Transcripts For WRC Late Night With Seth Meyers 20170119

Russian president Vladimir Putin yesterday cast doubts on the unverified reports that donald trump hired prostitutes in moscow. Though he added that russian prostitutes are quote, undoubtedly the best in the world. [ laughter ] he continued, in fact, you might say, theyre number one, right mr. Trump . [ laughter ] ha ha ha ha ha ha. We have the tape. [ light laughter ] in a newly resurfaced 2015 interview donald trump claimed that he met russian president Vladimir Putin and that they quote, got along great. Thats right. They were like two peas in a bed. [ laughter ] [ applause ] Trump Officials told cnn yesterdath inauguration address himself, and today trump tweeted out this picture of himself supposedly working on it. [ laughter ] i have so many questions. First of all, is he sitting in the fountain at a Mexican Restaurant . [ laughter and applause ] also why is he writing like that . Were not going to copy off of you. [ laughter ] looks like hes signing for a package. Dude, you dont need to prove youre writing the speech. We all know you wrote it when it starts with, how great is this . [ laughter ] stop taking stupid pictures. Go to your briefings. This is important. Vice President Joe Biden said today that figuring out Donald Trumps plans for Foreign Policy is like solving a rubiks cube, which is silly. Getting all the colors on different sides is his domestic policy. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] im okay with it. Ill allow it. Joe biden said that figuring out Donald Trumps plans for foreign li cube. Said trump, whats the big deal . You peel off the stickers, you put them on the same side. Boom, solved. [ laughter ] and the littler the hands the better. [ laughter ] donald trump still has reportedly still been using his personal cell phone and will answer calls from unknown numbers. This according to joe biden at a slumber party. [ laughter ] [ applause ] melania. Melania, is our refrigerator running . [ laughter ] today was National Thesaurus day, which is not only stupid, its also stupid. [ laughter ] if there was a better word i would have used it. Finally, former baseball star Alex Rodriguez has announced he will be hosting a reality show featuring retired athletes who are struggling financially. The show will be called, why you should have cheated. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] we have a fantastic show for you guys tonight. He is the star of the great new film the founder. Hes one of my favorite actors and a fantastic guy. Michael keaton is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] its a big deal. Also, she is the star of foxs bones, which is in its 12th and final season. Emily deschanel joins us this evening. [ cheers and applause ] and he has a fantastic new comedy special on netflix, 3 mics. Hes one of my very best friends. Neal brennan is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] so its a good evening. Its a good evening to be here. Now, we did not have enough time to cover all of the recent news, so here with a recap to catch us up is one of our writers, amber ruffin, in a segment we call amber says what . [ cheers and applause ] thanks, seth. First off, i read that the bbc cancelled a show about Michael Jackson. Then, i heard it was because Michael Jackson was being played by this white guy and i was like, what . [ laughter ] and then, i saw they made him up to look like this and i was like, what were you thinking . Then president barack obama gave his final speech and i was like, what . Then he was like, Going Forward we must uphold laws against discrimination, and i was like, what, what. [ laughter ] then he was like, michelle, youre my best friend. And i was like, what . [ laughter and applause ] then hr started to tear up and then they cut to michelle and she started to tear up. And then they cut to malia and she was crying and i was like, what . [ laughter ] and then trump was like, cnn is fake news, and i was like what . [ laughter ] then Jennifer Holliday from the original cast of dreamgirls announced that she was going to perform at trumps inaugural inauguration and i was like, what . Then she apologized and said she had a lapse in judgment and pulled out. And i was like and what and what and what youre gonna love what [ cheers and applause ] seth this has been amber says what . Well be right back with more late night, everybody. What [ cheers and applause ] play marian hill. Are you down, dddown, dddown, dddown, down, down . Are you. Down, ddown, down, dddddown, down, down, down . Down, ddown, down, down, are you down, are you down, are you dddown, are you . School lunch can be difficult. Cafeteria chaos. One little struggle. Can lead to one monumental mishap. Not with ziploc easy open tabs. Because life needs ziploc. Sc johnson. New degree ultraclearnt saving black white. Othes. No yellow stains on white clothes. 