Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20171101 : comparemel

Transcripts For WPVI Jimmy Kimmel Live 20171101



>> i'll clean this up later. >> alice: from hollywood - it's "jimmy kimmel live" with special guest host dave grohl! tonight kristen bell, alice cooper and our 12th annual half and half halloween pageant. and now welcome to my nightmare. here's dave grohl! [ cheers and applause ] >> dave: woo! [ cheers and applause ] happy halloween, everybody. tonight, dave letterman rules. yes, i'm dave grohl dressed as dave letterman in for jimmy kimmel. it's confusing, i get it. especially if you're home right now watching, stoned to the bone. and just like dave, i would like to announce my retirement from late night tv. yeah. this will be my final show. it's been quite a ride though, you know. you may know me from my role as lobby passerby in the 1996 episode of the x-files. or maybe from my vanity show. okay. [ applause ] it's the second one, i guess. i'm not the only one in costume tonight. everyone on the kimmel staff is dressed up as a musician from the 80s. our announcer, de $schneider. there you go. good luck. our band leader cleto is prince. [ cheers and applause ] a little too soon, cleto. too soon. cleto senior is boy george. [ cheers and applause ] our base player is billy givens or dusty hill. and the drummer jonathan is in full divo attire. the key board [ applause ] our guitar player is -- madonna! that's a good look. and guillermo, who are you dressed as? >> cher. [ cheers and applause ] >> dave: what kind of chair? like a swivel chair? a folding chair? >> whatever you want. you're doing the show. >> dave: do you care to share a song, i believe? >> believe. >> dave: will you sing for us? ♪ do you believe in life after love ♪ >> dave: just like the real thing. that's pretty good. i like that. speaking of costumes, this is cool. this morning i received a special honor, a news anchor in charlotte, north carolina, dressed as me for halloween. >> good morning and happy halloween, everybody! i am bruce, aka the boss, with my co-host whitney dressed as dave grohl. ♪ ♪ the best, the best he >> dave: what is that? [ cheers and applause ] the opposite of a tribute there. i don't even know. that's my target demographic right there. that's what we're going for. were your kids excited to trick or treat? i have three daughters. they're 3, 8 and 11. and they dressed up as, in order, a pumpkin, a princess, and leave me alone dad, nobody cares about this stupid holiday. but you know, halloween has changed a lot since i was a kid. call me owed fashioned but i feel like we keep drifting further and further away from the meaning of halloween. and frankly, i'll kind of sick of it. so who wants to meet me in the woods after the show and sacrifice a goat? [ cheers and applause ] since it's halloween, we have an angel and a demon on the show tonight. kristen bell and alice cooper are here. right there. this will be the first time they've seen each other since they broke up so that should be awkward. by the way, not only is alice cooper going to chat with us, he is going to perform for us with a little help from me and my foo fighters. one night only. one night only. we shall be known as alice foo-per. [ laughter ] with jimmy out this week, people have been wondering, will his show still be making kids cry on halloween? do you know that one? that's a good one. the answer is yes, of course. consider this your official invitation to take part in the seventh annual halloween candy youtube challenge. it is a rite of passage for children. like learning the truth about santa except what they're learning is that their parents are sort of [ bleep ]. it's easy to participate. all you have to do is this. >> while you were at school, i ate all your candy. [ crying ] [ applause ] >> dave: so if you would like to be a part of something like that, tell your kids you ate all their candy, record it and post it to youtube with the title, hey, jimmy kimmel i told my kids i ate all their halloween candy. do it safely and be on the lookout for a message from the show. this is your chance to get back at your kids for making you listen to them with their soundtrack every day to school. we have to take a break. but when we come back. we have a time-honored jimmy kimmel live tradition. we're going to combine halloween costumes to make some truly insane creations. >> do you have any idea what this is? >> a snow globe! >> it is a snow globe! >> go ahead and say it. >> that's right. i'm curious george takei. >> that's right. it's the show's 12th annual half and half halloween pageant when we return. so stick around! when you're close to the people you love, does psoriasis ever get in the way of a touching moment? if you have moderate to severe psoriasis, you can embrace the chance of completely clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to give you a chance at completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. do not use if you are allergic to taltz. before starting you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you are being treated for an infection or have symptoms. or if you have received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz. including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can occur. now's your chance at completely clear skin. just ask your doctor about taltz. now's you[ "[ all ]" by complsimon anbees!funkel ] [ all ] bees! the volkswagen atlas. with easy-access 3rd row. life's as big as you make it. ♪ you know how you don't talk like this: "play the peter, bjorn and john song called 'young folks' on youtube music" you talk like this: "hey google, play that hipster song with whistling." ♪ it gets that... ...like only google can. ♪ verizon and google havit's like verizon is the oil and google is the balsamic. it's more like the google pixel 2 is the unlimited storage. and verizon is the best unlimited plan. i like oil and balsamic. 