> that's my guy. [ audience aws ] [ applause ] yeah. >> seth: here's -- here's who i feel really bad for. the next actor that tony drives. >> right. >> seth: because there's no way they're ever going to do anything that nice. [ light laughter ] and i feel like he'll drop it a lot. he's like, "you know, sophia bush took me to a cubs game." >> she took me to the world series. >> seth: world series, no big deal. yeah. >> it was really special, though. he was like, "that's where i sat at my first game when i was four with my parents." and it was like -- it was a cool thing to be a part of through sort of the lens of a lifelong fan. >> seth: something else cool you're doing. tell me about this pen pals organization. >> yes, so pen pal schools -- you know i'm a big education activist and a geek about data and numbers. and when i started working on schools in the developing world, i thought how cool it would be to create pen pal relationships between, you know, kids in guatemala and kids in the u.s. but i just didn't really know what the infrastructure would look like. and then when i did that panel about gi michelle obama at south by southwest, this guy joe comes up to me and he's like, "hey, you're super into schools and i'm building this digital pen pal company to try to get kids in other countries learning about each other." and i was like, "big magic," that elizabeth gilbert book, is a real thing. and we just started talking about it. >> seth: i like that that -- what he did to you was like you getting cubs tickets for tony. >> yes! >> seth: yeah. >> literally! like, it was my world series. i was like, "we're going connect kids and teach them empathy, education about how the world works. this is amazing." [ light laughter ] and so it's actually really cool because we get groups of students together in classrooms and they partner up on learning about the environment, on learning about global history, whatever the sort of task that their teacher picks is, and in groups of four, they have these pen pal e-mail relationships. and then we put together virtual reality programming about all of their schools. so they can take tours of each other's schools and ge k each other. and we actually were just lucky enough to sign a huge partnership deal with the education ministry in pakistan. >> seth: oh, fantastic. >> and we were like, "cool. we're just going to circumnavigate your ban. watch us." >> seth: all right. there you go. >> we're going to remind kids that they're all the same, and they're all excited about the same things and that the world is not a scary place. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's fantastic. >> yeah. >> seth: well done. i'm such a fan of your work and i'm such a fan of your activism. >> thanks. >> seth: keep up the good work. always great to see you. >> thanks, seth. >> seth: sophia bush, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] season finale of "chicago p.d." airs wednesday, may 17th at 10:00 p.m. right here on nbc. we'll be back with zach woods. 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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: how are you? >> i'm good. how are you seth? >> seth: good, i'm so happy you're here. we used to improvise together in new york city. you used to live here. >> that's right. >> seth: and it was -- it's such a joy to see all your success now. but you've come back to new york, like you are now, and you do a very unique thing that i feel like people who come back to new york don't tend to do. >> yes, i -- i like to go to the empire state building late at night. because the empire state building is open 'til 2:00 a.m. and late at night, there's nobody there. and the city looks like a little train set and it makes you feel kind of small, in a good way. and it sounds like the ocean. [ light laughter ] >> seth: and was this something you did when you lived here as well? >> yeah, i would do it a lot, especially if i was sad, i'd just go up and like look down. [ laughter ] but a -- but the last time i was there, i was leaving and one of the security guards recognized me, and he was like, "hey man, you're from "silicon valley." and i was like, "oh yeah." he was like, "you should be on this wall." and there was this wall with all these pictures of celebrities at the empire state building. like gloria estefan -- >> seth: sure. >> like smiling and i was like, "oh no, i'm not -- i'm not famous enough to be on the wall." and he was like, "man, look at that." "who's that?" and he pointed and there's a picture -- i guess they did "the grinch" on broadway. and he was like, "man, that's broadway grinch." [ light laughter ] he's like -- he's like, "that's not even real grinch. that's broadway grinch." { laughter and applause ] and he was like -- he said -- he made me go -- he said, "say it." say, "i'm more famous than broadway grinch." [ laughter ] and i said it. i was like, "i'm more famous than broadway grinch." and en angeles, and someone was like, "hey, would you mind taking a photo?" and i was like, "i guess i'm more famous than broadway grinch." and i went and i stood next to them. and then i realized that i was standing in front of a historic bank, and they'd wanted a photo of themselves in front of the bank. [ laughter ] like they wanted me to take the photo of them. it was like a real up then down. [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: they -- they probably walked off and they were like, "who does that guy think he is, broadway