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[ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, sitting in with the 8g band this week, she is the fantastic drummer from the criticallyacclaimed rock band black rebel motorcycle club, who will be releasing a brand new record later this year. Leah shapiro is here. Thank you so much [ cheers and applause ] for being here, leah. So very excited about this evening. My guests are Michael Keaton, from foxs bones, actress Emily Deschanel, and comedian neal brennan, so whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, what . Seth im sorry, who was that . Did you just say i was a guest . [ cheers and applause ] seth Michael Michael keaton, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Seth uh, yeah. Thank you. Did i just want to make sure. Did you just say i was a guest on the show . Seth yeah. I i did. What are you doing in the audience . My agent said i was going to late night with seth meyers tonight, so i did. [ laughter ] seth you thought your agent meant to watch . [ light laughter ] well, Emily Deschanel is on and she knows that i like bones, so i figured [ laughter ] i dont know, i figured it was a birthday gift. [ light laughter ] seth well, these tickets are free. [ light laughter ] yeah, my birthday is in september. Look, im not saying it made sense. Im just saying, you know, im not about to question it. Seth yeah, well your agent meant, you know, come on as a guest. Oh. [ laughter ] yeah, i dont want to do that. [ laughter ] seth you dont . I dont want to work on my birthday. [ laughter ] seth you just said your birthday is in september. Ll then i dont want to make mindless small talk. Its just not me, seth. Im sorry. No offense. Seth oh. I mean, im taking a little offense. [ laughter ] really . Please welcome our good friend Michael Keaton. Are we really good friends, seth . I mean, really . [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth i think were good friends. Really . [ light laughter ] okay. Can i get a ride to the airport tomorrow . [ light laughter ] seth well, i actually have a show tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. See, okay. Right, yeah. Were good friends, right . You, me, emily, neal, we all hang together. Were regular four amigos, right . Seth dont you just want to come on at least and plug your movie the founder . Its about ray kroc the founder of mcdonalds. [ laughter ] hes an unscrupulous, morally bankrupt businessman who secretly enjoys screwing the middle class. Seth well, look, the thing is, we have a hole in the show. Could you could you come on anyway . Just just get somebody else. Im sure im sure im not the only one in the audience whos got something to plug. Ill bet you how about you . What do you got going on . Im getting lasik next week . [ light laughter ] both eyes . I could only afford one. [ light laughter ] well, thats a good guest. Seth . Seth michael, i dont want to talk to that guy about getting lasik in one eye. Will you please just come on the show . Well have a nice chat. Ill introduce you to Emily Deschanel. Wait a minute. I actually get to meet bones . [ light laughter ] all right, well, thats kind of a hot offer. Uh, all right. Ill do you this one favor. But just remember, seth, a favor is something good friends do for one another. [ laughter ] you see what im getting at. Seth ill take you to the airport. All right. Then ill come on your show. Fyi, my flights at 6 00 a. M. , and it takes off out of philly. [ laughter ] seth why are you flying out of philly . Cheaper. Seth all right. [ laughter ] well, it sounds like well be right back with Michael Keaton, everybody. Stick around. [ cheers and applause ] todays the day oh look creepy gloves for my feet. See when i was a kid there was a handle. And a face. This is nice. And does it come in a california king . Getting roid rage. Hemorrhoid. These are the worst, right . Im gonna buy them. Boom. Ill take them. Impulse buy. Ommmmmmmmmmm. 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Smartphones . O m g ten years later, nothings really changed. Its time to snap out of it. Hello moto. Snap on a jbl speaker. Put a 70 screen on a wall. Get a 10x optical zoom. Get excited world. Hello moto. Moto is here. The moto z with motomods. Get 50 off on moto z droid. [ cheers and applause ] seth our first guest tonight is an Academy Awardnominated actor you know from films such as beetlejuice, spotlight and birdman. He stars as mcdonalds executive ray kroc in his latest project, the founder, which is in theaters nationwide on friday. Lets take a look. A building with a cross on top of it. What is that . Its a gathering, a place for decent, wholesome people come together, and they share values, protected by that american flag. It could be said that that beautiful building flanked by those arches signifies more or t sa delicious ing. Hamburgers inside. They signify family. It signifies community. Its a place where americans come together to break bread. I