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[ "america" by simon can i cross it off yet? almost. and. now. the volkswagen atlas. with available digital cockpit. life's as big as you make it. why are south jerseyans so angry headlines at sweeney? up. sweeney repeatedly sided with chris christie to underfund south jersey schools, increase standardized testing like parcc, cut take-home pay for teachers, and broke his promise to fund the pensions of hundreds of thousands of new jerseyans- all while padding his own. steve sweeney says a lot of things. but the truth is, he's not on our side. ♪ >> dave: welcome back to this jimmy kimmel live halloween extravaganza. i'm your guest host dave grohl. kristen bell and alice cooper are on the way. first it's time for one of the most cherished traditions on the show. where they take one half of one costume. mash it up with half of another costume to create a weird ass master piece. how about that? and you guys in the audience will be a part of it so heads up. i want you to be part of it. mr. mustard. for instance, if we combine c 3 po and oprah, what would you get? oh! check out the big brains on you. perfect. so here it is. our 12th annual half and half halloween costume pageant. welcome. let's see who is coming to the door bell. what have we got? aah, all right. any guesses? anyone? anything? what have you got? oh! let's see. who are you? right there. >> handmaid snail. he got it. right on top! look at that. we would have also second little red riding slug. oh, we got another one coming in. let's see who is here. anybody? anybody? hold on. what's that? over here. benjamin -- tell us who you are right now. >> benjamin minion franklin right there. that looks comfortable. sheesh! the writers were as high as a kite when they came one that one. who is next? what have we got? oh, goodness gracious. whoa, man! anybody? anything? you're freaking me out a little bit here. who are you? >> marge gimpson. did you get that one over there? you got it? all right. >> dave: her safe word is don't! door bell. here we go. we've got another one coming through. here it comes. here it comes. what have we got? barney who? who are you? >> barney sanders! >> dave: oh! we got another one. barney sanders right there. [ applause ] i don't know if you know there but bernie was actually alive when actual dinosaurs roamed the earth. oh, we have another one coming through. okay. look out. he has no eye holes in that one. he can't see where he's going. who are you, my man? >> i'm mr. e.t. >> dave: look at him. he shrunk a lot since rocky. got another one coming through. oh! anybody? what have you got? anyone? who are you? >> i am eggo batman. >> dave: eggo batman. okay. both of his parents were killed by a toaster oven. okay. we've got another one. coming through. here it comes. let's see. wait a second. wait a second. you look a lot like america's favorite game show host vana white! >> that's because i am america's favorite game show host vanna white! >> dave: i'm going to say halloween city is really stepping it up over there. any guesses? anybody got anything? what? okay. >> dave: tell them who you are. >> i'm vanna white walker! >> dave: vanna white walker. long may you raid. and say hello to the cat from the north for us. thanks to all of our models, especially vanna white. [ applause ] and thank you very much to the amazing jimmy kimmel live wardrobe department. we'll be right back with kristen bell. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ the all new 2018 camry. toyota. let's go places. verizon and google havit's like verizon is the oil and google is the balsamic. it's more like the google pixel 2 is the unlimited storage. and verizon is the best unlimited plan. i like oil and balsamic. 