grinch?" [ light laughter ] "silicon valley" cast, one of the great things about the show is, you guys know each other in real life. you're friends in real life. you knew -- i think you all knew each other beforehand, pretty much? >> yeah, a lot of us knew each other. and we're really good friends. and we hang out when we're not shooting. >> seth: so because you hang out together as a cast, people then must recognize you faster because oh, you're all in context. it's like, oh. >> yes. yes. it happens much more. there is a thing recently like at the end of the season, we got a -- a hotel rooms at the beach and we all hung out at the beach to sort of celebrate the end of the season. and we were star-gazing one night. we -- like we were lying on the beach, looking up at the stars. and then thomas middleditch, who's on the show, realized that on the beach there was a couple having sex close by. [ light laughter ] and so we thought well we should go just in case -- what if their favorite show is "silicon valley," we should go and stand around them -- [ laughter ] because it would be so funny if you're having sex on the beach in the middle of the night, and if you love like "nypd blue" and then you looked up, and there's like dennis franz and like jimmy smits. [ laughter ] but then we realized, if they don't watch the show, then we're just a group of men encircling them, late at night. [ light laughter ] and that's -- that's predatory. [ laughter ] so we didn't do it. >> seth: yeah. i have a great -- i tip my cap to the enthusiasm of people who have sex on the beach. is that something that has -- >> god bless 'em. yeah i -- i don't have the confidence or -- yeah, or a comfort with sand enough to do it. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> but -- yeah, it's funny. like my dad -- this is a weird story. [ laughter ] it's a weird segue to go from sex to my dad. >> seth: yeah. >> but my dad gave me like a sex talk, when i was a kid. but he's a therapist. so his sex talk was really different. i remember like when i was a teenager, and he was like, "listen zach, you might be ready to have sex, but a good test is sex is really intimate. so if you can't make eye contact with the person with the lights on during sex, you probably shouldn't have sex with them, because then there's not the requisite emotional intimacy." which is good advice, but at the time i was like wearing a winter coat all day. like i was not eligible for sex at all. [ laughter ] i think my first kiss was in a school show like in a school play where it was like, the script made her kiss me. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] so the idea of adventurous sex is outside of my -- >> seth: that's funny that if your parents -- if you give the sex talk too early then the kids thinks, "wait, am i way behind?" >> yeah. [ laughter ] yeah. >> seth: oh, i didn't realize i was even adjacent to having sex. >> yeah, my dad was like tick-tock. [ laughter ] >> seth: many have said, and what i think is one of the most endearing things about the show, you guys are not a classic hollywood cast. and, so there's a second teams on all shows. >> yeah. >> seth: explain what a second team cast is, and what the "silicon valley" second team cast is like. >> well a second team is the stand in. so, when they're setting up a shot so that you can learn your lines or get ready for the scene, they bring in people to stand in the place where you're going to stand during the shoot. i don't know why i'm explaining it to you, you know. but -- to stand there so they can set up the cameras. >> seth: so do they look like you? >> they look like you. they look like their -- they have the same coloring, height, et cetera. but on most shows, it's like, you know, someone -- sort of a a little bit like matt damon or whatever, and then they call first team, and matt damon shows up. but in our show, the second team is so much better looking than the first team. [ laughter ] so like, i'll see like, i'll see them setting up the shot, and i'll look at the monitors and i'll be like "that looks like a tv show." [ laughter ] and then - and then they'll call us, and it's like the freaks and the gargoyles have like come to take over the cathedral. [ laughter ] and -- and they're cooler than us too. like they are like -- their conversations are like, "hey man, what you doing this weekend?" "oh, i'm going to the football game." "i'm working out." "i'm going to the bar." whereas like, among us, it's like, "oh, i'm painting a figurine of a centaur." [ laughter ] i'm going to go see if my favorite falconer is at the renaissance fair. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i'm glad. i really mean this, not just because i've known you for a long time, i'm very glad you're on the first team. it's a fantastic show. >> thanks seth. >> seth: and thank you so much for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> seth: it's so great to see you, zach. [ cheers andla nights on hbo. we'll be right back with standup from dan mintz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ classic hershey's; plus cookie bits; plus caramel. hershey's cookie layer crunch. a layered twist on a classic. hershey's cookie layer crunch. ♪ you know that feeling you get when you're locked in? it's like that, the refreshing citrus kick of mtn dew. a 10-speed direct-shift 5.0transmission.ine. a meticulously crafted interior. all of these are feats of engineering. combining them with near-perfect weight distribution... ...is a feat of amazing. experience the first-ever 471-horsepower lexus lc 500 or the multistage hybrid lc 500h. experience amazing. ♪i aibeat or cheat or compemistreat you ♪ ♪ ♪ simplify you, classify you ♪ ♪ deny, defy or crucify you ♪ ♪ all i really wanna do ♪ ♪ is, baby, be friends with you ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a very funny comedian and a writer on the hbo series "veep." he is also the voice of tina on "bob's burgers." please welcome to the show, my friend, dan mintz. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> this woman gave me a palm reading. this woman gave me a palm reading and said i'm going to die. but i don't believe in that stuff even if she is a dermatologist. [ laughter ] i was watching porn and all of a sudden it hit me -- that's somebody's daughter. this is supposed to be gay porn. [ laughter ] sometimes i'm at a bar and there's a woman who, if i was sober, i wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. but because i've been drinking, i start touching her with a ten foot pole. [ light laughter ] when i -- when i was a kid, my parents would always pretend like my food was an airplane. they make me wait for it for hours. [ laughter ] the people at starbucks always get my name wrong. and i've been working there for nine years. [ laughter ] but to me, making love to a woman is like playing the violin. i don't know how to do it. [ laughter ] lately i'm starting to feel like i'm turning into my father. like the other day i caught myself just lying in a coffin for hours. [ audience oohs ] [ laughter ] why do women always have to label everything? you know? i mean, why can't we just be two people that spend a lot of time together and share a common interest? but, no, i have to be your stalker. [ laughter ] it's weird that an ancient chinese tradition of sticking needles in people's bodies would cure back pain. but the heroin really did make my back feel much better. [ laughter ] my wife is the only one i've ever been with. everyone else is a nine or a ten. [ audience ohs ] [ laughter ] i have to use a magnifying glass to masturbate. because the only way i can get off is by burning ants. [ light laughter ] i don't want my kids to repeat my mistakes -- to child services. [ light laughter ] that would be really bad. i always try to put bros before hos. but that's kind of confusing, 'cause my brother is a prostitute. [ laughter ] sometimes kids who are adopted will blame themselves. so i had to sit down our son and say, "it's not your fault. we're giving you up for adoption." [ audience ohs ] [ light laughter ] did you know that if you play "paranoid" by black sabbath backwards, you get fired from your job as a deejay? [ laughter ] all right. thank you very much. you guys have been great. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: dan mintz, everybody. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] what makes a lipton meal? these guys. a place like shhh! no. found it! and definitely lipton ice tea. lots of it. a lipton meal is what you bring to it. and the refreshing taste of lipton iced tea. pay stubs and bank statements to refinance your home. w2s, or you could push that button. 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'cause of the, uh, coyotes. ok, thanks, bud. bye. be nice to have your car for some shelter. bye. when it really, really matters, you need the best network and the best unlimited. just $45 per line for four lines. well it's a perfect nespresso hold on a second.orge. mmm. ♪ [mel torme sings "comin' home baby"] hey there. want a lift? ♪ where are we going? no don't tell me. let me guess. ♪ have a nice ride. ♪ how far would you go for coffee that's a cup above? i brought you nespresso. nespresso. what else? republican leaders are to affordable health care. i'm tom perriello and in congress i voted for obamacare because it was wrong that a million virginians weren't covered while insurance companies held all the power. now i'm running for governor because it's wrong that most virginia incomes haven't gone up in 20 years. together, we can stop donald trump, raise wages and build an economy that works for everyone. and we'll make sure this never happens in virginia. ♪ >> for more "late night," go to latenightseth.com. follow us on instagram and twitter @latenightseth. and be sure to check us out on youtube and facebook. head over to itunes and subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast. you'll get a closer look and more, downloaded right to you phone every day. ♪ i'm at higher risk fore as depression.ave a stroke. i'm 26% more likely to develop an irregular heartbeat. i have a 65% higher chance of developing diabetes. no matter who we are, these diseases can be managed or prevented when caught early on. because with better research, the right medicine, and with doctors who help keep me healthy to begin with, we will thrive. ♪ you'busted tail.rd. and impressed the boss. maybe, it's time to be your own. transform your career with strayer university's mba program today. let's get it, america. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to sophia bush, zach woods, dan mintz, everybody. thaddeus dixon, 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> carson: hi, i'm carson daly. this is my television show, "last call," that's on conveniently in the middle of the night. thanks for being here, we've got a go one coming up. musini

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