am telling you mcdonalds can be the new american church. Seth please welcome to the show, my very good friend, Michael Keaton. [ cheers and applause ] seth hey, what do you got . Oh, there we go. This is very exciting, the steelers hat. Are you ready . Youre from pittsburgh. Sure, and thats my gift. Seth thank you very much. Im not going to put it on now, but im very excited about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lets talk about that for a second. Seth okay, about because youre from new hampshire. Seth yeah, i grew up in new hampshire. So when you say youre not going to put it on nowat this is not about the patriots. Are you sure . Seth im positive. My dad im a steelers fan. I promise you, michael. Can you verify this . Would you show up and take your shirt off and paint yourself black and gold at the game . Seth i dont know if id go that far. [ light laughter ] i love that you seth i thought of it. I did once i did once sleep outside of three rivers stadium for tickets to a playoff game. Thats not bad. Did you really . Seth yeah, i slept outside. And i thought wow, thats impressive. Seth thank you. [ light laughter ] ill put it on to prove it. Hey, look at that [ cheers and applause ] seth thats great. Well, this is a big deal, because i want to say that i was always a huge fan of yours for a lot of reasons, and one is youre from pittsburgh. My dads from pittsburgh. Right, i know, yeah. Seth people from pittsburgh are very excited when other people from pittsburgh do well. Yes. Seth so my dad talked about you a lot. And then, we had never met. Right. Seth and then, a few last year i guess, i saw you years ago, you were just in the building, and you left me a note. Right. Seth we did not know each other. No. Seth the note said that you were at 7 10 in the morning. Right. Seth and you wrote, where were you . And you signed it. And you left it on my desk. Right. [ laughter ] i want to do the show, and i thought, okay, ill stop by and do it. I was here. Seth you were here at seven now, youll notice its covered in coffee because i threw it in the garbage because i didnt think it was real. [ laughter ] oh, oh. So it wasnt disdain. Seth it wasnt disdain. Its this stain. Seth it was yeah, exactly. But then, i actually went online and looked at what your signature looks like. Really . Seth yeah, and i was like, oh my god. Thats the real Michael Keaton. [ laughter ] thats hysterical. Seth because so there was the pittsburgh thing. And then, another big deal for me was i was a batman fan. Yeah. Seth and it was a big deal for me when the batman movie came out. And i actually slept out over night, just like for steelers tickets. I slept out. I was, like, lined up for batman tickets. Whoa. Seth at a theater where no one else lined up. Really . [ laughter ] wow. Seth three dudes, just three dudes. You and your buddy. Seth and theyre like, what are you here for . Were like, batman. Theyre like, come back when batman starts. [ laughter ] thats awesome. Thats so nice. Seth yeah. Now, wait a minute. Batman, if i dont if im not mistaken, you slept out . Seth yeah. It opened in june, so sleeping out wasnt that big of a deal. [ light laughter ] i mean, if it was December Seth youre selling me out on the month . I love you for sleeping out [ laughter ] seth thank you, michael. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] you grew up in pittsburgh, and went to a Catholic School in pittsburgh . I did, yeah. Seth and i heard tale that you had a classmate this sounds like a rough and rugged Catholic School. You had a classmate who punched a nun. [ laughter ] true story . Yes, yeah. Seth okay. Why . Because she oh, man, this is rough. Because all right, ill set it. Heres what happened. [ light laughter ] it was almost like i was living Jimmy Cagneys life or something. So, yeah, it was like scrappy kids, working class kids, and i loved my school. I really loved i loved i really loved being an altar boy, and one through eight, i loved. And high school was okay, but i love being in my school. Im still pals with all of those guys, a lot of those guys. But anyway, they were tough, man. I mean, you know, if you got in trouble, they kept your little ass in line. And thats when i was my best student,th i was the best probably the best student i was. In college, i was okay. But in grade school, i was a good student, because i was afraid not to be. [ laughter ] so, you know, youd come in if you got in trouble. You might get whacked. You might get some knuckles smacked. So, this im not going to say who he was because there may be a lawsuit. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. But he had been he was kind of a good guy, but he would get into trouble a lot. Hes one of our pals. And she would berate him consistently, and sometimes he deserved to be berated, i guess. Its all relative, and she whacked him. And im a little kid, and im thinking im like me. Im going, hey, man, im just trying to behave myself for eight years. [ light laughter ] do you know what i mean . And she whacked him, and my hand to god, she goes like this. She goes, boom. And he goes, boom. [ laughter ] and he punches a nun. [ laughter ] and me and my buddies just went, holy [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] we just went seth yeah. Oh, my god everybody it was just silence. It was silence. And i thought seth yeah, you could hear a nun drop. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it was i couldnt believe what happened. I couldnt believe my eyes. Seth you i heard you say you came up with an idea. You tried a credit confession. Explain what this was. All right. So and by the way, there was no i have respect for anyway, i have a lot of respect for all religions, and even my own somewhat former religion. But anyway, you know, when you go to confession, the deal is usually on a friday, you go to confession. Because if youre going to get communion on sunday, you have to go to confession. So, it was getting to that i ran with some really fun guys. Really, really funny [ laughter ] really fun guys, and really, really funny. And it was at that point where, you know, there was maybe a gap. Im not saying a gap in my faith, but lets say a gap in my faith. [ light laughter ] and i was and we were getting a little older, and we were out. Some of us had cars, and we were going out, and we were fun. We were a lot of fun. [ laughter ] and so, i remember thinking, i was right at that age where i was still kind of going to confession, but not as consistently. And i thought, man, i dont know whats going to go down tonight, but it could be good. You know what i mean . Seth right. And i thought, geez, i have to go to confession. I thought, wait a minute. Why dont i just confess some things now that may or may not happen . [ laughter ] seth and get it out of the way. Get it out of the way, figuring if they dont, ive got credit. [ laughter ] seth right, there you go. Yeah, if nothing happens, and its a dull night, i go, well, i got one or two in the bank. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] its very forward thinking. Yes. Seth people might not know this, because hes certainly one of hes an american icon, which is mr. Rogers. Yes. Seth mr. Rogers shot his show in pittsburgh. Yeah. Seth he was a pittsburgh icon. I thought you were gonna say, he shot the [ bleep ] in pittsburgh. I was gonna say [ light laughter ] that was not a way. Seth that was a good description of mr. Rogers. Then we can sort of shoot the [ bleep ] with his puppets. Yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] seth but you were on the crew on the mr. Rogers show. Yeah. Well, i worked at the pbs you did everything. You were a grip. You literally were down, working the warehouse. Youre floor manage, occasionally, different shows, or, you know, youd hang lights and strike sets. You had to do everything, and of course, i would do anything that, you know i once threw up i was gonna say lit. I threw some lights and actually acted, and thats really a stretch in a 16 millimeter film. You just look for anything you can do to break through. So sometimes, i would work for fred seth yeah. On the crew. The crew, itself, by the way, to this day, are some of the funniest guys ive ever if you would have known what the crew they all, first of all, they all smell like they just came out of tom pettys trailer. [ laughter ] seth okay, gotchya. And, so seth they must have been having a blast, working at mr. Rogers show. Oh, man. Oh, man. And they were really funny and fun guys, and he was so nice. He was such a good person and you know, and at that age, you know, you think youre hip. You think you know everything, you know, and youre reading a whole lot of stuff that you think you understand the world. Other shoe to drop when id work with fred thinking, theres no way this guy is what he seems to be. The shoe never fell. Seth thats fantastic. Thats such a wonderful thing to hear. Dude was just funny, he was such a good guy, honestly. Seth yeah, but and those guys, we all loved him, man. Seth yeah. [ applause ] honestly, really nice man. Seth im going to use that to sort of segway into talking about the founder. Ooh, i want to hear this segway. Go ahead. Seth well, its a pretty good one, because were talking about icons, and i feel like everybody again, mr. Rogers, youre like yes. Seth hes as nice as you thought he was. Yeah. Seth the founder is about a guy who created mcdonalds who is not as nice as fred. Seth no, hes not. [ light laughter ] but its such an interesting story about both theres sort of, its sort of a threelegged stool here because you have ray kroc, and you have the two mcdonalds brothers. Right. Seth and ray kroc is presented as a very multidimensional character. He must have been a fascinating person to play. You know, as an actor, you love this stuff. So, a script comes, i read it, think i know who ray kroc is in relation to