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(squeaking of balloon, laughing) i had a second balloon! goodbye! oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasn't it? yeah, it happens to more people than you think. try lactaid, it's real milk, without that annoying lactose. mmm. good, right? yeah. lactaid. it's the milk that doesn't mess with you. and now, try our real sour cream. it's delicious. and now, try our real sour cream. what can you do with two bacon, egg anfor $5 from dunkin'? settle a debt. make a friend. save the day. or keep 'em both for this handsome devil. with two bacon, egg and cheese sandwiches for $5 the future is in your hands. america runs on dunkin'. >> dave: all right! here we go! welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. i'm your guest host dave grohl dressed up as dave letterman. here we go. dave, if you're watching this beard has to go. i've been wearing it for 20 minutes, and it's already got a half a pound of hummus in it. i can feel it. tonight on the show, his new album is called paranormal. the great alice cooper is here to chat and perform on the mercedes benz stage. he'll be backed up by my band the foo fighters. [ cheers and applause ] and oh look at this! it's our new album "concrete and gold" available in stores now! how'd that get in there? that's strange. tomorrow night channing tatum will be behind this desk with ellen degeneres and pink as his guests. and on thursday jennifer lawrence will host with guest kim kardashian. >> dave: my first guest tonight was born when a bolt of lightning struck a ray of sunshine. her new movie "a bad mom's christmas" is in theaters tomorrow. please say hello to kristen bell! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] welcome! >> thank you. >> dave: thomas magnum! magnum p.i.! >> good to be here. >> dave: what inspired this? >> well, actually, i realized a few years ago, i really like facial hair. but not on other people. on me. because -- thank you. i feel like i can really pull it off. my friend was at a boogie nights party and i went as burt reynolds. and i did something similar to this. >> dave: i feel like we have a picture. >> that's it. nailed it! [ applause ] these are all pieces of my wardrobe that i wore separately but together created burt reynolds. and i was very happy with it. i stuck eyelash glue to my chest and put some wig hair on there. >> dave: the facial hair is working! this is -- this is commitment. that's dedication. >> i feel -- yeah. i feel like it's going to hurt coming off. >> dave: next year you could go there. >> what do you do with there when you sit down? it's so uncomfortable. >> dave: not all of us stuff our pants the way you have. >> i beg to differ. okay? >> dave: are you trick or treating in this tonight? >> no. i'm not. i'm going to, right after this is done, i'll going to shave and get right out of this costume. looking forward to it. good news and bad news. last time i was here my daughters did not like frozen. they knew about it but they were like, we don't care. now they know about it. they're super into the other princess. so my daughter wants to be elsa and she likes to match me. we often have matching outfits. she begged me to be elsa and i can't say no to her. we've been to one halloween party dressed as matching elsas. >> does she not know that anna -- >> of course she knows! i was like, here's an idea. what about -- she was like, mom, mom, no way. i did it. she's like every other kid. i'm used to it. you can cross your legs with this. >> dave: this is what we've got. >> that was on saturday. [ applause ] which i did happen to have this costume because my friend ryan hansen, i just guest started on his television show. he solves crimes on television. it's great, if you haven't seen it. and they made me like an epic elsa costume. i kind of had it and then she begged me and i couldn't say no. >> dave: you went and knocked on someone's door for like toothpaste. >> i'm disgruntled. to say the least. >> dave: where does it happen that the person from frozen goes trick or treating as the person from frozen? >> anywhere she wants? >> dave: oh! i like that. >> everyone is in costume. no one cares. >> dave: yeah. i go -- >> don't you feel like, there is too much stimulus for anyone to recognize you. no one goes, oh! that's amazing. >> that's what you can get away with other halloween. >> dave: you've hosted this show. >> yeah. i loved it. >> dave: did you like it? >> i highly recommend being behind the desk. tell me if this stressed you out. so the show is divided into all these little segments and everybody has a different segment and they have to meet a certain time. it has to fit into an hour. and you have the job of basically shutting me up. or trying to figure out how to wrap it up or draw it out. and i feel like, oh, let's do this. draw it out would be really obvious, right? how do you say it? get comfortable. like you're really into someone's story. so this could be drawing it out. right? and i would be like, i love this here. >> dave: we'll be back with kristen bell right after this. 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[ cheers and applause ] i would love to. >> dave: would you? >> yes! >> dave: let's go! >> what do you want to do? do you want to build a snowman? >> dave: that's my highway to hell. >> let's dough snowman. what are your daughter's names? >> dave: violet, harper and fifi. this is for you. ♪ ♪ do you want to build a snowman come on lets go and play ♪ ♪ i never see you anymore come out the door it's like you've ♪ ♪ gone away we used to be best buddies and now we're not ♪ ♪ i wish you would tell me why do you want to build a snowman ♪ ♪ it doesn't have to be a snowman okay -- bye ♪ ♪ do you want to build a snowman or ride our bikes around the halls ♪ ♪ i think some company is overdue i've started talking to the pictures on the walls ♪ ♪ hang in there joan it gets a