mcdonalds. And i go, i have no idea why anyone wants to make a movie out of this. Then you read the script, and you think to yourself, holy moly. This is really interesting. John lee hancocks the director. He was a really great director. And i have a meeting with him, so between scripts and meeting john and what john started to tell me about this back story, i was in. And the back story the story is so interesting, so unbelievably multi just levels and levels of the story, but youre right. You know, he was a guy that i actually admire a lot, ray, because he was a hard worker, totally focused, driven. And then he turns, you know, part way through the movie. And i said to john, you know, we better not i dont im not the guy to play this if you want to, like, ease up on what really went down with ray, which was not pretty. Because basically and i said, do this. And he said, no, i dont want to i dont want to i want to play it. Its going to be harsh somewhat. And i said, okay, ill do it. And he never backed down. His word was good. And basically, what happens is, i didnt know there even were mcdonalds brothers. So ray kroc hears about these guys who order he was selling milkshake makers at the time. Ill do this really quickly, milkshake makers at the time. Hes doing okay, but he was kind of a little bit on the downhill side. They orders six. He thinks this is impossible, nobody orders six. So, he goes out to see who these people are. It turns out he sees the original mcdonalds in california, and he totally gets it. He says, i know what this is. Hes arguably the first brander, really. Seth yeah. And he takes it and says, this could be big. And they said, we dont think so. And he said, im going with or without you. And he just bones them. Seth yeah, its a real boning of the mcdonalds brothers. Yes. [ laughter ] seth but its which was, by the way, the original one sheet. Seth oh, yeah, yeah. The boning of the mcdons seth you know, its but its interesting because, of course, in ray krocs success, which i think the movie also shows, like a lot of other people benefitted from his success. Yeah. Seth but it is this core. Yeah. Seth the difference between somebody who has an idea of how to revolutionize food. Yep. Seth and then another guy who comes in and realizes how he can sort of take it over. Absolutely. Seth and its really i thought it was a very fair depiction. It is. You know, its theres a lot of gray areas. And you know, when he calls himself the founder, and actually people say, well you werent the founder. The mcdonalds brothers were the founders. And, i guess, in rays head, probably because he turns the screw and really almost sadistically, toward the end of the movie, just gets more and more and more from them. And i wonder what was in him that made him had to do it. But i guess that in his head, his justification was, you founded this thing, but i founded what i knew it could become. Thats the only reason i can thats the only way i can rationalize what reasoning he had to say, no, i founded seth the other thing that i took away from and it changed society. It changed culture, really. Seth it really did. Yeah. Seth and it also is a reminder because until this film, you really only know ray krocs story. You realize how the winners write the history. Yeah. Seth and that is entirely what happened with mcdonalds, which is why i think this movie is so fascinating, is its nice that someone finally tells the story of those thats a great way to put to it. Thats exactly right. The winners do write the history. Yeah. Seth which is means were in for a pretty scary time. Whoa. [ laughter ] nope. Nope. [ cheers and applause ] seth well see. Let me just say this, and we could do nine hours. Whatever youre doing, keep on doing it. Seth all right, i promise i will. You do the same, all right . I mean, i dont mean the show. But i mean, like, you know closer look and all of that. You know what im saying . I dont mean to speak in code, but i love what youre doing. Seth thank you, man. We do a lot of code here. [ cheers and applause ] Michael Keaton everybody. The founder is in theaters friday. Well be right back with emily ha there are now twice as many fourdollar value menu items. Thats right, america. We just created the greatest value menu in the world. Boom. I heard superheroes read chucks norris comics. D you. I heard at night, the boogeyman checks under the bed for chuck. I heard cats say they have chucklike reflexes. Do you think hes still got it . I bet you a buck he catches this salt shaker. Youre on hey chuck you owe me a buck. You cant always see whats coming but when you choose unitedhealthcare, finding an innetwork doctor thats close to home is easy. So what happened . I had lunch with chuck norris. Unitedhealthcare. Nice shorts dad. Keep his wheels spinning. This is what the pros wear. Thats why he starts his day with those two scoops in heart healthy kelloggs raisin bran ready to eat my dust . Too bad i already filled up on raisins. Kelloggs raisin bran. Deliciously heart healthy [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest stars in the popular series, bones. You can catch the 12th and final season tuesday nights on fox. Lets take a look. You taste fecal matter in water parks . Theyre known for it. And studies show that early exposure to e. Coli bacteria is beneficial to the development of childrens immune systems. Fecal matter, like poop . The longer we stay, the more there will be. You know what . I tell you what, i think we should head to the library. It looks like the weathers gonna change. [ cell phone ring ] oh, this is yours. Oh, look at that. Body was found at rock creek park. We should get there asap. Seth please welcome to the show Emily Deschanel. [ cheers and applause ] hi. Seth how are you . Im good. How are you . Seth im fantastic. Congratulations. 12 seasons. Yeah. Seth an impossible accomplishment these days. Basically. Seth congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, its kind of crazy. Its a long time. Seth and yet, this season is it true that this season was the first time you directed an episode of bones . Yeah. Seth how was it to direct an episode of a show that you knew so well at that point . Oh, well, it was fun to put on another hat. I felt, like, you know, i have been doing the show for so long, you know. As much as every episode is different, its still, you know, youre still acting, doing the same thing. So, to direct was a lot of fun. I felt like i feel you know, theres many things that are important as a director, but action and cut are pretty up there. Seth yeah. I think, i think. Seth i think theres pretty much nothing else to do, really. Seth most directors would say theyre one and two, yeah. Yeah, number one and number two. Like, theres no decisions to make about anything else, but i know, like, David Boreanaz really want likes a my costar likes, a, like, loud, strong action and cut. So i was, you know, the first day i was, like, nervous. I wanted to do seth you wanted to nail your action and your cuts, sure. Yes, its pretty important. And so, like, we got the first scene, and i was like and action. It was really strong, loud, so the actors could hear. Seth great. Really good. But when the scene ended, i, like, panicked. I was like, and action i mean, stop, stop, stop cut, cut, cut thats the word. [ laughter and applause ] seth thats great to think of an actor as an actor, you just melt down, when youre like, im already in action. [ laughter ] i cant do more action. Im already acting seth you should have said, action and they were like, we already did it and youre like, well, i didnt see it. [ laughter ] and thats when i wasnt in the scene. Its very confusing, too, en seth oh, right, because, of course, you are have, then selfdirecting. Yeah, i have to act, myself seth yeah. Which is, you know, very difficult. Seth did you think you were great as a director . Oh, always. Seth yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, i thought my acting was amazing, too. Seth right, of course. [ light laughter ] like, the best ive ever done. Seth you have had, over the course of 12 years, youve had amazing guest stars, so many over the years. Is it safe to say that betty white is your favorite guest star . I think thats pretty safe. Seth yeah. Yeah. Seth shes a fantastic i spent one week with her when she hosted snl. She is really the greatest lady on earth. Shes amazing, and she just turned 95. Seth yeah. She was with us a few months ago and then, last year. And when she first came on, i came up to her and you know, golden girls. I came up to her, and i was like, betty, were so excited that youre here. We have all talked, and we all think you are the best guest star that weve ever had on the show. And shes like, how much have you been drinking . [ laughter and applause ] seth great. Shed always pretend, like, with the slate, you know. Seth yeah. And the clapper thing. And she goes, oh, you hurt me. You know . Shed always pretend that she got hurt, and it, like, ne everyone just bought it, and it was seth yeah. Shed flirt with all the guys. Ugh, i mean seth hes the best. Ugh, a hollywood treasure. Seth i am i have one concern for you, which 12 years playing this role. Theres so much you have so much forensic jargon in the character you play on the show. Has it found its way has it permeated its way into your normal, everyday talking . Well, not exactly, like, the forensic stuff, but being a stickler for rules, i kind of was already. But you can ask my husband. Ill be like, well, statistically speaking, thats unlikely. [ light laughter ] thats improbable. Or ill be like and then, somehow, its like, legally, i get into the legal aspects of things. It drives him crazy. Seth just in household arguments . Well, like, hell tell me, like, an idea for a story or, like, something somebody did. Im like, well, thats illegal. [ laughter ] you cant do that. Thats