little lonely all by these empty rooms just watching the hours ♪ ♪ tick by do you want to build a snowman ♪ ♪ say your prayers little one don't forget my son to include everyone ♪ ♪ tuck you in warm within keep you free from sin till the sandman he comes ♪ ♪ sleep with one eye open gripping your pillow tight exit light enter night ♪ ♪ take my hand we're off to never never land ♪ [ cheers and applause ] go slow. ♪ come on mom! ♪ let's go! ♪ mom! slow down! for the ones who keep pushing. always unstoppable. take the olay 28 day challenge to ageless skin? see visible results day 1. by day 28? years off your skin age. but don't take it from us, take it from one of the millions of real women already in the know it's not often you can say, you know i saw results right away visible results or your money back olay. ageless there is not a friend that i have that will not own this product the amazing new iphone 8 is at at&t... and we know you'll love it. because we know you want more. more great camera features and more power. and more than just unlimited data, we give you unlimited plans with hbo included for life. because you deserve more entertainment. and more spokespeople. talking like this, saying the word more. at&t. it's time for more. am i too close? i feel like i'm too close. get the iphone 8 and with all at&t unlimited plans, get hbo for life. only from at&t. givwith an extra 20% off!'s! cozy up with holiday jammies and plush throws. save on a keurig coffee maker plus, only at kohl's get kohl's cash to spend on your next purchase. presents for them - kohl's cash for you! give joy, get joy at kohl's. celebrat subway,sandwich day friday, november 3rd. buy any sub and 30-oz. drink and we'll give you another sub free, plus we'll donate a meal to feeding america. join our global live feed event to fight hunger. friday, november 3rd, at subway. hey steve check out this guys leg. yeah looks like a real nasty moving back in with his parents. what? no. i just broke my leg. no, this is a full blown move in to the basement, you're gonna be out of work without that money from... aflac! you might miss your rent. aww i just moved out. bummer man. hey i used to have my own place. yeah? no, no i live with my mom, but it's cool. health can change but the life you love doesn't have to, keep your lifestyle healthy with... aflac! people spend less time lying awake with aches and pains with advil pm than with tylenol pm. advil pm combines the number one pain reliever with the number one sleep aid. gentle, non-habit forming advil pm. for a healing night's sleep. he stood up to north jersey special interests nobody delivers more for south jersey than steve sweeney. to increase funding for our schools. he stopped christie's commuter tax, saving south jersey residents over 200 million dollars. and he led the charge to pass paid family leave. aarp applauded sweeney for freezing property taxes for seniors and cutting prices on prescription drugs. "i got to take my hat off to him. he's a man of his word." steve sweeney. because there's more work to do to get south jersey's fair share. ♪ >> dave: welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. i'm dave grohl. our next guest is a legendary performer and the godfather of shock rock. his latest album "paranormal" is available now, please welcome alice cooper. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dave: oh, my gosh. he's always on. thank you so much for being here tonight. it is such an honor for me personally. lifelong fan. i can't believe that i get to dress up like david letterman and interview alice cooper for halloween. that's a great job. >> i am the only person who doesn't have to dress up like somebody else. >> dave: i have to be honest. i just reynold this tonight. one of the first nightmares i remember as a child. i never told you this. we met before. i had this nightmare when i was 6 years old. i saw footage of your concert and i had a dream i was there. and there were cyclops, and there was a conveyor belt of something covering you. and so before i even bought one of your records, you were already freaking me out. [ applause ] you were my target audience. >> dave: that was the night that i became a man. >> yes. rock 'n' roll, horror, comedy, they're all in bed together. as long as the songs are great, you can be anything you want to be. you know that being a songwriter. if the song is great, you can put on it stage and decorate it any way you want to. but the song comes first. the cake before the icing. we just use that much icing. >> dave: and you toured like crazy. >> just got back from zeid two days ago. australia, new zealand, south america, europe, we're on the same schedule you're on. >> dave: yeah. but you're alice cooper. >> i do leave a trail of blood behind me. >> dave: do you have any pre show ritual sort of thing that you do? >> every lead singer i know has some sort of weird idiosyncrasy. roger fly fishes in his room. peter frampton irons. [ laughter ] he irons. we used to throw all of his clothes in the dressing room. i throw knives. i pick out people and i put they will on the board and i throw knives. one in particular though. >> dave: evidently we have a clip. oh! [ applause ] >> i'm a ninja. >> dave: you know what you're doing. >> oh, yeah. i go put 30 knives in a grapefruit. >> dave: no thank you. so your new album paranormal, have you ever had any sort of paranormal experiences? >> you know, i had a weird thing happen with joel perry. we were in a house my manager owned in new york, and we were going to write a song. we both just got out of rehab. weird, isn't it? rock and rollers in rehab? and we got out and we went to the house. if you were going to look for a location for a horror movie, it would be this house. all day, we got in. i opened up my suitcase. i go in the bathroom, come out, my suitcase is closed. okay. i just got out of rehab. i go in the water and the bathroom is. on that's weird. i don't remember turning the water on. all day this happened. that night at dinner, people said, i put my guitar pick down and it ended up over there. while we're playing, the basement is under us. not just a little -- it sounds like somebody is moving furniture in the basement. and we're both sitting there -- finally somebody says, um, it's not like the movies where someone says let's get a flashlight and see it is what. no. we were out the door. and i asked, hey, your shop. he said oh, yeah. a guy wrote amityville horror there. and i said, oh! and you were going to tell me when? and the guy actually, he said my mom was having a dinner party and the dining room table moved a foot to the right during dinner. i had a few. >> dave: that's terrifying. i don't know if it is as terrifying as this. could you please explain? [ applause ] >> okay. one, the one on the right. was accused of killing a chicken on stage. never happened. the one on the left is a mass murderer. of chickens. and i know the publicity, right? one chicken. and the chickens, we're doing the show. somebody throws a chicken on stage. and i'll going, huh? i didn't bring it. so i pick it up. i'm from detroit. it has feathers, it has wings, it should fly. they don't fly as much as they plop. the audience tore it to pieces. threw it up on stage. the next thing the paper said alice cooper kills chickens, eats blood. and i was called up. did you kill a chicken on stage? he said -- i said no. he said don't tell anyone. they love it. >> dave: paranormal is available now! al sis going to play for us when we come back so stick around! >> dickey: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. christie: this is governor christie. new jersey is facing an epidemic fueled by addictive opioid painkillers. codeine... oxycodone... fentanyl... morphine. these are just some of the medications prescribed for pain relief. these pills can be highly addictive, and the addiction doesn't end when the prescription runs out. many times, people turn to a deadlier option - heroin. addiction is a disease, but help is within reach. call 844 reach nj or visit reachnj.gov. why are south jerseyans so angry headlines at sweeney? up. sweeney repeatedly sided with chris christie to underfund south jersey schools, increase standardized testing like parcc, cut take-home pay for teachers, and broke his promise to fund the pensions of hundreds of thousands of new jerseyans- all while padding his own. steve sweeney says a lot of things. but the truth is, he's not on our side. >> dickey: the jimmy kimmel live concert series is presented by mercedes-benz. the best or nothing. >> dave: i'd like to thank kristen bell, jimmy kimmel, and david letterman for hopefully not suing me when he sees this. nightline is next but first his new album is called "paranormal" - here with some help from foo fighters, alice cooper! happy halloween! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ i was gone for fourteen days i could have been gone for more ♪ held up in the intensive care ward lyin' on the floor ♪ ♪ i was gone for all those days but i was not all alone no ♪ ♪ i made friends with a lot of people in the danger zone ♪ ♪ see my lonely life unfold i see it every day see my lonely mind explode since i've gone away ♪ ♪ i think i lost some weight there and i'm sure i need some rest ♪ ♪ sleeping don't come very easy in a straight white vest should like to see ♪ ♪ that little children she's only four years old i'd give her back all of her playthings ♪ ♪ even even the ones i stole see my lonely life unfold i see it every day see my lonely mind explode ♪ ♪ i wanna get outta here ♪ ♪ i wanna get outta here i've gotta i've gotta get outta here i gotta get out of here ♪ ♪ out of here i've gotta get outta here i gotta get out of here ♪ ♪ out of here out of here see my lonely life unfold i see it every day see my lonely mind explode ♪ ♪ when i've gone insane ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] this is "nightline." >> tonight, terror in new york city. >> we've got multiple casualties. this is a mass casualty situation here. >> killing at least 18 before slamming into a school bus carrying children. the suspect seen dodging vehicles, waving a mock gun. >> with the guns. he pointed the gun at me. i'm sorry. >> now the 29 in custody after being shot by police, claiming allegiance to isis. plus, pastor to the stars. >> you baptized justin bieber in

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