you know, ill be, like, turning left when youre not supposed to be. Seth you brought bones home with you. You brought your bones home. Yes, yes. Seth well, the other thing i know this is often a bit of a tradition, but longrunning shows, people will take things from the set. Yes. Seth you so this is a thing on the set. So this is a hardy, right, from laurel and hardy masks . I am guessing thats maybe what it is. Seth so that was this is the worselooking thing ive ever seen. [ laughter ] and yet, it looks like Quentin Tarantino yes. Seth was in a yes, it does. Seth if his whole face had been its like Quentin Tarantino if he opened the ark of the covenant. [ laughter ] so you but you took it . Okay, i took it. We had, like, 20 minutes. They told us we were not prepared that our set was going to be torn down for our house. This has been, like, sitting on a shelf in our characters home seth right. As if thats a normal thing to have seth yeah. On a shelf in a house. And, you know David Boreanaz and i went back to say goodbye, essentially, to our pretend home. And he said, you know, that thing almost creeped me out. So, of course, i, like, waited for him to leave, and i, like, grab its huge. Its, like, this large. Seth yeah. And the fact that we thought that was just okay to have, i just cant get past that. But i grabbed it and i wrapped it up beautifully as if it was, like, an amazing present for him. E seth like your parting gift to him. Yeah, that was my yes. Seth yeah. Yes. Seth and then when he opened, it was he super bummed out that it was this . [ laughter ] there was another gift that was also a nicer the actual gift. Seth it was this, but laurel, so he had both. [ laughter ] exactly, exactly. I found it on ebay, yeah. Seth congratulations again. Thank you. Seth 12 years is amazing. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you, thank you. [ cheers and applause ] seth Emily Deschanel, everybody. Bones airs tuesday nights on fox. Well be right back with neal brennan. [ cheers and applause ] [beeping] toyota. Lets go places. Thiswith fries and a pepsiger mis just 9. 99. 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New degree ultraclear black white. It wont let you down. Construst number one doctor recommended dulcolax use dulcolax tablets for gentle overnight relief suppositories for relief in minutes and stool softeners for comfortable relief of hard stools. Dulcolax, designed for dependable relief seconds can mean the difference between life and death. For partners in health, time is life. We have 18,000 people around the world. The microsoft cloud helps our entire staff stay connected and Work Together in real time to help those that need it. The ability to collaborate changes how we work. What we do together changes how we live. [ cheers and applause ] seth our next guest is an emmynominated writer, comedian, and the cocreator of chappelles show. His latest comedy special neal brennan three mics is currently streaming on netflix. Its fantastic. Please welcome back to the show my very good friend neal brennan, everybody. [ cheers a seth hi, buddy. Hi, buddy, how are you . Seth good, im fantastic. Im very excited that 3 mics is now available on netflix for everyone to see. Yeah. Seth i saw it on stage when it was offbroadway, and i went opening night, and im not alone as being one of your friends who does this for a living this thing called comedy. And you had chris rock and Dave Chappelle were in the row in front of me. Yeah. Seth and i just remember thinking, i dont know if id want them at my opening night. I remember thinking the same thing. [ laughter ] seth yeah. No, it was you trevor noah, john legend, Chrissie Teigan and then, like oh, and by the way Dave Chappelle and chris rock. Seth yeah. But it was nice of you guys theres a photo of you three r [ applause ] and yeah. After that ph chris you know how chris is like incredibly insightful and, like, harsh . [ light laughter ] seth his humor comes from a very insightful place. Yeah, sometimes hell point it right at you. So we take this picture and we then walk off to the side and someone says, hey, neal, the photographers would like a picture of you by yourself, and chris looked at me and goes, for the first time in your life. [ laughter ] seth you when dave hosted snl, absolute fantastic episode, which was the episode right after the election. Yeah. Seth and you were there helping out that week. Yes. Seth you and colin jost wrote a great sketch about the sort of election returns coming in and it slowly dawning on people what the outcome would be. Yeah, that was a crazy week. Thats another when youre friends with guys like chris, it that everyone is unfunny. Because he called me that week and he was like, i got a sketch idea for dave, and i go, what is it . He goes, dave in a fat suit as d. J. Khaled. [ light laughter ] and i go, whats what happens . And he goes, thats all i got. [ laughter ] so just let that be a lesson. You, too, can be as unfunny as chris rock. [ laughter ] seth everybody can come up with a bad snl sketch. Yeah. Seth even the most brilliant comedians can yeah, theyre the greatest ever, yeah. Seth we have known each other for a very long time. Yeah. Seth and one of the things i like about the special is you talk about just the idea of getting older. Are you concerned about getting older . I used to worry about it, but after a certain age it looks like fun. Like after like 75, 80, you can just do [ light laughter ] you do whatever you want and no one says anything to you. Did you ever notice that . Old people with just bandaids on their face for no reason. [ laughter ] and people are like, yeah, i think thats, like, a time blister. I dont know what that is. And when youre like at my age ill like sneak food into movie theaters. I have seen old people openly bring food into restaurants. [ laughter ] like i was at a Cheesecake Factory and an old man took a hard boiled egg out of his breast pocket. [ laughter and applause ] it was right there. It was amazing and then he breaks it out over his salad and his family was like, grandpa you cant do that. He was like, i just did. What now . [ laughter ] seth yeah, you dont want to be the manager has to go kick that guy out. No, absolutely not. Seth one of the things we talked about of course when we first met, a couple of single guys living in new york city, we have talked about relationships over the years. You are now, maybe, coming to the conclusion youre not good at relationships. Im bad at it. Im just bad i said that i feel like i dont know whats whenever im in a relationship i just feel like a fifth grader playing clarinet in the school band. [ laughter ] where im like [ poorly imitating clarinet ] its not good. [ laughter ] and then, like women want to talk more than i do and so i end up i dont have enough stuff to say so ill end up like thinking ill choke and panic and Say Something that starts a fight where ill run out of stuff to say and ill be like, hey babe you know theres a girl at work with the same butt as you. Why did i just say that . [ laughter ] seth weve also talked about value systems very different yeah. Seth for men and women. Yeah. So i learned this. I took my girlfriend to hawaii for her birthday. Which is just me compensating for the rest of the relationship. [ laughter ] so she was going over nice things id done, and she was like, you do nice stuff for me. Like you took me to hawaii. And thats when i realize women and men value stuff differently, cause she goes, and two weeks and i was like, hey, why are those two things in the same category . [ laughter ] do you hear the difference . Theres a 3,000 difference between those two things. [ laughter ] but to women theres no difference because women love notes. [ light laughter ] they love they hoard them and keep them in a creepy serial killer box under their bed. [ light laughter ] and its not just the guy youre with now. Its every guy youve ever dated. [ laughter ] like, if you find your girls box, your notes will be on the top. Theres a false bottom. Theres more on the underneath it. [ laughter ] men are not good i think women keep notes so that when you get older you can prove to your granddaughter that you were hot once too. [ laughter ] you know what i mean . So when your granddaughter is like, grandma, my boyfriend loves me, youll be like you think your boyfriend loves you . I had a guy back in 2015 threaten to kill himself. Read it and weep, bitch. [ laughter ] [ applause ] reccurring segment every time you come on the show, and i think you agree with me. This is a photo that was taken of us back in those early days when we were a couple of single guys in new york city. And you believe this is photographic evidence of why i am now a married man and youre single. Holding it up, its gonna be seth yeah, ill hold it up right here. Cover my face. Seth okay,there you go. All right, well there you go. So there i am. Theres seth. Again, gregarious, nice, social, young guy. Seth down in the fray, down in the fray where the people are. Yeah, down with the ladies. Neal, what are you up to . Uhoh. [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth its like yeah. Seth like, what are you im picking a victim. Yeah. Yeah. Ll yeah. I murdered three people later that night. [ light laughter ] seth always great to see you, buddy. And congratulations on the special. Thank you so much. Thank you. Seth its a fantastic show. [ cheers and applause ] neal brennan. 3 mics currently streaming on netflix. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and appus neal brennan, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] leah shapiro, and of course the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson good evening and welcome to tonights last call. Im carson daly. Ive got a good one for you. Lets get right into it. Coming up on our spotlight tonight weve got the man in the high castles